NNtG: Ghosts of Fear Street #27: Parents From the 13th Dimension

It's another trip into the bizarre dimension that is kid-friendly Shadyside. I've said it before that this series feels like a whole other dimension compared to the standard Fear Street. I guess the series  thought so too because we got a case of freaky families in this edition. Let's see what this family affair is all about with Parents From the 13th Dimension.

If you're following on the numerical timeline, this next comment will seem off, but for those following chronologically to the blog, this is our first (technically second but shush) updated cover template for Ghosts. Doing away with the Goosebumps-like borders in favor of a bunch of scary stuff on top and a heavier focus on the artwork. And I like this cover a lot. It isn't the most over the top in terms of its horror, but what we get still feels unsettling. I think it's just the uncanny valley feeling of the whole thing. Even if mom didn't have the freaky tongue or dad wasn't smoking out of his ears like a cartoon character, there would still be this feeling of unease. So props to Mark Garro for that. It's a great representation of why these kids horror covers worked. That mix of familiar with the frea-Wait a second...

...JBL???

Sarah Watson's got it rough. Everyone else's parents are cool. Tiffany Greely's dad's a doctor. And Sarah's? A nurse. A nurse dad who likes to weave on a loom. Everyone makes fun of that because 90s book and "hurr durr gender norms". Her mother is a scientist trying to make a clean energy source from trash, while her older brother Hal is a nerdy kid. So mother's keen on recycling, brother's a Poindexter and dad is 90's gay panic. Story checks out. Sarah walks home with her friends Evie and Katie and finds a strange coin. One side with a lady wearing a crown, the other side a strange lizard. Oh no, I know Stine's not writing this, but I already fear we're veering into Lizard People territory.

As Sarah makes it home and says goodbye to her friends, sure enough, dad's chasing after the neighbor's cat, Hal's stumbling around because he's not wearing his glasses and mom's bringing home trash. As her friends can't help but laugh as they leave, Sarah wonders if maybe she's adopted. She writes into her diary about how much she wishes she had a normal family, who would let her go horseback riding, or own a dog, or have a Christmas tree instead of worrying about the environment. Essentially be the most republican vision of the perfect family ever. She looks at the coin she found and continues to wish to have a perfect family. Suddenly the coin starts spinning, then so does Sarah. 

She finds herself in nice pajamas in a fancy bedroom. With a new journal. Despite never using it before, Sarah recognizes that it's her handwriting. Mentioning her mom having an incredible homemade pizza, dad being a real estate agent, and her brother Jason being this amazing older brother. She checks the mirror and despite everything, it's still her. She then heads downstairs and sees a different family in the kitchen. Not her parents or Hal, but a more beautiful vision of what she wanted. There's even a dog. And the two adults call her daughter. 

Still confused and thinking she's dreaming, Sarah begins to walk with Jason to school. They meet with a girl named Zoe and arrive at Shadysi-Oh wait, SUNNYside Middle School. Yep. Sunnyside. But despite this feeling pretty damn real, Sarah chalks it up to being a dream, despite it being a pretty long dream. But she still gets everything she wanted from her diary, including a chance to go to the stables to ride a horse. That night as she goes to bed however, she hears a strange Velcro-like noise outside her bedroom. In a strange room at the end of the hall. She's about to open it, but because it's way too early to answer those questions, her "father" stops her, hissing at her to stay out of that room. Because there's dangerous tools and stuff in there because it's TOTALLY just a storage shed.

The next day, Sarah and Jason head to the stables, where Sarah meets her horse. A giant black stallion named Goliath. And being a novice (well, in the real world), she barely survives. But everyone is still heaping praise on her as if she mastered it. After that ordeal, she flips the lady/lizard coin a bit and it eventually lands on the lizard side, causing her to spin back to Shadyside. She then realizes that maybe flipping the coin is what will take her back to Sunnyside. She flips the coin a few times until she gets the lady face and back to the other world she goes. When she makes it back to the other family's house, she sees that there's a Christmas tree and lots of food to eat. Her parents mention a "Winter Feast" which excites Sarah. She then spots a painting of the family and sure enough, she's there as well, just like the cover. But she then thinks she sees a forked tongue on her "mother", but then can't see it again. So either the painting's alive or Sarah's starting to wig out.

So, despite the life of Riley she's gotten so far, Sarah is starting to feel homesick for her real family. As Pat Boone-ish as they are, there's a sense of unease as well that she's starting to feel. Jason tries to get her to go to the movies, but Sarah would rather stay home. After they argue, Jason leaves, but not before pretty much saying "Oh, and don't think of continuing your fascination with the forbidden closet of mystery down the hall. You know, the one that dad told you about and I know despite supposedly not being in earshot? THAT closet? Well you better not open it if you know what's good for you. Maybe stay out of the basement too, might be a plant dad down there. And the attic might be haunted too who the hell knows? Anyhoo, don't touch my booze!" Sarah asks how he'd know that, but he says that she's always told that since this is, you know, the dimension and family she's supposed to be a part of? Frickin' duh! 

Sarah flips the coin again and returns to her correct dimension, but discovers that it's only been like ten minutes since she left. So time moves slower in the Sunnyside dimension. Evie and Katie show up. Sarah tells them about the coin and the whole dimension swap, but they don't believe her because... Well, would you? Because she needs proof and, you know, I guess collateral damage if things go south, Sarah grabs Evie and flips the coin. It lands on the lizard eventually and the two end up teleporting to the mall. Zoe finds Evie and she ends up staying the night at Zoe's, cutting her off from Sarah. When Sarah returns home, her "family" are angry, saying she was trying to get into that forbidden closet of mystery with the nails and the tools and all that piddlin' crap. Her "father" then takes the coin from Sarah and goes golfing. Not only that, she can't get a hold of Evie either, hence the collateral damage part. Also she sees her "mom's" forked tongue, so that confirms that.

When she gets a chance to be alone, Sarah finally sees what's in the room. What looks to be three lifeless corpses. She thinks this means that the family must be murderers, but then she sees the Velcro and puts two and two together. They're not bodies, they're human suits. She finds the coin in the mask of the Jason suit and tries to pry it out of the mouth, but it won't budge. She then notices a painting. Same as the one before, only the family are all lizards. That must mean one thing... THEY'RE TURNING THE FROGS GAY!!!  There's only the three lizard people at a dinner table in the painting. And under the dome of a silver platter are fingers. Meaning that it's a fully cooked human being! Sarah then finally realizes everything. The food they fed her was to fatten her up. She's the winter feast! And the winter feast is tomorrow. OH RIGHT AND SHE LEFT EVIE WITH POTENTIALLY ANOTHER LIZARD FAMILY TO BE THEIR FEAST. Holy crap this book 180ed into top tier disturbing even for Ghosts of Fear Street.

Sarah goes to Zoe's to which Zoe denies any Sarah existed. The next day, she rushes to the room again, only to see the lizard father rush after her. As the lizard tries to smash through the door, Sarah eventually manages to break open the Jason costume and grabs the coin. She flips it several times, while holding Sparky, the family dog. It takes a bit, but it finally lands one the lizard side and she returns back to her regular dimension. She then gets a call from Evie who says that because she's so skinny, Zoe's family didn't want to eat her. She found a coin and flipped it, eventually taking her to the basement of Tiffany Greely, the girl with the doctor dad from earlier? So they're both safe, only for Evie to realize she forgot the coin at the Greely house. So we end with the girls pondering how they'll explain all this. They'll probably go get the coin. Someday. Yeah, let Tiffany end up in lizard people land. That'll teach her for having a doctor dad, I guess?

Katy Hall is back for her final ghostwriting job for Ghosts of Fear Street and she goes out with another winner. One that almost dethroned How to Be a Vampire, if not for a bit of a rushed ending and clunky twist. But otherwise, wow. That one was interesting. I think in terms of horror, it's a very slow build book to get to the whole lizard family stuff, but when we get THAT painting, hot damn that might be up there with the Bugman reveal as top tier disturbing for Ghosts of Fear Street. Other than that, there's not much horror that really hits, as much as it's just the looming build to the reveal we all kind of saw coming anyway. 

But what makes this book work is its overall plot. The idea of feeling you're dealt a bad hand and wanting another chance at what you perceive as the perfect life. A perfect family that is almost too perfect, with their own dark ulterior motives. And yes, I thought of Coraline as well. The too good to be true outcome that comes true works really well. Doesn't hurt that Sarah's an okay protagonist, if not very basic. But, let's be real, she's also an idiot for putting Evie in danger. Also, the book keeps building to having her meet some kid named Brian and that never pays off either. But hey, Evie survived and Sarah got a free dog out of this? And I guess Tiffany might die? Happy... ending?

I joke about it but there is this strangeness to this book that feels more so than usual. Lizard people. Not to mention the perfect vision of a family being the most republican wet dream "mom in the kitchen, dad playing golf and not having any traits that could be considered at all "effeminate", possible gated neighborhood" I've witnessed in these books. Though if the intention is more to turn around the concept of the evil lizard people actually being republicans, then well played Miss Hall. What a checkmate to go out on as you peace out of Ghosts of Fear Street. 

So yeah, really enjoyed this up until the flat ending. I wish we got more time with the feast and the lizard monsters and so much more. It just feels like so much just happens and the book just ends. But when the plot is for the most part pretty solid, I can't complain too much. It's a recommend at the very least. Stronger than Screaming Jokers, but not as good as Vampire. The cream filling in the Oreo that is the Katy Hall trilogy. But yeah. I could buy that John Bradshaw Layfield is a lizard person.

I mean, he does know Godzilla.

 Parents From the 13th Dimension gets an A.