Well, we've made it. One of the most notorious books of all time. Wasn't fond of it the first time, and I doubt my mind will be changed much, but let's see if this is a chicken home run or if it can cluck off forever. It's time for Chicken Chicken.
CHICKEN CHICKEN
RELEASE MONTH: March, 1997
FRONT TAGLINE: It's a finger lickin' nightmare!
COVER STORY
So, this cover isn't that bad, but definitely not very original. I of course think Why I'm Afraid of Bees with the whole "kid's head on another creature" gimmick, and there's also the added lightning bolt that Tim loved to add around this point. It's at least a creepy scenario, though the goofy shocked face kind of kills it for me. Interesting little side note, the art is actually flipped.
DON'T CALL THEM CHICKEN LEGS!
Everyone in Goshen Falls knows about weird old Vanessa. She dresses all in black. Wears black lipstick. And puts spells on people. At least, that's what they say.
Crystal, and her brother, Cole, know you can't believe everything you hear. But that was before they made Vanessa mad. Before she whispered that strange warning, "Chicken chicken."
Because now something really weird has happened. Crystal's lips have turned as hard as a bird's beak. And Cole has started growing ugly white feathers all over his body...
STORY
We open this book with our protagonist, Crystal, telling the reader that she hates chickens, in a manner that would definitely make Gonzo angry. It has a lot to do with her parents going full Green Acres and wanting to move from The Bronx to the little farm community of Goshen Falls. So, Crystal and her brother Cole now have to live in a farm community with their chicken raisin' parents. Goshen Falls seems like a quaint community overall. Not really much to fuss about. Well, that would be the case were it not for Vanessa. See, there's stories that Vanessa is a witch, what with her dressing in all black, wearing black lipstick, being a goth fish out of water if you will. But ultimately, she seems harmless, though kids believe she often captures kids and casts evil spells on them. Like a boy named Tommy that supposedly was given a sponge head. So, that's the disturbing origin of Spongebob Squarepants.
So, what do kids do when there's a supposedly evil witch who captures children? Why, play pranks on her of course! Like mess with her mailbox by pouring a pitcher of water in it, then running off when she notices. You know, just good old harassment. Cole thinks the pranks are hilarious, but Crystal, with some common sense, says that she doesn't like them, thinking that Vanessa might curse them for it. Later, Crystal jams her hand in the fridge and blames it on Vanessa and not, you know, her stupid self. Later, she thinks she sees Vanessa rising from her bed to choke her, but it's just Cole playing another prank. Oh god do I hate these kids.
Later, Crystal, Cole and their friend Anthony are throwing an egg around for some reason, when they end up knocking down Vanessa, spilling her two full bags. Anthony runs off, but Crystal and Cole are frozen in fear. Now, they could have easily solved any dilemma to come by apologizing, or you know, helping her, but they run for it, just as Vanessa whispers "Chicken Chicken". Crystal, again the wiser of the two, tells Cole that they should have just apologized, but Cole thinks they were already in Dutch with a witch, things could have gotten worse. Well, don't worry about that because it's about to.
At school, Cole sings in the choir, but suddenly his voice goes weird and he starts to make weird bucking sounds. Crystal thinks it's just Cole joking, which definitely seems like a lame time to do that. Later, at a party, Crystal notices that her lips are getting hard and yellowish like a beak. She runs into Cole at home, plucking feathers out of his neck. He clucks a bit more, which Crystal thinks is just Cole joking, despite, you know, EVERYTHING SO FAR! If Crystal wasn't suffering ailments, sure. But after the worst case of chapped lips ever, maybe take a frigging hint!
Thinking that Anthony might be afflicted, Crystal and Cole go to find him, only to run into Vanessa who laughs at them. And, you know, instead of APOLOGIZING ALREADY, they beg for help before she runs off. Anthony's fine, no evil chicken curses here. And despite, again, everything, Anthony doesn't notice the changes. The afflictions get worse, with the kids trying to pluck any feathers that show up and controlling their clucking. However, Cole starts eating chicken feed while people think he's just joking around, while at a basketball game, Crystal has a bad case of bobble head and flaps her arms like a chicken. And again, everyone just think it's all just silly fun.
Tired of this, Crystal and Cole go to Vanessa's for help, but she's not home. So, they've gotten on her bad side already, let's double down with breaking and entering. They enter her house and we get some dumb scares even for Stine. They hear a scream, but it's just Vanessa's cat. They see Vanessa, but it's just a painting. Holy hell these kids are dense. Hey, we've already not apologized to the witch for knocking her down, we've doubled down on breaking and entering, why not somehow make this even worse by finding one of her spell books and taking it home with them. So, again, instead of apologizing, they've been driven to theft. And turns out it wasn't even a spell book, but a cookbook for preparing chicken.
So, let's go back to Vanessa's to, I don't know, burn her house down too while we're at it? Before they get there though, the effects begin to speed up. The Chickening is in full effect and, despite the sheer horribleness of this book, the details of the transformation are some of the creepiest stuff in a long time. Crystal's eyes shrink to tiny dots and move to the sides of her head. And her head begins to narrow, looking more like a weird human chicken head. They find an actual spell book and read one of the spells, but that just makes things worse. Now they turn into two giant chickens like this was the weird origin story of Chicken Boo or something.
Hastily, they try another spell, only this causes them to shrink down and turn into tiny chicks. Vanessa's cat tries to eat them, but Vanessa arrives in time to save them from that. She is about to throw them out into the street when Crystal manages to make it to her typewriter, writing an apology. At first, Vanessa doesn't help them, but when Crystal adds some more, she begins to talk about how politeness is important. How she's got a whole bunch of books dedicated to politeness and manners because like, I guess they'd be good material for ironic spells? Regardless, she manages to turn Crystal and Cole back to normal.
TWIST ENDING
Vanessa offers them something to drink, giving them some pop. Cole burps and Crystal laughs, which causes Vanessa to whisper "Pig Pig". My god this book sucks.
CONCLUSION
Chicken Chicken is still bad. Really bad. One of the most infuriatingly bad books in all of Goosebumps. But if there's any strength to it, it's definitely the body horror element, which reaches the point of full on Cronenberg level freakish by the end. I just wish there was more of a reaction to it, especially when everyone else thinks it's just Crystal and Cole being silly. But yeah, props to Stine for actual nightmarish imagery after so long. And that is officially the total amount of praise being allotted to this book because my god this was infuriating.
There is nothing wrong with a story about manners, or a story about how things can be settled with an apology, but the fact we go through this whole book with things just getting dumber and dumber really makes it a weak read. Crystal and Cole are dumb protagonists. Cole's our annoying prankster, while Crystal acts like she's more rational, but still doubles down on making things just as bad. Vanessa's an interesting villain in concept, but execution wise she's just really lame. A cool looking witch who is more invested in being miss manners? Who put these kids through hell to teach them a lesson about the power of an apology? Pretty lame.
So, how to fix it? Honestly, you could keep the structure of the book for the most part, keeping in how the transformation stuff works. But, make the reasoning for why this is happening different. Maybe make Vanessa more evil, or have it be more than just the two kids going through a whole book without realizing that all they needed to do was apologize. It's probably more me than most, but I just have always had that feeling of the book needing a higher stake than what it is to really hit on a higher level. And make a better twist than just "oh here we go again". Maybe we see that the spell being reversed didn't fully wear off as Crystal wakes up the next day to find she still has feathers or something. Pig Pig feels a bit flatter.
So, ultimately, this is a bad book. The worst? Not by a long shot, but stands in that lower echelon of original books. If not for the freaky transformation, this would have no redeeming values. But thankfully, this will be the last time I have to talk about Chicken Chicken for a long time. It's a book that's finger lickin' lame.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.