The Stinal Countdown: Goosebumps House of Shivers #02: Goblin Monday

Twice more into the breach with Goosebumps House of Shivers. Our first outing, Scariest. Book. Ever. did do a lot of fresh things that do feel like a newer take on Goosebumps, even if the first book wasn't entirely perfect. Which, for Stine, that's still high praise. We got goblins in this book, which isn't something Stine's done before. We've had lawn gnomes, and even a troll or two, but not specifically goblins, so it should give us something fresh. Hopefully. Is this worth goblin' down, or is it just another manic Monday? Let's see with Goblin Monday.

I really like this cover. Not exactly a cover that elicits scares, but what it does do well is give off great atmosphere, a staple of what made Tim Jacobus' work so great. And with this being Robert Ball's second cover for the series, he definitely seems to lean on a heavier focus on atmosphere than what Brandon Dorman would usually do. I love the snowy forest setting and the great looking trees covered in snow. It's so great you might not focus on the goblins, which is a shame, because they are neat designs. More troll-like than goblin, but hardly an issue. I also like them breaking from their stone prisons. It's a cover with so many neat little touches and one of the best in a while, which of course makes me worry about the book itself.

Mario Galagos is super excited to be going to snowy Vermont. Being a Florida native his entire life, he's never actually seen real snow, to the point that he goes to Youtube to watch snowman making videos. If he's careful he might find his weird fetish. But here he is with his friends Todd and Jewel Simms and their parents to visit their grandparents in the mountains of Vermont. Todd is twelve, Jewel is thirteen. Both have springy black hair and serious expressions. Jewel loves to read, while Todd enjoys video games including one called Crack Me Up where the goal is to jump off a mountain and see how many bones you can break. Okay now I want to play this video game. 

Mario is super excited, even bringing a leaf blower which TOTALLY won't play into the book later or anything. He just has a thing for leaf blowers. If he's careful he might find his weird fet-Anyway, we learn that Grandma Alba, or MomMom, is always full of life and sings a lot while Harlan, or Grandpa Tweety, is an author, who wrote The Big Book of Imps & Trolls and Fairies, Sprites & Elves That I Have Known. Not the catchiest title ever but it delivers what it promises I guess. He's also called Grandpa Tweety because he can make bird calls of any kind, not because he has a love for Looney Tunes. He also has a giant birdcage filled with birds, which Mario says he'll be trapped in later. Dude, spoilers!

They arrive at Grandpa Tweety and MomMom's place and Mario is super excited about being in the snowy mountains. As someone who lives in Canada, dude you're not missing much. We meet MomMom and Grandpa Tweety, who are also super excited to see everyone. We see the birdcage including a pair of lovebirds before everyone has stew. Mario is still stoked and hopes to take pictures in the woods because he brought a camera along with a leaf blower. Grandpa Tweety also mentions that he's writing about Puckwudgies, humanoid creatures with porcupine backs. MomMom sings and it's a song that nobody knows but her but she thinks everyone already knows it. But more importantly, their cat Firefly is in a panic. Mario asks why, to which Grandpa Tweety mentions it's probably the goblin in the garden. 

Yes, there is indeed a goblin roaming around in the garden of the Simms' grandparents place and Mario is of course excited, but Grandpa Tweety says to just leave it alone and definitely don't take any pictures of it. But this is also super early in the book so Mario thinks this is all just a big jape to mess with him, though Grandpa Tweety says he's just preparing Mario. He then gives everyone pendants filled with nutmeg, which wards away the goblins since they get awful hungry in the winter. He then tells the story about meeting an Imp in the laundry room and while he says all this is true, Jewel tells Mario that this is all a load of barnacles. The Imp was taking a bath in the washing machine and when Tweety caught him the imp leapt out, took his clothes, and ran. Imps wear clothes. Good to know. They then head to the laundry room and find a tiny leather jacket. 

Todd and Jewel again tell Mario that this is all just Grandpa Tweety's stories, but even they don't know what to believe. And while MomMom is a great knitter, she can't exactly knit a leather jacket. But their conversation is cut short later that night when Mario and Todd hear a scream outside. And sure enough, they spot a rabbit on the ground in a pool of blood. Dead. Its stomach hacked up and its guts pouring out. Yep. This is a Stine book alright. Also feels like a long time since he got to kill an animal in Goosebumps so dude was pent up. Mario can't sleep because, well, he just saw a murdered animal and heads downstairs, only to see Grandpa Tweety in his birdcage with the lovebirds. Which yeah, should be concerning, but I mean, as Grandpa Tweety brings up the next day he does have to clean the birdcage and I mean he likes the birds he owns. So nothing too creepy yet. Unless he's like Troy McClure with fish then we shouldn't worry.

Mario, Todd and Jewel head out to the woods to look at the birds, which Grandpa Tweety mentions he's been calling and observing for 150 years, which is either a joke or dead serious at this point. Mario notices a shadowy creature leap into the bushes. He thinks it's a goblin, but Todd and Jewel don't believe him and they move on. But before they return home, Mario encounters a small creature with green fur, pointy ears, horns on its head and catlike eyes. It goes to attack Mario, but Mario knocks it down with his camera bag and takes a picture. But when Todd and Jewel arrive, there's no goblin in Mario's picture. The siblings chalk it up to being a raccoon and move on. But when Mario returns to the house, he sees Firefly in a panic, so at least the cat believes him, I guess.

Another pressing matter is that Mr. and Mrs. Simms are gone. MomMom and Grandpa Tweety aren't all concerned, saying they must have just left suddenly, and any attempt by Todd to call them just goes to voicemail. They then notice that Mario isn't wearing his pendant, which probably explains why he got attacked. That night, Mario encounters an Imp who isn't too thrilled that Mario is in his bed. He also knows Mario by name, which of course confuses Mario. When he wakes up however, there's no imp, just Todd and Jewel. There's a convenient blizzard going on, the house is freezing, and still no sign of Todd and Jewel's parents. The kids head through the house and Jewel shows Mario one of the rooms in the house which is covered in bird feet. You see, when one of Grandpa Tweety's birds die, he cuts their feet off and hangs them in the room as a really, really screwed up souvenir. 

They then head to MomMom's knitting room where they find a whole bunch of tiny clothing with holes in the back, perhaps for a tail. Todd and Jewel again claim it must be for something else, totally not for goblins or other tiny animals. They then find a photo album which has pictures of goblins in the clothing that MomMom knitted. They show Grandpa Tweety, but he says it's all just photoshopped images of Goblins that his fans sent him. They loved his book so much, especially the goblin stuff that they sent art in an album and titled it "A Goblin Gathering". So Tweety spent half this book saying "Oh yeah, the goblins are totally real" and is now trying to poker face that they're not. That or he's literally bird-brained. 

The next day, still no sign of Mr. and Mrs. Simms. Mario goes out to the woods and spots Grandpa Tweety observing the birds, writing into a black book. He puts some birdseed in his hand and a bird lands in it. That would be a cute moment if not for the fact that Grandpa Tweety immediately eats the bird. So now we know what he does with the rest of the body.  Mario then follows Grandpa Tweety who meets with the goblin. Mario tries to take a picture, but the goblin attacks him and destroys his camera, so good luck getting proof now. Though at this point Todd and Jewel could see actual photos of the goblin and still think Mario's being delusional. And that's the case when he returns. When Mario spots the birdcage, he notices the lovebirds are missing, which Tweety then says there weren't any lovebirds. 

The kids go sledding and Mario continues to try to get Todd and Jewel to believe him, but of course they don't. Same with the lovebirds, which they don't recall any lovebirds. They sled a bit when suddenly Todd slips off his sled and crashes into a rock, cracking his skull. Jewel and Mario are concerned, but Todd recovers like nothing happened. The next day, Mario wakes Todd and Jewel up early so they can spy on Grandpa Tweety, which even Mario realizes might be all for naught if Grandpa Tweety doesn't show up and eats another bird. They see Grandpa Tweety with a pheasant, and he indeed eats it, but Todd and Jewel were busy watching some turkeys instead. Sadly, this book isn't called Gobblin' Monday.

Later, Grandpa Tweety tells everyone about his encounter with a Gremlin in his truck. After that, Mario heads to bed and sees a tiny green glove on his pillow. He finds the goblin and manages to grab it, throwing it in the closet. He finally gets everyone to see it, to which Tweety panics, saying that the goblin has friends. And sure enough, more goblins show up, ready to attack. Not only that, but MomMom and Tweety transform into goblins because of course they're goblins as well. Mr. and Mrs. Simms show up and are also goblins. Mario, Todd and Jewel panic, especially when the goblins send them into the birdcage. Mario grabs the pendant of nutmeg, but the goblins tell them that it's actually cinnamon instead. I mean, if they're all goblins why would they have the thing to ward goblins? It's just common sense. Mario manages to escape and grabs the leaf blower, which he had filled with nutmeg. Because, Mario is a goblin hunter. He blasts everyone, except Mr. and Mrs. Simms because he needs them to drive him home.

Mario then has Mr. and Mrs. Simms drive him home with Todd and Jewel. He mentions that this was actually his first mission as a goblin hunter and that after he's brought home, he'll have the Simms family taken in. Too bad then that he didn't realize that Todd and Jewel are goblins too, and Todd is all out of nutmeg. And so the book ends with Mario being torn to shreds and eaten alive by Todd and Jewel. And not like vaguely either, the book mentions Jewel tearing into his chest and Todd clawing his leg. 

Two books into House of Shivers and in terms of feeling like a new take on Goosebumps, Goblin Monday both achieves that and also doesn't. It does feel like so many of the trappings that Stine has done before with everyone but the protagonist being the monsters all along. And with the Todd and Jewel stuff in particular, it does feel like the book makes that way too obvious, making the twist have less impact than I think Stine intended. But it also does feel like a fresher Goosebumps because there's some decent gore and horror in this one. Especially with how the book ends with that twist that while it treads so much water that we've seen in this series, you don't get many twists in modern Goosebumps that pretty much make it clear that the protagonist not only dies, but gets decimated. Not to mention the dead rabbit. 

The biggest flaw this book has is its pacing. I don't actually mind the slow build, even if it does feel like padding in certain areas. Especially given the book's odd choice to at first have Grandpa Tweety talk so much about his encounters and the creatures he discovers, only to later start to deny any validity. At least with Todd and Jewel constantly gaslighting Mario, I can understand it. Perhaps because Mario is learning too much that Tweety twists his story lest Mario catch him in the act. But if they were so certain they could kill Mario anyway, why would any of this matter? The only obvious answer being that the goblins are trickster monsters who want to toy with their meal before eating them alive. Like Tweety and the birds. And there are other things that feel less elaborated on like the dream with the imp and the bird feet room. Both feel like little things that Stine added but didn't really try to make sense of.

I will also say the Mario being a secret goblin hunter twist is kind of dumb, even for Goosebumps. Mainly in that it feels like a classic case of Stine hitting a wall. He needed to find a way to incorporate both nutmeg and the leaf blower into the finale, but why would Mario have a leaf blower full of nutmeg? So screw it, make him a secret agent. But for the twist to really land, make him a rookie agent who can still be easily defeated, which explains Mario's naive mentality when it comes to discovering and battling the goblins, or even him not thinking that Todd and Jewel were also goblins, even if it should have been obvious when Todd smashed his head into a rock and nothing happened. Maybe that's why Todd liked that bone breaking game. Because he can't feel pain himself? The book does sort of explain in the end that neither Todd nor Jewel really invited Mario with them, they just thought the other did. So it's far from the worst case of Stine spinning his wheels, but it does feel noticeable. 

Other than that, Mario is an okay protagonist. The goblins are also solid antagonists who do feel like actual threats, especially to Mario. Granted, easy to process that they're goblins all along, but Mario was a rookie, so you can forgive him being dumb. I do wonder, however, about the original version of this story. The one that more closely fits the cover art. The original version had Mario discover a goblin in a stone cocoon which he brings inside. The focus seemingly being more about Mario having to battle more goblins. Maybe it felt too lawn gnomes? So when we get a book that turns into bird eating goblins who battle a secret agent, you can definitely tell that there was wheel spinning abound. Not to the level of wheel spinning that plagued Fifth-Grade Zombies, but pretty close. 

Overall, this book is fine, but flawed. Flawed in its pacing, which goes too breakneck by the end and stymied by random Secret Agent Mario, and flawed in perhaps making too much too obvious to the reader that the final twist falters slightly. But it still works in terms of scares and feeling like a darker Goosebumps book than usual. So it's worth a recommend. Two books deep into House of Shivers and things have been fine but not spectacular. We got mummies next and we know Stine can get messed up with them. Hoping for the best.