Saturday, October 7, 2023

Camp Crystal Lake: Mother's Day


It's October as I'm writing this, meaning that the official spooky month of the year is upon us. It's also a month where we're getting a Friday the 13th. And given the two line up really well with this blog, it means a perfect opportunity to cover some horror based around everyone's favorite hockey mask-wearing undead mommy's boy, Jason Voorhees. 

In 1994, the days of the slasher stars being the biggest things ever had died out. Both Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street pretty much ended their franchises at that point with 1993's Jason Goes to Hell wrapping things up for the series for about a decade. But with there still being interest in the genre, as well as a bustling boom of teen horror books, mainly thanks to the likes of Christopher Pike and R.L. Stine, there was a market to attempt to bring Jason to the teen novel market. And in 1994, four books based on Friday the 13th were written by Eric Morse, the penname of William Pattison, who has also written books like What is Hip Hop?, What is Punk?, as well as possibly a shit ton of books about bitcoin and crypto. Fuck. But we're not here to talk about that shit, we're here to read a bunch of silly horror books about Friday the 13th. So let's start with Mother's Day.



I like this cover. It's good and creepy with the hand sticking out, just about to grab the leg of the girl in front. It's a frightening scenario. My problem is it doesn't scream Friday the 13th. If not for the logo, you'd probably not put two and two together. I think that really keeps it from being so much better than it has the potential of being. Still cool though.



We open the story with a hunter in the woods, preparing to kill a doe. However, before he can do so, he ends up tripping over what looks like a white rock. Upon further inspection, it's the grave marker of Jason Voorhees. Deciding that the gravestone of a notorious murdering zombie in a hockey mask will make him famous, he starts to dig at the site, only to find a box. Opening the box, he finds something so scary that he can't stop screaming. Insert Seven reference here. We then cut to our protagonist, Carly McDonnell, talking with her friend Billy Boone, or just Boone. A twenty year old dropout known for his pranks and partying, including duplicating gym keys and having his own prom with the students while dressed as their principal Miss Meriam. Drunken debauchery while crossdressing. Neat.

Boone calls Carly to invite her for an overnight camping trip, which is tricky for Carly to do with her strict mother, but she's excited. Less excited that hot French exchange student Monique Dufy is coming, but a bit finer with Paul Sexton, the hot jock. A very on point last name. He'll be there with his freshman roommate that we don't know the name of just yet. Also Kyle and Suzanne, a couple so in love that people say Kyleandsuzanne a lot because they're so inseparable they might as well be their own word. Boone asks Carly to come, but she's a bit hesitant given that Mother's Day is coming up and she usually spends it with her mother, but Boone promises she'll be back by then, so Carly accepts. Back to the hunter who is now under the control of the thing in the box (which if you know Friday the 13th lore just enough, you can guess what it is by now) to dig in a specific area at what was Camp Crystal Lake. And sure enough, the hunter finds the mask of Jason Voorhees and puts it on, seemingly gaining Jason's power and bloodlust.


The day arrives and Carly heads out for her trip with Boone and the others. She meets Paul Sexton, who is described as essentially a blonde god. We also meet his roommate Albert Harris, who is the opposite of Paul in being described as fat and clammy and nervous. They leave their town of Newkirk, passing by many streets, including, yes, an Elm Street because every town has an Elm Street. They meet with Kyle and Suzanne who are described as being more hippie-like, even driving a Mystery Machine-esque VW. They then meet with Monique who leaves with Paul on his Kawasaki Ninja. Everyone heads out to Camp Crystal Lake, all while Carly and Albert actually form a decent friendship given both are easily scared of stuff and both can't drive. So hey, at least the book's not going to fully punch down fatty. 

They stop at a gas station called Ned's Gas, while we then move our attention to a small cottage in the woods as a couple are talking about not getting word from someone named Joe Travers. As if he vanished off the planet in a concerning manner. As they exit the house to go to the sheriff, they open the door and are shot dead by the hunter and his shotgun. As everyone stops for the moment, Boone reveals to Albert and the others the stories surrounding Camp Crystal Lake. How the camp is cursed, how Jason drowned as a boy, how his mother Pamela Voorhees went on a killing spree, was decapitated, her head wasn't found with the body, and how there's stories of Jason's corpse constantly coming back to life and killing everyone he can whenever they step foot on Camp Crystal Lake grounds. Or Manhattan that one time. But that was all years ago. Things have been quiet for a while. No way a hockey masked killing machine could ever come back and kill AGAIN, right? I mean, I hope so or this'll be a dull book.


And just in case they were uncertain that Jason is definitely dead and gone, an old man named Ned Varner, who is described as chunky looking, comes here to tell the kids that Jason is definitely, totally and 100% completely dead as a doornail. He also says that Jason is in Hell the Final Friday. He's definitely in hell and some other burned face corpse guy with a claw glove is down there with him, waiting for the day they'll be able to finally get that crossover they've wanted so much. Filled with all the nu-metal and F-slurs to make it somehow more dated than the original 80s movies. But despite the warnings and the definite concern that should be placed for going to ol' Camp Blood, the teens still head there anyway. They get bunked, though Monique panics once she realizes that it's a rather dusty and dirty place. Kyle and Suzanne head out for a walk, and don't come right back!... oh wait, they do at the campfire. That's an end chapter stinger even Stine would roll his eyes on.

The teens gather at the campfire and drink. This is Carly's first beer and she thinks it tastes like horse piss, or what she thinks horse piss would taste like. Wh... why you thinking about drinking horse piss? What brain scenario leads to that? She gets her first buzz and sees that everyone (aside from Albert) are coupled up, which includes Kyle and Suzanne and Monique and Boone. Boone says she managed to get Monique to go there by tricking her mother, which angers Carly because she's very protective of treating mothers with respect which, hey, cool stance I agree upon. Carly gets comforted by Paul, as she at least hopes she's into him. Boone continues talking about Jason and the hockey mask, while unbeknownst to them, the hunter in the hockey mask is watching them from afar. They make their way to the cabins, with Monique and Carly taking one. Carly puts a few things around the cabin to make it feel decorated, which I wish this book was auditory because that would be a neat montage. The two talk about Boone and Paul while Monique strips down to get ready to bed, because even as a book what's Friday the 13th without naked (Legal because holy fuck if they weren't) teenagers? Paul shows up, scaring them, as he goes to walk with Carly.


Over at Albert's bunk, upset about being there, annoyed with Paul for ditching him and having the girls fawn over him. Monique shows up, looking for Boone, yet finds herself in love with Albert. The two almost make out when worms suddenly show up and start to eat Albert alive. But that was just a dream. That was just a dream. That's me in the corner... But oddly there was a worm on his forehead biting him. Carly and Paul make out for a bit before Paul asks her to skinny dip with him. She refuses, which angers him because of course he sucks. Carly makes her leave but not before being caught by JAS- oh wait it's just Boone in a hockey mask, scaring her. I mean, say what you will with how wet blanket Albert is, but so far he's the best guy here. Though Kyle might be okay. Remember Kyle? We're about 70-some pages left and I almost forgot Kyle existed. Huh. 

The next day, Paul and Carly race each other while Albert heads to town to find a phone and Monique plays in the water with Boone. Kyle and Suzanne decide to meditate, which makes it easy for the hunter to slit their throats. Albert arrives at the gas station, but the phone won't work, so he treks to Ned Varner's house in hopes of finding one that works. When he arrives, the door is open and he heads inside to find Ned' mom... or, to be more precise, Ned's mom's CORPSE. Yeah, I neglected for a moment to mention that Ned mentions talking with his mother, which we now know means that he's kept his mom's dead body around because it's the only company he has. Because this is 1994 and it wouldn't be until about 30 years that people started making AI versions of their family for company and somehow THAT'S more of a nightmare scenario than propping your dead mom in a chair all Weekend at Bernie's style. 


Ned shows up and goes to stab Albert, but Albert grabs the corpse of Ned's mom and shields himself with it, causing Ned to stab his mom in the head. That's enough for Albert to make a run for it. Paul continues running and gets lost, only to encounter the hunter still holding the box and still brandishing his shotgun. Paul runs for it, but ends up tripping and falling, his fate seemingly sealed. Albert continues to be chased by Mr. Varner, but before Varner can finish him off, the hunter stabs Albert instead, killing him. Boone and Monique make out in a small canoe. When Boone cuts his lip, Monique says that he's being a little pushy, which I think means what YOU think it means. The rocky waters send Boone falling out of the boat and into the water... and not coming back up. As Monique panics, suddenly someone leaps out of the water and stabs her. Boone gets out to scare her, but finds Monique dead in the boat with a huge slash over her body. The hunter goes to attack him, but Boone hit him in the throat with the canoe paddle.

Carly searches around the woods in the dark and finds the bodies of Kyle and Suzanne. She runs off and heads to Paul's car to try to drive off. But this is a horror story, so of course the car's not working. Suddenly, the hunter attacks the car with the shotgun and goes to shoot Carly, only for Paul to save her in time by stabbing the hunter multiple times. He apologizes for putting them all in danger because he thought the stories about Camp Crystal Lake were just that. Stories. Carly says they should stab the hunter more, to make sure, but this is a horror story so of course they don't do that. They head to Boone's Kawasaki and try to drive off, but Boone gets his freaking head blown off by the shotgun. Yeah, you should have probably stabbed him a dozen more time. Forty whacks with a wet noodle, Bart!


With the hunter pursuing her, Carly escapes to Crystal Lake and hides in the trees, finding Paul's corpse stabbed to a tree. She takes the knife since it's at least some defense. because she can't swim and I guess the hunter thinks she got away in the water. Carly hikes more, looking for escape, only to find the remains of Albert's body, meaning she's the only one left. Oh, and also meaning she didn't really make it too far. She's still at Camp Crystal Lake and still being chased by a maniac with a shotgun. Also Ned Varner's dead too because of course. But she then finds the box and inside, to the surprise of no Friday fan, is the head of Pamela Voorhees, who then narcs out Carly to the hunter, telling him where to find her. After the hunter grabs the head, then puts it down, Carly takes the knife and starts to stab at him. He tries to kill her with a rock, but she manages to pull the mask off, reverting the man to his original state and causing him to succumb to his wounds. She then takes the shotgun and shoots Pamela Voorhees' head, causing it to explode. She takes the canoe and starts to row to safety, but not before placing the mask on a rock and throwing it into the Crystal Lake waters, believing that everything's all over. Well, for now at least. There's three books left (technically four but we'll get to it).



I liked this one. I think my only issue is that it's a case of the pacing being all over the place. Slow to start, then rather rushed by the end as the bodies all get offed super quick by the end instead of better placed. And they all do feel like the same two types of kills. Stabs and shotgun blasts. Which I mean, in fairness, while there are some cool kills in the Friday the 13th franchise, the series does rely on a whole lot of stabbing. I also like what is clearly the gimmick of these books. The villain isn't Jason. But unlike, say, Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning, it's not just some other killer that's less connected to Jason. It's the mask of Jason being somehow the source of evil possession. Good odds that Pattison wanted to use Jason, but given how he was killed off in Jason Goes to Hell, it would be difficult to do so, so instead we get important references to keep fans satisfied. The hockey mask, Pamela Voorhees' head, Camp Crystal Lake. The constant reminders of the lore of the series. It all makes for a book that always feels like Friday the 13th. 

Carly is a solid protagonist. Someone who is very serious and straight-laced, and even when she loosens on that and does things like get drunk, she still has self respect and won't be put in a vulnerable situation like the skinny dipping. It makes for her to really be the only character, other than Albert, who you'd be cool with seeing survive. I like Albert, and I like that for the most part he isn't just treated like the fat joke. Though the book makes sure to constantly point out that he's a total loser and aside from Carly, everyone treats him like shit. So when he's killed off you do feel bad because it would have been neat to at least see him survive. Monique is okay for the more snobby girl, and while the book at first tries to treat her like she's the "slutty flirt" I don't get that at all from her. Just very snobby and very French at most. 

Paul and Boone both suck. Paul more so, which I expected given he's got the gimmick of hunky teen asshole. And after the scene with Carly where he tries to force her to skinny dip, I didn't feel so bad about him being killed. One less incel MRA in the world is fine by me. Boone isn't as bad as Paul, but constantly pranks everyone and is a nuisance at worst. Our joker character at most. Then there's our hippy dippy Superfluous Clays, Kyle and Suzanne, who are really just here to be added to the body count. Kyle more so, because at least Carly mentions that she and Suzanne were best friends before she fell for Kyle and his hippie lifestyle. If this were a different era they'd likely be played more as the stoner types along with the spiritual vibe to them. But ultimately they'd still just be victims and nothing less.

Our villains are also interesting. The hunter has no name, no identity that we can latch on to him, which is kind of the point. He's just a hunter who gained the power of Jason Voorhees and became controlled by the power of Pamela's head. Which sucks if you want to have a more interesting killer, but given they couldn't up and use the actual Jason, then having him just be a stand-in is fine. A stand-in Jason with a shotgun by the way, now that's scary. I do have to wonder how the mask is suddenly this source of Jason's power. I mean, it was just an ordinary hockey mask he found in the third film and now it can turn the wearer into an unkillable machine. I need to watch the entire series of movies, but in my opinion it feels more in line with the Hell Mask from Splatterhouse than with Friday the 13th. What's more confusing of course is Ned Varner, who feels added to have an extra horror beat in a book that already has a hulking gun toting supervillain. Honestly, that whole scene feels like it could have been cut out and nothing would have been lost. We have a villain who is a Superfluous Clay. Go fig. 

So overall I enjoyed this one. Even with some pacing issues it still flowed well enough for a quick read. I like that they tie the story around Mother's Day with it both being set around the holiday but also involving Pamela Voorhees. And it feels very in line with a Fear Street story that Stine would write. Only he'd be filling it with so many chapter twists that it would explode. We have three more of these and the next one is a follow up featuring Boone's sister Kelly, who was mentioned in this book, but clearly was being held for the next book, so we'll have to see how this continues. As for the first book, it's a definite recommend for both Friday the 13th fans and those just wanting a brisk teen horror romp. Maybe give us a better reasoning for Ned Varner to exist and the rating would be better, but Mother's Day gets an A- regardless.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.