A Case of the Bumps: Mommy's Alright, Daddy's Alright (Part 3)

We're entering the thirties and the worst end of the forties. And we have some interesting case of parenting to cover. From talent-seeking parents to garden obsessed dads and even one who fathered a robot. The mid-era of Goosebumps produced some of the more wonderfully odd, but how do they fare? Let's take a look as we cover books #31-46.

As per usual, the grades are:

GOOD Parents
AVERAGE Parents
BAD Parents
Call CPS!!! 

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DUMMY II: Oh the Kramer family. One the one hand, the parents do celebrate the talents of the kids, even Jed who doesn't even try. On the other hand, that could also be considered pressuring their kids into performing better than they should. And when Amy's issues with Dennis the Dummy get too much to handle, Mr. Kramer does give her a new dummy. A pity it's Slappy. So, much like the Powell parents, they aren't willing to believe Amy's claims of not being the saboteur of Sara's painting or any of the other actions of Slappy throughout the story. 

So, they suggest sending her to a psychiatrist. And, like, okay. The whole issue is very Michigan J. Frog, but here's where this all falls apart. So, as far as they can gather, Amy has been acting this way since Mr. Kramer brought home Slappy. And she's been blaming the dummy for everything. So they decide therapy is more important than, oh I don't know, maybe getting rid of the object that may be triggering their daughter's supposed mental break? So Amy ends up looking crazy, the parents are lazy, and the book remains quite hazy. Given that Sara later sees Slappy and just let's Amy twist in the wind, and Jed kind of sucks too, if anyone should be going to a therapist it's Mr. and Mrs. Partridge over here. Mr. and Mrs. Kramer: Call CPS!!! 

THE BARKING GHOST: Okay, the Holmes parents just kind of exist here, but they definitely hit the bad list for the early scene where Mickey strangles Cooper in bed and blame both kids for it, despite, you know, Mickey literally strangling Cooper. They, of course, don't buy Cooper's claims of ghost dogs and generally seem to be annoyed by Cooper's fears more than, you know, helping him. I mean, even the Kramers suggested a shrink. You didn't even try. Mr. and Mrs. Holmes: BAD Parents.

THE HORROR AT CAMP JELLYJAM: Wendy and Elliott's parents don't play a major role in the book, but I'll still call them bad. Mostly on account of letting their kids ride in the trailer. Granted, without that you get no book, but given what happens, it's still a bad look for them. Also a bad rating on account of Brussels Sprouts. Wendy and Elliott's parents: BAD Goosebumps Parents

REVENGE OF THE LAWN GNOMES: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of Our Stines.

Mr. Burton, a man whose love life has begun to wither like fine fruit after the harvest moon, life without purpose, existence without meaning, a heart yearning for the finer things. Not money for it doesn't grow on trees, yet melons and tomatoes can grow into a plentiful bounty. The bounty he sought to claim. Only when Mr. Burton sought that bounty, he had no idea that his heart would desire another woman. Lilah Anderson. The lovely lady of Lawn Lovely. The woman that would change this man from wilting wallflower to ripe and ready to be picked and tasted. Dressing is optional in this tawdry salad of deceit, lies, and really tacky lawn ornaments. Whether it was similar dreams of being executive producer of his own production, or like all carnal souls a hypnotic glance at her "well-ripened melons", one thing is for sure, his life was forever changed. 

But alas, perhaps the bewitching spell of Lilah Anderson was far from exclusive to Mr. Burton, as Mr. McCall, Burton's neighbor, also becomes obsessed with gardening. And in doing so, the two men became bitter rivals. Focused forever on larger fruit, fresher fruit. A battle of the egos, all while Lilah's assets are greener than the thumbs of her admirers. But things aren't as rosy in the bushes either, as it seems that claims of witchcraft hold water as the many tacky ornaments in her shop appear to be alive and all appear to be evil. One we know for sure, the mischief gnomes in the shop basement. Perfect to be given away to add to her plan. To destroy the gardens, cause anger and discord with the two families. Bring two men to war.  Line her pockets as they need replacements for their gardens are no longer like Eden. Like the spider her web of control is well-spun, and she can live happily feasting on the two juicy flies she's caught. And if, say, the gnomes were defeated by some kids, she always has that lawn gorilla. Will these families survive or be poisoned by a pesticide of pestilence? Only the Days of Our Stines know for sure.

What? I already wrote the Dummy II one, I'd mostly be repeating myself. Mrs. Burton: AVERAGE Parent. Mr. Burton and Mr. McCall: BAD Parents.

A SHOCKER ON SHOCK STREET: Now, this one is definitely the oddest parents situation in any of these books. Reason being that we're actually not dealing with a real father-daughter relationship. As Mr. Wright is just a robotics designer and Erin is the robot he built to test Shocker Studios. And Mr. Wright did one hell of a job with Erin, as well as Marty. He gave them AI that made the kid bots feel and react like actual children. Perhaps too good of an AI as is the case with Erin creating memories of having a mother. The kind of AI that was already creating its own world. A robot-made narrative. But still a robot.

And that's where things get confusing. Why is only Erin's AI meant to think of Mr. Wright as a father and not Marty? Was it a preference thing? Was Erin the first? Is this a Geppetto thing where Mr. Wright wanted a kid and in turn created his own daughter by literally creating her robot? Or, was this always one-sided and only Erin looked to Mr. Wright as her father? The AI already processing its own narrative. It's incredible to think that R.L. Stine pulled off a "Do Robots Dream of Electric Sheep" ending and it actually works. So, do we count him as an actual father, or just the dreams of a robot? I feel like if I ponder this longer my head will explode like a robot's, only without any metal and wires. Mr. Wright: SCHRODINGER'S Parent.

THE HAUNTED MASK II: I'll go out and say it. Mrs. Boswell seems like a saint. She's given a similar example of her affection for her kid similar to Mrs. Caldwell in the original book. Only instead of a plaster head, we learn that she drove to the next town for the sole purpose of getting Steve's favorite brand of cookies. Now that's dedication. Mr. Boswell seems fine as well. We never really get  much of the stock moments with them either, which is a sigh of relief. You could argue that getting the Oreos that the regular store doesn't carry is excessive and spoils Steve which turned him into the kind of kid who got off on scaring the likes of Carly Beth, but in this case, I can forgive it. Mr. and Mrs. Boswell: GOOD Parents.

THE HEADLESS GHOST: Given we never have any moment with Duane and Stephanie's parents, there isn't anything to grade. I could count Otto as he's Seth's uncle in the book, but there's very little to cover there either. And yes, while Duane and Stephanie become terrors to kids in town, maybe we should hold the parents a bit responsible for not corralling their prankster kids, but again, with nothing to cover, I'll just say the Comack and Alpert parents: AVERAGE Parents.

THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN OF PASADENA: Our first divorced parent and I guess technically the first actual single parent. Garry Blake is an interesting parent. He seems to be fine with bringing his kids to Alaska to find pictures of a mythical snow ape. Mostly due to a lack of a sitter and time. One the one hand, kind of cool to get to see the world with your explorer dad. On the other hand, putting his kids in possible danger. Bit of an even pendulum here. I'll say he's otherwise fine as a dad. But given he takes a rare beast away from its natural habitat to make a buck, oh that he can piss off for. Garry Blake: AVERAGE Parent.

HOW I GOT MY SHRUNKEN HEAD: Mrs. Rowe is an interesting situation. As a mom, she's pretty much on point. On the other hand, letting Mark be taken to a jungle island with some woman they barely know to find Aunt Benna and gives him a magic shrunken head. Seems a bit suspect. But you'd also be without a story I guess, so I can let it slide enough. Though with the dad not being a part of the story, I can't grade him. Mrs. Rowe: AVERAGE Parent.

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DUMMY III: Okay, I will say that in this case, the O'Dell parents have a reason to suspect Trina and Dan are pulling pranks on Zane. Given their past, all the dummy scares do make it seem like that's what going on. So, points there. Otherwise, it does feel at times that Mr. O'Dell seems to care more about his wood children than his flesh children. But I'll give enough of a pass as at least it's a reason why we can't just get Slappy or the other dummies away from the kids, even if it's still pretty flimsy. And, of course, Zane getting away with everything is frustrating as well, but sure, whatever. Mr. and Mrs. O'Dell: AVERAGE Parents.

BAD HARE DAY: The Swanson parents don't do much, but I'll say this. Maybe letting Ginny know karate was a bad idea since it just became her tactic to get what she wants at all times. We know Tim's screwed, but are the parents the same? Other than that, not much else. Mr. and Mrs. Swanson: AVERAGE Parents.

EGG MONSTERS FROM MARS: Mr. and Mrs. Johnson start the book with the big egg party fiasco with youngest child Brandy. So, when Dana finds the egg and things start getting weird, I can actually understand not wanting to deal with any more egg issues. They're also the kind of parents who actually seem to be concerned with the wellbeing of their children as when Dana is kidnapped by Dr. Gray, they search for him, giving us the scene with the one-way window. And when Dana does escape, they believe him and they head to Dr. Gray's lab, but it's too little, too late. So, actual concern for their kids. That's a rare unicorn for these books. Shame it's the one with the egg blanket though. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson: GOOD Parents.

THE BEAST FROM THE EAST: I'd probably put the Wald parents in the bad category. Part of me thinks this was the plan all along. To leave Ginger, Nat and Pat in the woods and run off to start a new life. I mean, it's the only way to justify why this family would end up in the woods that lead to a bizarre, almost alien world with furry blue behemoths. I'd say Call CPS, but the parents got the job done already. Mr. and Mrs. Wald: BAD Parents.

SAY CHEESE AND DIE—AGAIN!: Covered in Part One.

GHOST CAMP: Harry and Alex's parents play a very minor role in the book. The most they do is send the kids off to Camp Spirit Moon. Now, they clearly had no idea about the actual history of the camp (which does bring in the question as to how the camp could send out information if they can't leave the camp. Maybe a deal with the bus driver in exchange for not being taken over?), so I can at least give them a minor enough rating. Mr. and Mrs. Altman: AVERAGE Parents. 

HOW TO KILL A MONSTER: So, there's really two sets of parents to cover. Gretchen and Clark's parents and Gretchen's grandparents. We have our first remarried parents and our first stepsiblings. And, by the look of things, they get along fine enough. So any bumps in the road to rebuilding these families were patched up. There is the question as to why they just dump the kids at the grandparents place then just up and leave. Were they in on it? Did they know about the monster? Are they ready to start over like the Wald parents? Or is it all just circumstance? Hard to tell. I'll at least average it out and believe that it was a case of them not knowing. So Mr. and Mrs. Clark: AVERAGE Parents.

And then there's Grandpa Dave and Grandma Miriam who straight up leave their grandkids for dead with a monster instead of, you know, getting the kids out with them and everyone escaping. Like, for real these are the ultimate bad relatives in all of Goosebumps. Oh, there are worse siblings and even awful parents like the Websters. But this one takes the cake. Although, again, how did the monster survive in the first place if human germs kill it? Just another one of Stine's great mysteries. But, oh this one goes far beyond calling Child Protective Services. Grandpa Dave and Grandma Miriam: CALL AMERICA'S MOST WANTED!!!

Up next is the grand finale in this look back at all of the super awful parenting we've dealt with in Goosebumps. Does it get better or worse? I mean, there's no way to be as bad as the grandparents in How to Kill a Monster, but we'll soon see.