NNtG: Screammates #03: Monster Jam

You know, the real pleasure of going through these GB-likes is that I haven't even scratched the surface. And I just run into more and more different series all trying to get a bite out of the Stine pie. Case in point Screammates, a four book series that tries to do a Goosebumps style take on sports. They were written by Kieran Flynn, who didn't seem to do much else after this, though has a book about Islam in the West, mainly in the UK, which, that's a swerve. But let's at least see if Goosebumps and sports are a slam dunk combination. Is it the shoes or is it a Monster Jam?

COVER STORY

Man is this cover goofy but it still works so well. We get all we need to really know about the story as the protagonist, Sarah Bardin, is now grown so gigantic that she's pretty much about to burst through the ceiling. All while giving us some classically goofy shocked kid faces. Definitely works in that Alice in Wonderland in the white rabbit's house vibe that I think they were going for. All in all, a plus. Which may be the kiss of death for the actual book. 

STORY

Sarah Bardin has a small problem. IE she's the small problem. She is the shortest kid on her basketball team, and snobby girl Wendy Stweart loves to make sure she remembers by referring her to terms that are definitely considered derogatory now, so I'll refrain from repeating her 7D and Wizard of Oz-related barbs. But they do work in screwing up Sarah's game as she's the one costing her team a win. Oh, and the team's called the tigers because every team in these books are called the tigers. But at least Sarah has one friend in Jeff Green who does defend her from the barbs of Wendy and another boy named Jamal Wallace. But despite Sarah's failings all day, the coach still gives her a shot to take the ball to half court and it doesn't matter as they still lose. Look, I know she needs inspiration, but this is still a game going on so, maybe not at such a pivotal moment.

Sarah feels awful for failing her team, made no better when Wendy threatens her to not even show up to school the next day or she'll stuff her in a locker. Sarah runs into the basement and is in a bad way given how it's not fair that this is her lot in life. After being scared by a rat, she hears a voice that speaks in "Vat" for What and "Ees" for is. Don't know what to tell you kid, but maybe this school has a Dracula in the basement. It's a small custodian woman with a squeaky cart. She tells Sarah that it's really not so bad being small like her rat friends. That being small can actually be quite useful. Regardless of what Randy Newman says, short people do got a reason to live. 

Sarah isn't having any of it, when suddenly the woman grabs her and says that she has the power to make Sarah tall by digging her claws into her and reciting a rhyme that says she'll soon be tall and live out her hoop dreams. Reader beware, BAD TOUCH! As the woman turns into a rat, she asks who Sarah's favorite basketball player is and it's Shaq. Which hey, still 90s Shaq, so not a bad choice. She rhymes that Sarah will be connected with Shaq's jersey number 34 and that 34 dunks will start the growth. After all of that happens, Sarah heads home, still freaked out by, you know, all of that. Jeff meets up with her and they practice, with Sarah doing far better here than on the court. She's actually really good, but thanks to Wendy demeaning her, she never has the courage to show her up. 

She then takes a trampoline and uses it to make dunks, eventually making it to 34 dunks, which makes her hear the squeaking noises again. At practice the next day, despite Wendy and Jamal again insulting her, she starts to actually do well in practice. But also notices that her uniform is starting to not fit very well, so she got that growth spurt she wanted. In fact, she's already grown six inches. Which comes in handy as they're going to play the next team, the amazingly named Abraham Lincoln Logs. She's ready until she hears squeaking noises and notices that something seems to literally be crawling in her skin. These wounds they will not heal. Though seriously, eww. 

The weird rat thing ends and now Sarah is even taller. Taller than her locker. Tall enough to win for her team at the game. The next day, more squeaking sounds and now she's larger than her bed. And we don't get like a because Goosebumps parents thing because how can they ignore their kid going from squirt to amazon in like a day? Her little brother will thinks it's cool to live with a giant, though now those terms are angering Sarah. She meets up with Jeff who seems to now be terrified by how big she is. And now, despite being picked on for being short, now everyone at school is making fun of her for being tall. Which, like, she really can't win, can she? Also, you really want to piss off someone who could backhand you so hard you go flying into the next state? 

Frustrated at being called Chewbacca and an alien, Sarah changes her focus and slams the ball into the hoop, only to literally destroy the hoop in the process and anger everyone. Before the game, she grows even larger, now having to pretty much hunch over all the time before, you know, just bashing through the ceiling like the cover suggests. Everyone boos her and tells her to leave, which, again, LITERAL GIANT WHO COULD MURDER YOU IF YOU PISS HER OFF. But Sarah's had enough and heads to the basement to find the rat woman again. After grabbing the woman in anger, she tells Sarah that to reverse the spell, just dribble a ball 34 times in a row, that's pretty simple. 

Sarah goes back to the court, but is benched on account of being a giant. But given she really needs to dribble that ball now, she grabs the coach who reneges on that benching. She starts to dribble the ball, but she's also still growing. And costing them the game. But after the ball gets stolen, she takes it back and dribbles it some more to which the crowd boos. Literally she can eat you at this size, shut your yaps! She gets her thirty fourth dribble and shrinks back to normal and wins them the game. She celebrates before running into the rat woman again who scares Wendy for her. Jeff is about to lift her on his shoulders in victory, but she's tired of the high life.

CONCLUSION

Monster Jam is fine for what it is. A basic morality tale about how the thing you think you want isn't actually good in the long run. In this case going from small to tall. Though, like honestly, Sarah was doing good before everyone decided to turn against her. Heck, the hoop incident came more from stress than anything. But, if you've read most of these size change stories, then there really isn't too much unique about it. Though the rat lady is at least interesting, though not very well executed either. But it does lead to the legit body horror of Sarah having rats in her body that somehow caused her to stretch to gigantic proportions. That also somehow grew her clothes I guess, which is a blessing. I'd raise an eyebrow at Flynn if it didn't go that way.

Sarah's a good protagonist. You feel her plight on both ends of the spectrum as she just isn't allowed to be happy. She's mocked for being small, she's mocked for being a giant. Even if she was a more average height, she'd probably be mocked for that too. But you do feel that frustration, especially when everyone turns on her. Though, again, just jeering a giant seems like the dumbest thing someone could do to someone who if provoked enough could murder you without much effort. It's like if Jack went up the beanstalk, saw the giant and called him a giant loser then tried to leave. Giant would have some bone-ground bread that night, that's for sure. 

So, overall it was a decent book. Super short at about over 80 pages, cut even more with illustrated images. No real wheel spinning, no detours. Stuck to its point and stuck its landing fine. Light recommend overall, but it's definitely a book that was satisfactory enough. And that's no small feat. Monster Jam gets a B.