The Stinal Countdown: The Definitive Ten #09: Monster Blood

I've harped on it. I've damned it. I've endured it. And so help me, I even tried to humanize its protagonist. I have a complicated history with the Monster Blood books. So much so that I think this is proof positive that my choices for the definitive ten don't come just from my favorite books. For me, they have to be the ten books that define Goosebumps. And what defines Goosebumps more than slime? It's the border, the logo, the very nature that is in the DNA of the series. Without the slime you would lose something pivotal about the book series. So of course the book about slime is more than worthy of a definitive look. Maybe I can finally put my issues to bed once and for all. Eh, don't count on that. It's time for Monster Blood.

It's not hard to see where Stine got the idea from. In 1958, The Blob was released in theatres, telling the story of a mass of alien slime that continues to grow and devour everything in its path. Three decades later in 1988, the movie would be remade. And we know that Stine likes to base much of his work on science fiction and B-movies. So it's a fair enough assessment to guess that's where inspiration laid. The third book in the Goosebumps series, Monster Blood released in September of 1992 and is also the second cover for Tim Jacobus, having done Welcome to Dead House just before that. 

What makes the cover work is just how understated and unsettling it is. No creepy monster, no warped angle, none of Tim's more notorious tropes, but rather the oozing green slime dripping down the staircase. I love the design of the Monster Blood as the ooze spreads spills over each step, creating a slimier and slimier mass. It works as a sign of it growing and becoming a bigger problem. Then there's the glasses stuck in the slime. A very basic addition, and a bit off given the fact that I don't believe any main character of the book wears glasses, but the image does stir up enough horror as to what the Monster Blood really is, and what befalls whoever it goes after. 

Tim Jacobus has gone on record saying he doesn't use much if any black in his artwork. He prefers dark blues or purples to add a shadowy feel while still feeling light enough and pleasing to the eye. And this is no exception. I love the shadowy blues and purples in this cover, giving us enough sinister darkness before coming further into the light. And because of that it's easily one of the best covers he's ever done, and while the other Monster Blood covers are fine, none have topped this in terms of adding in that absurd and unsettling tone that I've brought up so many times before in this definitive countdown. 

While his parents are off in Atlanta, Evan Ross is sent to the middle of nowhere to live with his deaf Great Aunt Kathryn. It's a boring time for him, and he suspects that his aunt isn't overly fond of him. He meets a girl named Andy and the two become friends. While stopping at a toy store, they spot a strange slime toy called Monster Blood and purchase it. But soon things go from bad to worse. Evan's dog Trigger eats some of the Monster Blood and starts to grow. Not only is Trigger growing, but so is the Monster Blood. Eventually, the slime begins to grow too much and starts to become a deadly living entity. Evan soon learns it was Kathryn who brought it to life, but also learns why Kathryn became deaf. 

Monster Blood is a very interesting horror story, especially so early into Goosebumps. The main enemy of the story isn't a town of zombies or a plant dad, but a strange slime substance that grows larger as time goes on. Our first cursed object in the Goosebumps series, the book relies solely on the mystery of what made the Monster Blood grow so fast. But because we can't just fill this book with 100+ pages about a slime, we need to have semi-antagonists to the story. Be it the ultraviolent Beymer twins that torment Evan and Andy, or Kathryn, who the book gives enough reasoning as to why she might be more involved with Evan. 

We'll start with our red herring villain, Kathryn. Up until the big reveal, it's hard to really gauge her when it comes to Evan. She's often more cruel in tone or just straight up seems to have a disliking for him. Being deaf, it's hard to tell if it has to do with her inability to properly communicate with him or if it is just a straight up hatred of the boy. Given his whiny demeanor you could believe the latter. Hell, Evan believes the latter at one point. Given everything seemingly going to hell at the same time, it's at least a fair enough assessment. But we soon learn that while, yes, Kathryn enchanted the Monster Blood and that, yes, it was with the intent of hurting Evan, it wasn't what she meant to do. It was all a case of manipulation, bringing us to the real villain of the book. 

We're introduced to Sarabeth early in the story as Kathryn's pet cat. And while Evan may not be totally sure if Kathryn hates him, he's certain that Sarabeth does. From her general attitude towards him to a scene later where the cat sends Evan falling into the Monster Blood and nearly being swallowed whole by the slimy substance. And even then, there's no real reason to guess the big twist for Sarabeth. At most you'd think that the cat is working for Kathryn to finish off Evan. That all this time it was Kathryn in control. And then the twist hits and for as convoluted as it can get (even for Stine), somehow it makes all the sense in the world. 

The twist really being that it was Sarabeth all along who was the one in control. After squatting at Kathryn's house, she soon had Kathryn become her servant. Taking away her hearing and I guess ensuring that if she tried to fight back, it wouldn't be successful. And it was Sarabeth who wanted Evan killed from the start, knowing that the boy would learn too much about what's going on and that everything would fall apart. Though, if Evan died and his parents came back, there would be questions. Though if Kathryn blabbed about the Monster Blood and the cat being in charge, she'd probably be institutionalized. Wouldn't put it past them. Although they did dump their kid off to a relative they've barely interacted with in a long time, so the onus is more on them?

What the book excels in is making the Monster Blood a threat. From the concerns over Trigger eating some to how it becomes a large, unruly mass. So big that it eventually moves on its own, swallowing anything in its path. It feels like a monster and is treated like one. That's why the later iterations frustrate me like they do. Turning it into a revenge tool in the other Evan era books just really neuter what power it originally had. Not to mention the overall retconning of the story, but we'll get to that in a bit. I at least want to give the book credit for having Monster Blood matter.

I have brought Evan up quite a lot in these blogs. Hell, there's an entire blog made about breaking down his character (Right Here if you'd like to check it) so there's really not too much new to cover about him that I haven't brought up in the past, but for simplicity's sake, I'll recap my thoughts on him again. He's not the worst protagonist ever. He definitely has the distinction of being one of the worst given his more whiny demeanor and being the focus of four books. I think that's half the problem. That really the first Monster Blood feels like his arc is done. He deals with the Monster Blood and it's gone at the end of the story. What's left however is trauma from the experience that never leaves him. Not even in the sequels. And most of that has to do with Andy. 

I wouldn't call Evan a perfect protagonist as he's very flawed. Again, he whines and complains a lot. He's a wet blanket. But by that same token, imagine his scenario. If your parents dumped you off at some relative you barely know and can barely communicate with. Nothing fun to do there either. All the while you suspect that you may have been left with a maniac. Evan constantly worries about what Kathryn's real intentions are with her. He flat out says that he thinks she hates him, so we know that this all weighs on his head. Add in all of the other crap he deals with in the book and you can at least understand why Evan is how he is. 

Oh Andy. What happened? I mean, we know what happened, R.L. Stine assassinated your character, but when you look back at the first book, she's one of the better parts of it. Andy becomes Evan's only friend. She helps try to improve his bad mood. She's the much needed optimism that Evan lacks. She's also braver than Evan, most notably when dealing with the Beymer twins. So it at least speaks to one part of her character in later books. But in this book, she at least seems to care about Evan's concerns, especially with the Monster Blood. She never treats it like a revenge tool, but as a threat just like Evan. As such, it makes her character in the sequels the straight up worst. 

Andy goes from optimistic angel to the devil on Evan's shoulder. From the second book onward, she only looks at the Monster Blood as one thing. Not as a threat, but a revenge tool. To use against Evan's enemies like Conan Barber, Cuddles and Kermit. Despite knowing full well both Evan's fear of the slime, as well as seeing the damage it can do, she turns it into a game. A toy to use to play with the lives of others. Like, I bring up the "Andy is secretly Sarabeth" theory a lot, but it would explain this so well. How she popped up in Atlanta, her suddenly not caring about Evan's feelings, her insistence on using the Monster Blood. Like, that would require answering how Sarabeth survived, but by book three, the damn Monster Blood was now just always a powerful weapon you can buy in stores and has an expiration date. Trust me, Stine thought far less about these books than I ever did, and I'm someone who doesn't even like the Monster Blood books. 

It's fitting that for a book about an evil slime, Monster Blood seemingly spread everywhere with its legacy. It got three additional sequels in the main series, including the final book of said main series. It was given two episodes of the TV show, including "More Monster Blood" an original sequel story made for the TV show. It had a few book compilations, Evan cameoed in Return to HorrorLand. Monster Blood even returned for two more sequels in the second era. HorrorLand's Monster Blood For Breakfast! and SlappyWorld's Monster Blood is Back. 

And while Stine seemed to all but totally erase the original book's origins and Sarabeth herself, color me shocked to discover that she gets referenced in the IDW comic Horrors of the Witch House. We learn that she actually had a granddaughter by the name of Veruca Curry, the antagonist of the comic. So, at least it's something. It's like how Mr. Wood feels so unimportant to the Living Dummy saga, especially after Slappy took over the reins. This sense of brief homages to a self-contained story while at the same time Stine is trying to force sequels out of a very self contained story. Look, I defend the man a lot, but when he does something really lazy, it's more frustrating than fun to talk about.

So, yeah. This isn't the rosy, ultra positive summary for this book that I'm sure some people wanted. Though most of the people who read these knew that was going to be the case going in. But I maintain that it is a definitive ten book. I think that ultimately the sequels have diluted this book overtime, but it still feels like the very DNA of Goosebumps through and through. Like I said, the very concept of slime is ingrained into the definition of the series itself. And when you think Goosebumps and you think slime, you often think of Monster Blood. Maybe more so Monster Blood II, but I think this one holds a special place for more people than what followed. Even if its fate is more a case of trying to draw blood from a stone. Or in this case Monster Blood from a stone. In terms of ranking, even with my issues, I'd still say a higher place than most is fitting for it.