The Stinal Countdown: Goosebumps SlappyWorld #19: Friiight Night

We've finally made it. After this book, we're officially finished with Goosebumps SlappyWorld. Our six year excursion has ended at last. In fact, to give an example of how long SlappyWorld has been, when I started the Goosebumps blogs, that was October of 2018. SlappyWorld put out its first two years of content at that point. It, by proxy, is the longest concurrent Goosebumps book series, beating out even the original 62. If this were victim to the monthly grind of the 90s, it would have more editions too. And yet, one thing bugs me about all of this. The final book isn't a Slappy book? What the hell, Bob?

Part of me wants to believe that Slappy, Beware! may have been a finale for the series at one point before becoming the 30th Anniversary Special Edition instead. Not saying it WAS, but it would at least make sense. Slappy's World ends with a Slappy story. But that crafty R.L. Stine, he keeps us on our toes. So, once more into the breach with the knothole nutjob before we can truly celebrate our freedom. And hey, this book's about a celebration. Can R.L. Stine stick the landing? It's Jovial Bob, of course not. But regardless, it's time for Friiiight Night. Sadly, no Peter Vincent to be seen.

So, as I'm writing this, there hasn't been confirmation yet on if Brandon Dorman is sticking around after SlappyWorld. This is predicated on the recent releases for the covers of the next Stine saga, Goosebumps House of Shivers. Both covers feature a visual design different from anything Dorman has provided. So, if this IS Dorman's swan song, then what a cover to go out on. I love the design of what I assume is Skwerm. Almost like a weird multi-eyed cat/fish monster. Big and daunting, yet still just silly enough looking with the polka dots and all. What is this Dusty Rhodes or something? Got my reference in early for once. Then there's the colorful balloons, the banner being knocked down, and all the candles. Though, wouldn't those balloons just be destroyed in the flames? Better hope they're not helium. 

If this is truly the end of the road for Brandon Dorman, then thanks for the amazing run with Goosebumps. Fifteen years of bringing Stine's vision to life and carrying the torch that Tim Jacobus, Mark Nagata, Crag White and even Stanislaw Fernandes and Jim Thiesen lit back in the nineties. I have said almost from day one of starting the second era books that you were the right call for the new artist and I stand by that. I hope you aren't done for good, but if you are, happy trails. Now let's talk about this book.

Update: Since writing this up, it's been confirmed that Goosebumps is moving forward with a new cover artist. So thanks Brandon for the memories. 

Kelly Crosby is unhappy. His family have moved from Little Hills Village, New Hampshire to Great Newton, Massachusetts. He equates it to being an ant and being displaced from his small hill to a big ant farm. I swear if this book is just Awesome Ants II... actually that's not the worst deal breaker. He talks with his friend Charlene Morse about his concerns about going to Adams Prep. Being a new kid in a new school in the middle of the school year and pretty much having to start from scratch. Also he still can't shut the hell up about ants. Kelly arrives at school and he hears what sounds like some sort of animal noise in the basement of the school. If it's a giant ant I'll be very upset.

He meets a kid named Gordon Willey, who hates being called Gordo, so Kelly calls him Gordo. Look, it's a dumb thing to do, but you know, ice breakers and all. Gordon takes Kelly to Ms. Waxman's class and mentions Friiight Night, but doesn't elaborate any further. Kelly meets Ms. Waxman, who constantly makes jokes. She also mentions Friiight Night as well as a series of quizzes and setting up for the event. And that someone has to date the monster. Of course, Kelly is confused, and after facetiming with Charlene for a moment on Saturday (including mentioning that he juggles which I'm sure plays into this book somehow later because of course it would), Gordon and some other kids tell him it's time to meet the monster.

Gordon, a boy named Kwame and a girl named Penny May tell Kelly that this is a school rule. Every new kid has to meet with the monster after their first week. They mention that the rival Madison Academy always brag about their monster, Burrrph, but Skwerm is so much better. Kelly thinks this must all be some big joke, but the kids are dead serious as they lead him down to the basement. He indeed meets with Skwerm, who is described as a large green creature with four red eyes, a gorilla-like head and strange blue warts on it. That's enough for Kelly to make an exit stage left and dash out of the basement. 

The others catch him and say that he made a big mistake. That he left a bad impression on his first meeting with Skwerm. Of course, Kelly's confused about there being a monster in the school basement to which the kids respond with "Uh, yeah. Every school in the state has a monster in the basement." He's also likely to be the one to date Skwerm on Friiight Night and if so, well, it won't end well for him. Kelly tries to get his parents to move, but you know, Goosebumps Parents. A brick wall would be more open and responsive. So he talks with Charlene about the situation and how he has to get on Skwerm's good side. He also checks online for information about monsters and sure enough, there's plenty of info. The monsters live in the school basements to protect the boilers in Winter and to guard the schools. So they have their uses at least. 

Then we learn what Friiight Night is. To make a deal with the monster in the school, they allow it out of the basement for one night and hold a party in the school. This requires having a student act as the date for the monster. It usually goes well, save for the 10% of the time that the monster will eat the student. So essentially the school system went all "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." If it keeps the monster happy, then so be it. I mean, there's gotta be an ethical issue there, not to mention how do you explain that to the parents? Nice school, guaranteed to get a proper education, may be eaten by a monster, but otherwise a wonderful alma mater. 

Kelly talks with Gordon the next day to get advice on what to give Skwerm to make him like him, and to ensure he doesn't get eaten on Friiight Night. Gordon suggest eggs. Skwerm really likes Eggs. He gives a container of whipped eggs to Skwerm, but the monster reacts by dumping it on Kelly and throwing the container in a rage. Kelly asks what was up with that to Gordon, to which Gordon says "oh right, I forgot Skwerm's allergic to eggs." If this is a long con by Gordon for the whole "Gordo" thing, then I'm impressed by the level of grudge holding. 

So now extra screwed, Kelly talks this over with his parents. Oh, they know about the monster. Yeah, no beating around the bush with this. And they think it would be an honor if Kelly was the monster's date. Though they would miss him if... you know... Look, our last book had parents who turned their kids to birds but we may have already topped that in terms of pure parental shittery. But his dad says to just go with the flow and maybe it'll all work out. Regardless, Kelly is convinced he's Skwerm's date, only to find out it's another classmate named Erin Barnard. Kelly is super excited that he's not the one to potentially die, only for Erin to tell Ms. Waxman that, oh did you forget, Erin's family are going to Barbados. So it ends up being Kelly instead.

Ms. Waxman takes Kelly to a freezer to show him the suit he'll be wearing for Friiight Night. It's a sweat suit made out of meat, in case Skwerm wants to have something to eat and doesn't eat the other students instead. Needs of the many and all. They meet with Skwerm and oh yeah, he still hates Kelly, so the meat suit might not even matter. Talking with Charlene again, Kelly gets the suggestion to maybe try to see things from Skwerm's point of view, that maybe that will work in helping him finally break the ice before he's broken in half. He then talks with Erin who is totally going to Barbados, hoping she can help him got on Skwerm's good side. All while Gordon is still staring a hole through Kelly. 

Back at Little Hills, Charlene tries to get her mom to help her get to Great Newton to save Kelly, but she won't allow it because Goosebumps Parents. Oh, she also knows about the monster and thinks Kelly will be just fine. I'll save it for the conclusion, but there's such a weirdly dark comedy vibe to this book and it's kind of working in a very "not in Stine's wheelhouse" sort of way. After helping set up for the party, Kelly and Erin head to Madison Academy. After being scared by a mannequin security guard (???), , they head into the basement, only to run into Burrrph, their school's monster. Erin runs for it and while Kelly tries to escape, he runs into Charlene, who managed to get there. Give her credit, she's got incredible timing.

So, what was Kelly's plan here? Why, Skwerm might be lonely in that basement all by himself. If he kidnapped Burrrph and took him to meet Skwerm, maybe that'll fix things? I mean, it'll make things 100% worse and your dumb ass will be eaten by either of the monsters, but hey, best laid plans of mice and men. Charlene says it's dumb enough to work though. They meet Burrrph who is described as a gigantic stingray creature. It grabs Charlene until Kelly starts to juggle and throw the balls at the monster, freeing Charlene. They then lead Burrrph out of the building, only to lose the monster and now it's on the loose. "Dumb enough to work", huh? 

Gordon shows up and gloats that Kelly will probably be eaten. He mentions bowling, which is where Kelly realizes Burrrph must have went. They head to the bowling alley and sure enough, Burrrph's there. Kelly has Gordon sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" to Burrrph. Come on, Bob, I already made a Star Trek reference. Gordon gets grabbed by Burrrph, but Kelly manages to free him with the juggling act. They lead Burrrph to Kelly's basement for the night. The next night is Friiight Night and Kelly and Charlene bring Burrrph to the school to finally meet with Skwerm. Maybe that will be what finally ends all this horror. The monsters then attack one another. Actually, they hug one another and it all seems to go well. This book is going pretty well. Stine's so close, the landing is in sight, he's made his leap. Can he FINALLY...

Kelly goes to school the next day and Ms. Waxman congratulates him for a solid Friiight Night. But now he has to prepare for Scaaary Saturday, and deal with the monster in the music room. 

Slappy ends the book mentioning the music room monster turns kids into accordions. For anyone other than Weird Al, this is an issue. Also WHY WASN'T THAT THE BOOK?

I mean... it's better than the last few, but it's not exactly the most glowing first sentence to make for a conclusion, is it? I'll start with the positives and that's that I really like the tone of this book. This very dark comedy feeling to it. How everyone is just cool with the thought that Kelly might die. Like it's not that big a deal. It doesn't matter how Kelly feels about this, his input isn't warranted. You're the sacrificial lamb, kid. Jump in that meat suit and hope for the best. Is it a bit overkill? Perhaps. But Stine rarely does dark comedy well and this was a solid attempt for him. I also like the characters. Kelly's fine as a lead, Charlene as the friend, Gordon as the sort of antagonist of the story. And the creature concepts of Burrrph and Skwerm are really neat. And Skwerm looks close enough to Dorman's cover art. Erin kind of exists, but really it could have just been Kelly searching for Burrrph and nothing would be lost. Erin wins the Superfluous Clay award.

But there's one problem that I think really kneecaps this book: Friiight Night is built up to be so important to the book, yet it's a scant few chapters by the end. Hell, Skwerm doesn't even matter as much as Burrrph does throughout the climax. I think it works at least for the ending, but we just spend chapter after chapter focused on the monster we weren't even really supposed to be focusing on. Stine did say in an interview that he had to pad this one and oh lord do I believe that. He simply could not make a story about Skwerm and had to pivot. Granted I worried that this was going to be a Creature Teacher retread and thankfully that wasn't the case, but good lord, Bob, you could have tried to make the title creature and title of your book actually matter more than just "oh, it's looming, you better beware, Kelly." 

Can I finally say it? R.L. Stine's modern twists suck. Almost every single twist he's done, especially in SlappyWorld, sucks. He can't make a good twist to save his life anymore. I'm not sure if that's a case with age or simply he couldn't make a twist that feels satisfactory. That's the best you got? The "oh, there's ANOTHER monster you have to deal with now" isn't even original for a book of this concept. The Nightmare Room's Scare School ends with pretty much the exact same twist in a book that, mostly, feels like the same concept. It always focused on the monster, kept up a feeling of making the monsters feel like a threat, not spending the book focused on other imps from another school. Only thing that I feel Friiight Night does better is, again, having more fun with the plight of the protagonist. 

I am just so, so happy we're out of SlappyWorld after this. If only for the possibility that we might be getting something fresh with House of Shivers. And everything so far seems to suggest that. New cover artist, a return to the classic logo, new structuring of chapters (which have titles!), not anchored around freaking Slappy (yet). I just hope it comes with a Stine who wants to test himself for this new endeavor and not the Stine who is lagging to make everything work. I'll have a lot more to say on SlappyWorld's highs and lows with the inevitable Horrific Hindsight, but wow you can tell something just fell off with this series and it's finally done. A long-needed mercy kill before we got to like SlappyWorld #43: Slappy Visits Relatives in Annapolis, Maryland. 

Overall, for my issues and all, this book isn't that bad. For as harsh as I am, I think that's the SlappyWorld grind finally getting to me, which definitely doesn't work in this book's favor. Like I said, it's nowhere as boring as Haunting With the Stars, or as frustrating an ending as Monster Blood is Back. It just ultimately feels like a book that Stine should have cooked more with, made the Friight Night event matter more, made Skwerm not feel ultimately like another red herring cover monster. Thankfully, the humor and the dark overtones save this book, landing it more in a B+ area if I had to give it a letter rating. An ultimate case of a book that has most of the right tools under the hood but Stine's inability to make them all work to make the vehicle actually drive.

STORY: GGG

SCARES: GG

TWIST: G

ENJOYMENT: GGG.5

OVERALL: 3 Gs