Back to Ghoul: The Bailey School Kids #01: Vampires Don't Wear Polka Dots

Time to start yet another book series. One I've kind of been waffling about doing for a while. Look, less Goosebumps related stuff now kind of means I have to expand on other things eventually. And of all the things on my to-do list, none intrigue me quite as much as The Bailey School Kids books by Marcia Thornton Jones and Debbie Dadey. A children's book series in which the titles are awful judgy about 
 what a monster can and cannot do. They're also just under 100 pages meaning these will be a breeze to cover. But will that also mean too breezy and lead to a lack of much to cover? Well, we always have this first blog as a litmus test. Let's see why exactly Vampires Don't Wear Polka Dots. 

So there are a few different covers for this book given rereleases and all, but we'll focus on the original covers for simplicity's sake. It's an okay cover, I love the design of Mrs. Jeepers, with the focus on her brooch and her polka dotted attire. But, I don't know, I've never felt like she comes off as vampire-like as the title suggests. That's kind of the point of the series, I know, but to me, it doesn't make me think of her as anything more than just a normal person who might look a bit creepy and odd. Later covers do a better job in selling her as a possible vampire, but this one just doesn't hit the same notes. Still a great first cover and memorable enough in its own way.

So before we get to the blog proper, we'll at least talk about how these book are set up as they are all based around the same set of characters. A group of third grade kids in Bailey City who go to Bailey Elementary. Howie, Melody, Liza and Eddie are the names of the central kids and each story has them trying to solve the mystery of a mysterious person and if they might actually be a supernatural being. So in other words a group of snoops. Do they get their answers and confirmations? Well, let's find out. 

We open as the class are awaiting their new teacher as they drove their previous teacher, Mrs. Deedee, kind of insane, thanks in no small part to filling her desk with shaving cream. She had a nervous breakdown and presumably moved to Alaska. The kids all wonder who their new teacher will be with Melody hoping for a wrestler, to which Howie, the more logical kid of the bunch, saying that wrestlers don't become teachers. Well that's bad news I guess for Tito Santana, Muhammad Hassan, George the Animal Steele, Matt Striker, Hangman Adam Page, Tim Storm, Michelle McCool... Yes, I know some of those were before they became wrestlers, but my point still stands. 

Mr. Davis, the Principal, introduces the new teacher, our titular possibly-vampire possibly wearing polka dots, Mrs. Jeepers, who looks similar to the cover. Bright red hair pulled back, a sort of devious smile, and a brooch that seems to glow as if it were enchanted. She talks to the class and sets up three rules. Act nicely to teachers and fellow students, talk at appropriate times and walk. I assume "walk, don't run", but just putting "walk" on the board is a sillier approach. Mrs. Jeepers hails from Romania, specifically Transylvania. She left for... reasons. This doesn't smell well with the kids, who think maybe she's a jewel thief or some kind of criminal. Though Eddie, the tougher kid of the group, thinks that Mrs. Jeepers seems pretty easygoing, which means she'll be easy to get rid of like Mrs. Deedee. 

As they head home from school, the kids notice someone moving into the old Clancy estate, a creepy old house that looks like it's haunted. What a coinkydink, that's where Mrs. Jeepers is moving to. Also the movers are bringing in a large box of some sort. She invites Eddie and Melody inside, and unfortunately they don't have a solid alibi to avoid entering the creepy estate of their creepy teacher. The place is old and dusty, but I guess not enough for the kids to assume vampire just yet. Even Eddie's starting to think something's up with Mrs. Jeepers, but again, still thinks somehow she's not weird. Which, you know, Eddie's not wrong. Melody in particular seems to be hammering that Mrs. Jeepers is weird, but in fairness, her living in a creepy old house was probably prime real estate. And maybe she's into gothic stuff, don't shame.

The next day, Mrs. Jeepers shows up to class a little late due to not sleeping the previous night. Also she's now wearing polka dots on her dress, so at least half of the title has come to be. Eddie tries to make a bunch of noise to annoy Mrs. Jeepers, to which she barely reacts, then scratches her nails on the chalkboard, so congrats on making the whole class have to hear that. He then pulls at Melody's pigtails and starts to... wiggle his hips? I don't know if Mrs. Jeepers is a vampire but I can say with confidence that Eddie sucks. After being scared by Mrs. Jeepers, but not admitting it, Eddie is willing to prove that he's brave, to which Howie dares him to see what's in the box in Mrs. Jeeper's basement. Reader beware (oh wait, wrong series) you're in for breaking and entering.

 Of course, it's not as if having Eddie do this on his own is exactly ideal given he's already a BS artist, so Melody offers to go with him that night. They sneak inside and find the box, and suspect that it's very coffin-like. There's also no way to open it, it might be locked from the inside which, I guess is a good measure for vampires to just unlock it when they get out of it, but what if the lid suddenly fell over and locked the coffin? I mean there's magic involved obviously, but that's a silly enough scenario. The kids hear some noise upstairs and make a run for it, not before seeing the ghostly visage of Mrs. Jeepers, and a flash of green light. I mean, she could be a vampire, or, you know, concerned about a robber in her house. I mean it's an old house, there's likely no security system.

The kids in the class also suspect her of being a vampire, or if not her, her husband. She is a MRS. after all. When Mrs. Jeepers arrives, the kids notice her bat bracelet, which she says was given to her by her late husband. So that avenue's blocked. Unless it's her husband's corpse in the box then, maybe that's possible. She mentions that she had prowlers in her house the previous night, seemingly motioning to Eddie and Melody, because I'd imagine she knows. I mean they're third graders screwing around in her basement, I doubt they were that stealthy. But now everyone is on edge, worried about possibly incurring the wrath of their possibly-vampire teacher. But Eddie's undeterred. He's going to get one over on Mrs. Jeepers or die trying, preferably the former. 

Eddie continues to annoy Mrs. Jeepers. First by taking his shoes off and blowing a big bubble with his gum which pops when Mrs. Jeepers points at him. I mean, that's the ultimate coincidence right there. He then jumps and runs around while everyone is doing a math relay, which is getting on Mrs. Jeepers' nerves. This book is less Vampires Don't Wear Polka Dots and more Eddie Needs a Swift Kick in the Ass. As Mrs. Jeepers rubs on her brooch, the more Eddie seems transfixed and stops being a nuisance. So he was either hypnotized or even he really likes that brooch. But despite all this, Eddie promises that he'll definitely finish this all the next day.

Howie reads a book on vampires and figures that, since they're all now certain that Mrs. Jeepers is a vampire, they should prepare themselves with all the fixins. Garlic, crosses, the works. That includes sprinkling garlic salt all over the classroom with Melody. The next day, Eddie's being annoying, while Mrs. Jeepers is sneezing wildly, as she's coincidentally allergic to garlic. What are the odds, huh? Eddie continues to kick and knock things over and pulling on pigtails. No seriously, this kid sucks. At lunch, Howie and Melody try to convince Eddie, but he says that the garlic proved nothing. Which hey, like I said this kid sucks, but when he has a point, he has a point. But he still annoys her with spitballs, which is enough for Mrs. Jeepers to grab him and take him out of the room briefly. When he comes back, he's suddenly not in the mood to antagonize anymore. The school year finishes, Eddie's not a pain anymore, and everyone ended up liking Mrs. Jeepers who probably isn't a vampire, but probably put the fear of god into Eddie.

For the first book in the series, this isn't too bad. It's very short, especially given several pages with illustrations which truncates it more, but it uses the shortness of the story well by never wasting too much time. You could argue Eddie's constant annoyances border on wheel spinning, but I don't think they're the worst case of wheel spinning. It all builds up to Eddie being a pain and the finale, while rushed, is at least finally enough to shut him up. I even like that we don't know what happened after Mrs. Jeepers got a hold of him. We just sort of end with him being forced to behave himself. Good odds that while he's brave enough to mess with a teacher, when the teacher threatens to call his parents, that's enough to scare the kid straight.

Eddie is the focus of the story and he's a pain. Very Bart Simpson-like without the charm. Going by his actions in the book, it's kind of no surprise why Mrs. Deedee checked the hell out. But I do like that he's at least the most logical kid of the group despite also being the dumbest. Logical in never falling for the belief that Mrs. Jeepers is a vampire despite the evidence, but also dumb enough to incur the wrath of a possible vampire. May as well hold up a large sign that says "please bite my neck and kill me". So it's probably for the best that Mrs. Jeepers isn't a vampire. Or probably is and showed restraint. 

Melody, Howie and the other kids mostly exist, with Melody and Howie being more the focus in the bits and pieces of the mystery. Melody at least interacts more in the story and in the action involving if Mrs. Jeepers is a vampire or not. And the mystery is fine for what is, again, a young age mystery story. With just enough of an open ending to leave the reader wondering what's going on. What IS in the box? Why did Mrs. Jeepers leave Transylvania? What's with the brooch? Is her husband actually dead? A book with an actual workable open ending is always appreciated. 

So, for our first foray, I liked this one. It's still me reading books for an age demo even younger than Goosebumps, so it's tricky to be ultra snarky towards the material, but this was a fun book to read. And given how brisk they are, I could see myself covering more, especially if there's interest in these. Vampires Don't Wear Polka Dots gets an A-.