The Stinal Countdown: The Nightmare Room #09: Camp Nowhere

So our last Nightmare Room book wasn't for me. I know it has fans, but it just didn't click for me. Maybe that's more my issue with Stine's superhero stories in general, but it was our first speedbump in the road after a few decent books. So next is the real test for me. It's a Stine camp book and, barring a few exceptions, Stine almost always nails the camp book. Be it just the premise of being far from home with strangers or just the general creepy settings that a camp can give, I feel it plays more into Stine's wheelhouse. But I'm mainly referring to Goosebumps, not Nightmare Room. Not the edgier attempt at kids horror. Does that edge benefit this book? Let's find out with Camp Nowhere, which unfortunately is bereft of Christopher Lloyd.

This is a great cover. Probably would have scared me just on how disturbing it is. The similar looking boys in their pink shirts with their freaky glowing eyes, with the one exception, the odd man out if you will. While I've said that Nightmare Room's covers often aren't my favorites compared to Goosebumps, I'll concede the latter end of the covers are so much better, with this being chief among them. Doesn't scream "camp book" but that's hardly an issue.

We open the book with Russell Franklin at Camp Hawkwood, our camp du jour for the story. He's joined by four other kids, Marty, Erin, Charlotte and David, who Stine describes as African American with one earring because that was a thing. David's also the biggest joker of the group, often loving to joke on Russell since Russell is a worrywart. Especially when it involves canoeing to the Forbidden Falls, which is considered a tradition for senior campers. Russell would have preferred going to computer camp over this, but what are you gonna do? As the kids walk across a rocky wall, they see Harvey, the camp dog, about to fall from above. Russell decides to go up to save the dog, but when he gets up there he sees that the top of the rock wall there are hundreds of cottonmouth snakes. Before one can bite him, Russell manages to straight up kick it away, which sounds both badass and hilarious at the same time. Just this little dazed snake flying away in the distance. Harvey then tackles Russell and the two fall to the ground below. Well that was a quick book.

No, despite falling of a rock wall to more rocks below, Russell just ends up knocked out, being awakened by Larry the camp doctor. After being checked out for no injuries whatsoever, Russell talks with Charlotte who isn't happy about his stunt. That he really just went up there to prove his bravery. But Russell makes a point that this whole summer at Camp Hawkwood, he's had misfortune after misfortune befall him. Cramps while swimming the lake, strange red splotches, and even once mistaking the lead counselor, a man named Ramos, for a grizzly bear. So at this point he's willing to do anything to expel his "Camp Wimp" persona. 

Everyone heads to the campfire as the counselors Ramos and Corey are there. After David scares Russell with the old "snake that's actually a rope" gag, everyone settles down. We learn that Ramos is Native American (of course written as Indian) and is always serious and squinting. He claims to live in the area, but is actually from Ohio. He tells the story of the Forbidden Falls. 150 years prior, the Onanoga tribe lived where the camp once was. Called the "Pure Place", the water was considered sacred. Not to be bathed in, not to be sullied in any way. And like most problems, it starts thanks to white people. In this case union soldiers who cleaned themselves in the water, making it impure. This caused the tribe to put a curse on the Pure Place, which now became the Forbidden Falls. 

The tribe were soon driven away, and the history of the curse disappeared for a while. That is until a group of Hawkwood campers discovered the falls and went canoeing, only to never be seen again. But their parents got yearly correspondence saying that their kid is enjoying camp. Because I guess if you're signing up for camp, you need to give your address in case of any mystical shenanigans. So yeah, we have stereotypical Native American mysticism on our hands. From R.L. Stine. Oh dear. Ramos calls up David, Marty, Russell Erin and Charlotte, the senior campers who in a week's time will be the next to take the voyage to the Forbidden Falls. As Russell stares into the campfire, he swears he can hear the pounding of drums.

After the story, Marty, David and Russell return to their bunks and talk about how the story about the kids vanishing from the trip to the falls wasn't an isolated incident. That other campers have faced the falls and never returned. Not all of them vanished, some returned but were haunted forever from what they saw. They ask Ramos, but he's all like "You really believe all that? It's all stories. The trip to the falls totally isn't THAT bad." But it's enough for the boys to think that Ramos isn't telling the truth. The next day the kids practice canoeing, but mostly complain about the life vests being too heavy. Russell is more confused about the brand new canoes, to which Ramos cops that the ones from the trip to the falls the previous year ended up in bad shape. Probably just some minor damage from the rocky falls but I'm sure the campers were totally fine after the trip. Totally no way that happens again, right? 

After the canoe practice, Russell returns to the bunk to change when he spots a note warning him to not take the trip because he'll never return. Pretty obvious what the origin of the note is given everything so far, but for now we can at least treat it like a threat. Russell has a dream about falling out of the canoe and into the falls. Also his cocker spaniel is there too and also goes over the falls. So that's two pets in peril this book, even if one was a dream sequence. Stine really was pent up. After Russell wakes up, the kids head to the water with Ramos and begin canoeing as they're headed for the falls. It's a harrowing enough trip with Ramos telling the kids what to do in case they go overboard and how the life vests will help them. After a while, they hit shallow water and go to a nearby area to move the canoes to a less shallow area. In the process, Russell knocks over a wasp's nest and only gets stung by one. But he doesn't panic or show any signs of fear. Otherwise this book would be called Why I'm Afraid of Wasps.

They set up camp as Russell finds an arrowhead. Charlotte finds a doll she claims is wearing an Indian Papoose, but Erin, who has mostly been superfluous Clay, corrects her with the Native American nomenclature. Okay, Erin's mostly quiet but she's the winner of this book so far. Ramos has no idea what's up with them and later Russell thinks he hears the drums again. Then Ramos screaming. Turns out that while chopping wood he snapped a tendon in his arm. Which also means he can't actually do much canoeing in this trip. It also means that the five kids now have to go at it on their own while Ramos says he'll meet them there as he'll walk to the spot. The kids go on their own as the water gets rapid and more dangerous. They then make it to the falls and... it's actually not that bad. More like a light drizzle. Well that was overblown.

So it dawns on Russell that this was all just a running gag from the camp. Each year the counselors take the kids to the falls and it's never as bad as it seems. They even spot Ramos with his arms working perfectly. So now the kids are a bit pissed. To which David gets the bright idea to just ditch him. The five of them head back to camp and let lying Ramos walk all the way back himself. But there's a supply canoe so that wouldn't work anyway. So David has an even stupider idea. Why not scare Ramos by overturning the canoes and throwing some of the life jackets in the water. Make him think they didn't survive. Boy, I wonder how this is going to blow up in their faces? Erin's excited, especially if it means that Ramos will be so scared it'll give him a stroke. And I'm just going to take back that "winner of the book" card from Erin, thank you very much.

The kids pull their prank and hide. Ramos sees the overturned canoes, then runs off. The kids try to follow, but can't find him. Then they can't find their canoes. In fact, things look off. The trees are twisted with gray leaves. Blackbirds perched on vines. A far different looking environment than they were in a few minutes ago. They wander some more, then find themselves somehow on the other side of the river and now a narrow bridge is over the water. They continue wandering only to realize they're all lost. And they left their food at the campsite, so they're also extra screwed. Eventually Russell hears the drum again, as do the others. They then see a giant fire and head there, where they find another camp, seemingly all boys. All wearing shirts that say Camp Evergreen. They campers at first think Russell and company are ghosts, but a large man tells them that they're not. This man is Uncle Brian. No. Seriously. Is "uncle" an actual thing at camps or is this like a weird as hell Stine thing?

Uncle Brian and one of the counselors named Will greet Russell and the others. They say they've never heard of Camp Hawkwood but they're welcome to stay the night. As the kids are led through the camp, they run into a boy named Drew who tries to warn them about something when Will conveniently returns to quell that conversation for now. That kid? Why he's Drew the Shmoo. R.L. Stine: Noted Lil' Abner appreciator. The next day, they play some sports with the Evergreen campers with one kid named Mike really interested in Russell's sneakers, Air Jordans. But he has no idea what an Air Jordan even is. But other than that, it's all been fine. Though Drew disappeared so they don't know what's up.

The kids head to Uncle Brian's office to see if he's tried to contact Camp Hawkwood, but the phone is unplugged and otherwise dead. Uncle Brian shows up and says that they're having a hard time contacting Camp Hawkwood in a completely suspicious manner. After the kids leave they soon find a fence nearby and the sound of a kid's cry. Will then yet again conveniently pops up to say "Pay no attention to that retaining wall and its possible screaming children. They go back later and find Drew who was locked in a shed. He was locked there by Will after almost revealing the truth. He tries to warn them about something and that Uncle Brian and Will can't be trusted, but does so in just vague enough a manner where the kids can't fully trust ol' Shmoo boy over here. 

Brian decides that Drew might be telling the truth here, even though most of the other kids don't quite believe him. Drew leads them to the river and says that it's the only way to escape. But before they get there, they get caught by shadowy figures that sort of look like bipedal panthers. Then Uncle Brian and the other counselors surround them, ready to make Drew pay. As Drew is dragged off and the other kids are being led back to the camp, Uncle Brian tells them the truth. Twenty-five years ago they built Camp Evergreen on what was once the sacred land of the Onanoga tribe after they were cast out. However, the tribe left shadowy figures that surrounded the camp, ready to kill Brian and the campers. So he struck a deal with the shadows to spare them. Thus, the camp is put under a spell. For most of the year, they are in a deep sleep, but for two days in a year, they awaken, unchanged, unaged, like when they first arrived. So they take those two days to enjoy life as much as possible. But there's one caveat: If anyone escapes the camp, the campers will disappear forever.

As dawn approaches, Uncle Brian says that Russell and the others must also undergo the sleep spell. Drew breaks free and grabs a lighter that Russell had on him. He then  tries to set the camp on fire, but Russell and the others manage to put it out, which I guess is what can break the spell? Or at least it's enough for Uncle Brian to let the kids go to the river. The five kids make it to the river and see the Forbidden Falls, now as monstrous as advertised. They head up and also conveniently find their canoes. They try to make it over in one piece, but they all get flung out from the rapids and start to sink in the water. But they soon rise, where the shadowy figures are now saving them, thanking them for stopping the fire. The kids recover and head back to camp, where they tell the other campers that the falls were a piece of cake. 

Stine, you magnificent weird old man. You did it again! Another camp book that I really loved. And I mean REALLY loved. We have our first A+ Nightmare Room book and it more than deserves it. I was super worried about how Stine would handle the Native American mysticism and it was nowhere as worrisome as I predicted. The only real downside is constantly calling them Indians for the most part but that's more the fault of old book hindsight so I can at least look past it. But that aside, the book is always moving and very rarely stops to spin its wheels or hit a wall. Every scene matters to build the story. The inciting incident with the first version of the falls, the prank gone awry, Camp Evergreen and the final climax at the actual falls. It's a book that's always moving forward with the adventure, which feels foreign for Stine more often than not. 

But what really makes this book work is that it's a better Return to Ghost Camp than the actual Return to Ghost Camp. That book had a neat idea, but spun its wheels with the story, notably the mistaken identity and the super flat ending. In this book, we actually get a form of ghost camp with Camp Evergreen. Only instead of being ghosts, they're trapped in a spell that keeps them asleep for all but two days a year. I like the idea of Camp Evergreen campers choosing to not fight it and using their two days to the fullest. It also makes Drew very interesting. Yes, it makes sense why he wants to leave the camp, but in doing so, he will kill both himself and the others. So yeah, screw Drew the Shmoo, it's true, it's true. And while there's really no twist, it's better than the fart that was Return to Ghost Camp's.

Our cast of characters are fine. Russell is the most important as the protagonist. The book starts with focusing on his need for bravery. Which was also what Dustin's issue was in Return to Ghost Camp. That need to prove his bravery to everyone else. And he does become sort of a resourceful leader to the others. The others sort of blend into the background for the most part. Charlotte being more rational while Erin mostly panics a lot. David and Marty being our goofball jokers isn't as annoying as it could be. Tricky to call any of them Superfluous Clay, yet by that token you could also reduce the amount of characters and lose very little. Maybe drop Charlotte and Marty and you get the same book with little lost. Ramos does sort of just vanish after all is said and done. 

The book is less horror and more about action and thrills and it does most of them pretty well. Plenty of harrowing moments on the river, while also a good amount of time spent with the mystery at the camp. Granted, with a lot of the tropes used before (the phone for example) but still done just fine enough. I also like the idea of the spirits. How they look like these sleek panther humans. I wish we got a bit more of them, but what we got still served its purpose. Pacing is also good. Slow parts work as slow parts to build the story along. The finale is a shade rushed, as is the non-twist, but I feel for once neither are a determent. This just really works for me. I'm starting to see my sensibilities for what I want out of these books and somehow camp stories almost always work for me.

So, yeah. I love this book. This is what Return to Ghost Camp should have been the entire time. I wonder if Stine realized that and tried to atone for that book being a flop. And not actually connecting it with a previous book helps in its favor as well. Aside from one book I was mid on, Nightmare Room's back end is starting to win me over. Will this trend continue as we head closer to the final batch? One can only hope, but I don't trust Bob THAT much. Next up is a Halloween book. Now that's a dangerous roll of the dice from Stine, so I'm a little worried. But for now, Camp Nowhere gets an A+.