Up until now, Goosebumps has been a rather interesting product. A horror series for kids that, while not always hitting the mark, at least feel like inspired ideas that work as simple self-contained stories that don't need further elaboration. Books that Stine clearly created in such a manner. Even if a book had a stinger ending that alluded to the future, it still worked because you could tell that if Stine did finally delve into the world of sequels, he'd make sure that the events of that first book all worked in the correct way to make the sequel work.
But, unfortunately, that didn't happen.
We're officially in sequel territory, where any good will you may have had for the original book is lit ablaze before your very eyes. And it all started with, what else, Monster Blood. I don't like the Monster Blood sequels. Of the sequels that we did get, I felt they were the worst offenders of not caring at all about the first book and felt far more laissez-faire with the stories, leading to a mess. But, even when I did cover these, I didn't think the first sequel was the worst offender. Will the return change my feelings? Let's dive into Monster Blood II.
MONSTER BLOOD II
COVER STORY
I've said it before, I'll say it again. This is not a scary cover. At all. Because try as you might, I maintain that you can't make a hamster scary. But Tim does do a good enough job in trying. I like how giant Cuddles is, how he bursts out of the mangled cage. It does give him a beastly feel. I also like the Monster Blood dripping, giving vibes from the past cover. What I'm mixed on is the rest of the cover. I'm not super crazy about the warping. Sometimes, it works fine, but it's in overdrive here with with the warped background. Also the ceiling tile is silly looking, looking more like a floor than a ceiling. This wasn't a cover that got me, but it's still alright for what it's set out to be I guess.
IT'S BAAACK...
Evan Ross can't stop thinking about Monster Blood and what happened last summer. It was so horrible. So terrifying. Too bad Evan's science teacher doesn't believe him. Now he's stuck cleaning the hamster's cage as punishment for making up stories.
Then Evan's friend Andy comes to town, and things go from bad to worse. Because Andy's got a present for Evan. It's green and slimy and it's starting to grow...
STORY
What better way to start off our sequel with not one, but two chapters based on fake out dreams. Evan Ross is back, and just as whiny as ever. He dreams that Trigger grows giant once again and buries him in the backyard. Evan wakes up to see his science teacher, a rather grumpy man named Mr. Murphy, chastising him for sleeping in class as well as still talking about Monster Blood. Mr. Murphy, a man of science, doesn't believe that a green substance could just grow and turn other thins giant. He tells Evan that he'll have to clean the hamster cage as punishment. The cage belongs to the class hamster Cuddles. Evan, in a rage, grabs Cuddles and chucks him out the window. But that was just a dream. That was just a dream. That's me in the corner...
Evan hasn't quite had it too well since moving to Atlanta. He hasn't made any friends, Mr. Murphy seems to have it out for him, and worst of all, he has to deal with the school bully, the actually clever named Conan Barber. Although it's less clever when Stine has to spell it out for you that it's a reference to Conan the Barbarian. Conan trips Evan, then says that it's more than fair to lay in a punch. Evan obliges, and lands a rather limp punch. But this was all a ruse as Mr. Murphy sees Evan punching Conan and punishes him by cleaning Coddles' cage. However, as Evan cleans the cage, Cuddles escapes. Conan gets a hold of Cuddles and forces Evan to sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat". Maybe Conan's a big fan of Star Trek V. Evan, having no other alternative, does so and gets humiliated and in trouble with Mr. Murphy again. In fairness, Evan did screw up by letting Cuddles get loose, so he does have that one coming.
Evan heads home after that hell of a school day, only to be grabbed by someone. It's Andy, his friend from the last book. She's just conveniently spending the next year in Atlanta with her aunt and uncle while her parents are away on business. She promises to show him something when she starts school the next day. Another dream sequence, this time he dreams his dad turns giant from the Monster Blood. So, at this point, it's obvious that Evan is still traumatized by the Monster Blood. His experience, while giving us a bunch of dream sequences, still resonates. So, guess what Andy brought? That's right, the can of Monster Blood. Granted, she brought it when it was still empty, but now it's starting to fill up again.
Now, Evan is clearly afraid of Monster Blood, but Andy. Andy kind of just becomes awful. She thinks this is great. Now Evan can show the dangerous blob that nearly killed them over the summer to the rest of the school. It may eat a few students, but they'll believe him now. But at least for now, she agrees to help Evan bury the can instead, but says that they might need it sometime. You never know. Yep, opinion isn't changing on this one so far. At least we have... 72 pages left? Augh.
We learn that Evan's dad is a sculptor. He makes a giant leaf, which is neat, and a giant wheel that you think is Stine hinting for later, but we'll get to that. Evan also tries to get into the school basketball team, but it turns out that Mr. Murphy is the coach. Not to mention Conan and his friends make sure that Evan never stands a chance. Feeling tired of Mr. Murphy and Conan, Evan feels like Mr. Murphy deserves a lesson, and of course, Andy suggests using the Monster Blood. I have no idea what the hell happened to Andy's brain, but it didn't make the trip to Atlanta, clearly. That and she feels more like a really awful devil on Evan's shoulder other than being someone who should, you know, actually consider the fact that he's terrified of the stuff, and try to make this moot. I've always had a theory about Andy, but I'll return to that later.
However, they go to get the can, only to find it's disappeared. Conan took it, so they have to go and retrieve it. And that's by sneaking into Conan's house at night. It's probably the only part of the book I do kind of like. They establish that Conan is babied by his mother, while his father is more strict. And Evan and Andy having to sneak into the house, grab the can, and escape without being caught does work for at least some tension. Look, I'm getting whatever positives I can out before the conclusion. Now with Monster Blood with them, Evan feels it's more trouble than it's worth and tells Andy to bury it again. She instead takes it to school and feeds it to Cuddles. I hate Andy. And this isn't even her at her worst, but thankfully I have 44 books before I get to that.
The next day, Evan heads to school early, hoping that Cuddles shrank, but no, the hamster's even bigger now. He puts the hamster on a leash and everyone looks at it like it's a carnival attraction. Next day, Cuddles is even larger and now in a rage, rampaging the school and attacking Mr. Murphy. Evan decides that there's only one way to stop a hamster, and that's putting it in a giant wheel. He gets his dad's wheel sculpture, and Cuddles just breaks it. Well, that was pointless. So, next Evan decides he'll eat the Monster Blood and maybe as a giant he can fight Cuddles and calm the hamster down. After almost being eaten by the substance himself, Evan escapes and eats enough to grow. The giant boy tries to wrangle the giant hamster to the shock of the entire school. And then they both just shrink. You see, Monster Blood, which may I remind you that it became sentient because of a witch, has an expiration date, which just passed, negating its power. Bob, it couldn't have killed you to actually give a damn about this book. It... it really couldn't have killed you.
TWIST ENDING
So... everyone just moves on. The giant hamster and boy thing? Well, it happened, but whatever. Since Evan saved the day, he gets to take Cuddles home with him. That night however, he sees Cuddles eating something green.
CONCLUSION
And the answer to the earlier question is no. No, my feelings on Monster Blood II have not changed. I'm not as annoyed as I was the first time reading it, but I still think this is the worst book so far. A good sequel should care about the events of the first. Find a way to implement that book's events to build a stronger follow-up. Stine didn't do that. He simply went back to the basic elements of the story and threw this together, acting like the Monster Blood just was always a growth slime. But, we know it wasn't. It was turned evil by a witch named Sarabeth, who was killed off in the first book. After that happened, it's hard to just go back and act like that never mattered. And maybe you could ignore that, treat it like the slime's returned, still powered by Sarabeth and deal with it that way. But then, of course, the expiry date ending makes that not matter. Which, I gotta say is a lame way to end this book. It's the biggest example that R.L. Stine wrote himself into a corner with no feasible way to end this book. Once the wheel was made to not matter in favor of a more action-heavy ending, he had no idea how to end this book without "oops, magic slime expires I guess". Don't worry, he makes it worse. Much worse.
Evan's still Evan. He's not as annoying this time around, but given that he has to deal with life still dumping on him, he's still justified. He's much like Gary in our last book, but I don't know, Gary was still more engaging. What the hell happened to Andy? Like, her character is still there, being somewhat sarcastic and trying to be an optimist, but she is obsessed with using the Monster Blood. Even knowing full well how Evan feels, she still treats it like a fun revenge tool, despite, you know, the danger they were in last time, and what a shock, the danger they end up in this time. I said it before, but what if this isn't Andy? What if this is somehow Sarabeth? What if when the Monster Blood returned, so did she? Being a witch, she could possibly take Andy's form and act like Evan's friend, while constantly daring him to use the Monster Blood and let it wreak havoc. I mean, it's something. It's a reason beyond just ignoring not just the dangers of the substance, but her best friend's trauma.
I swear I didn't go into this trying to be negative again. I did like the whole scene with them trying to get the can back from Conan, and like I said, there is some decent action in the end with giant Cuddles. But even that is super rushed and just never feels like a strong way to wrap this up. It speaks to this book even existing in the first place. Maybe there was a really good idea in Stine's mind to make a sequel, but he just couldn't find a strong way to make it work. Maybe this was a Scholastic mandate to make a sequel to a popular book and Stine rushed out something with less love than anything prior. One thing's for sure. The sequels have arrived, and Goosebumps is going to get much worse thanks to them. Hell, there's two more Monster Blood books in the original 62 that I dread coming back to, but I intend to. As for Monster Blood II, it's a green glob of garbage.
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