We're into the tenth HorrorLand edition with only two books to go. And it's time to get strange with some mind reading mania. It's time for Help! We Have Strange powers!
COVER STORY
STORY
Jillian and Jackson Gerard are twins. Jillian is the more athletic one, while Jackson enjoys his video games. But they do have one thing in common: Superheroes. Particularly Butt-Kicker, whose new movie is out and the two head to the theaters to catch it. It's amazing that Stine could come up with half decent superhero names like The Masked Mutant, Dr. Maniac and Purple Rage, but when he thinks up superheroes, we get Butt-Kicker. This book came out a year before Kick Ass, and I somehow doubt Stine read the comic beforehand. But their fun is ruined when Artie and Nina Lerner, another pair of twins who are a little more obnoxious and have sinus issues show up. Artie accidentally bumps Jackson, getting popcorn butter on his new sweater, which is enough for Jackson to start attacking him. So, yeah, not liking these protags so far.
Sure enough, the scuffle gets all the kids kicked out of the theater. Jillian and Jackson get away from Nina and Artie, while Jillian ponders what they had to do to get stuck with those two losers? So, can we just get a book about Nina and Artie instead? I mean they're neurotic and snot-filled, but so far they haven't been jerks on, say, a Bradley Wormzer level. Only on the third chapter. Plenty of time. They then think about what they'd do if they had super powers, which results in their ideas of leaving the Lerners on an ice floe, or melting their brains to the state of one-year olds. SERIOUSLY! THIRD CHAPTER! PLENTY OF TIME, STINE!!! Then, as the kids are in the parking lot later, they get splashed by the Lerner family car as the twins shrug and mouth sorry, to which Jillian and Jackson want even more revenge now. Oh come on, that wasn't even their fault!
The kids return to the mall, when they see a strange device by the entrance. Upon further examination, it's an old fortune teller device called Madame Doom. They put a quarter in to wait for the prediction card, but nothing comes out. As the two kids touch the machine however, they get zapped with an electrical jolt. Then the Madame Doom machine finally gives them a card that says "Welcome to HorrorLand." The kids call it stupid and go home. The next day, things start to get weird for the Gerards as suddenly, Jackson can levitate items and Jillian can read minds. At school, while running into Nina Lerner, Jillian reads her thoughts, which freaks Nina out. The kids head to class, where it seems Jackson is worried about not doing his report, so he keeps the clock stuck at 2:05 so it won't land at 2:30 so no quizzes would be given out.
At gym the next day, the kids play soccer, which includes Artie, who is the weakest player. However, he accidentally (key word: Accidentally) kicks the ball into Jackson's chest, which angers Jackson, who wants revenge. He uses his powers to launch the ball at high speed into Artie's head. Artie, thankfully ties his shoes just as the ball sails over his head, but Jackson is none too happy that he didn't murder his fellow student. The next day, they head to the Lerner's to get Jillian's science notebook, and for Jackson to play Artie's Wii. However, Nina accidentally tripped into a puddle and got it wet, and in the process of Jillian trying to get Jackson to leave, Artie ACCIDENTALLY I MIGHT ADD hits Jackson in the jaw. The Gerards have had enough, now they're going to give it to them. 9 chapters down, we can still change protagonists at any frigging time.
Jillian and Jackson put their focus on the Lerner twins and cause them to freeze them in place. They celebrate, because of course they would, before realizing they may have screwed up. After the two are stuck for a while, the Gerard twins manage to free them from their stasis, but the two Lerners have no clue what's going on. The two decide that maybe using their powers to harass two kids isn't wise, at least without learning the extent. That night, they head out to test their powers. They seem to just have the telekinesis and telepathy powers. Suddenly, they spot a strange man with a childlike body and an old head. He introduces himself as Finney, and he's definitely interested in their powers. He mentions someone named the Inspector and the institute, then takes out a jewel which flashes a paralyzing light on the kids.
They wake up inside the institute as a doctor arrives. He introduces himself as Inspector Cranium. He and his assistant Finney had been able to detect signs of mental powers being used, and as such have taken the two kids to their institute. He mentions that Finney also has mind powers, which allow him to stay alive for over one hundred and fourteen years. Inspector Cranium administers tests on the twins, but the kids manage to keep from using their powers by focusing on their hatred of the Lerner twins. Because of course. Despite his tests, the kids manage to BS their way out of it, so Cranium gives them his business card and has Finney take them home. Before Finney lets them out, he says that they'll be watching Jillian and Jackson. The twins try to google Inspector Cranium, but get no results. Upon reading the card however, it says that they didn't fool him.
Jillian and Jackson try telling their parents, but suffer from a strange form of amnesia at the moment, which saves us the whole Goosebumps parents scene. After leaving the house, they feel fine. The kids head to the Lerner twins' birthday party, where the Lerners are still a pair of klutzes. They try to tell Jillian and Jackson something, but suddenly Inspector Cranium arrives. But he's not focused on Jillian and Jackson, he's out to drain the brains of Nina and Artie. He then reveals what the institute really is. It's the thought police. Boy, that had less of a meaning back in 2009. He is tasked with draining the brains of those who have supernatural powers. He goes after Nina and Artie until Jackson makes the save. Cranium breaks free, but Nina uses her powers to make him bounce off the ceiling.
That means that yes, the Lerner twins also have super powers. They've had them since they were born, but have had to keep them secret because of Cranium. They were also faking being frozen, and faking being klutzes so that they would keep a low profile from the thought police. Inspector Cranium tries to fight back, but Nina keeps him stuck in the air, while Artie uses his powers to revert Inspector Cranium's age to that of a toddler. The kids all celebrate, and I guess they're friends now since it took super powers for Jillian and Jackson to realize that Artie and Nina were good people.
TWIST ENDING
The next day, Jillian and Jackson get information that Nina and Artie have disappeared, now on the run from the Thought Police. They then spot the Madame Doom machine, which seems to be following them. They put a quarter in the machine and a card slips out. It tells them to take care of their teeth (wow, that is a flat twist), oh, and Welcome to HorrorLand.
ENTER HORRORLAND
Recap: The remaining kids tried to search for an exit from HorrorLand, but figured they could just leave the park. However, their stamp for re-entry grew into giant purple vines that attacked them. Boone Dixon, the latest kid to be brought to HorrorLand, saves them, but not before the kids are captured by horrors. After a fake snake attack scares off the horrors, the kids find their way to Good-Bye land, the place with the other supposed exit from the park. However, a ride on the R.I.P.P.E.R sends them falling into a pit and being captured again. They're brought to a room which displays the monsters and evils they've encountered before arriving. Dor. Maniac arrives, introducing himself as the Keeper, and starts to torture the kids, when The Purple Rage arrives. But instead of saving the kids, he joins in on the punishment.
Jillian and Jackson, wanting to escape the thought police and wanting to hopefully get some answers, head to HorrorLand. They decide that they won't use their powers while there. It doesn't take long however for them to once again spot the Madame Doom machine. They put in another quarter and retrieve the card, which tells them to escape HorrorLand. They're confused, but they head on into Wolfsbane Forest. They see a familiar face and sure enough it's Inspector Cranium, restored of his age. He tries to melt their brains, but the kids run off. But their run just leads them right back to the Madame Doom machine and to Cranium. Jackson manages to use his telekinesis to life Madame Doom and drop the machine on top of Cranium, giving them time to escape.
The kids make it to the Doom Slide, a staple from the original HorrorLand book. Like in that book, there are ten slides. Nine are normal, but the tenth is an eternal slide that goes on forever. They hear Cranium coming closer, mentioning about someone named "The Menace". That's enough for Jillian and Jackson to go down one of the slides. However, it just keeps going. They may have picked the doom slide. But no, they didn't. They land, only to be caught by the Horrors, who take them to where the other special guests are being held. They're thrown in the room as Dr. Maniac and Purple Rage are just in the middle of torturing the other kids. Jackson sends a chandelier falling on Purple Rage, which angers him so much that he explodes. Literally. Like he did in the other book.
Dr. Maniac takes the reigns next, messing with the temperature of the room. First to sweltering hot, then to frostbite cold. Robby passes out and plays dead, which puts Dr. Maniac in a panic. He rushes out of the room, scared that he'll face consequences from The Menace. This gives the rest of the kids a chance to escape as well. They head to the place where the cafe was where Britney and Molly vanished. Matt tries to use the keycard he got from Byron to open it, but nothing. Jackson decides to use his powers to open it up himself, and it works. The cafe has mirrors, which the kids try to use to enter Panic Park. Billy, Boone, Abby and Sabrina manage to get through, but when the others try, they just smack into the mirror.
The monster police arrive, so the remaining kids make their escape to the park's lake. They hop canoes, only to then remember that this is a bottomless ride. As in the canoes literally have no bottoms. They arrive on the shore and run into two other kids. They introduce themselves. They're Lizzy and Luke Morris. The kids whose names were on the blog they saw earlier. Most importantly, the two kids went to HorrorLand and made it out alive. I guess Clay really was superfluous. They tell the kids that they need to stay in HorrorLand, it'll be safer. The kids aren't buying it, thinking they must be working for the horrors, so they press them for answers.
CONCLUSION
Help! We Have Strange Powers! is a contentious one. On one hand, its plot is actually compelling, with the idea of kids having psychic powers. Makes me think of Earthbound, so that's a plus in its column. However, Jillian and Jackson might be the most unlikable protagonists we've dealt with in this revival. They come off as the most snotty and snobby kids with how they present themselves, and their constant tearing down of Nina and Artie, who in other situations would be presented as mean or cruel, but are nice kids who are just clumsy and sickly. But the way that Jillian and Jackson think about wanting to abuse them, to at one point trying to decapitate Artie with a soccer ball, they come off feeling more like the stock bullies these books present instead of the kids we should root for. And yes, I went silly by saying that it would be much better to follow Nina and Artie, knowing full well that would spoil the twist, but I'm still not opposed.
As for the rest, the pace was fine. The only real scare moment was when the Gerard twins thought they froze Nina and Artie. That is, until we get to Inspector. Cranium, which does give us some good moments of intensity. He's a stock villain, even with the whole Thought Police addition to his character, but in the realm of this book series and mad scientists, he's probably the best we've had. Beats the hell out of Dr. Gray at least. So in the end, a good book concept that suffers from unlikable main characters and a wet fart of a twist. Story of HorrorLand for the most part. Help! We Have Strange Powers! gets a C-.
But with this, we're officially out of the era of stories before the HorrorLand section. The final two books are full Enter HorrorLand stories. Find out how this saga reaches its end as first we try to Escape From HorrorLand.
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