Maria's not happy about this and tries to get the shorts to Buddy before being tackled by Stuart as the group all mocks Buddy some more. And despite all this concern about Buddy's feelings, Maria leaves with them because she's a fucking hypocrite. Some time passes and there's still no sign of Buddy. As Maria talks with Stuart, he suggests just standing up Buddy since he's so weird and who cares about his feelings. I mean, this is the 1950s and this all tracks. She hems and haws, but when Stuart mentions his pink Thunderbird, she's ready to ditch Buddy. Unbeknownst to them, Buddy was nearby and heard everything.
Maria relays her night with Stuart with Amy the next day when Buddy shows up. Maria is worried given everything that went down, but Buddy seems chipper. Though more bugged by the flies. Don't worry, the beach was well sprayed with DDT and that's as healthy as a rich, delicious pack of cigarettes. It's the 1950s, the "still in the fuck around, far from ready to find out" portion of society. He lies, saying he somehow swam all the way home after the prank and that he'll get his revenge on Stuart and Ronnie eventually, laughing in a way that definitely doesn't sound like he's just going to steal their shorts in retaliation. Buddy suggests a swim with Maria, but she's not so hot on it, but ultimately does so.
They swim far out to sea as Buddy first jokes about there being sharks in the area before fiercely grabbing her, angry about what she did. So yeah, Buddy's not as sympathetic as you'd have guessed. He soon grabs Maria as sharks actually start to come closer. He then pulls out a knife, saying that the sharks won't attack unless there's blood, and Maria should be a suitable enough snack for them. He slashes her and leaves her for the sharks to eat. After Buddy leaves, the cops arrive now that Maria had disappeared. Amy, Ronnie and Stuart fear that she didn't make it, but then also show remorse for what they did to Buddy. So, in a swerve, the bullies are better by comparison. Now there's a swerve. As they talk to the cops about Buddy, they all realize they don't know anything about him. His last name, what his parents look like, or if he even lives at the nearby beach house. However, when everyone checks inside, there's no sign of anyone living at the beach house. So Buddy lied about that as well.
We then cut to "This Summer", or specifically summer 1992. And if you think Stine wanted to make it crystal clear that this is the nineties, specifically the early nineties, we start this part with Ashley and her boyfriend Ross waiting for their friends Lucy and Kip, with Kip being compared to Vanilla Ice which, oh man I love these stupid ass books. We also learn that Ross is easily jealous, which is concerning already. Lucy is bummed as she only gets two weeks of this (Woo!) Party Summer and has to deal with summer school. Kip is also a (Woo!) complete bummer as he's a really serious person and is upset with having to take a summer job selling ice cream. Given he's a townie he also dislikes how Ross, Ashley and even Lucy just come every Summer from Ridgefield and lounge about while he has to actually live here. But he calms down and says he can at least give them some blue Italian ice. Thankfully this doesn't become a discussion on blue food again.
Suddenly, someone grabs Ashley and starts to drag her to the water. This is Denny Drake, who is quite the joker. He's a muscular guy who they say could be a stand-in for the Incredible Hulk, which is why he's given the nickname of "Hulkster". I appreciate this timeline where Hulk Hogan never existed. Thanks, Stine. We then get another character named Brad Sayles who lives in Cambridge but knows Ashley and Ross due to taking tennis lessons with them. There is a strong odor of both richness and whiteness in this book. That or it's the DDT. And it's fitting since Brad's family have a mansion on Ocean Drive and are pretty much living off his great grandfather's money. As Brad invites Ashley for some tennis, she sees Ross leaving. She tries to get Ross to cool down, but he's angry. And he's been angry before. Apparently angry enough to punch a plate glass window. So, angry lummox. Great. But we learn he hasn't hit Ashley, so I guess it's better the window takes it?
To calm down, the two head into the old beach house by the water. Ashley's not fond of just barging in, but it's all quiet and fine. It also hasn't changed since the 1950s, as if when it was abandoned by Buddy then, nobody even thought to live in it. Ross and Ashley are then scared by Lucy and Kip who also used the house as a make-out session. Kip also lets slip that there are stories about the house. That teens were murdered inside. It's given the house a rather infamous reputation in Dunehampton. Kip wants to elaborate more, but Ashley and Ross make their leave. As she heads home, Ashley is again jumped by Denny who I guess just loves playing pranks. Playing creepy, creepy stalker pranks. He's also drunk which, oh that makes things MUCH better. The next day, Ashley heads back to the beach, only to learn from Ross that both Lucy and Kip disappeared the previous night.
It's time to twist again like we did last summer, as in the summer of 1956. Ever since Maria's "disappearance" Amy continues to have nightmares about being eaten by sharks. Oh, and worried about Buddy since he vanished as well. I mean, she hasn't clued in that there might be a connection yet. Amy and Ronnie talk with Stuart who is leaving soon. As they get hot dogs and learn about the sinking of the Andrea Doria (which would put this timeline about July 27th, 1956), Amy then spots someone inside the beach house. And sure enough, it's Buddy who, I guess since he got rid of Maria so well he is just comfortable literally hanging around. He also gives the excuse that it was totally Maria's idea to go into the water. He never went in since he's such a bad swimmer and after they had a bad argument, she disappeared. I guess that's airtight enough.
As Ronnie and Amy leave, they then spot a body on the beach. It's Stuart who had been beaten to death with a piece of driftwood. And when I mean beaten I mean "literally his skull is crushed" beaten. Yeah, this was also a Buddy kill as he's really enjoying this revenge. It's so much easier than it looks on TV and in the movies. But he still has two more to go. The cops interview him and he says that he just got there and his mother is in town and can't be interviewed now or later. In the midst of this, Amy looks at Buddy and chuckles, remembering the inciting incident, which makes Buddy even angrier.
A little later, Amy and Ronnie play volleyball with some other kids, including another girl named Amy because that's not going to get confusing. After the game ends and it starts to rain, Amy soon sees Buddy running at her. She panics, but Buddy is confused since he was totally just running over to talk to her and not possibly kill her and get away with it. What would give you THAT idea? With the weather starting to pick up and Buddy at least not coming off homicidal, he offers her a chance to dry off at the beach house, and we end this segment of the 1956 timeline with Amy wondering if going with Buddy is a great idea.
Back to 1992 we go and we know that it's 1992 with two black teens in Hammer pants dancing on the sand because holy moly is R.L. Stine white. Both Ross and Ashley are confused about what happened to Kip and Lucy. Did they run away, did they get kidnapped, or were they killed? But when Ashley turns the discussion over to going with Ross to Brad's for a tennis game, Ross gets angry and violent again which, that should be way, way more concerning than the book makes it. With a convenient storm picking up, the two head into the beach house where they find a scarf in the closet that belonged to Lucy.
Brad's house is a gigantic mansion. Ross and Ashley get greeted by the servant, a seemingly nearsighted woman named Mary who keeps staring at Ashley, before meeting Brad and his red haired (because there's always at least one) cousin Sharon. Turns out that bringing your psycho boyfriend to the home of a rich kid who is also attracted to you is a bad idea as Ross gets jealous quick and storms off. As Ashley heads home, Ross rushes her and tries to apologize because in this book if you have muscles you're a creepy stalker. And speak of the devil, Denny arrives trying to diffuse the situation. The two brawl before Denny hits Ross hard in the stomach sending him on the ground in pain. Denny then runs off as the cops arrive to help Ross. So now Ashley is even more worried that Denny is trouble. I mean, yeah, no shit.
And as if a punch to the gut was bad enough for him, later that night, Ross calls Ashley, but Ashley says that after everything that evening she is done with him. Because you already angered one irrational meathead, what's the harm in angering another? And then it's THAT time in a Stine book. It's time for a whispery phone call telling Ashley to stay away from Brad or she'll die. Ashley thinks it must be Sharon screwing with her, but the voice on the other line says she's not Sharon. She's not even alive. This is a voice from beyond the grave warning you to stay away from Brad. So Ashley takes that advice... and ignores it by going out with Brad the next night. They mention the funny Chevy Chase movie, which sounds like Christmas Vacation. Brad is also "THAT" type of date. The one who scoffs at the movie and says that Chevy used a stuntman. Yeah, no duh. As they head out, Ashley thinks she sees Ross stalking her, but nothing comes of it. Brad then says that he has a secret. That he never kissed anyone before this date. Oh and that he found something at the beach house. Which, given both the warning and Kip and Lucy's disappearance is at least enough to make Ashley wish she heeded that warning.
Time to head back to 1956 and Amy's decision. She talks with Buddy at first, mentioning that hot new musician Elvis Presley before ultimately going inside the beach house with him. She checks the large closet but Buddy stops her, then mentions that he finished off Ronnie. Now it's just her left. Amy freaks out, wondering what would compel Buddy to kill people over a prank. I mean, who would be that angry after being both stripped naked and left for dead in the water by four people who acted like your friends? We also learn that Buddy never actually lived in the beach house, which isn't a surprise there either. Amy distracts him, tricking him into thinking Ronnie showed up and makes a run for it the first chance she gets. However, she doesn't get far before Buddy catches her and smashes her over the head with a shovel. Amy wakes up underneath the beach house, the water starting to come up higher and higher. Buddy mocks her some more before taking her leave. Amy screams and panics before the water takes her life.
Back in 1992, Ashley isn't fond of going into the beach house with Brad. He explains that his family's fortune came from his explorer great grandfather who photographed tribes in the amazon and started up mills. Brad says that his family are explorers, especially his younger brother Johnny, who despite Brad always wanting to catch up to him, never could. He loved his younger brother, but wasn't able to save him when he died. A new house was being built in their area and Johnny ran off to explore. He ended up falling from the second floor to the basement and dying instantly. Brad blamed himself at first, but realized that this was Johnny's fate. That he was too damn good of an explorer. Brad still wanted that spirit like Johnny, but he never could find it.
And then he found the beach house. Abandoned for four decades. And inside of it is something important to him that he really wants Ashley to see. And unfortunately for her, she's about to find out what that is. He takes her to the giant closet and starts to bring her inside when someone grabs her. Mary the housekeeper. She attacks Brad and starts to call him Buddy, who he's been called for years. She then tells him to recognize her, showing him the scars and shark bites on her body. It's Maria, who he killed in 1956. Well, not so much killed, she managed to survive. So, if this is Maria in her fifties and Brad is Buddy and is still sixteen, then what's going on here? Maria explains that the beach house is, and I hope you are sitting down for this, a FUCKING TIME WARP. Oh this feels like Stine didn't just hit a wall, he hit the great wall of China.
So, yeah. The closet inside the beach house is actually a time warp that links between 1956 and 1992. Buddy discovered the secret and used it to travel back and forth through time. It's like walking through a gray fog and I guess you can ultimately manipulate what year you want to emerge in. That's also what befell Kip and Lucy who ended up back in time to the 50s and are now literally in their fifties. So, that also explains why we never saw Buddy's family as it was him who discovered it. Then went back in time and met the other teens and got his revenge on them. I guess time paradoxes be damned. But after Maria survived, she eventually discovered who Buddy truly was. Buddy attacks Maria, but she locks him in the closet, telling him to go back to 1956 and confess his crimes. Since the electric chair is still a death penalty then. Oh and I'm sure cops are going to believe a magic time closet.
Maria was also the one who sent the call, and managed to follow him from 1956 to the present. She then lights the house on fire and it explodes. Ashley doesn't die as she manages to be saved by Ross in time. The firemen arrive and only find Maria's charred corpse. No sign of Buddy who may either be back in 1956 or I dunno, walking through time and space for eternity. My god this twist is bad. And so we end with Ross and Ashley driving off, with Ashley wanting Ross to change the radio station. She's not in the mood for oldies.
I get The Barking Ghost vibes from this whole thing. How we go from one concept (ghost dogs) to something Stine found more interest in when he couldn't come up with an interesting way to make the other part work (the "Changing Room"). It also just feels more confusing. How does the house even exist? Was it owned by a wizard or something who decided to make a time travel portal? Is it a TARDIS? Did Buddy's actions of murdering the teens change the current timeline? Like, would Amy have cured cancer or something and Buddy shifted the timeline where we don't have a cancer cure? That's the problem with a "Wibbly Wobbly Timey-Wimey" twist like this. There has to be more of a shoe drop than this. An explanation for just what it's capable of and what the ramifications are aside from Lucy and Kip now being much older. Which hey, you've already made enough of a mess with this twist why not end the book with Ashley and Ross running into the older Lucy and Kip? This all screams of a deadline and a lack of really wanting to make this work.
Ashley is a decent protagonist, nothing special. Ross is a prick and is unlikeable. I don't even like that he'll end up with Ashley in the end, though at least he doesn't hit her. Brad/Buddy is at least interesting as a villain that you feel no sympathy for even after the inciting incident. The other kids all exist to be killed or to suffer for decades or to literally walk back in time 36 years. There isn't too much horror in this one aside from Maria's attack and the tension with Amy and Buddy or Stuart's corpse. But thankfully for a book over 200 pages it doesn't drag too much, thanks in part to the two timelines. I just really wish it worked though. At least it didn't for me. Stine's had some awful swerves, but this one is his "Magic ticket my ass, McBain."
So it becomes a conflicting final grade. Most of the book works fine and all seems to be leading to a far more interesting mystery. It just really craps the bed at the ending. Though I'll give Stine credit for an outside the box swerve? I dunno. I guess it speaks like summer itself. Fun and exciting, but eventually you'll get burned out. It's not an F-worthy book, but you aren't getting off the hook that easily, Bob. Beach House gets a C.
IT WAS ACCEPTABLE IN THE 50'S: 45s, The Crew-Cuts, That Newfangled Rock and Roll, Hating That Newfangled Rock and Roll, Rebel Without a Cause, Bill Haley and the Comets, Shake, Rattle and Roll, "Crazy, Man! Crazy", Those newfangled bikinis, "A real square", The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Howdy Doody, Sweet delicious DDT, Roller Skating Drive Ins, The Sinking of the Andrea Doria, Not having a TV, Martin and Lewis, Jackie Gleason impressions, Jane Froman, That New Musician Elvis Presley, Tommy and Jimmy Dorsey, Marilyn Monroe Comparisons, Vinyl Furniture, Oldfangled TVs with the Rabbit Ears, The Death Penalty, Beach Houses Owned by Timelords
IT WAS ACCEPTABLE IN THE 90'S: Aerobics, Seventeen, Sassy, Boom Boxes, Vanilla Ice Comparisons, Matt Dillon Comparisons, MTV, Diamond Stud in one ear, "baad dude", Hulkster, Walkman, Dressing Like Madonna, MC Hammer Pants, Chevy Chase movies, Beach Houses Owned by Timelords
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.