Saturday, July 24, 2021

The Stinal Countdown: Goosebumps #52: How I Learned to Fly


It's time to take flight with our next reread. And it's a book I recall liking a lot, despite being so different than most of Goosebumps. And after reading over 100 of these, any deviation is appreciated. Let's see if that rings true with How I Learned to Fly.

HOW I LEARNED TO FLY


RELEASE MONTH: February 1997
FRONT TAGLINE: It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a... kid?

COVER STORY

Hey it's one of the Tim Jacobus staples. You've got to admit admit, the man loves his Converses. I also like the scenery, particularly the Golden Gate Bridge below, given this book is set in Malibu. And, of course, lovely sky colors and foliage. Just a very warm picture. But then there's the cartoony looking seagulls with their scary faces. Part of me wonders if they were added to give the cover some kind of scary element. Not super needed, but they don't hurt the cover much either.

HE'S GOT HIS HEAD IN THE CLOUDS.
FOR REAL...

Wilson Schlame loves to make Jack Johnson feel like a total loser. And Jack's had it. That's how he ended up down at the beach. In a creepy, old abandoned house. In the dark. Trying to hide from Wilson.

But everything is about to change. Because Jack just dug up the coolest book. It's called Flying Lessons. It tells how humans can learn to fly.

Poor Jack. He wanted to get back at Wilson. But now that Jack's learned how to fly, things down on earth are getting really scary...

STORY

It's a hard life for Jack Johnson. He's an eternal loser. Though that's mostly because he hates to compete. He'll let his dad beat him at checkers, and his dog Morty overpower him when they wrestle. Kid just doesn't have that killer instinct. This is a problem though, mostly when Wilson Schlame is around. Wilson loves to show up Jack at any opportunity. Especially when Mia Montez is around, who Jack does have feelings for. And not in your normal non-platonic Goosebumps kid way either. Essentially any time Jack does something to impress Mia, Wilson shows him up tenfold. It's the most Popeye/Bluto/Olive Oyl dynamic we've gotten in Goosebumps.

Jack gets invited to Mia's birthday party. Unfortunately for Jack, so did Wilson, who it seems Mia likes more, because we're only 17 pages and 4 chapters deep and the nail hasn't been hit on the head hard enough. Wilson makes balloon shapes based on their teachers, which entertains the kids, and I'll admit is more impressive than a giraffe. Wilson then invites Jack to play Twister, with Wilson's dog Terminator spinning the wheel because we get it already, this kid's a savant. Turns out that this was part of Wilson's plan as Jack ends up splitting his pants with everyone laughing at him. In one final act of cuckening, Wilson then gives Mia tickets to go with him to a concert. And that's all Jack can take as he runs off.

Jack hides out in the old Dorsey house on the beach. It's creepy and abandoned, and broken down, as Jack soon learns as he falls to the floor below. It's there he finds a strange old book called Flying Lessons. And inside are illustrations of old men with long beards flying in the air. Suddenly, a bunch of rats show up, which is Jack's cue to exit with the book in tow. When he gets home, he reads the recipe for flight. Thankfully for Jack it doesn't contain epic ingredients that require a worldwide trek or nothing. 10 egg yolks, 1 tablespoon of maple syrup, two cups of flower, 1/2 cup of seltzer and 4 tablespoons of yeast. As well as the magic powder from the book itself. 

After Jack makes the formula, Morty eats some of it, and sure enough the dog starts to fly. But he begins to fly a bit too high up outside, so Jack has no other choice but to have some himself. Sure enough, he manages to fly on his own, and manages to get Morty. The bigger problem for him is knowing how to get down. He soon manages to get the hang of it before his parents, his dad being a big talent agent, sees their son flying around. 

Now Jack's focus is on showing Mia and Wilson, so he can finally get that one up on Wilson. When he shows them one day, it doesn't work and he just falls out of his window. The next day, it's raining, so he's still unable to show off. Finally he manages to show Mia that he can fly. This seems good... until Wilson starts flying too. Turned out he managed to get a hold of the book and what was left of the magic formula. Mia wants to fly, and you know, actually be a character in this story, but the book is gone. 

Wilson later challenges Jack to a race. The two race in the sky, even over their school with everyone watching. Wilson ends up winning. But now that everyone knows that the boys can fly, scientists arrive, wanting to experiment on Jack to get answers. Oh god, don't remind me of Egg Monsters From Mars please. Jack runs home to his parents and, well, remember when I said that Jack's dad was a talent agent? Well, Jack's parents decide that Jack will be their ticket to fame and fortune. BECAUSE GOOSEBUMPS PARENTS!

So, now Jack's life is even worse. He has to do things like grand openings, and talk to the media. They forbid Jack from having a normal life anymore because he has to be a real-life superhero. Like, we have had some god awful parents, but my god showbiz parents are the absolute worst. But even with all of this, Wilson is still more famous, while Jack's stuck undergoing tests and watching his parents bask in fame and glory. Eventually we learn that Jack and Wilson are to compete in a race for a million dollars. Despite his life being hell, he agrees to it. The race day arrives and both are at the starting line. The starting gun goes off...

TWIST ENDING

and Jack falls to the ground. He's suddenly unable to fly. Wilson wins and becomes a celebrity. This ultimately means that Wilson's personal life is over and he's now being hounded by the media and having to undergo tests. Meanwhile, Jack and Mia spend more time together and he finally gets that happy ending. Especially since Jack actually never lost his flying powers. It took a while, but Jack finally managed to beat Wilson in the end. 

CONCLUSION

How I Learned to Fly is interesting. It's the most non-horror Goosebumps book perhaps of them all. So much so that I can see some people not liking it, especially if you go to Goosebumps for more creepy monsters and haunted settings. But I think I appreciate it more for being so different from everything else that we've covered. That it's going for a more slice of life style story, while including the magic element of flying. It's also a decent enough "evils of man" story with how Jack's life turns to hell by his fame-starved showbiz parents who do feel super abusive given how they turn their son's life to a living hell by treating him less like their son and more like their mascot. And sometimes that's scarier than any evil dummy or magic green slop ever could be.

Jack is a likable protagonist. You do feel bad for him, given his issues with Wilson, as well as his feelings for Mia and his terrible parents. Kid just gets dumped on the entire book and it's at least nice that he gets a happy ending. Wilson also works well as the main villain. The bully rival that is better at everything and loves to make Jack's life hell. So you don't feel as bad for his old life ending by being the famous flying boy. I do wish Mia was more of a character and not just a trophy. She's never featured prominently enough to feel like a character with any depth. Her character is also weirdly muddled. She likes Jack, but laughs whenever Wilson shows him up. Doesn't make her too great either, but I guess her ending up with Jack seems like a better outcome at least.

So, in the end, I think this is a good book. One of my favorites from the original 62. A good story with a cute twist, flows well, and scares feel less "horror" and a bit too real for a book about flying children. It is very much a "your mileage will vary" type of book, but I think if you give it a chance, you'll be surprised at what is ultimately a cute little book. Why this cute little book is a part of Goosebumps, I'll never know, but sometimes you have to curb your flights of fancy. 

STORYGGG.5
SCARES: GG
TWIST: GGG
ENJOYMENT: GGGG
OVERALL: 3.5 Gs

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