Scared to Death

 
Last year for the blog, we covered Scared Stiff, a book from Jahnna N. Malcolm that was reprinted for Scholastic's "Apple Chillers" line. And it was one I really liked, as the story of kids having to deal with the zombie of an ex-con led to some of the best set pieces in any of the books I've covered. So, for our second year, we're going to continue with the look back through Apple Chillers with another Jahnna N. Malcolm book. Let's see how we're about to be Scared to Death.

Now, in truth, this isn't the cover for the version I'm reading from. The one I'm reading from is the original release. And while that's all fine and dandy, does the job in selling us about an old babysitter being killed by being, as the title suggests, scared to death. But... like... LOOK AT HOW AMAZING THIS COVER IS! The freakishness of the hand  sticking out from the grave, with it even looking a little skeletal underneath. And then the tombstone. There's something funny about killing this woman, burying her, and having her tombstone say "Oops!" The perfect type of camp silliness that I love when covering these books. 

And for the hell of it, here's the original cover and it's, like I said, fine. Moving on.

Elliot, Quentin and Muffie Bullock are three shitty kids. Easiest way of putting it really. They're brats so notoriously bad, they've driven off many a babysitter. Aside from insulting one another, Quentin is a young taxidermist, Elliot keeps eating junk food and Muffie constantly tattles on them. Their mother and their father, Reginald Bullock III, are already not ready to endure an eight hour drive to Maine with these hellions. But they hope to make things work as they also pick up the nanny to take care of them, a woman named Lucille Andrews. The kids are excited about this, because given their track record of chasing off sitters, they expect this one to be an easy job. And, sure enough, once Quentin pulls out a stuffed rat, Lucille makes a run for it. 

But the Bullock parents aren't going to just let the kids get away with, you know, screwing up this trip. Mr. Bullock also refers to them as Mrs. Bullock's kids and not his, which means oh yeah, he regrets not pulling out threefold. They drive to Bar Harbor and arrive at a house named Maldemare. It's ramshackle and in horrible shape, not exactly the pretty vacation house they were expecting. I mean, could be worse. It could have a time travelling closet. The parents are unhappy with the shape of the house and already plan to call the realtors and likely sue. Given they come off as rich snobs who live in a fancy apartment on Fifth Avenue, yeah, I think the problem with the kids is as much their fault as anyone else's. 

But before they can get litigious, they still need to call for a sitter. Because, and this is Mr. Bullock speaking, he doesn't trust these kids to not torch the house. Like, this guy seems like one infraction away from just dumping them in the woods and driving off. Mrs. Bullock things he's being too hard on them, which oh yeah, NOW I see why they suck. They find a phone book from 1953 which even for 1992 that's old. But they do find a listing for "Eternally Yours Sitter Service". And already I'm kind of seeing where this is going. Hopefully it subverts though. The phone number works and the sitter answers the phone. She says that she'll be on the way soon, even though Mr. Bullock never specified any address. Reader beware, you're in for and era before caller ID was a major thing.

But, despite the call, nobody seems to show up, leaving Mr. Bullock to leave his kids home alone, though he threatens to send them to boarding school if they wreck the place. Or at least wreck it any worse than it already is. The kids check around and find an old bedroom filled with toys and old candy. Like it was a nursery for a kid decades ago. Sure enough, they find a photo of a kid named Jonathan Chase Kensington born in 1953. They hear noises above them in the attic, but before they can see what that's about, the doorbell rings. Awaiting them at the door is a strange woman dressed in all black with pointed toe black high-tops holding a maroon bag. Quentin addresses her as the Mary Poppins from Hell. Great first impressions you're giving her kids. Give her a reason to want to murder you. 

The woman introduces herself as Ariadne P. Belljar and she's from Eternally Yours. She's also super strict, even managing to get Elliot to get rid of his snacks. The kids yell at her, but she doesn't flinch. In fact, all of their normal tactics don't seem to work. But realizing they might have to go the whole summer with her, the three decide they'll try scaring her with Quentin's stuffed creatures. They throw  his dead creatures Ariadne and she begins to panic before collapsing in Elliot's arms. And not moving at all. Not breathing either. So yeah, these three kids just killed their babysitter. Well, normally I'd say they being rich and white, this wouldn't be an issue, but I dunno, their dad seems an infraction away from dumping them in the forest, so yeah, they're screwed.

Elliot and Muffie are in a panic, but Quentin, who I'm all but sure is bound to be an American Psycho-esque killer in his future, says that they shouldn't call an ambulance since it'll mean their parents will think they killed her, even though they did. They should just go to bed, leave the corpse on the floor and it'll all look like she just had a heart attack. So they drag the body into the library, set it up like she was reading a book and having some tea before dying, then go up to bed. However, they still hear the creaking in the attic, which is enough to frighten them. They wake up as a convenient storm has hit. They check downstairs to find their parents home. But relatively calm due to not seeing Ariadne's corpse. The kids check the library, but discover her corpse is nowhere to be seen. The kids chalk it up to her maybe being in shock, waking up, then leaving, but Quentin thinks it's wiser to not tell anyone about the previous night until they know for certain that Ariadne Belljar is still alive.

After annoying their dad at breakfast, the kids get sent to their rooms, but not before Elliot gets some donuts, because this whole book has just been "Hey fatty, you're fuckin' fat" with him. But as he eats one with red jelly in it, he then sees there's a rat in one. Not one of the stuffed rats that Quentin owns, but rather a formerly live one, meaning that the red jelly is rat guts. He thinks it came from Quentin, but Quentin's busy dealing with a coral snake in his suitcase. As the two boys blame each other over these elaborate pranks, they hear Muffie scream and find that her room is filled with bugs. They then hear the strange sound of laughter outside.  That's when they realize that Ariadne might be behind all this. Well, I did say they gave her a reason to murder them. At least she seems to be acting on it.

They then get a phone call. Quentin answers and sure enough it's Ariadne who says that now that she has her children back, she'll never let them go. The three then realize that she must be inside the house already, given that she's likely been the one pulling tricks on them. Mr. and Mrs. Bullock then tell the kids to go to their rooms to get dressed for a rainy tour of Bar Harbor. But when they try to show their parents proof of what Ariadne's done, there are no bugs anywhere. Oh, but she is definitely staring at them from outside a window. So the three have another conundrum. They could have Ariadne arrested for breaking and entering, but that would also require revealing that they harassed her and then thought to have murdered her. So no matter what they do, they can't win.

But Quentin did find the address of Eternally Yours, so maybe if they can find the company, they can get her fired. Because, you know, you already almost killed her, surely getting her shitcanned will make her leave you alone. They find the place, but it's empty, seemingly abandoned for decades. Even the phones are broken, so it seems way odder that she even called at all. They then find a conveniently placed newspaper clipping on a bulletin board mentioning that Ariadne Belljar went missing in July of 1953. She was due to babysit for the Kensington family but couldn't be found. Then, weeks later, the entire Kensington family disappeared in a case suspected to be foul play. So now it clues on the kids, Ariadne possibly murdered the Kensington family, returned to the scene of the crime and thinks that they're the Kensington family, and that they need to be double murdered. 

The three decide to call the cops about this, but the cops are of little help, other than to provide some context that the patriarch of the Kensington family had become district judge. They bought the Maldemare house, then just up and left. There was never any sign of a murder happening, no mention of a Ariadne Belljar, and the Eternally Yours service just ultimately up and died. Quentin then realizes that the noises they've heard in the attic have been Ariadne's the whole time. She's been living in the Maldemare house this entire time. They also realize that if they go back to the house, she'll be there to do whatever she has planned. They try to fake being sick, but their parents don't fall for that given, well, these kids can't be trusted. So the three tell their parents (most of) the truth about Ariadne at their house and why they're worried she's still there. So, Mr. Bullock decides to go in first just to get this paranoia off their minds. But despite her skulking about, the parents never see her. 

Mr. and Mrs. Bullock then leave again, leaving the kids now home alone with a possible serial killer in the attic. And now they have to face her with whatever sharp objects they can find, because they may have to actually kill her this time, which they have reservations about, despite the fact they thought they did kill her and left her corpse the last time. After some fumbling about due to a power outage and needing to get candles to see, they manage to get into the attic and see Ariadne in a rocking chair facing away from them. After giving her the verbal business, they get annoyed at the lack of a response. When they then see her face, they realize that they're talking to an actual corpse. Flesh old and rotten, body bony and decayed. They didn't kill Miss Belljar that night, she's been dead for forty years. In their shock, they accidentally knock their candle onto the corpse, burning it and setting the house on fire. Well, their dad's prophecy was fulfilled. 

The kids try to escape the burning house, but the ghost of Ariadne Belljar stops them at every turn. Even scaring them with her extended arms and disembodied head. The kids are doomed before Quentin remembers his stuffed animals and throws them at Ariadne, which scares the ghost and gives them a chance to escape. As they recover, they begin to realize what happened in 1953. When Ariadne was sent to watch the Kensington family, it was clear then that she was insane and a danger to the family, so they locked her in the attic and fled, leaving her to die. And when the Bullock family arrived, her ghost finally had a chance to continue her evil deeds. 

The family make their leave of Bar Harbor with Mr. and Mrs. Bullock planning to leave the kids with their grandparents while they take a vacay in Nova Scotia. Because at this point, these parents would rather flee the country than deal with these brats. As they drive off, the parents mention that a few items survived the fire, including a maroon bag. But it's not their mother's bag. Sure enough, Miss Ariadne Belljar is in the car with them, saying that the Eternally Yours part was super literal. 

I really liked this one. Again, much like with Scared Stiff, what I really like is how well the horror is handled. Maybe not as beat for beat disturbing as with Scared Stiff, the book always gives this presence that Ariadne is a threat to the kids. This looming presence of danger that the kids never know how to really deal with until the end. It kind of works as a morality tale, but not fully. They will still be rotten kids regardless. But I can kind of see why they're that way. The parents feel like they don't care at all about their kids, especially the dad who is so ready to bounce from the whole family at a moment's notice. Given the kids live in decent wealth and seem to be spoiled, I can see why they turned out to be so rude and rotten. They never really get punished enough. Just threatened at worst.

As such, you have three kids who all feel very basic, despite being bratty. Quentin is the smartest of the three, definitely more of a mastermind. Elliot is mostly here to be shit on for being fat and eating a lot, which got so excessive that it's a major reason this isn't getting the rating it could have gotten regardless. And Muffie is here to tattle or complain about not wanting to go anywhere dirty, feeling very much like the stereotypical way to write a girl character. So, while annoying, they are also better leads than most since they do have character to them, stereotypical as they may be. They definitely feel more realistic than most Goosebumps protagonists end up at the very least. 

Ariadne is also a really decent villain. We get some pieces as to what's going on with her, and it's clear that Eternally Yours was likely evil entirely. Her having some sort of magic to have her ghost eternally haunt would make sense as to why her ghost is still around. My guess is that when Ariadne was still alive, she never left when she should have, went insane and was shoved in the basement when the Kensingtons left. So, I guess since she was alive then she didn't have the power to keep haunting them, so the first fresh mark after she became a ghost was a perfect replacement for the Kensingtons that got away. 

It's incredible that I've really enjoyed so much of Jahnna N. Malcom's work like I have. Don't Ever Get Sick at Granny's really was the lone outlier. I like Scared Stiff more because I felt the horror was more intense, but this one is still really good for a horror story for kids. Some things haven't aged well, especially the constant attacking of Elliot's weight, but if you can excuse that, you get a solid kids horror story that was published only a few months before Goosebumps began. So, it's always cool to see Scholastic kids horror without Stine at the helm, to give us that fun change of pace. Scared to Death gets a B+.