Retromorphs: Animorphs #16: The Warning

You ever watch something from the mid-90s many many years later? Something that represents the early era of the internet in particular? You know, days of AOL and IRC chat rooms? The wild west of the internet pre-social media, pre-YouTube boom, pre-Dot Com bubble burst? The dawn of the series of tubes? I know I'm pretty much just describing The Net, but still. Because that's what we're in for in this edition of Retromorphs. It's the Animorphs and the 90s Internet. Not to mention a Jake-focused book. Does it make for a good book, or should it have been crtl alt deleted from existence? Let's find out with The Warning.

Jake opens the book by telling us that his online name is Bball24, which means that he likes basketball and once scored 24 points. Which, yeah that's a pretty good score to get. This first chapter alone is chockablock with old era internet stuff like slow modems and AOL, which hey, by the time I get this put out, apparently AOL is in the works of discontinuing dial-up internet, so hey, this book somehow finds a way to make this more dated. Marco sends an email pretending to be Cassie, because I could absolutely buy Marco as someone into deepfakes. Jake, on a whim, decides to search up the word "Yeerk", only to end up finding a result. A website claiming to have information on the Yeerks. It seems to be legit, with images of Hork-Bajir and Skrit-Na, which Ax mentions Elfangor once faced but didn't talk much of it. Shame, it was a hell of a book. The list of human controllers on the site also mention that pretty much every politician is Yeerked as are a bunch of celebrities, which the Animorphs scoff at the idea of the president, vice president, chief justice and more could be controlled by brain slugs. You know, that idea was funny when it didn't seem like a reality. 

But while they scoff at the idea, they notice that Chapman is mentioned in the list of controllers. There's also a chatroom which talks Yeerks. And sure enough, the people on the chatroom indeed talk about Yeerks. You get a few pages of chatroom speak, with what may be the first LOL put into a book, don't quote me on that. They parse out two chatters in particular, YrkH8r, who keeps posting "KILL ALL YEERKS", putting on perhaps the worst online poker face for someone who could absolutely be a controller, and Gump8293, who suspects his dad might be a controller. There are other names as well that the Animorphs can't quite figure if they're legit or not. But they've decided the plan is to sneak into the Web Access America building to get the personal information of the chat log to see what they can find out. So the plan is to hitch a flight as flies and make it to the location that the Web Access America building is. And they're using baby poop to guide themselves as flies, which is described as Diaper Gravy which, if you didn't know that K.A. Applegate wrote Barf-O-Rama, there's your answer. They morph flies in the bathroom, almost get caught by someone barging in, but manage to finish their morphs before they get fully caught, with people thinking the guy was drunk and seeing fly-human hybrids. So otherwise, smooth sailing. That is until Tobias, new to the fly morph finds himself inside the toilet while someone takes a shit, but manages to fly out in time. This book existing may have been a mistake.

Everyone manages to make it onto a plane, and it all seems to go well... until Jake ends up being swatted by someone. And don't worry, it's in full detail that Jake's nothing but a barely living fly whose legs and wings are falling off and his guts are everywhere. I think I know now why these books could be considered traumatic. The others manage to carry him back to the bathroom where he demorphs in time, but of course that leaves him shaken up given he literally almost died. They make it to the WAA building as a tour is going on. It's here we learn that WAA is owned by Joe Bob Fenestre, the second richest man in the world worth 24 billion dollars, which given the state of the world we're in now is generous at best. The Animorphs try to wonder what they can do to get deeper into the building. They at first think to morph other humans, but Cassie gets into her "that's not ethical" spiel again, which Jake even agrees with given that yeah, the dolphin issue was questionable, but actually morphing humans might be taking things too far. So they morph their attack morphs, Jake as a tiger, Rachel as a bear who mops the floor, Tobias as... well, Tobias, and Cassie as a skunk. All while Ax and Marco try to get the info. This manages to scare some people off, while Marco says he didn't get much information, but the girl he's been flirting with online is actually a 73 year old postal worker. No seriously what the fuck is this book?

But they learn that one of the names in their chat, Fitey777 is the web handle for Joe Bob Fenestre, which means one of the richest men in the world is spending their time on internet chat sites! Oh my god that would be so shocking if we weren't in 2025 and the second richest man in the world wasn't spending his time on the biggest social media site he bought to turn into a Nazi circle-jerk site. I tell ya this book might be winning the award for most dated book in the history of ever. The group begin their way home, with Jake deciding that despite the incident, they should stick with fly morphs. Cassie notes that Jake shouldn't have to do this, but Jake has it in his head that since he was appointed leader, he has to be the one who puts on the brave face and not show weakness, which would be the case if he suddenly nixed the fly morphing. Jake has a meal with his family, which includes Tom, so more awkwardness of living with someone who has a Yeerk in their head. 

The next day, the Animorphs get more information on the chat group, namely Gump, who is just a 9 year old kid, but might be in danger if he confronts his father, a possible controller. And there's still Joe Bob Fenestre, who they also need to get answers on. What exactly is his deal in all this? The next day the Animorphs fly over Fenestre's mansion to which Marco notes all the amazing cars like Porsche, Jaguar, Rolls Royce. Nowadays it'd be fuckin' Cybertrucks. So their plan to get in? Rachel flying full speed through one of the windows and being knocked out. That causes the guards to shoot at them, which causes Ax to get hit. The others try to fight the guards and rottweilers off, but have to fall back. So, yeah... not one of Jake's better ideas. So two Animorphs are captured and everyone's worried. But Jake suspects that Fenestre and his guards aren't controllers. No Hork-Bajir to back them up is a definite sign to that. But with precious time remaining, Jake and Tobias head to the gardens to get new morphs. Rhino morphs, hence our cover animal. They return and morph their new rhino forms and smash through Fenestre's front gate. 

They smash about the building, with Marco and Cassie also morphing attack forms. Jake morphs Tiger and the group find Ax half-morphed and Rachel still in eagle form. They also find Fenestre, who is holding a Dracon Beam. Yep, Fenestre's a controller. Esplin Nine-Four-Double-Six. A twin. The twin yeerk of Visser Three, because of course. He mentions that he has information that Visser Three would want, but he's not going to tell. That being that he's found a way to survive without needing the Kandrona of the Yeerk pool. And that's by eating other Yeerks. So cannibalism. This book's been so bat shit that of course we'd also have cannibalism. Essentially the chat room is a way to parse out actual controllers so that he can get the Yeerks he needs for consumption. Cassie realizes that means Gump would be in danger and goes to attack Fenestre, but Jake stops her, knowing it would jeopardize Ax and Rachel. Ultimately they bargain with Fenestre to leave him be, for Rachel and Ax's safety, which he agrees on. After some time passes, Jake spots Cassie in wolf form with Gump. She tells Jake that she told Gump to stay away from the Yeerk site, but to not trust his father either. Later, the Animorphs see in the news that Fenestre's mansion burned down, but he's still alive, meaning that Visser Three must be after him. 

This book is interesting. Not perfect. Interesting is the right word I'd use. As a Jake story, it's very strong. Because it really feels like the first book where the weight of him as leader is integral to the plot. It's the first to really show that he has chosen to accept that role that the others gave him, even if he doesn't think he's worthy of that role. And it doesn't help that he makes a lot of decisive mistakes that almost cost them their lives. And that the role of leader means making decisions that you don't like. In this case, letting Fenestre live. While also having him juggle the trauma of his near-death as a fly, which is very gruesome, even for Animorphs. It's a book that does a good job in building Jake as a character. And it gives us a solid antagonist in this one in Fenestre. Not just for him being related to Visser Three, but in how he's an admitted Yeerk cannibal. He's also one that you don't know if the Animorphs could truly trust. He's against the invasion, but doesn't exactly come off as someone that you'd want to have any power either. A character you'd probably be cool with being killed, but also realizing why he can't be.

There is, of course, the biggest issue with this book and that it's dated. More so than I really considered going in. Of course, the outdated web stuff is very noticeable here. Feeling every bit of late 90s internet with the concept of chatrooms and stuff like slow modems and very early internet speak. But it's also very dated in the idea that the richest, most powerful people wouldn't in term be evil, if not for the slug in their skull. I mean, we're in a nightmare hellscape where a guy with literal brainworms is in charge of the healthcare of America and is intentionally trying to make people sicker. All while we have billionaires who let's be honest, it wouldn't be too shocking to reveal they were eating alien slugs to survive. Stuff that if a would-be Dale Gribble brought it up, you'd probably think would be the least surprising conspiracy theory. The thing that's dragged this book down in years is that the suspension of disbelief with this book disappeared long ago. 

This book is tonally weird. On one hand, you have some actually dark moments like Jake being swatted as a fly, and the gory, horrific detail put in that scene. You have tension in the standoff with Fenestre. You have a lot of ethical questions that are hard to fully know what the right answer is, like letting Fenestre live or not. And then you have a scene where Tobias is almost shit on while he's a fly, which is written as the most literal case of toilet humor ever, because he's actually in a toilet being shat upon. It feels a lot like Applegate returning to her Pat Pollari persona and we had what feels like a lost idea from a Barf-O-Rama book. That and a lot of the comedy in this one felt more groan-worthy than usual. Also after a good book with Marco for him to kind of go right back to being an arrogant smartass doesn't help either. There's also the question of if this is a filler book or not since we don't really get anything major out of this with Yeerk stuff and to what I know Fenestre isn't as important going forward, which I can definitely see why people would accuse it of being filler. I think it's a little fillery, but the Jake character stuff at least makes it feel more important. 

So in the end, this book is another solid Animorphs book... but I wouldn't say it's one I loved. The Jake stuff is book's strongest suit and the finale with Fenestre is really good action and one of the better moments of tension in the series so far. There's some great dark moments and a lot of suspense. It nails the thriller stuff well. It just falls flat in the comedy and also loses a lot of the biting commentary it once had due to how the world has passed it by almost 30 years later. Animorphs is the biggest victim of feeling unfortunately dated. More so than even Goosebumps or Baby-Sitters Club when it comes to trying to feel timeless. But I would still say that for its issues, it's still a solid recommend. It's not quite a fine wine, but even the less fine is still palatable. The Warning gets a B-. 

RELATABLE REFERENCES

"You've Got Mail"
Clint Eastwood
Yahoo
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Cardassian
Deep Space Nine
Narn
Babylon Five
John Tesh
Snoop Dog
The Spice Girls
Visa
United Airlines
Northern Airlines
Spider-Man
Xena
Taco Bell
Michael Jordan
Baywatch
Papa John's
Ferrari
Porsche
Jaguar
Volvo
Rolls-Royce
Colonel Hogan
Hogan's Heroes
The X-Files