Okay, it's finally time. Time to do the craziest blog I may have ever done, but lord help me, I feel given we're now caught up on the mainline Goosebumps books, we can finally do this. I'm just mad enough to do a ranking of the best mainline Goosebumps books from all six mainline series. That means Original 62, Series 2000, HorrorLand, Hall of Horrors, Most Wanted and SlappyWorld. No Tales to Give You Goosebumps, Triple Header, Give Yourself Goosebumps or Goosebumps TV books. They need to be singular narrative, singular story (save for the Enter HorrorLand stuff or if a Special Edition has more than one story yet still tie to the same singular narrative) and, like, doing the TV books just feels redundant.
And given new Goosebumps books are being made, this will be updated accordingly. But yes, we're finally going to dig through 149 books (Body Squeezers getting the brevity treatment again) to see how each series ultimately succeeds and fails in my eyes. Again, this is subjective, so if a book you like is low, my apologies. So on with the show.
#150: Revenge R Us (Goosebumps Series 2000 #07): Yeah, if you know me well enough, you know right off the bat that this was going to be the bottom pick. I don't call it Goosebumps' nadir for nothing. Like before I really started creating my ranking list, I didn't even have to think twice. Nothing has gotten an F easier than this reprehensible book from the mind of R.L. Stine. I did a whole Case of the Bumps on it, so I need not dig up old wounds here. It's the ultimate bad book of bad books.
#149: Monster Blood IV (Goosebumps #62): The ultimate flop sweat of the original 62 and easily Stine's worst sequel, Monster Blood IV is the most unnecessary book he's ever written. It also feels like a case of a whole other book about slug monsters that Stine couldn't make a full book about, so he pivoted and added the Monster Blood series to it, to less than stellar results. We've seen Evan suffer in like three books already, Bob. You're just playing the greatest hits. And for this to be the final book in the original 62 ultimately makes it feel like a stain upon a classic series. Poor form.
#148: Say Cheese and Die—Again! (Goosebumps #44): It's incredible how over time, this book just gets worse and worse for me. It's the prime example of the biggest problem Goosebumps has. Its sequel books are almost always bad and you can feel that they only exist because the first book was popular enough to warrant said sequel. But this may be Stine's most dire. A convoluted reason for Greg to get the camera back which just spins the book into fat jokes and misery. As dregs a book as you could possibly get.
#147: Wanted: The Haunted Mask (Special Edition): There is a rather famous episode of The Nanny called "The Chatterbox" which shifts its focus further away from Fran and the central cast for these eclectic characters in a beauty salon. It's famous for being a notorious backdoor pilot to a spinoff that never happened. Wanted: The Haunted Mask is the Goosebumps equivalent of The Chatterbox. You go into it expecting a story fully focused on the haunted mask, but then mid-book you now have to focus entirely on a story in a haunted pumpkin patch. Like, if it was a standalone book, Devon and the haunted pumpkins could have been an okay book. But for it to get so much focus while we're left wondering what the hell happened to Lu-Ann and her mask-controlled rampage is just inexcusable. I've always had a theory that this was never going to be a Haunted Mask book. The pumpkin patch was going to be the book all in itself, but Stine hit a wall and tacked on mask shenanigans to hide the fact that he hit a wall and then some with the pumpkin story. One of the most shameful messes in Goosebumps.
#146: Dr. Maniac Will See You Now (Goosebumps Most Wanted #05): I maintain my mindset of Most Wanted being this weirdly un-fun romp of books for the most part. In that everything feels more mean spirited and nihilistic. And none exemplify this more than the saga of Richard Dreezer, who gets treated like crap by everyone, mainly his parents, and just isn't allowed to win at all. I get it, they can't all be winners, some characters have to just be born losers, but it doesn't make me want to read a whole book where everyone, and I mean everyone, either insults him, blames him, or worse. May be the least fun Goosebumps book I've read and that's saying a lot.
#145: Be Afraid—Be Very Afraid! (Goosebumps Series 2000 #20): You ever see a book die? Like, it just collapses stone cold dead out of nowhere? Well, okay you saw it with Wanted: The Haunted Mask, but did you ever see a book die TWICE in a row? That's what Be Afraid is in a nutshell. A neat idea about magical playing cards that bring things to life, then when it begins to build to a story, you get met with YOU FINISH THE STORY, and a second story begins, only to hit you again with YOU FINISH THE STORY, and end on a third story that's mostly here to be bizarre meta commentary on the quality of Goosebumps itself. That would be endearing, were it not for the fact that, sorry Bob, you don't get a cookie for pointing out your own foibles. You just kind of accentuate the fact that you're a very flawed writer.
#144: Go Eat Worms! (Goosebumps #21): I've tried my best to see the positives of this book, which there are few. I do think the concept of worms everywhere is a creepy idea, and the worm bath dream is legitimately disturbing. Shame it comes from a book where nothing else about it is remotely enjoyable. Todd's the least likeable protagonist perhaps ever. His obsession with worms losing any endearing factor super quick. It also doesn't help that this book lacks anything to keep you hooked until maybe the supernatural stuff with the giant worm and giant butterfly twist. Hey, even Stine doesn't like this one, and that's saying something.
#143: Haunting with the Stars (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #17): Rarely is there a book with all the potential in the world to be interesting and just never tries. Ever. There are things that should happen but never do, things that are teased to happen, but never do, aliens and concepts that could lead to something interesting, but never do, and a title that could have potential to do something unique, but, you guessed it, never does. Never has a book felt more "did an AI write this" more than this book, and the sad thing is, you probably could get a better story filtered through ChatGPT. If your book is so bad that I'm praising fucking AI, then you did a bad job here, Bob. Shame, shame, everyone knows your name.
#142: Trick or Trap (Goosebumps Most Wanted Special Edition #03): I read this one a few months ago, so it's still recent in my mind. Or it should be, because damned if this book is so pointless, so lacking in anything, that I tend to forget anything other than a gold tooth and a Dia de los Muertos mask. There was a villain named Lillian. Other than that, I really find it hard to remember much of anything because it's a book that has nothing. And that would be bad enough were it not, you know, a special edition. So it's an even longer waste of time than usual.
#141: The Birthday Party of No Return! (Goosebumps Hall of Horrors #06): I know a few people who think this one is okay, but I'm just not a fan of it. A frustrating story involving bad luck vulture claws that you think is going to have a heavy supernatural spin to it, but it really never does. Save for the one good part of the book, Lee and Cory's weird hallucination during the school assembly. It mostly gets a low rating because of the title and that the birthday party really doesn't matter at all to the story. Let's face facts, he blew his load with "Claws!" and screwed himself when it came to a title for the book about actual claws and this was the end result.
#140: Chicken Chicken (Goosebumps #53): The more time passes with this book, the more I wish it was good. There is some incredible body horror in this book, especially when Crystal and Cole start transforming faster. I just really wish it was in a better book with a better plot that wasn't just a really maligned morality tale about manners. Morality tales can work if the moral is handled well, like The Haunted Mask, but here it hits you over the head with the entire plot being "what if they just apologized from the start to Vanessa?" I mean we wouldn't get the book, but given the twist maybe we would have.
#139: Slappy Birthday to You (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #01): SlappyWorld doesn't quite get off to the strongest start. Not that it doesn't have some cool ideas, like giving Slappy these new powers, but it feels like window dressing to what is still the stock dummy formula with very little variation. I do like that Mr. Barker is actually involved in the conclusion, but otherwise there's still little that sets this one apart from the pack. It's another safe Slappy book and those are usually his worst.
#138: Monster Blood is Back (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #13): By all accounts, this book is probably one of the better uses of Monster Blood. Both in a sense of being a revenge tool gone wrong and as an actual threat. But Stine hit that wall again. And because he couldn't make a satisfying conclusion to the story, he pivots to what could be the worst "it was all a dream" ending of all time. And that's why it's fallen so far in the ranking. If nothing in the story happened or factors at all because it was all just a dream, then congrats, you wasted everyone's time.
#137: Earth Geeks Must Go! (Goosebumps Series 2000 #24): I can definitely see people conflicted with my choice to put this so low. I know people who like this one, but my god its first half is annoying with the constant need for the characters to be reminded that they're not on Earth and are the Earth Geeks. It has a solid finale and an okay twist, but the journey to get there was not worth it in my opinion. It's the most "not buying whatever you're selling" book I've read for Goosebumps.
#136: Dr. Maniac vs Robby Schwartz (Goosebumps HorrorLand #05): What saves this book from being in the same camp as Monster Blood is Back is the fact that at least the idea that none of the events that actually happened was telegraphed early into the book. A few times actually. Honestly, this book isn't the worst, but suffers because with the events just being a story created by Robby, there's no stakes to it at all. It also hasn't aged perfectly because of how Goosebumps has since spun Dr. Maniac off to other books despite him being Robby's creation. At least the book gave us the great Purple Rage.
#135: Night of the Squawker (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #18): This should have been a slam dunk book. Even if the outcome was going to just be puberty allegory all over again, there was at least a germ of an idea with Anna turning into a bird. But given this is a late-run SlappyWorld book all of Stine's most notorious wall hits are in full force. What kills the book are threefold: Anna doing bird things and saying "No I wasn't" when pressed about it over and over and over again. Cooper deciding to turn Anna's affliction into a movie he can send to a film festival. And, of course, the bird on the cover not mattering at all. Not the worst book ever, but perhaps the most disappointing.
#134: The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena (Goosebumps #38): It's wild how this book feels more lionized than it deserves. Because yes, the abominable snowman is such a cool idea for a Goosebumps monster, but his involvement in the story he originates from is so underwhelming. So much so that Stine changes course and makes the horror about magic freezing snowballs and turns the rampaging abominable snowman into a hug machine. It's also a book that is stronger in the first half with the trip to the Arctic giving us more adventure and the actual Pasadena stuff not mattering that much. Still a cool monster though.
#133: Full Moon Fever (Goosebumps Series 2000 #22): It's such a shame this book isn't good because there's some cool ideas in it when it comes to Robbie and Alesha being transformed into the beasts and some of the mayhem they cause. But when the book is focused on two awful protagonists, is full of Stine wheel spinning in the middle with him having no idea what he wanted Dr. Thorne to be, and everything really being predicated on the fact that clearly Robbie and Alesha are illiterate, it makes for another wasted potential book. Twist is alright though. I mean it's redundant but those two kids shrinking to death is satisfying.
#132: Monster Blood II (Goosebumps #18): The harbinger of bad things to come, both in Goosebumps as a whole and in the Monster Blood saga, Monster Blood II feels like the first true "outliner" book, which ties in to around the time Stine started to use outliners for his books. It would explain why it feels like so much from the original is lost, namely Monster Blood's origin being a regular toy slime turned into a deadly substance by a cat witch who lodged with Evan's deaf aunt. Now it's just a revenge tool and Andy, who at least tried to be a solid support system for Evan in the first book, now mocks his trauma and keeps wanting to use the Monster Blood as a revenge tool. Also there's a giant hamster, which honestly is the least of my problems with this one. A perfect representation as to why Stine's sequels suck.
#131: Return to HorrorLand (Goosebumps Series 2000 #13): This feels like a book with so much potential but ultimately just ended like the wettest of farts. It's cool to have the adventures of Lizzy, Luke and Superfluous Clay again, and I like the idea of connecting the world of Goosebumps with the Amaz-O and Evan Ross cameos. But the plot itself is lacking and that twist is weak. It also gets hindsight cucked on account of the HorrorLand book series, so that certainly doesn't help it.
#130: You Can't Scare Me! (Goosebumps #15): The highlight of this book is Courtney throwing bees at Eddie. Like scooping them up and chucking bees at a kid. Other than that, it's just a very meager book with no likeable characters. Maybe Courtney, but she's written to be so perfect that it's hard to even side with her. However, when your main character wants to sic dogs on her, it's hard to be on his side either. It's a double-edged sword of a book. I like that it's more slice of life, but I also think it's a mess of a book that had far more potential than it ultimately showed.
#129: Bad Hare Day (Goosebumps #41): This book could have worked better as a short story. Because as a long book, it's kind of a dull one. Which is such a shame given it's a book about magic. But it drags for so long in places and lacks much of a mystery. Tim's also kind of a moron to believe Amaz-O at face value like that. The TV adaptation does a better job and adding El Sydney as the real villain also works. Tim's still a moron for trusting him, but it still feels like something compared to the lackluster feeling of this book.
#128: The Beast From the East (Goosebumps #43): I get what this book is going for, but I've just always found it more annoying than fun. This essentially impossible game where the rules constantly change. And Ginger, Nat and Pat being stuck in this insanity does make for a neat premise. But I don't know, it just feels like Stine throwing whatever he can to put the screws to Ginger at every turn. The beasts are neat monsters though, that's a plus.
#127: The Barking Ghost (Goosebumps #32): You ever see a book die? Well, I guess if you've read a couple of these already I've given solid examples of that. But it's definitely a case with this book about ghost dogs that Stine clearly had no idea what to do with, so he turned it into a changing room that causes body swaps, so the second half of the book is Cooper and Fergie now as dogs and there's not really much time to have fun with that idea, or even the decent enough final twist. Stine has even gone on record not liking this book, so its bad reputation precedes it. Though it's not the WORST worst honestly. Just a case of Stine metaphorically crapping the bed by the end.
#126: Headless Halloween (Goosebumps Series 2000 #10): There's a germ of a great book here and a lot of great visuals, notably at the party. But it just feels super pointless. Brandon is a bully from the start, ends as a bully, and we're just left following someone who doesn't get his life back, is fine with it, and will likely spend all eternity haunting people. Like, it's a fun enough idea for an ending but does feel like a deflating bow to a mediocre Halloween story. Not Stine's worst Halloween tale, hell no, but still disappointing.
#125: Legend of the Lost Legend (Goosebumps #47): Some times Stine's "ride" books work. Where the story is about ramping up set piece after set piece until it all leads to a wild conclusion. And some times, like this book, the ride is interesting, but also feels like Stine trying to find anything that works for horror. I like the concept of the lost legend, although if its power is to make the holder lost forever, how does anyone even know it exists? This book feels like a quota filler at most. Not a horrible read, but the one you'll go "Oh right" when you remember it out of the blue. A book as "lost" as its legends foretell.
#124: Help! We Have Strange Powers! (Goosebumps HorrorLand #10): This book has a great idea, but god do I hate the protagonists. Like we're supposed to root for Jillian and Jackson, but they come off as such bullies and Nina and Artie, despite their cover of being clumsy geeks, are characters I'd rather follow. They feel more sympathetic, more interesting, and given the end reveal anyway, that could have worked so much better. Inspector Cranium is an okay villain, but also forgettable. So much so that I keep calling him Dr. Cranium for some reason. Maybe given he comes off more as a mad scientist than an inspector. Another book with potential, but just didn't work for me.
#123: Revenge of the Living Dummy (Goosebumps HorrorLand #01): Goosebumps' big return after eight years begins with yet another Slappy book that sure feels like a Slappy book. Although it earns some points for making Ethan this evil little shit who I guess can master robotics. But when we get Slappy, it's so late game that it never has any time to feel special. And the mind stealer is such a cool idea that of course Stine has no idea what to actually do with it. Stine's bad at sticking the landing, but this was a case of tripping at the starting line.
#122: The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb (Goosebumps #05): The first Goosebumps book to really stumble in the quality department, mainly on account of being a rather dry book. That despite the Egypt setting and the involvement of pyramids and such, there's not a lot that really happens until the latter half of the book. And most of that happens because Gabe didn't get get slip-ons or Velcro shoes. Gabe's also annoying, mainly to Sari. It's not her fault you suck so much, dude. I wish there was a bit more to this book, it has potential, but it's as dry as the Sahara desert.
#121: The Wizard of Ooze (Goosebumps HorrorLand #17): Oh how cool that cover is and yet, how frigid the book ultimately was. Like I've stated, I don't know what it is about Stine's superhero fare but they seem to always flounder in one way or another. Some moments of cool ideas, but they go away just as quickly as Marco's superpowers. Which is a shame because The Ooze and Fabulous Flame are some cool villain ideas. There just isn't a strong overall package to make you super interested. Not the worst superhero book, but still an oozing losing effort.
#120: Be Careful What You Wish For... (Goosebumps #12): This book has real potential in it as a parable of what the title suggests, being careful what you wish for. The problem is that there's no justification as to WHY Clarissa screws over Sam like she does. I mean, Sam helped her, yet Clarissa constantly puts the screws on her with every wish, making things worse for her. But when Judith gets Clarissa, oh now it works and Sam gets screwed again. Is Clarissa just evil, or not good at telling Sam to be 100% specific on what she wishes for? Though even if she did, she'd probably screw it up. It's a book with a lot of potential that lacks in being as good a book as it possibly could have been.
#119: Goosebumps Live on Stage: Screams in the Night: I was debating adding this one since technically it's not single narrative and it's technically an adaptation. But given we'll never see what the live on stage version was and that it still sort of has a main narrative, it barely counts. Doesn't mean it's a good book though. Very all over the place and full of cool set pieces that again would probably be cooler if you could see them instead of imagining them. Not the worst thing ever, but also the most existent thing ever.
#118: My Best Friend is Invisible (Goosebumps #57): I think there's a germ of an interesting story here. Sammy being annoyed by invisible boy Brent who keeps making his life worse for some unknown reason. That despite claiming to want to be Sammy's friend, he just makes Sammy look crazy. Only for it to be revealed that Sammy and everyone are alien creatures and Brent is a human, an endangered species. It's confusing then as to why Brent would expose himself to possibly being so easily captured. It's also a twist that doesn't work as nothing in the story would make it seem like these were creatures with multiple heads and such. What, did the aliens just take over so much that the New York Yankees are still going? I think Stine wanted another Camp Nightmare style twist but lacked the small touches that made that twist work.
#117: Monster Blood III (Goosebumps #29): Evan Ross and the usual gang of schmendricks are back for a third installment. Granted, this one does have a neat idea with giant Evan, even if it technically already happened, but at this point it's clear Stine or the outliners didn't care about continuity. The downside is you spend almost half the book with Evan being clowned on by his Poindexter of a younger cousin in Kermit. The Monster Blood itself finally feels like it just doesn't matter other than as a revenge tool constantly gone wrong. It's aggravating, but after the first sequel, it's far less frustrating since now I'm used to sequels not being worth a damn.
#116: Why I Quit Zombie School (Goosebumps Hall of Horrors #04): This could have been a book with a lot of potential, but it drags in its beginning. Which is fitting, I guess, shuffling like a zombie. But it's also a case of Stine being too cute for his own good. All these references to horror directors, calling the place Romero Academy, yet Matt, the horror fan, doesn't get it. It's also way too bloated with chapters that go nowhere, or drag on and on, like Matt trying to convince his family. I think a tighter story overall could have made this one better, but alas.
#115: Attack of the Jack (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #02): I'm sure this book is fine, but I'll be honest with you, it's the book I forget about the most. I know it's got jack-in-the-box pirates, a talking cat, bananas, a lot of adventure, but it just feels like the book with the least hook to it. Some fun banter and action, but overall it's the most existent book in Goosebumps. Not horrible, just existent.
#114: Frankenstein's Dog (Goosebumps Most Wanted #04): As I'm typing up this entry, July 30th just passed. This book's been out for a decade. What the hell? It's another book with a germ of a great idea, but kind of feels like a mess by the end. Stine enjoying the idea of all these clones of Uncle Victor Frankenstein, but it being a mess of an ending overall. There's also dumb things like Kat trying to use the growth formula on herself despite it being established that it doesn't work. Also, it's a case of a bait and switch story as Frankenstein's Dog doesn't matter that much to the plot itself. Fitting the dog's name is Poochie, because I wouldn't be upset if this book died on the way to its home planet.
#113: The Five Masks of Dr. Screem (Goosebumps Hall of Horrors #03): A really cool Halloween story that is both way too long, yet somehow not long enough given that we don't even see what the alien pig mask does. There's a definite wall hit mid-book, which definitely hurts this book. I do like some of the ideas and the bizarre visions that come from wearing the masks. And even the Belladonna and Dr. Screem battle is neat. But once again we fall victim to a special edition that, in the end, doesn't feel very special.
#112: Slappy New Year! (Goosebumps HorrorLand #18): Well it took a decade or so, but Stine finally got to use the title to a book he planned for the ill-fated Goosebumps Gold. And the result is... meh... Like, it's far from the worst use of the Slappy formula, but also lacks almost anything else to make it feel super special or unique. It's just Night of the Living Dummy II but set in December and January. It's the "But she's got a new hat" of Goosebumps books.
#111: The Haunter (Goosebumps Most Wanted Special Edition #04): Well, by proxy it's better than Trick or Trap, but that's not exactly a hard feat. It feels like it takes from Camp Cold Lake, My Best Friend is Invisible and Son of Slappy, which you'd think is a recipe for disaster, but you get the most passable stew ever. Sammy is a decent protagonist who you do feel a bit bad for given that Benjamin has to be one of the worst cases of someone trying to make a forever friend ever. His motives aren't well set up either and could have been better implemented in this longer Goosebumps book over what we get anyway.
#110: Return to Ghost Camp (Goosebumps Series 2000 #19): You can tell that sometimes a Goosebumps sequel is only a sequel because of the success of the previous. It explains why so many feel so lacking in continuity or, you know, giving a damn. And oh yeah is Return to Ghost Camp ever that. First off, we're not even returning to the same ghost camp. Granted, I like some things. The Snatcher is such a cool idea for a monster. The problem is the plot's convoluted as heck with Dustin trading places with Ari and pretending to be Ari throughout the time at camp. And it just drags on and on until the end of the book where we do get some decent action. And then perhaps the most "aight Imma head out" twist in all of Goosebumps. A book with potential, but bogged by a messy execution, clinging to the legacy of a far better book. Yup, it's a Goosebumps sequel alright.
#109: Invasion of the Body Squeezers (Goosebumps Series 2000 #04 & 05): It's the only two-parter book in Goosebumps and it's just there. Another case of some really cool ideas ultimately boiling into a story that didn't need to be the length of two books. Especially given you don't really get any body squeezer action until the second book. The first is mostly Jack dicking around at Mr. Fleshman's place trying to get answers. It could have been truncated and really nothing would be lost. Also, the Saucerman nickname not having a payoff of any kind still annoys me.
#108: Night of the Puppet People (Goosebumps Most Wanted #08): PUPPET CELLS. That's really all I should have to say about this book. Otherwise it's mostly another evil doll story but with less of the quality (for lack of a more salient term) that comes with Slappy stories. And for this whole story to play up on Ben and Jenny's fear of puppets for it to kind of just not matter so quickly really feels lame. Some cool horror with Ben turning into a puppet at least. And, again, PUPPET CELLS.
#107: My Friend Slappy (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #12): It's such a shame that after a couple of really great cases of going fresh with Slappy, Stine returns to what is basically the formula. I kind of wish we played more to the idea that maybe Slappy really was trying to be Barton's friend. It would go against the character in general, but given my "multiple Slappy" theory, one of the Slappies being more of a friendly type out to help Barton only for Barton to be the one to stop the evil would have been a great subversion and a more interesting story. What we get is fine for a Slappy story, but no, seriously. The hell was up with the talking dog?
#106: Ghost in the Mirror (Goosebumps Series 2000 #25): The final mainline Goosebumps book of the original era, it's not the worst book to end on. It's just kind of a mess narratively. Said ghost is more of a monster in the mirror, but I guess they didn't want to anger the Sesame Street people. And we also just sort of not resolve the mirror world Buzzy and Fred causing havoc. We let that linger. The mirror world is cool for what we get of it, shame the messy rushed finale doesn't give it time to do something fun. Also, another book where the twist stinks. You could tell Stine was ready to peace the hell out at this point.
#105: Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes (Goosebumps #34): You know, if this book was slightly earlier in the series, it wouldn't have felt redundant. But given it's three books after Night of the Living Dummy II, and for it to feel so similar, it sticks out like a sore green thumb. Gnomes cause mischief, Joe or Buster gets blamed for it. Just replace messed paintings with messed crops and you get the idea. The last act is a bit better, even if Hap and Chip's heel turn could be seen from a mile away. You know what, the twist stinks, but winking giant gorilla lawn ornament is at least AN image to end us on.
#104: Ghost Beach (Goosebumps #22): The strength of this book is its atmosphere. I kind of love the feel of this colder beach in New England and the mystery we can build on it. And the mystery is fine, even if it feels bloated. It doesn't help when it seems like damn near everyone but Jerry and Terri are ghosts... well, before the twist ending seals their fates I mean. It doesn't help that the pacing is sluggish and we just kind of bounce back and forth with who said "ghost" of this beach is. The Saddler Kids? Harrison Sadler? Brad and Agatha? Officer Barbrady? Chef? The 1989 Denver Broncos? Still one of the best covers ever at least.
#103: Attack of the Mutant (Goosebumps #25): Goosebumps' first foray into comic book-themed stories is a decent book, but lacks enough of a fun punch when it comes to the Masked Mutant himself. Skipper is also not too great a protagonist, feeling every bit the haughty gatekeeping comic nerd stereotype that comes from these types. I think the book should have played more into the idea of a comic book world that Skipper is brought into instead of it just being made to service the twist, which is an okay one. Honestly, I'd have preferred an ending where Skipper gets his ass kicked by High School Harry and Beanhead. Duhhhh, stay out of Riverdale!
#102: Revenge of the Invisible Boy (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #09): It's cute that a reference to the Goosebumps movie gets some sort of payoff, but in the grand scheme of things, this one's just there. Not fully invisible, but not one you remember long after reading. It has a better built plot overall, with some decent pacing and lots of invisible action. It just feels like every other type of invisibility story out there. And the twist and resolution both kind of stink. But, for the sum of its parts, it's still enjoyable enough.
#101: Night of the Living Dummy III (Goosebumps #40): The weakest of the trilogy, Night of the Living Dummy III's biggest problem is the same problem that lies within most of the Slappy series. A redo of much of the formula, with Slappy feeling less important this time around until the end. Hell, we're led to believe it was Rocky who was villain at first. Trina and Dan are okay protagonists who you do feel a little bad for given their issues with Zane, but at least I guess he is due his comeuppance. I do love how the conclusion is all the dummies being brought to life and they just kick Slappy's ass. A rare truly hilarious moment in Goosebumps.
#100: Escape From Shudder Mansion (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #05): I wish this book was better handled because it has a neat plot and overall twist. That this is all actually happening inside a video game world. It's a cool premise that ultimately feels like window dressing and not anything clever. Save for maybe the reset twist, which means that Riley and company, I guess, go through this forever in a loop of some sort? The Beast is also a cool idea for a villain, but is so late game that he leaves no impact. Which is probably the best way to describe this book in general. Cool idea, leaves no impact.
#99: Please Do Not Feed the Weirdo (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #04): This book has a really cool concept and a lot of action scenes, but the twist does not work at all and is the ultimate determent. What, is Robbie just never going to eat again? The poker face WILL fall eventually, and then I guess Jordan just starves to death because everyone was too stupid to, you know, TEST both of them to see which is really Robbie. This twist would work better for an evil twin story than it would a story about a shapeshifting monster with a heel that would make Achilles go "god damn". It could have, should have been so much better than it was.
#98: Beware, the Snowman (Goosebumps #51): This book almost works really well, with the mystery involving Jaclyn, the snowmen, her father and her Aunt Greta. I like a lot of the final confrontation and the big reveal that her father is actually the old man in the mountains named Conrad. What always rubbed me the wrong way is Jaclyn's mockery of the traditions of Sherpia, feeling too much like an annoying new kid in town who is just being ignorant. I get it's kind of important, but to have that come after she's already suspecting something's up with the snowmen just feels really dumb to do. Other than that, it's fine.
#97: The Curse of Camp Cold Lake (Goosebumps #56): There's some cool ideas with this book, and being a camp book it's at least a decent experience with some decent harrowing moments. The problem is that it's a pain to sit through. The girls give Sarah so much shit for like two honest mistakes, she makes things worse with wanting her revenge and she treats her brother like shit. So, when you think about it, maybe being friends with dead Della wouldn't be the worst fate ever? Can't be worse than the living assholes. Or non-living in Brianna's case. The cover is bad ass though, can't deny that.
#96: Fifth-Grade Zombies (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #14): I really wonder what happened with this book. More than any other book that Stine's made or hasn't made. Because the idea of Scarlett and her friends turning into zombies by a mysterious Granny Z sounds awesome. But Stine didn't just hit a wall, he dove through it like the Shockmaster and instead gave us a book about a kid named Todd, mysterious zombie kids and a strange cornfield that may, or may not, turn kids into zombies. It's a neat book with some solid imagery, but compared to what we could have had, it feels so much more less than. Though, knowing Stine, the kids turning into zombies would be yet another puberty allegory or something.
#95: I Am Slappy's Evil Twin (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #03): My multiple Slappy theory still holds water with this book. We get an origin of the dummies, or at least Mr. Wood, that will contradict another origin that we'll talk about later on. We technically have two Slappy dummies in this one, even if one is named Snappy. But for all the neat window dressing, this is still for the most part, the formula, only add some movie set elements and a propane tank. Oh, and you won't believe how this book ends. Or, I mean, you will. The frigging title spoils it for you. A solid Slappy story, but ultimately more of the same in the grand scheme.
#94: How to Kill a Monster (Goosebumps #46): There is a cool setting with the swamp, and the swamp monster itself is a cool design. The book even has one of the more screwed up swerves with the grandparents leaving Gretchen and Clark to die with the monster still in the house. The problem however is the resolution. That the monster can die from contact with humans. If that was always the solution, why was this an issue for the grandparents? This also couldn't have been the only swamp monster they've dealt with. So they really left their grandkids to die for nothing? That's just cold.
#93: It's Alive! It's Alive! (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #07): We don't get enough robot stories in Goosebumps, or at least ones of this style. That being said, it feels lacking, and also feels like it just decides to become a redo of Stay Out of the Basement. Though, if you're going to take from any book, it should be that one. It has a solid mystery and a decent twist, but it just feels like it's missing something. Some spark to really bring this machine to life. But what you get is still solid for the sum of its parts.
#92: The Twelve Screams of Christmas (Goosebumps Most Wanted Special Edition #02): Stine doesn't do Christmas that much. At least not in Goosebumps. This really being the only standalone Christmas story in the series. And it's not bad. Granted, not out of this world amazing, but it does a decent enough job. Kate essentially being Paranorman works here and doesn't just feel like a gimmick. And the stuff with the Marcus family is genuinely disturbing, some of the best imagery of the newer era. It just suffers like almost all the special editions do in that it REALLY didn't need to be this long of a book and so much could have been scrubbed to make for a cleaner experience.
#91: The Ghost of Slappy (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #06): What I like about this book is that it doesn't take long to get into Slappy mayhem. But even for that stronger start, the middle falls back into the Slappy formula. Though I do like the idea of Slappy's spirit being a thing. And that it can possess others is also a cool idea. A cool idea that, once again, is so late in the story that it doesn't leave much of a lasting impact. I've heard that this book was also Stine's sort of meta commentary for wanting to kill Slappy off for good. Ha, good luck with that Bob. I'm pretty much expecting more Slappy in House of Shivers so yeah. That dummy's the monkey on your back forever.
#90: I Am Your Evil Twin (Goosebumps Series 2000 #06): If you've read one clone story, you've really read them all and Stine's take on the subject doesn't really differ from the norm. You kind of know how this is going to end, that Monty was going to likely fail the test to see which clone was real and one of the clones at the end managing to beat him and earn freedom. Then there's the lingering thread of Nan being Monty's sister but that really goes nowhere. It has a few decent moments in it, and while predictable, is as solid a use of this trope as you can ask for. But it leaves you wanting more, or at least wanting something Stine put total effort into.
#89: Weirdo Halloween (Goosebumps HorrorLand #16): The only Special Edition in HorrorLand (no, the Survival Guide doesn't count), this is one of the better books to use its longer length. Although, the latter half feels so weirdly added when you consider how the Jonathan Chiller arc actually ends. The first half has Meg and Chris have to deal with Bim the alien and the mayhem that goes around that, then we just go back to HorrorLand as Meg has to deal with being treated like an impostor. And then it ends with another Meg in her room, and we never get an answer as to what the hell that's about when we get to The Horror at Chiller House. It's a book where the first half keeps it afloat far better than the latter.
#88: Fright Camp (Goosebumps Series 2000 #08): This book is interesting in that it feels a lot like Ghost Camp without the supernatural elements. That the intent of the camp is to scare its campers, but not because of some curse caused by magic murder fog, rather it being the work of R.B. Farraday, a crazed movie director, using the fright of his campers for his newest documentary. I'd assume the parents consented to this otherwise that's a legal yikes. Essentially it means that because everything is all a hoax, the mystery falls flat on its face, since you're just waiting for the boom to drop. But props to the triple twist. Farraday tricking the kids, the kids tricking Farraday, then Farraday still winning by tricking the kids. The rare triple screw.
#87: Cry of the Cat (Goosebumps Series 2000 #01): Dead Cat Tornado. Blowin' me away, again. This book's got a dead cat tornado. It was also at one point going to be the 63rd Original Series book. It would have been a better end to that series than Monster Blood IV, though that's not exactly a challenge. But the first book of the new GB series is just okay. Rip is a decent threat, Allison's plight as she turns into a cat makes for some fun moments, and the big reveal of Crystal's mother being a weird cat woman is also great. I just wish the book did a better job in explaining what she was trying to do and how it led to Rip being this monster cat. For Series 2000's first book, it's fine, but won't blow you away either. Unless a dead cat tornado shows up, I guess.
#86: My Friends Call Me Monster (Goosebumps HorrorLand #07): This book suffered the most from the HorrorLand structure. Because we can't end on any lasting twists given the kid character has to go to HorrorLand. And so Michael's parents turning into the egg aliens has to be easily resolved in post. Which is a shame that it bogs down the rest of the book because it's an otherwise decent book involving aliens, which Stine USUALLY gets right enough. The mystery of Mrs. Hardesty and Mr. Wong, what's up with the aliens, Michael turning into one of the alien monsters. A lot goes on and it's a book that does always feel like it's moving. It would have been so much higher if the twist wasn't kneecapped.
#85: Creature Teacher: The Final Exam (Goosebumps Most Wanted #06): It still strikes me as interesting that, of all characters to bring back, Stine brings back Mrs. Maaargh. And yet, it works fine enough with a story even more focused around survival. How Tommy has to survive the camp as the bottom kid on Maaargh's list gets eaten. The only thing that bogs this book is how gullible Tommy is. How he keeps taking Ricardo and Sophie's advice on everything, even well after he knows that it's every kid for themselves in this camp. That and the twist is super blah. Otherwise, a solid effort with one of the more random callbacks.
#84 : Slappy in Dreamland (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #16): This book had so much potential. Slappy in the world of dreams, managing to cause mayhem. And the plot needing to be Richard and Willow needing to find a way to stop him. And the most Slappy can do in the dream world is... throw paint and have Richard ruin a cake. Dammit, Stine. The one time you could do something outside of the formula and you don't. A dream world with unlimited possibilities, written by an author with a limited scope. I do like the few nightmare scenarios we do get with Slappy, and the twist I think really works, mainly as it plays into the multiple Slappy theory. But for a cover that awesome to lead to a book this bland is a crime. You've never shied from ripping things off before Bob. The Dream Warriors reference was RIGHT THERE. JUST TAKE IT! TAKE IT AND USE IT!!!
#83: Vampire Breath (Goosebumps #49): Not enough vampires in Goosebumps. In Fear Street there's a few, but vampires seems to be something that Stine doesn't capitalize on. Mostly for twists than anything. But the first Goosebumps vampire outing is solid. Mostly for the atmosphere of Count Nightwing's castle after Freddy and Cara end up there. The only real downside is the book is mostly a long chase sequence as Count Nightwing seeks his vampire breath, and Gwendolyn is the most obvious villain there is, but it all still works for a book that's not an overlooked gem, but still works really well as a Goosebumps book.
#82: The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight (Goosebumps #20): I wish there was more to this book because it has such a great premise. How this mentally slow farmhand gains power by essentially using the Necronomicon to bring scarecrows to life. How he uses the threats to force Kurt and Miriam to do whatever he pleases. But no one man should have all that power, and it comes back to bite him in the ass. There are also some great nightmare scenarios, like Jodie fearing that Grandpa Kurt is a scarecrow trying to strangle her. There's a lot of decent moments in a book that does feel kind of slow otherwise. Though, my problem persists, why did nobody take the damn book away from Stanley? What, you believed he'd really stop tempting fate or something?
#81: Monster Blood (Goosebumps #03): The first and best of the original quadrillogy, the original Monster Blood still holds up as a decent book. Granted, a bit sluggish, but everything else is fine. Evan's mopey, but he has a right to be, Andy hasn't totally lost her brain and actually tries to, you know, HELP Evan out. And the Monster Blood feels like a threat, not just a lame revenge tool that always goes wrong. And it has an origin that matters in this book and makes far more sense than "Oh it's just made like that". Sarabeth the cat witch squatter is one of the best villains, even if she's so easily bested and retconned out of existence as soon as book two. It's not perfect, but it's still a heck of a lot better than the sequels that followed. Evan's rare win.
#80: Night of the Living Dummy II (Goosebumps #31): I can see this being controversial, but I've always maintained a sense of "eh" when it comes to Slappy's first foray as the main villain. I think it's a case where it feels like the template that almost all other Slappy books take that makes it fall so low. I still think it's a definitive ten book, but I'd be lying if I said I think of it as much as I do the original, which I do think is a better book almost all around. That and the Kramer family suck. Hope Dennis killed them for trying to replace him like that.
#79: Night of the Giant Everything (Goosebumps Hall of Horrors #02): In a bubble, this book is fine. A solid shrinking story, even if it goes way off the rails by the end. But knowing that Stine already did this so much better with The Adventures of Shrinkman, it makes this book feel like a lesser-than approach. Doesn't help that Steven's not that great a protagonist, and its twist kind of stinks. But if you're looking for a mini adventure, this will still more than satisfy.
#78: Zombie Halloween (Goosebumps Most Wanted Special Edition #01): It's the best of the Most Wanted Special Edition books, but to be honest, that's not a glowing recommendation. It could have cut a lot of the 1944 stuff, and the Zombie Patrol bit and really nothing would have been lost. Is it up here for the most original plot? No. Is it up here mostly because I got to make a lot of silly Mario references? Oh yeah. At least we got just enough zombie action and the twist works well enough. But this thing is so padded you'll get a good night's sleep on it. It's the comfy pillow of Special Editions.
#77: Goblin Monday (Goosebumps House of Shivers #02): The second outing for House of Shivers turns out to be pretty solid overall, but still falls into some of the classic Stine trappings. The reveal that everyone but Mario is a goblin the whole time, the general feel that this is a pivot from a more original plot that he had no idea what to do with given what the original synopsis was. But what's still offered is a book with some decent gore, and even some decent horror with the bird feet room and Todd cracking his head on a rock and feeling no pain. And there is a solid enough mystery, even if the most obvious twist can be seen from a mile away. The other big twist of who Mario really is can be construed as Stine hitting a wall for how to conclude the story, but it's worth it for what is a really good dark ending. A sign that House of Shivers is at least trying to vibe on a different wavelength than most modern Goosebumps outings before it, so it's appreciated.
#76: Heads, You Lose! (Goosebumps HorrorLand #15): This book definitely feels like it took a lot of its idea from A Night in Terror Tower. Only instead of a prince and princess being sent to the future then to the past then back to the future, it's a pair of kids using a magic coin to send them to medieval times. And not the restaurant. The adventure within is decent, even if the mystery of what befell Prince Warwick's head is far from surprising. What hurts the book is the pacing and chapter after chapter of Andy and Marnie pleading their case to deaf ears. Or in the case of Prince Warwick, his ears are elsewhere, as is the rest of his head. Otherwise, it's an okay book, just could have been cleaned up a bit.
#75: A Nightmare on Clown Street (Goosebumps Most Wanted #07): It's a circus of great ideas, but ultimately a bungling Ringling Bros in execution. I like the mystery surrounding Clown Street and the real Uncle Theo. And what we get with the actual Clown Street stuff is cool. I just think the whole thing involving The Frightener kind of sucks as does the climax. The concept of the Frightener is neat and his backstory works, but he's added so late game that he doesn't leave much of an impact. Maybe if the book had built him up as a more imposing threat, had a better climax and a twist that wasn't brought up earlier and you'd have one of the stronger books. But otherwise, it's just clowning around.
#74: Judy and the Beast (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #15): From the word go I knew what this book's twist was going to be. My "puberty allegory" senses were on high alert and sure enough. But what we get leading to the reveal that Ira was the beast all along still works. There's enough mystery on if Baker Grendel is the actual beast, even if it's obvious he isn't. And some decent enough action and suspense. It just has this sense of being something we've seen so many times that I wish I could be excited for it again. Try as he might, Stine will never match his best attempt at a puberty allegory that we'll see later on this list.
#73: Horrors of the Black Ring (Goosebumps Series 2000 #18): This book is bonkers. Well, more so its first half while Miss Gold holds the ring. That carnival scene still wins for one of the crazier moments in Goosebumps. When Beth gets the ring however, it's less interesting, save I guess for Beth trying to overcome the possession of the ring. In other words it becomes sort of The Haunted Mask without the charm and better writing. Though, I still don't know what the hell Stine was on with that Danny-faced duck head nightmare. I don't know if Stine's ever taken a drug in his life, but moments like that make me wonder.
#72: Here Comes the Shaggedy (Goosebumps Most Wanted #09): This book is pretty wild overall. I love the swamp setting, the concept of the Shaggedy, even the revelation of who the Shaggedy really is. The only problem with that being Decker and Zeke can't shut up about the Shaggedy, so when it's revealed that they're both the Shaggedy, it seems kind of a dumb way to keep their secret. I also really like Kelli summoning the wrong monster, which was a fun subversion. And the ending is genuinely funny, which is rare for Goosebumps. A bit of cleanup is really the only thing I'd do to fix this one but otherwise, it's a hidden gem book for sure.
#71: Don't Go to Sleep! (Goosebumps #54): This book is one I've found myself liking more overtime, mainly in that it does feel like a dream world that Matt is in. That all forms of reality go away and things are constantly shifting. The only downside is that, save for maybe the squirrel transformation, you never get enough time in any of these forms to really have fun with them. Lacie, Bruce and Wayne, the reality police are a neat concept as villains, but aren't fleshed out that much to be memorable. But thankfully it's a book that's always moving. Perhaps at too breakneck a pace at points, but it's one that definitely leaves an impression. I still however have no clue what the hell "Rise and Shine Forever" means. "To sleep perchance to SCREAM" was right there.
#70: Claws! (Goosebumps Hall of Horrors #01): Hall of Horrors doesn't start off too bad. This one has a very Pet Sematary feeling to it, whether that was Stine's intent or not (Knowing Stine it totally was). The concept of Cat Heaven being this cursed place that brings cats to life only for them to become more feral and repeat their death process is a neat idea that I feel could have been expanded upon. That and Amanda sucks, let's be honest. Mickey takes all the crap in the book, notably from Bella the cat, but Amanda gets off easy and that just sucks. I think with some proper fixing, this could have been one of the best, but otherwise it's good.
#69: Egg Monsters From Mars (Goosebumps #42): This one shot up a fair bit in my rankings mainly because while yes, there are some severely concerning things here, including that ending, it's probably one of the better horror works from Stine when you think about it. Like, you'd think the main threat for Dana would be the egg monsters, but instead it's Dr. Gray, a psychotic scientist who kidnaps him and will eventually do god knows what to him. And then there's the egg blanket and the VERY questionable implications given what happens to Dana at the end of the book. I think it shot up higher in the rankings because of those implications, making for a book that makes you think for all the right and wrong reasons.
#68: Say Cheese and Die! (Goosebumps #04): One of the most iconic covers in Goosebumps history, yet in the grand scheme of things, a just okay story. Not as frustrating as its direct sequel at least. I maintain that the smashed Taurus should not have been the second picture taken. Or, that perhaps the gimmick of the camera was that the photo changes overtime, not instantaneously. That maybe the Taurus looks fine when Greg snaps the photo, then later it changes to smashed. I think small touches like that would have made the predictions work better. Other than that, it's got the cover that scared me, so I guess that's also points in its favor?
#67: Don't Scream! (Goosebumps Hall of Horrors #05): I think Stine was ahead of the curve on this one. Now doing a story about the evils of AI kind of feels too real given how it's being used now. But Stine's offering does give us one of his better horror stories and one of his better villains. Emmy being this all powerful entity that can hurt Jack and threaten to hurt his loved ones works for the horror. Not to mention the fact that we don't really know what is up with Emmy. Does she want to find other AI, or is she lying? Given she leaves Mick trapped in the computer world afterwards, methinks she was lying.
#66: Return of the Mummy (Goosebumps #23): This is the first Mummy book done so much better. Not an out and out revelation of a book, but everything works better and there's far less dryness. Gabe isn't as awful, Sari still rules, Nila's a neat villain and hey, more than a chapter of mummy action. Progress! There will always be an underlining issue of the ethics in play here. That ultimately Ben Hassad is a grave robber seeking the fame of uncovering the tomb of Prince Khor-Ru, regardless of any curse. Also the twist presumably kills Gabe. That would make this a ten out of ten book if not for the issues around it. As solid a book as you could ask for.
#65: The Streets of Panic Park (Goosebumps HorrorLand #12): HorrorLand's first arc ends on a rather mixed note. There are a lot of great ideas, notably the Menace as the main villain and the idea of the fear meter. But because this book has to also be an exposition book, it's not given a lot of time to have fun with its ideas. Even the ending with the villains getting involved on the side of good feels rushed. Also, I don't know, for a series called HorrorLand to have the Horrors matter so little just kills it a bit for me. At least the second arc ended a little better. Those issues aside, this is still a decent book for what it is. Just not the grand finale you'd hope for.
#64: Friiight Night (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #19): SlappyWorld's swan song book ends up being a solid story overall. And the main reason it's so solid is mainly due to how well the dark humor works in the story. How everyone seems to be just cool with Kelly possibly being eaten by Skwerm, even his parents. It's the kind of dark fun humor that Goosebumps rarely gets right. I like the stuff with Burrrph too, but I don't know. You build up so much about Skwerm and Friiight Night and it just sort of feels less special. Also the twist blows chunks. But those are the only sticking point to a fun one that I hope is a sign of Stine finding his groove again.
#63: The Lizard of Oz (Goosebumps Most Wanted #10): This book's probably one of the better puberty allegory books. That being said, it's not the most original idea, given that the misdirect of the lizard being the actual problem could be seen from a mile away. Its payoff and twist still work very well, along with some solid lizard-based horror as Kate becomes more and more reptilian. It's solid stuff that I wish didn't feel like a lot of Stine retreads only with lizards instead of chickens or cats or stuff of that ilk.
#62: Welcome to Camp Slither (Goosebumps HorrorLand #09): Not the most dynamic camp book ever, it's still pretty doodly dang diggity dog decent. I like the concept. This camp run by snake people who are also using a sunscreen to turn the campers into snakes. A possibly make good for My Hairiest Adventure's blue-balling of the Insta-Tan? I do feel there's a sense of a wall hit here. How Roddy builds up Serpo and we don't get even a sniff of a giant monster snake in the lake. There's a sense of evils of science in this book that may have been where Stine pivoted. But the results are still solid enough.
#61: Little Shop of Hamsters (Goosebumps HorrorLand #14): This book isn't perfect, its twists, both ending and what's really going on with the hamsters, is pretty mid, and it's not the wildest book ever. But it deserves to be celebrated for the notion of a GIANT HAMSTER WRESTLING LEAGUE. I don't care how stupid this book could get, you've won me with the stupidest idea ever and for that, it's not hard for me to give this book all the flowers it deserved. And it's still a better Monster Blood II.
#60: Night of the Living Mummy (Goosebumps House of Shivers #03): Stine's usually good with mummies and this is another great example of that. But what works for this book is how the book handles both the present and the past with the ancient Egypt stuff, giving you enough of a reason to feel for King Raman's plight. And the partnership of Happy and Raman does make for a fun team-up, even if Happy is forced to share his head with an ancient mummy kid. The only thing that holds the book back is the latter half. How Vathor takes the all-powerful amulet and... travels to the future to become a science teacher. Feels like a bad case of Stine losing the plot. But when the overall package is still solid enough, it's hard to fully complain.
#59: Son of Slappy (Goosebumps Most Wanted #02): This book works for one main reason: The slave stuff actually plays a part in the story. In this case, Jackson being mind controlled by his sister Rachel and Slappy. The perfect good kid whose life is destroyed for really no good reason, which makes sense. Slappy and Rachel are both evil and enjoy Jackson's suffering. It's probably my best example for my statement on Most Wanted being the most nihilistic series in all of Goosebumps. Its only issue is that it's still the Slappy formula even if it's coming from Jackson, but otherwise, it's Slappy's darkest book and a case of being a stronger horror story than most that Stine does.
#58: Creep From the Deep (Goosebumps HorrorLand #02): Deep Trouble returning was an interesting choice for HorrorLand, but I think it's a fine choice given that you can still tell stories involving the ocean and the Deep family. And the story we get is solid, with some decent horror with the ghost pirates and some solid suspense inside the sub. You know, given recent events, this actually is some horror that kind of aged well. Only downside is that, like much of HorrorLand, its twist really doesn't matter that much in the grand scheme.
#57: The Haunted Car (Goosebumps Series 2000 #21): So "What if Stine made Christine" is always the vibe I've got with this book. Even with the sort of twist that Becka, the ghost of said haunted car, wanting to kill Mitchell to have a friend forever. What you ultimately get is a book with a lot of action and even a really creepy villain. The only real downside I have with this book is Marissa is too much of a red herring, but other than that, everything else works to continue the trend of ghost stories usually being Stine's best offerings.
#56: The Cuckoo Clock of Doom (Goosebumps #28): This book is interesting in how it uses time travel as well as the rather unique twist of just erasing an entire year. And while it's got some awful Goosebumps parents and one of the most rotten siblings in the series, I think it all makes more sense in the grand scheme. Yeah, Tara is terrible, but that's the parents' fault for playing favorites and treating Michael like crap. So maybe this Tara-less timeline will fare better for Michael. So, happy ending? Otherwise one of Stine's better uses of time travel is a reason for it being so high.
#55: Planet of the Lawn Gnomes (Goosebumps Most Wanted #01): Goosebumps Most Wanted's first book isn't too bad. Due mainly in part with having a decent twist. Granted, one that's way too obvious given the book's title and some of the events that go on, but one that still works well enough. It's one that apes A Shocker on Shock Street a little, but if you're going to rip off any book, that one's definitely worth it. Only thing that kind of hurts this book is kind of a mixed pacing, but otherwise it all makes for one of the better uses of lawn gnomes in Goosebumps.
#54: Scariest. Book. Ever. (Goosebumps House of Shivers #01): In what might be one of the better first books in a series, Scariest Book Ever does a few things decently. Mainly in its adventure in the Wayward Forest and all of the strange creatures we see. And even some of the adventure in trying to find the scariest book is exciting. But it also leads to one of the worst cases of wheel spinning in any of Stine's books, and I still think that having a third Uncle Wendell reveal is kind of overkill. Overkill that still somehow works in the book, but kind of landed with a thud for me. Still, not a bad start for the next era of Goosebumps.
#53: The Headless Ghost (Goosebumps #37): While I do feel the second read definitely diminished this one for me as its second half is very lacking, I love a lot of the atmosphere in this book. The ghost stories about Captain Bell and the Craw family and the general mystery of what befell Andrew Craw's head. Only downside is sort of a dud finish as most of the stuff with Seth feels very bland. Though, in hindsight, if there wasn't any notable supernatural elements to this book, it would have been one of the better slice of life stories that Goosebumps ever did. Not bad for a book that seems to have its head on straight more than most.
#52: Attack of the Jack-O'-Lanterns (Goosebumps #48): This is an iconic book, with some of my favorite monster concepts in all of Goosebumps. Downside is that this might be Stine's worst paced book. Feeling like he had a great idea with the jack-o'-lantern monsters forcing kids to trick-or-treat forever, but didn't have enough pages to structure it enough. So we get TWO flashbacks AND a nightmare sequence. Its weak pacing is rough, but when we get to the fireworks factory, that final act is more than worth it. Though, seriously Stine, "Lee is black and he struts like rappers on MTV"? For a book series that already was lacking in many prominent characters of color, to pull that out of your hat so flippantly is just poor form, old man. Oh and Walker is described as wearing blackface essentially for his dark and stormy night costume, GEEZ LOUISE...
#51: Night of the Living Dummy (Goosebumps #07): Yup. This one also got a bit of a boost from where I've normally placed it. And the main reason for that is that I still think it's the best use of the traditional dummy formula. Even if half the book is just Lindy screwing with Kris' head, making her think Mr. Wood is alive. Doesn't explain the random chapter that Lindy thinks Mr. Wood is alive, but whatever. And Mr. Wood is a devious little shit. His actions are much of the same that Slappy would do, but with added dog strangulation. Given what I've seen of Stine's other animal-related antics, this feels oddly kid gloves from him. The baton pass to Slappy comes at the end of this book and it has its ups and downs. It's a harbinger of Stine's worst crutch, yet as a book, it's still solid.
#50: The Girl Who Cried Monster (Goosebumps #08): Listen, I have rallied against the ending of this book for the longest time. I still feel Mr. Mortman didn't deserve his fate. If he ate the kid like the original Stine plans had intended, then sure, eat his ass up. But I still get this vibe of someone outing a closeted person for their own benefit, regardless if it kills that closeted person. So why is it so high? Because I still think its twist works. When you think about it, of course Mr. and Mrs. Dark weren't going to believe Lucy about another monster. First off, because she always tells stories and because of their hubris, believing no other monster would dare show up. And you could still argue that they did protect their kid in the long run, especially since we don't know if Mr. Mortman would have tried to kill Lucy. If a Goosebumps book makes you think afterwards, then it must be doing something right. But, regardless of its ranking on this list, #JusticeForMortman.
#49 : How I Met My Monster (Goosebumps Most Wanted #03): This book was a lot better than I had expected it to be. Mainly in how much action we do get involving Monroe and Lissa as the monsters. Namely the pet shop stuff. And I like the twist here. It's that right kind of silly twist that still manages to work in the way a Goosebumps twist should. Even if we're really just ripping off Trolls 2. Reader beware, you're in for some anagrams!
#48: Creature Teacher (Goosebumps Series 2000 #03): Mrs. Maaargh's debut, Creature Teacher is a solid enough story. Not exactly the most energetic, but it does everything it needs to do. Paul has to survive from being eaten by his creature of a teacher. I like the concept of how all of the students have to battle to keep from being at the bottom of her list. It's a gross book, but the gross stuff actually works for once instead of the more shock value take that most of Series 2000 does. Its only real falters is a bit of a mixed pace and a bland twist, but otherwise, solid.
#47: The Ghost Next Door (Goosebumps #10): You know what Goosebumps lacks? Really good gut punch twists mid-book. Though granted, the one major time Stine did it, it was the best mid-book twist ever, so I can see how he could never top it. And while it could be seen as obvious that Hannah was the ghost, not Danny, and the clues were all there given Hannah not getting any letters and is seemingly ignored by everyone but Danny, it still is effective, turning her into one of the more sympathetic characters in Goosebumps. The only issue I've always had was Shadow Danny because I don't understand what the plan was here. Kill the original Danny and just take his place? I really think this should have just been the Grim Reaper. That hiccup aside, this is yet another book I've felt has gotten better with age.
#46: The Werewolf in the Living Room (Goosebumps Series 2000 #17): Stine usually gets Werewolves right and this is no exception. It also easily gives us one of the worst Goosebumps parents ever with Aaron's dad being so werewolf obsessed that he'd drag his son to another part of the world to capture one and bring it back to town despite everyone in the world telling you that could be a bad idea. Grantley is interesting as both our werewolf and not exactly being a good person himself so you can't sympathize with his plight. Aaron as a werewolf is the highlight of the book with a lot of action in the latter end, as well as a dark twist. I still think the book is missing some oomph to make it a top tier book, but it'll satisfy your werewolf urges at least.
#45: The Blob That Ate Everyone (Goosebumps #55): Say it with me now, it's another book that I've felt has gotten better with age. My first readthrough of it didn't come off super glowing, but on the second time, I think I liked this book more. Even if it does take forever to get out of the gate and it honestly feels like we spend more time with the dark and stormy night stuff than the titular blob. And the blob makes for a memorable monster in Goosebumps. I also buy this as Stine's loving tribute to writing and the power of imagination, and while it stumbles a bit, I think the overall message still works.
#44: Deep Trouble (Goosebumps #19): I think this is a case of a book I've found holds up better with age compared to most Goosebumps outings. No, it's not a super deep supernatural horror book, but for a sea adventure involving mermaids and espionage, it all serves for a solid total package. Alexander's turn actually works. Like, yeah, Billy saying that he looks too muscular to be a lab assistant gives it away, but it still works as an unexpected turn of events. I like the stuff with Billy and the mermaid and the book poses a solid ethical question. Dr. D. could be able to use the mermaid to ensure years of funding for his research, or he could do the right thing, which he does in the end. Add in enough harrowing action and an okay twist and you have a book that's more of an underdog than you'd think.
#43: Deep Trouble II (Goosebumps #58): Yeah, I'm as surprised as you are that both of the original Deep Trouble books are not just super high, but close to one another, but I've always really liked this one. It's nothing super special, but it's one of the more action heavy Goosebumps books. Tons of harrowing action with enlarged sea creatures means that it's always moving. I also think it's kind of a make good for the more reserved original, even if that one works well without it. Twist is what it is, and the conclusion is a bit odd, but I've always had a soft spot for this book.
#42: How I Learned to Fly (Goosebumps #52): A contentious choice to be sure as it's the most "How is this a Goosebumps book" of the whole bunch, but on its own, I've always liked this book. It has a neat supernatural element with the flying powers. And Jack is a likeable protagonist, always trying and failing to win Mia's heart, while dealing with his rival Wilson. But what I like is that it tries to be the most slice of life story that Stine's ever done, even with flight powers and perhaps the worst parents in all of Goosebumps. Seriously, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson turn their kid into a sideshow attraction. I also like the deceit of the twist and the ending is cute. And that's probably going to turn most people off of this book, that it is ultimately a cute book. But it worked for me and I'll always champion this one.
#41: Say Cheese—And Die Screaming! (Goosebumps HorrorLand #08): After the fiasco that was the first Say Cheese and Die sequel, this second attempt is much better. Like another sequel to come on this list, it benefitted from what feels like a full on reboot of everything. No connection to Spidey or Greg or the original camera, just have Julie try to survive the perils of this new camera. There are some cool ideas, we actually get a dream sequence involving skeletons, and the constant looming feeling of danger works well. The bee head and the twist are really its only sticking points, feeling like the only massive speedbumps in an otherwise solid book.
#40: Let's Get Invisible! (Goosebumps #06): This could have been it, you know. The last Goosebumps book to ever be made. Stine's deal was for six books and this was the sixth. And if it were the final book, it would have been okay a final one. There are some great ideas in this book, notably in the concept of the mirror and the reflections. And tying the invisibility with it as sort of a method to eventually swap places with the reflections is a clever idea. And it's a longer book that doesn't totally feel like it's padded. I like the concept of the contest to see who can stay invisible the longest, and even some of the antics. It is a bit dry in places, and maybe not the most exciting book for most, but I feel it's one that's gotten a bit better with age.
#39: The Haunted Mask II (Goosebumps #36): Stine fumbles the bag a lot with sequels, but this is a case where he actually doesn't do too bad. Being both a continuation to the Carly Beth story while focusing on Steve Boswell's experience with the old man mask. How wearing it turns his body old and is literally killing him. It's a good bit of dark horror that really works well. Also, I love the scene again where Steve calls Carly Beth, but her dad picks up and thinks he's some old creep after his daughter. Still one of the funniest things in any of these books. The resolution and the twist kind of hurt the book, but besides that, this is as good a sequel as you could ask for.
#38: My Hairiest Adventure (Goosebumps #26): I think this is another book that's improved over time. It's also one of the few puberty allegory books that kind of work without feeling like too much of a lame misdirect. In fact, the Insta-Tan not being the cause is a better misdirect than most, because lord knows what would happen by slathering expired goop on your skin. The twist is also one I think about a lot. What was Murkin's grand scheme? Why turn dogs into human children? My guess has always been a way to help families who can't adopt by essentially playing god. It's a book that makes you think, albeit it also makes me think why Stine essentially named a character after a pubic wig. He's a weird man, that's the ultimate answer.
#37: They Call Me the Night Howler! (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #11): Stine's superhero works can be underwhelming. But there is one occasion where I feel he got it right. And that's with They Call Me the Night Howler! I think it works so well because it does a solid job in playing up the concept of secret identities and superpowers. How Mason gains the Night Howler powers, yet still comes off kind of incompetent. How he's so easily bested by Blue Strawberry and how easily he can screw it all up and lose his Night Howler powers, so much so that he takes the mantle of the new Dr. Maniac instead. Some fun action scenes, some neat powers from the Howler and a fun twist makes this one of the stronger SlappyWorld offerings in the latter half.
#36: It Came From Beneath the Sink! (Goosebumps #30): I can see some being on the fence with this one making it so high up, but I think it's one of the better cursed object books. Yes, it's a sponge. But sponge or not, the Grool is still a dangerous entity, with a deadly enough curse. And what it leads to is one of the most violent books in the original 62. Hands being cut, people falling off ladders, hands being broken, almost dying on a bike. Kat and most of the other characters have a bad time with this villainous cleaning product. Only downside is that it can be way too easily defeated. But it makes up for that downside with a fanged potato. Trust me, as bizarre as it sounds, that's equivalent exchange.
#35: Slappy, Beware! (Goosebumps Special Edition): Slappy somehow wins the award for best Special Edition book. Though to be fair, there was no close competition. It works well for the most part, giving a more clear origin for Slappy and telling two new stories that I have no doubt were considered as regular SlappyWorld books. I even like that Stine paid off the fact that the original cover featured Slappy despite the villain being Mr. Wood, so in this book we get Slappy as "Mister Wood." The other major story is fun, mostly in how much Slappy fails. The only downside is a lame twist and making the whole crux of Slappy having to do evil every day or being put to sleep not matter at the end. Jeez Bob, could you commit to an idea for once?
#34: How I Got My Shrunken Head (Goosebumps #39): It's kind of amazing when you think about it. Aside from the shrunken head stuff, this book isn't as collar-tugging as you'd think it would be given it's a book set in a jungle and all. Nah, save that for Deep in the Jungle of Doom. And that's a good thing because this book isn't that bad. Only downside is that of course Kareen is one of the villains. One of the reddest of all herrings. But that can be forgiven for what is a solid bit of action through the story as Mark finds himself in one hairy situation after another. It's the Goosebumps equivalent of Family Guy's Fast Animals, Slow Children. Twist is fine, a silly bow on everything. Other than that, this feels like the last good book before the forties slog began.
#33: Who's Your Mummy? (Goosebumps HorrorLand #06): For some reason, the word "visceral" always enters my head when I think about this book. Which, given we're talking about mummy guts, that fits pretty well. While you could make the argument that modern Goosebumps never goes too dark, this book is definitely the outlier to that given some of the freaky stuff we get, notably when Tuttan-Rha eats the mummy guts. It's one of the better structured horror stories as well, given that Abby and Peter never really met Uncle Jonathan until now, they could easily buy that Tuttan-Rha was the real guy, so less of the dumb logic you'd expect from a Goosebumps protagonist. I also have always liked that the ending makes you think. Where did Abby and Peter get those mummy guts? Were they ones Tuttan-Rha already extracted from a mummy or did they end up gutting a mummy to get the guts? I get it, saving Granny Vee is important, but the implications are just dark enough that you second guess if it was right or wrong. So points for that as well.
#32: Jekyll and Heidi (Goosebumps Series 2000 #14): I think this book definitely falls in the underrated category. Its plot isn't the most unique, even down to how obvious that it's not Dr. Jekyll who is our monster here. The mystery is still solid leading to it, and the constant feeling of everything being a threat works well. Also works that Heidi is a likeable protagonist who you want to see survive everything going on. Twist is very predictable as well, but otherwise this book works quite well. It sits in this weird middle era of Series 2000 where you could tell Stine was still trying at least, even with things at Scholastic being so murky.
#31: Monster Blood for Breakfast! (Goosebumps HorrorLand #03): The best Monster Blood book. Why? No Evan, Andy, Kermit or any of the other piddlin' crap that bogged that series down. If you aren't going to acknowledge cat witch, then just reboot the canon. And we do get that. Matt's a likeable protagonist, Bradley is an awful character who you want to see get their comeuppance (a rare case where using Monster Blood as a revenge tool kind of works). And some freaky stuff with giant Matt (though the nudity stuff... yeesh). Easily the best use of Monster Blood ever, treating it like a threat again, and not ending with an "it was all a dream" either. Top marks.
#30: The Werewolf of Fever Swamp (Goosebumps #14): The more time goes by, the more I actually find myself really liking what Werewolf of Fever Swamp tried to do. Mainly in how the swamp is described and how the werewolf is built up just right. And yes, we only get a few actual pages with the werewolf, but they are still effective. The only thing that isn't as well built up is the fever of Fever Swamp. Grady just gets it for a minute and that's it. Other than that, it's one of the stronger atmosphere books that builds its horror just well enough. I don't think it's Stine's best werewolf book, but it's easily his most iconic.
#29: The Scream of the Haunted Mask (Goosebumps HorrorLand #04): The other, better Haunted Mask II, what makes this book so great is putting the focus again on Carly Beth. A Carly Beth who is still haunted by the mask, still being pushed further and further into using it, like a deadly addiction. It's some added dimension for the Goosebumps protagonist with the most dimension to them. It also has a far better final act, even if it's a bit rushed. And leaves you wondering if this is the end of Carly Beth and the mask. Well, HorrorLand answers that at least.
#28: Diary of a Dummy (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #10): You see what happens when Stine doesn't stick to the formula? You get a surprisingly solid Slappy book. And a lot of that has to do with getting Slappy action super early in the story, and never reverting to the shtick. Instead have it slightly peppered through the diary entries. Goldie is super interesting in that she may be the most powerful dummy of them all, even if some of the Slappy variations are broken in terms of power levels. And the big confrontation leads to some freaky moments. I even like the twist. Yeah, Slappy wins again and that's nothing new at this point, but it's another example of the "slaves" threat actually paying off. Although I love that in this timeline, The Sims 5 exists. Stine fell off the gaming curve after Battle Chess.
#27: Attack of the Graveyard Ghouls (Goosebumps Series 2000 #11): Insanity. This book is perhaps one of the wildest books in Goosebumps with a crazy final act. Martin and Oswald feel like real threats, especially once they possess Spencer and Audra. And the adventure Spencer has as he learns to possess animals is also neat. I even really like the twist, although even if Spencer and Audra now have to sort of re-learn how to live in another person/gender's body, it's kind of moot given nobody's going to believe that these two kids were possessed by ghosts when they went on a rampage. They're screwed regardless. Only downer is the resolution, but otherwise one of the better ramped up books.
#26: One Day at HorrorLand (Goosebumps #16): The only Goosebumps book I read as a kid because it was on some other kids' desk and I thought it looked neat. Then Skeleton picnic scared me out of them. So maybe because it's the solo book I read, I've always liked this one more than maybe I should. Because it ultimately feels less like a theme park and more just a really creepy carnival. And it is very much a ride book, not staying at one point for too long. But it's also a book with a lot of action and the rare occasion of having the parents be involved in the horror, in the fight to survive. And it gave us Superfluous Clay, so add points for that as well. It's a decent book. Not exactly one that needed a whole book series, especially given how little the Horrors factor in said book series, but for a first trip, it's definitely memorable.
#25: Brain Juice (Goosebumps Series 2000 #12): This book is actually funny. And it actually has a plot that has fun with what it is. That feels ultra rare when it comes to Goosebumps. It even has sort of a solid moral involved about how being a genius isn't all its cracked up to be. That it can be pretty damn ostracizing. But hey, when you're smart, you can also do a great job in pretending not to be smart, which makes the twist work really well. I don't always agree with the books Stine likes, but he likes this one and so do I.
#24: When the Ghost Dog Howls (Goosebumps HorrorLand #13): The start of the Chiller arc is also the best of the standalone HorrorLand stories. It's nothing overly new, we've had stories about wishes and cursed objects before, but what works is the Blue Kerlew Hound is such a cool monster idea. I also like that this is a much better Be Careful What You Wish For... as we start to see how the tooth is a danger, especially after Marnie abuses it. Marnie makes for an interesting antagonist to Andy. Though she's never evil, just overcome by the power of having the ultimate cheat code, the ultimate power of a wish granting dog tooth. Hell, even when they beat the hound, she still wants to use the tooth. It's also a book about ghost dogs that pays off the idea of a ghost dog. It's a better The Barking Ghost! Stine redeemed himself on two duds!
#23: The Horror at Chiller House (Goosebumps HorrorLand #19): You know, if this book was a special edition, it would drag, but I think it would have probably been the one book to do it right. Because if there's really one problem with this book it's that it's pretty rushed, not giving us much time with Jonathan Chiller's hunt. I love the origin of Chiller. How he never got over the failed hunting trip with his dad, how it seemed to shatter his mind into multiple personalities which all played a role in luring kids to hunt. And even the ending implying that even in defeat, he still wants to kill some kids. A multi-dimensional Goosebumps villain. Now that's a rare butterfly.
#22: Scream School (Goosebumps Series 2000 #15): I think I just really like the idea of this book more than maybe the book itself as another book in Series 2000 takes this idea and does it better. This still works super well for me, giving me the slice of life concept that You Can't Scare Me! failed to capitalize on. I like that Jake gets his revenge on his dad. That in the end, the great Emory Banyon, king of horror, is bested by his easily-to-scare son is the right kind of payoff for this type of story. And sometimes Goosebumps can flow without needing a whole bunch of supernatural elements. Just have a decent kids story sometimes, Bob.
#21: Escape From HorrorLand (Goosebumps HorrorLand #11): The first of the two-part finale of the first HorrorLand arc takes the highest marks on this list. It's probably one of the stronger adventures that Stine has ever done. It always moves and is full of action. Even if most of the action are continuous boat-related horror. Honestly, if Panic Park hadn't fumbled the bag in the finale, this would have been one of the strongest stories in all of Goosebumps, even if it was overflowing with characters. Also, I still can't believe Stine managed to get that Carly Beth and Sabrina moment in. Like... even in 2009, HOW?
#20: A Night in Terror Tower (Goosebumps #27): We are officially in top twenty terror-tory. And I still maintain that this book is one of Stine's best in terms of atmosphere. Just how Terror Tower is described and the explanation of some of the torture devices (the thumb screws *shudders*). The story is also interesting in how Sue and Eddie are actually a prince and princess who were sent to the future to avoid being executed, only for the Lord High Executioner to chase them to the present of 1995 because say what you will, the guy's persistent. Only real downside is Morgred just giving up in helping Sue and Eddie, which makes me think him being their dad isn't the most ideal outcome, but hey, he got some burgers and fries out of it. I guess that's a win.
#19: Welcome to Dead House (Goosebumps #01): Stine has gone on record saying if he had another whack at it, he would have changed a lot about this book, feeling its darker tone is antithetical of Goosebumps' intent of being kid friendly horror. And yeah, melty face zombie vampire things and a guy getting his skull cracked with a giant halogen lamp does track as some of the more extreme stuff to happen in these books. But it also kind of makes this book great. That and the super messed up nightmare Amanda has where her family are all skeletons. Not having a picnic unfortunately. Though imagine if that WAS in this book and Tim, having never read any Goosebumps book for a good length into the series, still did the Say Cheese and Die cover. Talk about your coincidences. Anyway, as a book, this one is the first book. It's never going to be perfect, and it does slog a bit halfway, but delivers in a super dark second half.
#18: Bride of the Living Dummy (Goosebumps Series 2000 #02): I've always liked this weird book. It's not the most unique Slappy tale, but I think it's one that flows perhaps the best of them all. And I think why is the stuff with Jimmy O'James. How that's pretty much the outlet for some of the traditional formula. And Slappy feels like a threat. A maniac who'll headbutt Jillian and call it a love tap. Of course, Slappy's interest in child brides is confusing and legitimately horrifying, yet somehow he's less of a villain here than Sue Ellen, who was alive way before Slappy even showed up and was pretty much ready to kill Jillian any old time, but fell for Slappy who didn't fall for her. Don't you hate it when evil toys quarrel? I still maintain this is probably the best Slappy formula book because it has fun with this premise. And when Stine tries, you'd be surprised that he can actually make a fun book. Who knew?
#17: Are You Terrified Yet? (Goosebumps Series 2000 #09): The best slice of life story in Goosebumps and a book I just really enjoy. Mostly because Craig is a likeable protagonist. A kid caught in the ultimate lie that he's this super brave kid because he was involved in the wackiest first act ever. I love how the horror ramps up here and how each dare continues to be scarier and scarier. I even like that we really don't know if Amy even likes Craig, or if he's just her cash cow to continue to win bets against Brad and Travis. If Craig had failed at any time, would she have turned against him? So for Craig to have a big ending where he can finally be free of the bets and the hassle is a fun way to end this story. And an even better ending that Craig really never overcame his fears. He's still a coward and damn proud of it!
#16: Ghost Camp (Goosebumps #44): If not for maybe that whole thing with the monster, this would be a top ten book because it's one of Stine's best camp books in a series that has a lot of good camp books. I love the concept of Camp Spirit Moon and how everything continues to escalate with the campers constantly upping their scary pranks to mess with Harry and Alex. To lure them into just false enough a sense of security before the possession. Well, at least it worked for Elvis. Other little things like the origin of the camp and how the finale builds to all of the campers fighting one another to possess the boys until they suddenly fade away. I do wonder how they have the bus driver working for them. Maybe a camper who managed to escape and is luring new victims? Again, best books are the ones that make you think.
#15: A Shocker on Shock Street (Goosebumps #35): This book's twist is what makes this one rank so high. Without it, it would honestly be a bit lower on account of it being a literal ride book. But it's the swerve of Erin and Marty as robots that ties the book together and makes it work. Yes, we're following robots, yet they're robots capable of human emotion, with AI so powerful it can generate memories of people who don't exist. It also makes sense, Dr. Wright and Shocker Studios would have been in more trouble had they used real kids, so the reactions of "real enough" kids makes sense. I also like the idea of Shock Street even if it's not the most defined in what it really is. My guess is akin to a Fear Street only with more monsters and creatures than those books ever really provided. Things are always happening and there's actually some decent action and harrowing moments, even if, again, they're happening to robots.
#14: The Mummy Walks (Goosebumps Series 2000 #16): Series 2000 feels so surreal at points because there are numerous occasions where Stine experiments. Sometimes it works, sometimes YOU FINISH THE STORY. The Mummy Walks works because there really is no other Goosebumps book like it. Stine has never tried an espionage style story of this kind again. Granted, perhaps given the obvious stereotypes, maybe that's for the best. But Baby's First Tom Clancy gives us plenty of action and peril. Hell, we get ACTUAL GUNFIRE in this book. Gunfire, brain chips, warring countries, and oh right, there's a mummy in this too. Kind of, I guess. You don't get to see Pukrah's reawakening, but I'm sure it was incredible given how the book hypes the awakening as essentially the end of the world. Twist is predictable, but the only real way to end the book so it's hardly a demerit. A true diamond in the sandy rough of Goosebumps.
#13: The Dummy Meets the Mummy! (Goosebumps SlappyWorld #08): This book is what I wish Goosebumps was, or at least was more often. Just pure insanity where things just ramp up and up. Unfortunately Arragotus' defeat is the only issue and a twist that just feels like Stine didn't know how to conclude this one, so it's a "here we go again", but screw it. The minute Slappy pulled out the laser eyes was the minute I realized that this is going to be a fun book. How does Slappy suddenly have laser eyes and the power to bring dead dinosaurs to life? I mean, the multiple Slappy theory could work for one of the dummies having these superpowers. This book is a prime example of what can happen when Stine tries. You get a crazy outcome that can still be fun to follow along with.
#12: Werewolf Skin (Goosebumps #60): Stine's best werewolf book. There, I said it. I love so much about the idea of the skins. These powerful pelts that can control whoever wears them to become a werewolf each night. Aunt Marta and Uncle Colin also feel like threats. Like people who both don't want to hurt Alex, but may end up having to given the nature of the skins. I also love how the horror is built in this story, even the misdirect with the Marlings works. How it all plays into Colin and Marta trying to keep from being discovered. Same with Hannah as we learn in the finale. It's a dark book, great atmosphere, some shocking gore and lots of action. It's a near-flawless Goosebumps book. Stine's weird stride for like three books at the end of Goosebumps is really something to behold.
#11: Why I'm Afraid of Bees (Goosebumps #17): Buzzing just under the top ten is the classic tale of a boy and his bee-zarre body swapping adventure. This book is such a strange one in the grand scheme, being easily the most wacky sci-fi story Stine's ever done for Goosebumps and it actually works. Gary's a solid underdog protagonist. You feel bad for him even before he swaps brains with a bee. And that bee swap gives us some of the more exciting moments in any Goosebumps book. Even its twist isn't too bad and works as a silly little bow to tie the story together. Goosebumps is at its best when its experimental and few do that job as well as Why I'm Afraid of Bees.
#10: Calling All Creeps (Goosebumps #50): Ricky Beamer creeps his way into the top ten. Not bad for the kid everyone hates. Ricky is an interesting protagonist. Constantly treated like garbage by everyone, even for things that weren't his fault. Though, in fairness, the whole plan to essentially doxx Tasha failing was deserved. But the book also works in what ultimately becomes a "The Geek Shall Inherit the Earth" style story. The Creeps are cool and unique, and work as at first antagonists then followers of Ricky, who they assume is their leader. I also like the swerve of the story. How Ricky doesn't do the right thing at the end because, honestly, screw them. I can understand why at that moment Ricky would come to the realization that maybe it's for the best to turn all the rotten people who treated him bad into creeps. I also like how we kind of end ambiguously, not knowing if Ricky really is the Creep leader, or if the real leader will show up, and what would befall Ricky. Gotta love a Goosebumps book that actually makes you ponder what happens after the book ends.
#09: Slappy's Nightmare (Goosebumps Series 2000 #23): The best Series 2000 book and best Slappy book overall takes the ninth spot. I think the reason it does work is that it has fun with the formula. First and foremost, it makes Slappy the focus of the story, then has to flip the script with him, forcing the dummy to do some good for a change, only for his good acts to go wrong by some outside force. And yes, it's all just a dream, but unlike Monster Blood is Back, we're made aware of that given the title of the book. It doesn't just feel like Stine's last minute addition for once. It also feels more like what Goosebumps should be and that's a horror comedy, in this case a comedy of errors.
#08: Piano Lessons Can Be Murder (Goosebumps #13): Don't let the weak cover with the ugly hands fool you, this is one of Stine's best works. Due mainly to the fact that the book, while packed with ghosts and robots, feels like its horror is never too over the top. And then there's Mr. Toggle, who I maintain is the scariest villain in Goosebumps when you consider what his actions have been. The body in the cabinet calling for help may be the most legitimately scary moment in any Goosebumps book because it feels like real horror. And for us to not know what Toggle did to that body leaves your brain wondering what's going on. A near-perfect book that I think more people need to give a chance to.
#07: Phantom of the Auditorium (Goosebumps #24): I maintain to this day that this is Stine's best mystery book. And I mean like, ever. Because while yes, one could see Brian being the phantom as obvious, the fact Stine doesn't put like any spotlight on an otherwise superfluous character makes the end twist actually work for once. There's some good mystery beats, decent enough tension, and little things like consistency of cereal as important evidence is such a great thing that I wish Bob would do more of. But, for what we got, this is still one of his best.
#06: The Horror at Camp Jellyjam (Goosebumps #33): This book is one I feel has aged very well. Its premise being super simple with a mysterious sports camp where every counselor seems like some sort of winning-obsessed cultist. The mystery surrounding the winner's walk, the king coins, and what King Jellyjam really is also works in the books favor, meaning that it's one of Stine's better produced mysteries at that. And King Jellyjam is an iconic monster. This large blob that sweats snails that will die if it's not constantly cleaned. It's honestly the book I think perfectly fits the premise of what you think Goosebumps would be about more than any other book. Even it's lack of a real twist is at least fun. One of the best of the bunch.
#05: The Haunted School (Goosebumps #59): And so we reach the top five. Is it fair perhaps that all of these are original series books? Perhaps not. But when I think of Goosebumps and of the best in the series, these five always live rent-free. I mean, given the weird black liquid spitting thing in this book, it's hard not to have it stuck in your head forever. I love the concept of the class of 1947. Banished for no real good reason other than the photographer was a kid hating wizard. And thus gives us one of the scariest scenarios any Goosebumps book has ever given us. What if you're essentially in purgatory, devoid of color and unable to age? How long until you break? And given that a mere few haven't, it's easy to finally snap. And yet the only way to find an escape is through the scant pieces of color remaining, like Thalia's lipstick. It's a dark climax that carries an otherwise by the numbers Goosebumps book, yet works so well that it elevates this book entirely to top tier status. This weird period at the end of the original series where it seemed Stine's creative juices were flowing like black gunky liquid.
#04: Stay Out of the Basement (Goosebumps #02): Stay Out of the Basement is Goosebumps at its best, and to be the second book ever and have that accolade is impressive. Because this book does so much of what Dead House lacked, and that's a real sense of tension and horror. Rapidly building as Margaret discovers more and more strange things going on with her dad. It's also a book rife with great imagery, namely the human-plant sins against nature that Dr. Brewer was brewing. Not to mention when the clone Dr. Brewer is chopped with the axe, giving us one of the darkest moments in Goosebumps. It speaks to an actual horror scenario that could resonate with some. What if a person you knew and loved suddenly changed in an instant, and what are their new intentions? Can you survive? Granted there are issues like how many times Margaret and Casey go down into the basement, but I don't think that's a problem either given the build to the reveal. It feels like what Goosebumps could have truly been if given the chance to be dark.
#03: The Haunted Mask (Goosebumps #11): I think when it's all said and done, this should be the book Stine is remembered for. Not Slappy, not any other book, not even the two that beat this book in the ranking. The Haunted Mask is a perfect Halloween story complete with the best protagonist in Goosebumps. Because Carly Beth is the one thing so many other protags aren't: She's relatable. So many kids can resonate to being the coward, the bullied, the one who for once wants a victory. So much so that her choice ultimately mutates her and strips away Carly Beth and replaces her with a monster. A perfect parable about the need for revenge at the cost of your own innocence, and in many ways, your humanity. And the thing that saves her from being trapped in the mask being a bust of herself made by her mom. A symbol of love not just from Carly Beth's mother, but from Carly Beth herself, managing in many ways to find self love and not losing it all. It's Goosebumps at its finest form and probably Stine's finest hour. It should be number one, but this is my list, and there are still two other books I prefer.
#02: I Live In Your Basement! (Goosebumps #61): I think this book works for me because it is perhaps the wildest ride Stine's ever written. How Marco's whole vision of reality shifts after the baseball hits him the head. Now suddenly reality itself continues to shift, narratives change and more importantly, a monster named Keith really wants Marco for a friend. And then we get the realization that this was all from the POV of Keith the whole time. That this was all the cause of him wanting to see the world through Marco's eyes, and in many ways to know what humanity is. It also kind of explains why the dreams of Keith shift so much. These are again the visions of what the human world is from the eyes of a monster after all.
It's also a genuinely scary book in some of the visuals we get. Gwynnie turning herself inside out still remains one of most genuinely nightmarish moments in all of Goosebumps. And that's in the book where a boy gets his head caved in, a tongue gets stretched out like it's a roll of measuring tape, and the idea of brain surgery isn't done in jest. It is Stine finding his mojo, allowing Goosebumps to be dark and ramped up in terms of intensity. Then he ruined that streak with Monster Blood IV, but for the brief three books where we got Stine in classic form, this stands chief among them as Goosebumps in all its nightmarish splendor.
#01: Welcome to Camp Nightmare (Goosebumps #09): This is the best book in my opinion. Of the 150 books I ranked, I always come back to the realization that Welcome to Camp Nightmare is my favorite book. Is it perfect? Probably not to most. But I love so much of what this book does. Namely in its protagonist Billy. He's not a bratty kid, a whiner, a prankster, or any other stock trait. He's a kid who tries to follow the rules, will be the first to leap into action to help someone, and someone willing to literally murder Uncle Al if it means Dawn and Dori are safe. He doesn't take the dare to go to the forbidden bunk. He saves Larry even if he knows that Larry isn't on the up and up. Billy just rules.
And then there's the twist. I love the twist. I know some don't, and there are of course holes you could poke through to show how flimsy it is. Why do the aliens have all the same things humans do, save for those weird wolf creatures? Why are they also human-like? But I think it's not the worst thing ever as I see the alien planet as sort of an alternate Earth. One that is just alien enough, yet also seems parallel to what Earth is. Perhaps one that's more peaceful and not normally used to, you know, evil counselors and monsters named Sabre. I also still think Billy's parents putting him through this is a good thing. They want Billy to be a part of this expedition, but they need to know if he can handle things. If he is as resourceful as needed. And if he wasn't, they probably would have opted out and left him on the planet. It's a tricky thing. And again, it's a twist that makes me think. It's also, of all of Stine's attempts to pull a Serling, his best effort. It also set forth a precedent for me that the camp books were almost always going to be my favorite books in all of Stine's works. And the first time is definitely still the best time.
And that is finally the list. Again, this is all subjective and if you don't agree on certain placements I can only apologize, but when it comes to Goosebumps, this is essentially how I'd place everything in terms of singular narrative books. You also might notice some books have switched places from their placements in the Horrific Hindsight for each particular series, but this was a case where I had to think about in the grand scheme, did certain books fit this larger list in better spots or even in lower? That was the fun part in making this list.
I have read almost 200 Goosebumps books and stories, and even made unique blogs about the books. It's always fun to do, and despite maybe having to deal with some of Stine's worst stuff, there are some books that I love so much that it made this endeavor worth it. Hopefully we still have plenty of years left in order to see what comes next. Good, bad, awful or even just meh, Goosebumps will always be something fun to look forward to.
No but seriously fuck Revenge R Us.
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