The Stinal Countdown: Goosebumps Most Wanted #7: A Nightmare on Clown Street

It's time to clown around once more in the world of Most Wanted. I once again put the choice for a Goosebumps book to cover into a poll and our book of choice won with 50% of the votes. I don't know if that means we're getting a good book or a bad one, we'll have to find out. It is interesting that Stine up until now really hasn't done that many clown related horror books. Clowns have appeared a few times in Goosebumps, but aside from Trapped in the Circus of Fear, it's not really something Stine does enough of. But let's see if there's a reason for that with A Nightmare on Clown Street.

COVER STORY

I like the cover for this one. I've stated that the Most Wanted covers aren't really my favorites as I feel they lack some real oomph. But this one is a definite exception. We get this book's version of Murder the Clown as he's avoiding some thrown axes. We get a small little bit of blood stain behind him, which feels rare to see on a Goosebumps cover. Murder himself looks creepy too with his reverse clown makeup of red face and white lips. I've said that people overlook just how good Brandon Dorman is, and this is a definite example of what I mean by that.

STORY

Ray Gordon is our overly energetic protagonist. He's often given the name "Ray Gun" because he's always full of energy. His friend Heather James is more the serious and focused one. So when she wants him to focus on their science project, he'd rather go to the circus. As in the circus that just showed up a couple blocks from his house. The circus is called the, ahem, FINGER BROS. CIRCUS (Stine, why?). Despite Heather not being as in to this as Ray, Ray decides to sneak into the circus to watch the show. The kids get caught by two ticket takers, but that doesn't deter Ray who takes Heather to the back of the tent to sneak in that way.

But not too long into their entry, the two get caught by a giant clown named Tiny, who is partners with a little clown named Biggie. Because I guess this is the irony circus. Ray also mentions that his Uncle Theo is a clown as well. He works for Koko's Klown Academy. Oh thank god it's not a college. Tiny then mentions that Ray should avoid some place named Clown Street before Ray's father catches them and takes them home, Ray not getting his answer about what Clown Street is. Ray returns home and tells his mother about what happened. Apparently he has a hot mom that all the boys like, which, okay Stine, sure. They're annoyed by this, but still decide to give him the invitation sent to him in the mail by his Uncle Theo. He's inviting Ray to Koko's Klown Academy for the summer. 

Ray arrives in Jacksonville where the clown school is. He runs into a clown with an axe in his head screaming "Murder!". Turns out this is Uncle Theo, who is also known as Murder the Clown. Neat name and all, but wasn't Murder the Clown one of Jonathan Chiller's alter egos? Stranger still, this is our second Ray Gordon too, isn't it? Oh Bob, you got lazy again and it shows. He looks about the same as the cover art suggests, only with the previously established giant axe in his head. Ray asks why he's still in clown costume and Uncle Theo says it's because the circus prefers they stay in character like it's wrestling pre-curtain call. A family with two kids show up and Theo makes a bunch of bad jokes straight out of a Slappy book that scares the kids. And, I know this is going to make no sense to the people who read these because it's usually the non-wrestling fans, but I have to do it. 

MURDER, BRAH! YOU'RE MAKING KIDS CRY, BRAH! 

Theo takes Ray to the Klown Academy and after running into a clown on stilts named Mr. Funny, Ray notices a "dunk the clown" attraction. However, Theo drags him away just as the clown gets dunked. When the water drains, any remains of the clown disappear. Ray is confused, but Theo tells him that it's all a trick. Nothing is real here. Theo then introduces Ray to some of the other clowns, Tommy Teardrops, Billy Laffs and a female clown with a huge butt called "Mrs. Giggle-Wiggle". I know this is a kids book and all, but Stine seems hornier than usual with this one. 

Ray meets the ringmaster of the circus named Mr. HahaFace. He keeps calling Ray Jack and then has him held down and pulls out a needle, wanting to see if there's any "clown blood" in him. But it's all just a joke, since we've already established that most of what's happened is all fake clown stuff. But the other clowns seem to be scared of him at least. Ray is then taken to his trailer where he'll get in his clown getup. His character will be Mr. Belly-Bounce and his shtick will be just that, bouncing on his belly. Boy, that's going to be fun for his gastrointestinal lining when he gets older. And then a knife goes flying at Ray's head. Theo claims it must have been for him, but Ray thinks he's lying.

In his trailer, Ray sees his roommate, another clown named Bingo-Bongo whose shtick is playing one man ping-pong. Ray tries to ask him about Mr. HahaFace when suddenly Mr. HahaFace shows up, scaring Bingo-Bongo into saying that nobody's scared of Mr. HahaFace. Ray then sees a girl clown about his age named Deana Banana. Who just so happens to do a knife throwing act. But she tells him that one of her knives disappeared earlier in the day. Ray decides to tell her that he thinks Mr. HahaFace is a scary jerk and then returns to his trailer where Bingo-Bongo tells him that he just royally screwed up as Deana Banana is Mr. HahaFace's daughter.

That night, Ray hears his voice being called outside, but can't see anyone. He steps outside, only to trip on a cord and fall into a pile of fish guts. He asks Theo, but he says that it's normal because clowns like to play tricks. Theo practices with Ray for a bit who isn't fully getting into the whole belly bouncing thing but is practicing. But Ray had forgot his clown shoes in his trailer. When he goes to retrieve them, he sees that the shoes have been sliced in half. He blames Bingo-Bongo, but the clown claims he had nothing to do with it. The circus act begins and all seems to go as planned until Ray accidentally trips and lands on Mr. HahaFace. He drags Ray to his office and asks what happened. When Ray says he accidentally tripped on Bingo-Bongo, Mr. HahaFace says that he'll handle Bingo-Bongo. 

After that, Ray meets with Deana again who tells him more about how she was raised in the circus. As they walk, they see the dunk tank again, only this time Bingo-Bongo is sitting in the chair. Similar to the clown from before, he gets dunked and flushed away. Ray asks what's going on and Deana runs off. Ray goes to his trailer to see if Bingo-Bongo is there, but instead all of the clown's stuff is gone and a new clown named Dr. Phooey has taken residence. When Ray asks about Bingo-Bongo, Dr. Phooey mentions that he was sent to Clown Street. Ray asks again about Clown Street, but Dr. Phooey just tries to avoid the question.

That night, Ray goes to see his Uncle Theo, to get any answers about what's going on. However, when he finds his uncle, he learns the truth. The man in the Murder the Clown costume isn't actually his Uncle Theo, but a man named David Ford, also known as Monkey Face the Clown. He explains that his uncle really did send him the invitation to Koko's Klown Academy. However, that was before Theo got in trouble with Mr. HahaFace and was sent to Clown Street with Monkey Face taking over the Murder the Clown role. Ray tells David that he's going to find his Uncle and runs off, with the clown warning him that it's impossible. 

Believing that the only way to get to Clown Street is by angering Mr. HahaFace, Ray takes a pie and sneaks into his trailer. After some sneaking about, he throws the pie in the clown's face, only to discover that clown was Tommy Teardrops. Turns out Mr. HahaFace is visiting some friends that night, so Ray's plan fell through. So, the next plan is to dunk himself into the tank so he'll get flushed to Clown Street. That's when Deana shows up and tries to stop him. In fact, she's been trying to stop him this whole time. Trying to warn him to escape the circus while he still can. She was the one who threw the knife and tripped him into the fish guts. She was also the one who split his shoes. But despite her warnings, Ray still tells her to flush him, and she does.

Ray sinks down into the water and through an opening that takes him to a larger tank. As he tries to escape, he sees another clown with him. Turns out Deana flushed herself too to help him. Suddenly, a giant mutant squid shows up and grabs them. It looks like the end, but Deana uses her knives to free them. As they escape, they see a bunch of clowns applauding them. As they're helped out of the tank, they meet a serious man in a black suit who tells them that things will be scarier than that soon. He has the clowns take Ray and Deana to Clown Street. Ray asks who that is, and the clowns tell them that he is The Frightener and if they keep asking questions they'll end up in a bear cage.

Ray and Deana are taken to the Clown Street Hotel which isn't actually a hotel, but a prison. As they're taken to their cells, they hear other clowns panicking about the bear cage and the sounds of angry bears on the attack. Then Ray hears another voice from the cell next to them, it's Uncle Theo. The real one this time. He tells Ray that he was hoping to warn him not to go to Klown Academy, but was taken to Clown Street before he had the chance. 

Uncle Theo then tells us about The Frightener. No one knows his real name, only that he's called The Frightener. When he was a kid, he was scared by a clown. This traumatic event carried on into his adulthood. He was so afraid of clowns that he vowed to get rid of them. And thus he created Clown Street, a prison facility to keep clowns trapped. He forces ringmasters like Mr. HahaFace to work for him, to lead the clowns to their fate one by one. So it confirms that Mr. HahaFace wasn't evil so much as he was scared for his own safety and that of his daughter. 

The Frightener has the clowns led through an X-Ray machine that keeps the clown makeup stuck on their face forever. He then has the clowns battle either the squid or the bear for his entertainment. And the squid and bear usually always win. And those who do win are forced to work for The Frightener, performing birthday parties and the like, so even if you win you lose. Ray and Deana are given fresh clown costumes and are told they'll be facing the bear soon. That's when The Frightener's voice is heard on the speaker. He tells all the imprisoned clowns that they will all be entertaining his nephew Freddy for his birthday party. 

That's when Ray thinks that he may have found their escape plan. Just have all the clowns scare Freddy and The Frightener to the point that they'll have no choice but to let them go. Then, suddenly, The Frightener says he's changed his mind and no clowns shall come to Freddy's party. But that part was just a joke because I guess even this guy has a sense of humor. So the plan is back on. They arrive at Freddy's house and try to scare them, but the kids all laugh, thinking it's a riot. The Frightener enters the room to see what's going on and the clowns surround him, screwing with him. Suddenly, the bear is let loose and chases the Frightener off, so the clowns can escape. Well, why didn't they think of this before?

TWIST ENDING

Ray returns home and is about to tell his parents about his crazy time at Koko's Klown Academy when he remembers that he still has his clown makeup on. He goes to the bathroom to wash it off, only now it won't come off. Well, it isn't all bad, kid. You'll no doubt make a fine Juggalo. Whoop Whoop!

CONCLUSION

A Nightmare on Clown Street is good, but not amazing. I think I like everything up until we get to the actual Clown Street as it builds to a solid mystery surrounding the missing clowns and whoever is trying to go after Ray in particular. I think once we get to The Frightener, there really isn't much time to make him an interesting villain. Though I do like the concept of this guy who is so scared by clowns he takes vengeance on them. I really don't want to bring it up, but this whole final act gives me some possibly unintentional holocaust vibes, only instead of gas chambers it's giant squids and bears. I really have to stop reading things into kids books, but Stine makes that so hard sometimes.

Ray's an okay protagonist, but nothing spectacular. Serves his purpose. As do the clowns themselves who do at least have some fun names and concepts. I don't know though, I was hoping they'd be a bit freakier. But I guess Mr. HahaFace works for that at least. Like I said, what I like is the build more than the climax. Even little things like the real Uncle Theo being taken so we get a misdirect that actually works. Deana and even Mr. HahaFace work well as solid misdirects. And the circus setting gives us some fun set pieces for a Goosebumps story. And while I'm not crazy for the Clown Street stuff, it's at least unique. And then there's the twist that becomes too obvious after it's brought up earlier on about the face paint being permanent. 

In the end, this book has a really strong build, but just lacks something in the finish to make it stand out. Though given that's been the case with much of Most Wanted, it fits right in. So the book ultimately gets a medium-level recommend. It's not too bad, especially if you can get into it better than I did. It's a book that is far from Krusty, but won't leave you feeling like a Bozo. A Nightmare on Clown Street gets a B.