The Stinal Countdown: Goosebumps HorrorLand #5: Dr. Maniac Vs. Robby Schwartz

Since starting HorrorLand, the books we've covered have all been sequels to previous books. Either direct follow-ups that contradict other sequels, or sequels that establish fresh canon. Well, we finally get to our first new story for this series. What does Stine have up his sleeve? We'll find out with Dr. Maniac Vs. Robby Schwartz.

COVER STORY

This is an alright cover. A bit cramped, but it gets the message across. Dr. Maniac breaking through a computer screen, grabbing at the reader. Dr. Maniac's design definitely fits the bill with his wild hair, deranged red eyes and a smile so big it puts Buddy from the cover of Camp Jellyjam to shame. It's the first cover of HorrorLand that feels close to something that Jacobus would do, which earns it some big points. Now if only the story was as good as this cover. Oops, did I let my poker face go too early? Read on to find out.

STORY

We open our book with Robby Scwartz, a kid with long hair that he brags about, whining about going on a camping trip with his parents and two siblings, a younger brother named Sam and a younger sister named Taylor. As they set up camp, Robby's dad pulls a Triple H and spits at Robby, which he ducks. See, Robby's not into this wilderness stuff, he'd rather be at home writing his comic strip. He's been a strip maker since seven, and most recently came up with a strip about a super villain named Dr. Maniac. As he daydreams about Dr. Maniac Vs. Chipmunk Boy, he hears rustling in the woods. And to Robby's shock, there's Dr. Maniac, who forces Robby to eat a dead squirrel. But none of this actually matters, because none of that actually happened. That was all just from Robby's last comic. Oh god, not one of THESE books...

We actually open as the family are still driving to their campsite, while Robby shows Taylor his comic and we get a good look at Dr. Maniac's attire. Red and blue tights with a gold M on his chest, yellow gloves, white boots with yellow feathers in them and a leopard print cape. Seems more like a guy who got lost on his way to Mardi Gras than an evil super villain. They make it to camp, but it's not long until Robby spots a piece of leopard cape on a tree, suggesting it must be Dr. Maniac. And sure enough that night, Robby is confronted by Dr. Maniac, who is still holding a dead squirrel. Dr. Maniac eats the squirrel then grabs Robby, who he wants to aid him in defeating his nemesis The Purple Rage, the world's angriest super villain. But none of THIS actually matters, because none of that actually happened. That was all from Robby's last comic. Ah the old Monster Blood II double fake out opening. I am going to hate this book.

We actually open as Robby is showing off his work to his brother Sam and his friend Brooke, who are impressed with his work. Robby leaves the room while Sam uses the computer to play Battle Chess (was that even still a thing in 2008? Hell, Jovial Bob referenced it in Egg Monsters From Mars back in 1996 for Mortman's sake. Was it his favorite game?), when he hears a loud crash. When he returns to the room, Sam is gone! Brooke claims that it was Dr. Maniac who abducted him. Oh and don't worry, we're actually progressing on this. It doesn't immediately open the next chapter on "Oh, you thought that was real too? That was also my latest comic page". But just... just wait.

Of course, the parents don't believe that Robby's comic book character could have done such a thing as they wait for answers from the police. The police do arrive, but with a kid named Jerome that they mistook for Sam. Okay, that was funny in an inept sort of way. As the commotion continues over Sam's disappearance, Robby notices the television is on with Red Martinson, a TV host, interviewing The Purple Rage, who pretty much speaks in "you know what grinds my gears" speech. Everything either bursts his banana or pinches his tires, or some sort of sex speak. Purple Rage, as expected turns purple the more angry he gets, especially as Martinson continues to question of Purple Rage is real or not.

All I can think of is The Amazing Bulk and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. 

But when Robby tries to show his family The Purple Rage on TV, all they see is Congressman McCloo. So they see an even bigger super villain. Since no one believes either kid on Robby's characters coming to life, Robby and Brooke head to the TV station in hopes to get some answer about The Purple Rage. WSTR is the "Starfish Station" but hell if Stine has time to hobble a reason. They manage to speak with Martinson, who tells them that Purple Rage was there and headed to the roof to fly off. Robby, in a panic, rushes up to the roof with security after him, losing Brooke in the process. He manages to spot a purple blur jump off the roof, so being the idiot he is, Robby runs off the roof. But instead of crashing to the pavement, The Purple Rage saves him in the nick of time.

Robby tries to tell Purple Rage about Dr. Maniac kidnapping Sam, but Rage being paranoid thinks that Dr. Maniac and Sam are working together and that Robby's a spy. So he just heaves Robby off the roof again, only to stop at the last second. While Purple Rage complains some more, he does tell us that recently Dr. Maniac has been working with another villain named The Scarlet Starlet, another Robby creation. But eventually Purple Rage agrees to help and brings Robby to his hidden studio where he just so happens to have a giant case of scorpions. After broadcasting Robby on television, he then tosses him into the scorpion case. It's here where Robby finally laments that he didn't create any super heroes to deal with these villains. Well, this book was made in 2008, so Robby fits the edgelord fanaticism spectrum quite easily.

Robby decides the only way to escape the scorpion tank is to really piss The Purple Rage off, so he hurls a bunch of insults. Purple Rage gets pissed and uses his breath of fury, which smashes the tank and frees Robby, who high tails it out of the studio and through the sewers to make it back home, where he learns that Brooke has disappeared as well. After showering the sewer stink off, Robby returns to his room to see a new Dr. Maniac comic that wasn't made by him. It shows Dr. Maniac with Sam and Brooke who he's kidnapped to the local indoor pool. He plans to kidnap all the children in town and have them perform an ice skating show for him 24 hours a day. Which, okay, that's pretty maniac if you ask me. He tries to get his parents and the cops to see the proof, but his screen ends up blank. So it's up to Robby to head to the pool himself.

He rushes into the pool and sees two kids he mistakes for Sam and Brooke, but they're completely different kids. He gets caught by Dr. Maniac and his sidekick The Scarlet Starlet, a whiny diva villain who wears all red everything. Oh god, it's Eva Marie! But eventually The Purple Rage shows up, who gets so angry that he literally pops like a balloon. Well that happened. The villains strap skates on Robby who ends up dancing for hours with the other kidnapped kids. He tries to help the other kids escape, when suddenly the ice begins to crack and melt. Dr. Maniac is causing it via computer, adjusting the temperature to break the ice and block their exit. Robby gets out of the pull and attacks Dr. Maniac. In the struggle, he pulls the mask off Dr. Maniac and reveals that it was really Sam. Wait what? Scarlet Starlet also reveals herself to be Brooke. WHAAAT?

They explain that since Robby always found villains more interesting, they decided to become villains themselves. Before anything else can happen, cops arrive and things get crazier. The distraction gives Robby just enough time to hit the delete button on the keyboard.

TWIST ENDING

But none of this actually matters, because none of that actually happened. That was all just from Robby's last comic. Yep, none of this matters at all as Robby was just showing off his latest comic to his mother. It turns out that Robby never had a little brother named Sam (or a sister named Taylor) or a friend named Brooke. He's just some lonely kid who blends reality with his own weird fantasy world. That's... pretty depressing. As his mom leaves his room, he sees a picture of Dr. Maniac and Scarlet Starlet on his computer who say they'll see him in HorrorLand. 

ENTER HORRORLAND

Recap time: Britney Crosby and Molly Molloy were invited to HorrorLand. There they met Billy and Sheena Deep as well as Matt Daniels. Britney and Molly suddenly disappear. As the story progresses, the kids keep finding clues that show the pair on a fiery merry-go-round in a strange part of the park. They meet Carly Beth and Sabrina, who get separated from the group. After hearing from a pair of horrors about how the experience in HorrorLand is about to get scarier, they end up in Werewolf Village, locked inside with real wolves.

We open as Robby is already in HorrorLand in Werewolf Village. As he's coming up with more ideas for his comic, he ends up colliding into Carly Beth and Sabrina. As they talk, more wolves show up and are about to attack. Robby begins to dig hard under the fence and the three manage to escape. Carly Beth fills Robby in, but like damn near all the kids in this story, he's skeptical initially. Then Robby gets attacked by a snake! No, wait, it's a stuffed snake. After that happens, Robby begins to feel his body being dragged away from the girls, dragged to the local arcade, eventually stopping at a game called "Dr. Maniac's World of Pain".

Robby's confused how his character is actually real this time, considering, you know, the THREE fake outs in the original story, but he plays anyway, putting on the game's VR-style helmet. The screen turns purple and foggy before Dr. Maniac shows up. Essentially it's a shooter game, but Robby has to pick up the ammo to fight Dr. Maniac. And any time Robby takes damage, he feels the pain. He continues to lose and wants to leave the game, but the headset remains stuck on his head, trapping him. Two girls show up as Robby begs for them to unplug the game, but they can't. The game isn't plugged in! Eventually Robby takes so much damage that he passes out, hitting his head on the ground. When he comes to, he manages to take the headset off. The two girls introduce themselves as Britney Crosby and Molly Molloy and tell him to come with them.

Britney and Molly tell Robby that they have to make it to the other park, and that the kids who have all been invited are being invited as an act of revenge. But before they can explain further, they get stopped by Slappy. Slappy tells Robby to pick up a gold token on the ground, but of course he doesn't believe the dummy's actually alive, only to get a bad case of Tyson/Holyfield as Slappy clamps on his ear. Britney picks up the token, which begins to suck Robby towards it! But none of this actually matters, because none of that actually happened. Yep, they got us one more time before leaving as Robby wakes up to see Carly Beth and Sabrina instead, as he's still in the arcade. Robby tries to get answers about Slappy or the other girls, but Carly Beth and Sabrina think that he may have brain damage from smashing his head into the arcade machine. But before they all leave, Robby does find the same gold token on the floor.

CONCLUSION

I initially heard this story through an audiobook, and after finishing Dr. Maniac Vs. Robby Schwartz the first time, I came out of the affair hating it. Feeling the constant string of false stories just made the whole story feel like a waste of time. However, upon reading the book and seeing the main story is a scant 93 pages, it didn't bother me as much. Granted, the fake outs were annoying and having nothing matter by the end hurt this book immensely, but having this all be the imagination of a sad, lonely kid makes the whole affair pretty depressing. Robby is far from the worst protagonist ever as compared to another comic-obsessed kid like Skipper, he doesn't come off as arrogant or gatekeeping. He's just very average, save for his long hair and love of edgy villains. And the main story within the stories at least had some interesting ideas for villains.

Dr. Maniac and Scarlet Starlet were kinda bland, save for Maniac's attempts at sounding more crazy than he actually was. But the real star is Purple Rage, who comes off more hilarious than threatening, save for throwing Robby in the scorpion tank. Scares feel minimal save for the admittedly disturbing squirrel eating scene and the scorpions, but other than that, it was average at best. Definitely the most average story Goosebumps has offered since we started covering the 2008 revival. As I stated earlier, the fake outs did hurt the story, but at least felt better set up than in another Goosebumps book I haven't covered yet (It's in Series 2000 and it's an even bigger middle finger) so that you kinda expect it to end the way it does. So, before I re-read this one, I thought it would be in Monster Blood IV territory, but it's more Barking Ghost territory, which still isn't a glowing endorsement. Dr. Manic Vs. Robby Schwartz gets a D.