The Stinal Countdown: Goosebumps HorrorLand #9: Welcome to Camp Slither

As we enter the ninth book in HorrorLand, it's time for a camp book. Now most of Stine's camp books in the past, particularly in the original 62, have been some of the better books in the series. Can Stine continue that trend in this new series? Let's slink into Welcome To Camp Slither.

COVER STORY

I like this cover. It's not the most over the top, but it sends the message that needs to be said. This is a camp that's got a lot of snakes. Speaking of which, the two snakes on the signs are very well detailed, especially the larger one. I like how they curl around the sign post and around each other.  I also like the bright orange sunlight in the background, which is an aesthetic not used enough in Goosebumps covers. Dorman took a bit to find his groove with Goosebumps, but he's definitely in the zone by this point.

STORY

Boone Dixon and his younger sister Heather are big time nature nuts, which is good for them since they're both going to the nature camp known as Camp Hither this summer. Boone is more straight-laced, while Heather likes to say things like "gimme a ding-dong break" because her grandmother would always use those cock-a-doody expressions. Get ready for quite a bit of that in the book. The bus arrives and the two kids step inside, only to overhear the bus driver refer to them as "two new victims". Boone sits with a boy his age with white-blond hair, glasses, pale skin, a rabbit's foot and a manga (I'm kinda surprised Jovial Bob is aware of manga). He introduces himself as Ronny McDonald, just so Boone can make a Ronald McDonald joke, then corrects it by saying it's actually Roddy McDonald.

Roddy is completely paranoid about going to Camp Hither since he's heard stories from other kids about the camp being filled with snakes. How there's snakes in the lake, how there's also a giant snake in the lake and that the real name of the camp is Camp Slither. Boone shrugs it off, trying to calm Roddy down, but after Heather rattles her bracelet, Roddy has a panic attack thinking it's a snake. Oh dear. The kids arrive at Camp Hither and are greeted by a tall, thin man with black hair named Dr. Crawler, which is again enough to trigger Roddy's growing paranoia (Hey look, I'm using trigger correctly like a mature person would... a mature person reading books for nine year olds, but still).

Dr. Crawler introduces himself to the kids and introduces them to Nathan, an eighteen year old who'll be their counselor. They bring them to Nurse April who sprays the kids with some sort of orange liquid that she claims is Sun-Glo sunscreen. Boone feels weird and tingly after being applied by it, but shrugs it off for now. The kids are shown their cabins, which all conveniently have snake-related names.Boone and Roddy are in the cottonmouth cabin with two more boys named Kelly and Sid. Boone asks if they've been to Camp Hither before, but they haven't. Suddenly, Boone scraches his arm, only for a big patch of skin to peel off. He's freaked, but assumes it could easily just be some dry skin.

After meeting with Heather (who got the rattler cabin, ironic due to her rattling bracelet), Roddy elaborates on the giant water snake. It's name is Serpo, and it is believed that the kids of the camp are meant to swim the lake, where Serpo snatches them and eats them alive, which is why there's no proof that any kids have escaped Camp Hither. Boone and Heather laugh it off, thinking that he's mistaking this for some movie. Later, Dr. Crawler talks about the history of the camp, which we don't get to hear much of because Roddy thinks he hears snakes from atop the hill, but Dr. Crawler claims are just crickets. Hissing crickets, but still. He concludes by mentioning that in a week's time there will be Cabin Wars, a competition between all the camp cabins that will conclude with all the campers swimming across the lake.

Boone tries to talk with Heather, but she just keeps replying with Diggity-Diggity (Socko!). After a nature walk, Nathan has Boone, Sid, Kelly and Roddy swim the lake, which of course sets off Roddy again. But regardless, they have to swim it. Nathan swims with, but suddenly disappears into the lake. Boone goes to check, only to get grabbed by something. He thinks it's Serpo, until Nathan pops up, laughing at how he was just kidding. Roddy, who barely went in the water, decides to head back to the cabin. The kids return to the cabin later, only there's no sign of Roddy. Suddenly, Nathan and another pair of counselors show up, asking for Roddy's belongings, claiming that Roddy left camp and went home. Boone starts to think that this seems weird that even though Roddy clearly hated it here, that he would just up and leave without saying goodbye. He hears the hissing on the hill again and decides he needs to check it out.

Boone and Heather (still Diggity-ing everything because that's her only character trait) head up to the hill and spot a dark looking building. They manage to enter through the unlocked back door, because of course, and enter. They notice a strange orange glow inside. It's a hallway leading to one room. They enter inside and see a giant cage filled with mice. Boone starts to think that the mice are being kept for Serpo. That Roddy was right and the counselors got rid of him somehow. The two end up locked inside as the mice start to escape the cage and attack them. Kelly and Sid show up in the nick of time to save them, having followed Boone and Heather up the hill. They're all freaked out, but decide that they need answers. They head to the counselor cabin and check the beds, however inside the beds are poisonous snakes. The kids make a run for it with the snakes following. Heather gets caught, but manages to escape in time.

The next day, the kids pressure Nathan into talking about what happened the previous night, but Nathan claims that he and the other counselors were out in a tent. However, before they can think of maybe escaping the camp, Nathan tells them that they're all due to swim the lake for Cabin Wars practice. Later, the kids check a brochure for the camp, only to see the name Uncle Jerry as the head of the camp, not Dr. Crawler. Believing now that Dr. Crawler is a fake who's been feeding kids to snakes, the  kids set out to find Uncle Jerry.  They head to Dr. Crawler's office while he and the other staff are gone. Sure enough, they find a room with Uncle Jerry's name written on it and open it. However, Dr. Crawler is sitting behind the desk, waiting for them. He spins another chair around showing a cottonmouth snake which he calls Uncle Jerry. Boone, annoyed, grabs Dr. Crawler by the arm, but suddenly his arms and skin begin to peel off, until a giant snake rolls out of Dr. Crawler's pants leg. Yup, Dr. Crawler is a giant snake (Wait, isn't this sort of the plot of Teacher's Pet?).

Uncle Jerry reveals that he, Dr. Crawler and the counselors were actually scientists, who were doing nothing, EXCEPT PLAYING GOD! They were searching for the perfect antidote to snake venom. However, they used the unstable formula on themselves, and it turned them into snakes. They've been trying to create an antidote, but so far it's only caused some of the snakes to turn back into humans during the daytime, which explains the snakes in the counselor cabin. There was also never a Serpo, that was just a myth. The mice were food for the snakes. And now that the kids are aware of this, they're going to be used for the snake people's experiments. The counselors, still human, lead the kids into a laboratory, which was the actual source of the hissing up the hill, and the kids see Roddy, who has already been turned part snake.

The snakes then reveal why the kids have been doused in the Sun-Glo. It's actually snake DNA, which they plan to use to turn them into snakes, hoping that if it's the right amount, it could also be used to change them back into humans. They then fully change Roddy into a snake. With that being a success, they turn their attention to Boone. Boone is almost turned into a snake, but manages to escape and grab Roddy, realizing that he was turned into a king snake, the biggest predator of the bunch. Dr. Crawler tries to attack Roddy, but ends up biting himself, which means he also poisoned himself, dying almost instantly. The other snakes make a run for it, while the kids make their escape. Roddy ends up turning back to normal, as the experiment only lasted about five minutes.

TWIST ENDING

Boone and Heather are heading home, when Boone gives Heather a birthday present. It's a snake, which wishes her many happy returnssss. Wow, after all that, that's a lame twissssst.

ENTER HORRORLAND

Recap: Julie Martin, the most recent kid to come to HorrorLand, meets up with the other kids. Confused by their panic, she heads off to the Tunnel of Screams. She gets accosted by Byron the Horror, who hands her a mirror and warns of a horror named The Keeper. Julie throws away the mirror, which bugs the other kids as it could have been their portal to Panic Park and their way to hopefully find Britney, Molly and Michael. Then the kids decide to just up and walk out of the park, not before getting their hands stamped for re-entry. Unfortunately for them, the stamps turn into giant purple vines that wrap the kids up.

Boone is, of course, the next kid to get an invitation to HorrorLand. However, upon arriving to the park, he sees a bunch of kids being wrapped up by vines. Boone tries to help them, despite not knowing what the hell's going on, when he gets wrapped up as well. Suddenly a bus arrives and some horrors arrive. One of them being Ned, a horror from earlier. They free the kids, but tell them that they aren't allowed to leave the park. So the kids, including Boone, are put in the bus and brought back into HorrorLand.

The kids are obviously annoyed at the fact that they're being brought back to the park against their will and ask Ned questions, which he remains vague about. He says that they're looking for the missing kids and that Byron has been missing for a while. They pressure him about Panic Park, so Ned decides that it's time to take the kids to The Keeper. But Boone screams about there being a snake on the bus, which is enough to scare the horrors off the bus, since they have a phobia of snakes. The kids make a break for it and decide to try Good-Bye land again, while a siren wails. More horrors are after them, so they better think fast.

They burst through the hedge into Good-Bye land, which is a graveyard-themed area in the park. They spot a bumper car ride called the R.I.P.P.E.R. Thinking it'll lead them back into the tunnels, they enter the ride, only for the cars to not be under their control. The cars all lead into a giant hole as the kids fall into darkness. Luckily there's a mattress below, so they all make it out alive. However, they also immediately get caught by horrors. They take the kids back into the Haunted Theater, into a room in the back to meet with The Keeper. It's here that the kids begin to see certain things from their past. Abby sees a mummy with its stomach torn open, Carly Beth sees the haunted mask, Julie sees the evil camera, Billy and Sheena see a portrait of Captain Ben.

The Keeper then shows up, and to Robby's shock, it's Dr. Maniac. He jokes with the kids some more before the floor starts to turn into a giant treadmill. Suddenly, The Purple Rage arrives. Robby thinks that this means they're safe since Dr. Maniac and Purple Rage are bitter enemies, but nope. The two are working together. It clicks to the kids that this must mean that the enemies they've faced are all in league with one another. But unfortunately for them, Dr. Maniac is ready to burn them alive, while Purple Rage grabs Boone, ready to twist him like a balloon animal.

CONCLUSION

Welcome To Camp Slither is a weird book, but I think in a good way. In the way more Goosebumps books should be. It takes a while to build to anything actually creepy in the story, since we spend nearly half the book dealing with Roddy's paranoia. I do like the mystery involved and it does build up to a solid climax. But for some reason that climax feels very last minute, so things like Serpo, which was built up in the book, never actually matter. Stine's now focused on snake humans and that's all that matters to him, Serpo be damned. There are other annoying things, like Heather's doody-ding-dong-diggity-diddly-isms, but thankfully that dies out quickly throughout the book with her doing it less and less as time rolls on.

I also brought this up, but the climax kind of feels cribbed from one of the short stories from the Tales series, Teacher's Pet, which told of a teacher, obsessed with snakes, who was also a snake himself, which also had an episode, which was also different, but involved human-animal experimentation. I'm certain this was all coincidental, but I couldn't help but notice the similarities. So, in the end, it's another win for the camp books and a solidly paced book, but something about it just didn't click with me in the way it probably should have. Maybe it's the deflating twist at the end which is just there. Gonna guess another victim of HorrorLand's need to keep the kids alive or human? Regardless, Welcome To Camp Slither gets a diggity-dang B.