NNtG: Bone Chillers #14: A Terminal Case of the Uglies

It's time to take another look at Bone Chillers. They're usually a great place to go if you want some crazy stuff. I mean, Frankenturkey II and Little Pet Shop of Horrors are great examples to what I mean. But now we're waist-deep in the ghostwriter era, where Betsy takes the back seat and new writers take over. This time our author is David Bergantino, who didn't do much kids horror outside of Bone Chillers, but did do the Freddy's Tales of Terror books, so we've got somebody at least well-versed in horror given he's written for Freddy Krueger. This time we have ugly mugs to look at, or in this case, mugs about to be made ugly. Will this be a picture-perfect book, or a flash in the pan? Let's get A Terminal Case of the Uglies and find out.

This cover is simple and very effective. A perfect combination. If you like shocked kid faces, you're getting a whole bunch of them in the background. And a garish checkerboard ceiling in case maybe you thought this somehow wasn't Tim Jacobus' work. I love the shocked reflection in the camera especially. It's so great that you might not even notice the monster photographer snapping the picture. Honestly, monster aside, if not for the skeleton picnic concept, this could have made for a fitting Say Cheese and Die! cover. Maybe I would have read these as a kid if that were the case. But a world without skeleton picnics is not a place I want to be a part of. Solid Jacobus work as usual.

Eric Ross and other kids from Rutledge Middle School are intrigued by a bunch of flyers around the school advertising for Skerry Pictures. Skerry Pictures is a talent agency that is holding auditions, looking for the perfect child actor for their next big picture. Eric however isn't thrilled at the prospect given that he's described as being egg-shaped, with crooked teeth, dark eyes, rough skin, a large nose and large ears. So, a book about body image. That's sure to not fuck some kids up. But his friend Nicole Roberts says that he should still audition, and maybe it'll be good for him to at least try. He could win them over with his inner beauty. Plus she's auditioning and could use the moral support. Hey, actual caring friends. See Andy, that's how you do this. You don't shake a can of Monster Blood in Evan's face and mock his trauma. 

But any chance at Eric feeling good for himself is cut short when a pair of bullies shove him down. These being Jimmy "The Dawg" Cheswick and Leo Kelsey, a pair of ninth-grade basketball jocks who enjoy making Eric's life hell, namely by calling him Ear all the time. Not just on account of his ears, but because Eric's full name is Eric Adam Ross. They continue to harass him when a strange looking ogre man with brown misshapen eyes, large arms, and tiny legs, shows up and sends them running. He introduces himself as Wendall from Skerry Pictures. He's not from Hollywood, he's a local who just started working for the studio. He mentions that the studio got two stars from "The TV show about the hospital" jobs on the series. ER is clearly what Bergantino meant in the most "Don't sue me for saying it was ER". But seeing this weird ogre man is enough to at least book Eric's mood to at least audition. 

The day of the casting arrives and Eric and Nicole decide to give it a shot. Nicole, normally tomboyish in nature, dressed more fancy and frilly, which we kind of learn that she's auditioning because she'll never know if she'll get a chance like this again. So we're low key dealing with a book involving image issues in different ways which so far I'm kind of on board for. Leo and Jimmy show up to mock them, noting that Nicole "Is a chick after all" which, oh yes I can read hard into that. But the bickering is quelled when a blonde-haired, blue eyed handsome man shows up. This is the head of Skerry Pictures, Ignatius Malcolm Skerry. I.M. Skerry. Heh, cute pun. Surprised nobody tried to use that to sell GB-likes. The book also likes to point out how his hands are very thin and skeletal, which kind of work in making him creepy. He then mentions how he's getting photos of all the auditioners and then leads Nicole and Eric into his studio out of the line because he "plays favorites". Okay now this book got scary for all the wrong reasons. 

Nicole is brought into a room while Eric is forced to stay outside. He sees a large flash and gets worried, but Skerry says there's nothing to worry about. Nicole does her audition and both are sent out, with Mr. Skerry saying that Eric isn't getting a chance to audition because Hollywood is particular when it comes to looks. He goes to another boy named Bill Racine just as Eric runs off feeling humiliated. So yeah, great idea there, Nicole. The next day, Nicole tries to cheer him up as they head to the lunchroom and find Billy Racine with a third eye on his head which he tries to claim is just some big, eye-like boil or something. Not only that, but there's no sign of Leo or Jimmy, or a lot of kids who went to the audition. And the ones who did audition, like Nicole, seem to have strange rashes growing on their necks. But he and Nicole chalk it off as a flu or something and it'll totally be gone in a few days.

Eric heads to the Skerry Pictures studio and runs into Wendall again, who Eric notes wasn't seen at the auditions the day prior. He offers Eric a job helping him with copying and sending out pictures, which Eric accepts, even if he thinks that Skerry might have an issue with him. Wendall says that guys like them have to stick together, which Eric thinks might be an insult given the look of Wendall and, you know, the crap he already gets on a regular basis. He then mentions that Eric shouldn't go to the darkroom because Mr. Skerry doesn't allow anyone in there. Eric does some work and gets along with Wendall, though he mentions that he doesn't have any friends, which means he thinks that eventually Nicole will abandon him which, this book's a big ol' gut punch, huh? Even Wendall agrees, though he keeps mentioning how the literal underage girl is very pretty. Too pretty to stick around with Eric, right? 

After working, Eric returns home and gets a call from Nicole in a panic. The rash is hardening all over her, turning almost into scales. It's not itchy, but weird. They chalk it up to an allergic reaction maybe, because it's still relatively early and these kids are dumb. At school the next day, more kids are missing, and the ones who are there are starting to look strange. At Ms. Lemly's class, one of the students, a boy named Carter McDaniels, starts to transform as his teeth grow and jut out of his mouth. He runs off with Ms. Lemly possibly mouthing the word "Frankenstein" which my conspiracy theorist brain thinks has to be a mild reference to Carl Laemmle Jr., producer of the 1931 Frankenstein film. It's genuinely scary when I actually start to catch these references (or at least headcanon them). The school gets closed for a "plumbing issue", which is a fair enough alibi instead of going "cause y'all ugly as sin".

As Eric heads home, he's caught by Jimmy and Leo who now have strange looking faces. Jimmy has a giant bloodshot eye and Leo has a giant nose and bug-like eyes on the side of his head. But even turning into freaks of nature, they still find time to mock Eric over it because this kid can't be allowed to win like once. The two chase Eric who rushes to the studio for safety. He can't find Wendall, but ends up inside the darkroom where he finds the photos taken of all the kids who auditioned. Billy, Carter and even Nicole's. They're in strange frames with blinking lights on them, and when Billy drops Nicole's it shatters. That's enough to alert Wendall who rushes into the room in a rage. Eric apologizes, and eventually Wendall forgives him. When Eric mentions everyone transforming, Wendall says vaguely that that's what they look on the inside out, before sending Eric away. 

Eric calls Nicole who tells Eric that everyone believes the water supply at school was poisoned and somehow it caused facial deformities. Which is such a stupid idea that it kind of 180s into being clever. She thinks that she doesn't have a chance, nor does anyone who auditioned, though it is odd that Eric is fine. She then turns things around thinking that Eric must be enjoying not being the ugliest kid in school which, god damn, throw the kid a bone for once. But if this is meant to be a representation of what Nicole truly is then damn, maybe Eric's worries were founded. The next day, Eric heads back to the studio, but there's no sign of Wendall, only Skerry, who says that Wendall's off for errands, but Eric can continue to work. Eric then notices a strange looking camera, which Skerry mentions was an old 1920s camera that he modified. He notes that he believes old cameras give the best pictures, and he modified this with certain experimental attachments. Eric goes to touch it, but Skerry grabs him before he can do so, and before we can find out what's up.

The next day, Nicole calls Eric and tells him to meet with her. When he does, he sees that she looks normal, like none of her scaly flaws show anymore. She thinks this is a sign the other kids will recover. But, more importantly, Mr. Skerry wants to give her another audition. Things start to slowly develop in Eric's head, so he heads off to find Wendall. When he arrives at the studio, he enters and sees Wendall in front of the camera which flashes and transforms him into I. M. Skerry. They were one in the same the entire time, which I figured was the case. As he tries to run for it, he gets caught by Wendall who says that he might as well learn the truth now. He then says that he was caught before in Albuquerque, but killed the witnesses. He says that he won't kill Eric and offers him a job as his assistant, and that the camera can even help him out. 

So, what's Wendall's deal? Well, he hates beautiful looking people. The kind who mock the ugliness and flaws of others. And he has a way of dealing with them. His camera takes photos of people, which are then placed into frames that can sap away their beauty and transfer it into Wendall, giving him the beauty and the control that comes with it. Eric runs off, but Wendall says that nobody will believe him about a magic beauty stealing camera. Poison ugly-face water, sure, but a MAGIC CAMERA? And sure enough, Nicole doesn't believe him. In fact, Nicole seems more focused on winning the audition, and again chides Eric for reveling in not being the "ugly one". So yeah, Andy I would like to issue a formal apology. At least you were up front in your awfulness.

So Eric realizes that hey, maybe she should take that audition again and turn ugly, so maybe that will make her believe him. And, I mean, kind of payback for her being shitty. But he instead decides to find a way to mess with Wendall. His plan is to replace the images of the kids with monster pictures, so that when Wendall uses his camera it will make him even more grotesque. He then uses the machine, which turns him into a more beautiful version of himself. He tells Nicole about what happened, and after bringing up their past together, she finally believes him about Wendall. The next day, he returns to normal and heads back to the studio, saying that he wants to use the camera to look perfect. However, it doesn't take long for Wendall to realize what's going on and goes to attack Eric. Suddenly, Leo and Jimmy arrive and attack Wendall. Nicole is there too, saying that she needed their help to put a stop to Wendall once and for all. They then flash the camera on him which causes him to morph into strange looking creatures before just shrinking away to nothing. And so the book ends with Eric saying that's what you call a [[TITLE OF THE BOOK]].

This book isn't too bad honestly. Granted, if you're someone with image issues, it's not going to be a very positive read. Especially since it doesn't seem to solve much of Eric's issues when it comes to how he looks. But what the book does well is at least sell that he isn't as ugly on the inside as other people, especially Nicole who, despite being Eric's only friend, does have her selfish side and need to be famous. I guess that's part of why she ends up so scaly, because she's more cold hearted on the inside? I don't know if Bergantino put that much thought into that aspect, but in terms of a message book, it does the trick in what it tries to sell. That for as much as we fear our own ugliness, the pursuit of beauty can fare no better. And in the case of Wendall, it can turn you into a psychopath who doesn't care who they hurt so long as they are beloved for their beauty. 

Eric is a decent protagonist and one you can feel bad for. He's dragged into this whole mess with Skerry Pictures and, due to how things go down, ends up the only kid who isn't affected, becoming the nicest looking kid by default. And the book never has Eric rub that in anyone's face, while still having a moment where he questions if that's true or not given, again, he's the only one not afflicted. If deep down he's kind of happy to see the shoe on the other foot for once. Never to the point of outright arrogance, but still enough to be noticed. Nicole is a flawed character by intent, and how she acts towards Eric does make what he believes about her to be true. That, when it's all said and done, she'll eventually abandon him. Though maybe the experience involving Skerry Pictures and her transformation might be what changes that mentality. A rare case of a character change for the better. Josh and Leo are your stock bullies, but them having a face turn at the end was appreciated. 

And then there's I.M. Skerry AKA Wendall. I like him as the central villain because it's not hard to see why he'd turn so evil. He's an evil genius, managing to transform a camera into a magic beauty stealing camera. Though he has a fatal flaw. Well, two if we count him not knowing to lock his damn door. But the main one being that for the brilliance of his beauty stealing scam, it's always temporary. He'll always be himself the next day, and needs to constantly change back to his beautiful form. So the need for that beauty becomes like a drug to him. It should make him a tragic figure, but given how he attains that beauty and his desperation to keep it, it makes him one of the more detestable villains in any of these GB-likes. 

So ultimately, this book was fine like I said. It falls at a brisk 100 pages and flows very well, constantly moving the story forward with very little filler. There's some decent horror in the concept of the camera and the freakish way the victims end up looking. It'll probably bother more people with image concerns, but I do think Eric sort of owning his issues by the end do help it. Again, not solved, but I don't think you can fully solve those sorts of issues. They're just a part of people regardless. So while this book doesn't reach the freakishness of some of Betsy's takes, David Bergantino does a solid job in making this feel in tone to the rest of the series, so props. So this is a recommend. Not the wildest book, but fine in what it sets out to do. Also yes, this is a better Say Cheese and Die Again. A Terminal Case of the Uglies gets a B+.