The Stinal Countdown: The Nightmare Room #06: They Call Me Creature

After this book, we'll be at the halfway point of Nightmare Room's main series of books. I say that with a more hopeful tone in my voice as I'm hoping this means that we're hopefully close to finding that one great book from this series. Hasn't happened yet. If anything, the quality has dipped since the first. This one seems promising at least. Will it be a wild thing or really tame? Let's see why They Call Me Creature.

Well on the plus side, the cover's cool. Our protagonist trying to shield herself from a swarm of bats trying to attack her. A legitimately frightening scenario. I like the use of the purple sky, giving just enough of an alien vibe to the whole situation. It still has the issues I've stated before, like the saturated colors and the focus again being on a shocked kid reaction, but this one does it better than the others have so far.

We open with a prologue and the first sentence being the book's title. Someone called The Creature tells us that they're not a creature, but a human being. However, they would get powerful hunger cravings and go deep into the woods to feast upon unsuspecting prey. Every night looking in the mirror to see the ugly visage that reflects upon them. They live in the shadows and nobody must know their secret. 

We then set our focus on our protagonist, Laura and her friend Ellen tending to an injured crow. Laura's dad, who is a vet, has been acting strangely lately. More cold and distant than he used to. It seems to have something to do with him being let go from the animal hospital. He's also been divorced from Laura's mom for five years who now lives in Chicago. Laura had the choice for who to live with and chose her dad on account of being out in the woodlands where she can be around animals. And maybe she wasn't a Cubs fan, who knows? Laura and Ellen take a stray cat named Lucky to the woods where they found it, but not before her dad stops her, noting that the birds are acting strangely. Then he runs off in a manner that definitely screams something's up but we're way too early in the book to get to that.

After the birds stop freaking out, Laura, Ellen and Georgie, Laura's German Shepherd (which is a decent dog name for once), continue to the woods. See, Laura's got a science project due that involves Luker Pond which is deep in the woods. She's already taken plant life so now she needs some animals. Probably something that people call "Creature". They then hear a howl coming from Laura's dad's shed, which she's forbidden from going into. Well the book was already giving me Stay Out of the Basement vibes, so why not some more? Ellen thinks that Laura's dad left because his relationship with one of his coworkers, a Dr. Carpenter, went south, especially since she doesn't show up anymore. And they used to play Scrabble too. Wonder if Laura's dad tried to use the word Kwyjibo?

The kids go further into the woods, but Georgie finds something in a pile of leaves. A finger! And no, not like a chapter stinger where it's actually a twig or something just as dumb, an actual finger. But whatever it belonged to seemed to be a furry creature of some sort. Laura keeps it in her pocket to ask her dad later. Ellen leaves due to having to meet with her boyfriend named Stevie Palmer leaving Laura alone in the woods. She ends up being scared by a boy named Joe she met before the book began. He mentions that he goes to a private school named Wilberne Academy, which has totally never been an alibi before. Suddenly, the two get attacked by bats, similar to the events of the story. After the bats leave, Joe runs off before Laura can invite him to Ellen's birthday.

When Laura returns home, she cooks a chicken and goes to the shed to get her father. But when she opens the door, she sees her dad with a needle and a whimpering creature. He screams at her to leave and never go in there. Yes, I'm an MLP fan. Yes, there's a very infamous meme I could reference here, but nah. Her father apologizes to her but says that he can't tell her about whatever he's doing in the shed. Despite not letting her know what's going on in his forbidden shed of mystery, he also throws in the suggestion of Laura going to live with her mother in Chicago. She's against it, so he says that he won't resort to that so long as she stops snooping into the shed. She promises, but that would also mean this would be a super short book so of course she's going to try and find out. That night she sees strange lights outside and goes to investigate, only to get jumped by Georgie and caught by her dad, at least not being caught checking out the shed.

Laura visits with Dr. Carpenter to get some answers as to what's going on, but doesn't get much of anything other than she let him go due to conflicting directions in their research that she still won't tell Laura about. Laura then runs into Joe later, only for George to try and attack him. After that happens, Joe runs off mysteriously again just as a military jeep passes through the woods with some sort of creature inside. A creature that I guess they call creature? Either way, it just raises further questions for Laura who is already hella curious about what's going on here. She manages to get into the shed and finds a file that mentions a bunch of animals that have been killed for some sort of experiment. Panicked that her dad's killing animals, she runs out of the shed. She takes some pictures to get her mind off of it, only for the military men to show up, take her camera, and shoddily claim that the creature in the jeep is just a deer. Turns out Bambi's really ornery and needs to be tranquilized.

After the military men leave, Laura spots a tiny pig in the forest, which is odd, but she isn't fully questioning it. The pig then leaps at Laura's neck and begins tearing at her jugular and sucking her blood. You know, I was wondering where the ramped up violence was in this book. Slow going but hey, halfway mark's as good a place as any I guess. And the pig starts to inflate due to how much blood its sucking out of her. Okay lay off the acid, Bob. Laura's dad shows up and manages to get the pig off her neck and send it running back into the woods. He takes her to her physician Dr. Davis and makes a claim that whatever bit her must have been a chipmunk (Or Chimp-munk as the book typos). So now Laura fears rabies along with being more convinced her dad's got a bad poker face.

Later that night, Laura overhears her father talking with her mother, again suggesting sending Laura to Chicago. She talks with Ellen later, but then hears a noise outside. Laura and Ellen check outside and first see a strange creature run off, first on all fours, then on two legs. They then find Georgie on the ground. One of his legs practically bitten off. And in gruesome detail. Flesh bitten off, pieces of bone sticking out, veins and blood, the works. I don't know if this or the melting dog from Liar Liar is worse, but if Stine can't kill a pet in these books he sure as hell are going to make them suffer. After they take the dog to get healed, Laura visits Dr. Carpenter again but gets no answers. But she does get a needle to the wound to stop the swelling because I'm sure that's on the up and up. 

Laura talks with Joe who again disappears shortly after. She then finds an old shack and inside are a bunch of animal parts. Rabbit, raccoon and squirrel heads. More of the leathery fingers and a pile of bones. It freaks her out and Laura makes a run for it, only for the military jeep to show up again. And inside is her father who tells her to get in. Still not giving her an answer. We go to Ellen's party, but no sign of her or Stevie. So Laura checks the woods, only to hear strange chewing noises, then finding a deer corpse. Oh and her dad, who is covered in blood, still not answering any questions. He... uh... ran into a stick and it cut his chest really bad? Yeah, that's the ticket. Laura returns to the party only to see that Stevie and Ellen never left and Joe apparently showed up for a minute. 

Laura finally gets answers from Dr. Carpenter about what's happened to her dad. See, they were working on genetic research on animals, seeing if they could find ways to change the genes of animals to help fight diseases. But it seemed Laura's dad wasn't doing much... EXCEPT PLAY GOD! And his actions were so bizarre that Dr. Carpenter was forced to get rid of him, only for him to steal her files. Laura runs off into the woods, only to run into the jeep again. She checks inside and finds a strange human-pig creature. Part man, part pig, but shockingly not part bear. Suddenly, the two military men show up and chase Laura... who hides inside the corpse of a deer like it's a Tauntaun. LAY OFF THE ACID, BOB! But it works long enough to evade them. She emerges now covered in deer blood and her own vomit, only to hear her father's voice saying that she needs to be found before she ruins everything. Mayb-maybe that trip to Chicago wasn't a bad idea. Laura manages to make a run for it, only to find Joe. She grabs him, only to accidentally pull his wig off to reveal pig ears underneath.

So, to the surprise of no one I'd guess, Joe is the creature from the beginning. He's the one who attacked Georgie, who the animals were panicked over, and who lived in the shack with the animal corpses. Laura takes him to see Dr. Carpenter, but she soon finds a room filled with animals in cages. All with pig ears and pig parts spliced on them through genetic experiments. Dr. Carpenter shows up and reveals what we also kind of guessed. She was the one playing god. The one that Laura's father was trying to stop by stealing her files. She did it because she was looking for a cure for the splicing. And the cure is from Laura, which is why Dr. Carpenter gave her the needle earlier. Also Joe's Dr. Carpenter's son who then grabs Laura and the two shove her in a cage. 

As Laura's in a cage with another strange pig creature and one that also has ram horns that is likely to kill her, Dr. Carpenter reveals why she's doing all this. Okay, so apparently four years prior, Dr. Carpenter discovered that there was a way to change a creature's DNA via electric shock. It was all going well until Joe accidentally pricked his finger with a syringe of pig DNA and then stumbled into the electric current. The jolt and the DNA in his bloodstream somehow managed to mix with his human DNA, turning him into a pig child hybrid. She then has Joe grab Laura as she pricks another pig DNA needle into her. But suddenly Joe has a change of heart and starts to fight with his mother as Laura's dad shows up. Dr. Carpenter backs up and into the electric current just as a bat shows up and also gets electrocuted and explodes, its guts splattering on the sizzling Dr. Carpenter. 

The two head back home and Laura goes to bed. That night she hears something at her window. A bat with Dr. Carpenter's face on it. 

Look, this might be a dark twist ending, but consider this. The misadventures of a bat doctor and her faithful (enough) pig boy sidekick. Do they fight crime? Maybe. Do they turn other things into pigs? Definitely.

Money is just sitting there burning, Hollywood!

This one started a bit shaky and ended in bonkers fashion while still having a decent enough middle Which compared to the last couple Nightmare Room books I've covered is a glowing recommendation. That being said, it is far from the freshest book either. There's definitely a sense of a greatest hits collection from Stine here. The obvious being Stay Out of the Basement given its involvement of secret experiments, secretive dads and genetic skullduggery. It also feels very much like The Werewolf of Fever Swamp given its somewhat similar setting and the twist that the mysterious boy in the woods is our monster. Or at least one of the monsters. But both of them work very well together to give us a decent enough story, even if it does fall a bit into the classic Stine "anti-science/evils of man" tropes he so often uses. But it also reminds me of Monster Dog from Ghosts of Fear Street, so it's not just a Stine crutch.

I'll also say it's a case where the gorier horror actually works in its favor. The dead animals, the dog's leg, the pig thing trying to make a meal of Laura's jugular. It does get silly excessive with the whole deerskin thing, which felt like Stine going overboard, but it too works as being unnerving and disturbing. Rarely does the man get one right let alone two. I do wish the mystery wasn't super predictable like so many of Stine's mysteries. His red herrings are too red for their own good. And the ending does veer on super cartoonish right down to the electricity = DNA mixer stuff, but it still doesn't hinder a strong climax. Not even the mediocre twist. Though, I mean money's burning there, guys.

Laura is a decent protagonist if not very bland. Though I'll take it over compulsive lying or a kid attempting to cheat death for profit because he's a shitty gambler. Her father is an interesting character, but it does feel frustrating that he isn't forward with her on anything. I get it, she's at risk if she knows but still. Just feels like forced drama to pad a book. Ellen is our Superfluous Clay of the book. Joe is an interesting side villain that you do pity. His life was destroyed by becoming this pig boy that has to feast on creatures in the woods to survive and is deprived of a life. And there's Dr. Carpenter. She works well enough as a twist villain and while there's a good reason for her actions, but given she's desperate enough to destroy Laura in the process of saving Joe, it also makes her hard to sympathize with. A sensibly complicated villain. IN A STINE BOOK.

So what we get is the first Nightmare Room book I really like. We finally found it. That being said, it's not the strongest book ever, and feels like it's a copypasta in certain ways. But there have been more blatant and more frustrating books that ape Bob's prior work, so I can't even be mad at that. So it's a recommend. Also, at least it's not ANOTHER puberty allegory book. Now that I was worried about. We're halfway through Nightmare Room and we're, at least for now, walking down the road with some sunny skies ahead. I predict it'll storm soon enough. They Call Me Creature gets an A-.