CONTENT WARNING: A LOT OF TALK ABOUT BUGS AS WELL AS BUGS IN FOOD. IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, THIS ONE MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU. OR AT LEAST IF YOU JUST ATE OR SOMETHING.
It's time for another dive into the bizarre world of Bone Chillers. And I've liked what I've read so far. Albeit I'm still freaked out in the wrong ways by the second book. Going by this third cover, I'm probably going to be just as freaked. It's time to go Back to School.
COVER STORY
STORY
We open our book with our protagonist, Fitz Traflon, crushing a cockroach in a trashcan with a jar. Yeah, if the cover wasn't a warning, this one's got bugs in it, so if that's a trigger, then by all means call it a day on this one. Fitz hates bugs, though he seems to be the only one. He's also hating that his twelfth birthday is being spent on the first day of school. As he arrives at Maple Grove Middle School, he's stopped by his friends Lexi Palmer and Sarah Cherone who are really excited to talk about the new lunch lady, the "not suspicious at all" named Ms. Larva Webb. His friend Brian Collins soon shows Fitz why this is such a big deal. She looks like just a normal old woman, the kind you'd expect to see in a cafeteria kitchen, save for the weird sunglasses she wears. But she appears to be wearing a strange necklace with weird baubles that appear to be moving. Because they're bugs! A mantis, bees, termites, water bugs, you name it. It's all there. Okay, I know cafeteria food sucks, but that's got to be at least a couple health code violations.
However, when Miss Larva invites the boys over, Fitz notices that the bugs aren't moving. It looks more like a decoration than actual insects. Because food and bugs don't mix. What is she going to do, make you go eat worms or something? So, what's with the bug necklace? She made it herself as she's an entomologist, a studier of bugs. She's super fascinated by them. Greg and Brian are about to leave when Greg sees a cockroach and panics, stepping on it. Well, this causes Miss Larva to flip as that's her pet roach Gregory. Okay, now that definitely is a health code violation. She cries over the death of her friend and gives him a proper napkin burial. She then calls Fitz a murderer. And suddenly Fitz can see her eyes up close. And by eyes I mean compound eyes just like a fly. I mean, with that many eyes you could have seen what was about to happen and stopped it. Miss Larva is just as complicit in Gregory's death.
At lunch, Brian notices how amazing Miss Larva's pizza is, but Fitz isn't ready to eat anything from bug lady just yet. Miss Larva then arrives with a birthday cake for Fitz. He goes to eat a slice and notices some chocolate chips, but Miss Larva says they're chocolate covered ants. Everyone gets a good laugh while Fitz is unable to puke his food up. Though he also notes that, ants aside, the cake doesn't taste so bad. The next day, Miss Larva serves up burgers and fries and the kids all seem fine with eating what very well could be bugs. I guess her little speech earlier on how bugs can be a delicacy worked really well. Except for Fitz who still isn't going to eat it. He also calls her Miss Buggy, though, like, the point's already been made about her being a bug woman with her actual name so, this seems lame even for a kid to come up with.
Brian's enjoying his burger, but notices a lack of mustard. When he asks Miss Larva, she freaks out over it, saying that she'll never allow it in her cafeteria. The next day, Lexi shows Fitz some of the chocolate ants. They're definitely real and she definitely doesn't want any of Miss Larva's cooking either. Taco day is next and Fitz now worries if the beans are beetles and the rice are maggots. Yeah, that warning up top's not just for show and we're only 23 pages deep. Fitz sees that Lexi got a look at Miss Larva's eyes and now she likely knows what's up. After lunch, Brian and Fitz spot a sign in the cafeteria for an afterschool event with Miss Larva. To learn about bugs essentially. Brian, who has gone all in on Miss Larva's food, isn't going to miss it, but Fitz gives it a pass.
Fitz thinks to tell his parents or the principal about Miss Larva, but realizes that they won't believe him. My god, if only Goosebumps characters figured that part out. Given he needs some more answers, he decides to check out Miss Larva's little event. Turns out that Miss Larva hasn't been doing much... EXCEPT PLAY BUG GOD! She's been crossbreeding insects and arachnids. Like a tarantula and a centipede mix as well as a spider with a butterfly and a wasp with a grasshopper. Fitz is still freaked out, but the kids all seem to really like it. Miss Larva also mentions that the kids can all help her soon with a project she's working on.
Despite, you know, every possible warning sign, the kids at school aren't buying what Fitz is saying about Miss Larva. He talks to Sarah about it, mentioning everything and we get a scene with her throwing up. Another week passes and things at school are getting weirder. Miss Larva serves up more food and everyone eats it up, save for Lexi and Fitz. Even the teachers at school are nicer and there's barely any homework. Also Brian is like full team Miss Larva at this point, defending her from Fitz's comments and saying that Fitz is a moron for his crappy homemade food. He tells Fitz to at least try some of Miss Larva's food to see what the big deal is. So, Fitz agrees to do so.
The next day, Fitz sneaks in early to get some answers. He gets caught by Miss Larva who angrily calls him into her kitchen. He sees what she's making. A lasagna with caterpillar larva. He makes a run for it, but also realizes that he's not going to be able to get anyone on his side here. He tries to get Brian to believe, even though that's been established that he's a lost cause. And, unfortunately, Fitz still has to buy the cafeteria food, so he's going to have to eat that lasagna. It looks like normal lasagna. And tastes amazing. And, even odder, despite the possibility of eating bugs, he's not that sick either.
Fitz soon becomes a fan of Miss Larva's cooking. Especially the next day when it's his favorite, spaghetti and meatballs. However, as he's eating, Brian takes a handful of Fitz's spaghetti which causes a massive food fight. Even the teachers getting in on it. Turns out that's not the only weird thing going on. Brian shows Fitz a strange pink lump on his chest. That's pulsating. So, that's concerning as hell. Fitz suspects Miss Larva and Brian, brain of a brick, still won't have any heresy tossed at her direction. Sarah has a lump on her neck as well, but also doesn't want to talk much about it.
Next day is Liver and Onions. Somewhere Chester J. Lampwick is salivating. Fitz gets some and makes a crack about Miss Larva adding roadkill which really pisses off ol' Larva Stan Brian. Not just Brian, the whole cafeteria advances on them. All while the lumps look excited. Brian finds him later and apologizes. he didn't want to say those things, but something is in his head. You know, like the parasite on his chest, but clearly he's not considering that. Fitz realizes that whatever's going on is making Brian and the other students far more aggressive. He soon sees that even the teachers now have these eggs on them.
Fitz heads to Brian's later and now he has another lump in his back. He also says that he hears voices in his head. They council him, they understand, they talk to him. And there's my one wrestling reference per blog on schedule. He won't tell his parents because he fears they'll find something terminal. Dude, that's the most imperative reason to tell your parents. But, most likely they're like Goosebumps parents and think that a lump in the back is a normal thing. Fitz then discovers that a lump is forming on his left side. He asks Miss Larva about the stages of a bug and realizes what's happening. She's been putting larvae in the food. Fitz and his friends have become cocoons for bugs and pretty soon whatever's in them is going to burst out. That's her big project.
Next day at lunch, Miss Larva serves something called "fried brains pudding". Fitz gets some, then realizes what's happening. He's being controlled as well. The next day Fitz just straight up beats the hell out of Brian. The voices taking that as a sign that he's in their power. Fitz, Lexi and Brian decide to work together to try and stop Miss Larva and the eggs. Brian, ultimate brain genius, suggests they all drink bug poison. But they do decide to rub it on the lumps, but the creature inside of him stops him from even trying. the three sneak into the kitchen to look for something to help them. Unfortunately, they end up being caught by Miss Larva.
Miss Larva offers them more food, and despite Fitz and Brian's attempts, they end up still eating it. Brian suggests some mustard, but that just makes her angry. That's when they realize that mustard is the weakness. They manage to find a bottle. Fitz tries to eat it, but again the creatures inside him won't allow it. But eventually he manages to overpower the creatures and down the mustard. And it seems to work as they end up vomiting larvae. Also, Miss Larva shows her true form. Part fly-part cockroach. She attacks the kids, but Fitz splats her with the mustard, seemingly killing the bug for good. The kids are satisfied with their murder and grab the remaining mustard bottles to save the others. Fitz even finally finding Lexi attractive, so mega happy ending?
CONCLUSION
So, to no real surprise, that might be the grossest book we've covered so far for the blog. Back to School delivers on the promise of pure disgust like so few other books really do. Lots of talk about bugs, bugs in food which leads into the whole bug eggs on the bodies of children, puking larvae, the whole megillah. I will say the biggest problem with the book is there's not much mystery with it. We get Miss Larva's whole deal super early. Her bug obsession, her actually being a bug. A case of revealing the hand too soon. I think we could have started with less obviousness and gotten a better mystery. But I still like what mystery we ended up with.
Fitz is an okay protagonist. A bit of a pessimist at things, still in that "ew girls" stage with his feelings on Lexi until the end. Brian's an interesting side villain, though the book does at least make it clear that it's less him and the bugs controlling him that turns him into such a stan for Miss Larva. And Miss Larva's a creepy monster villain with her final form being really nightmarish to think about. Though the ending feels so super rushed that we don't really get much time with it. Hell, there's not even any end twist there. Unless you count Fitz's change of heart for Lexi as one, but I don't.
Scares also work here, though that too will depend on your constitution. Do bugs freak you out? Does the idea of bugs in food make you sick? If so, then this book's descriptions on things will definitely turn you a little green. I also like the idea of the bug sacs and their mind control powers, though we don't get enough for that to make an impact. Reminds me of the Yeerks in Animorphs. And the idea of these bugs exploding out of their kid cocoons actually makes for a nightmarish scenario. Though, being a kids book, that doesn't happen here. And, yes, this is still less of a concerning scenario than the egg blanket.
So, in the end, this one is good as a gross, scary book, though not perfect. Again, it reveals too much too soon, so you're left spinning your wheels for the majority of the middle until we get to the super rushed conclusion. But, it's another Bone Chillers book I ended up being positive over, so I'll at least say it's a recommend if you have the stomach for these sorts of stories. Back to School gets a B+.
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