Of all the sagas in the Goosebumps series, there's none that annoy me as much as that of Monster Blood. It's well documented my issues with the books, which got progressively worse as time went on. It's the ultimate example of why Goosebumps kind of began to falter once Stine or Scholastic came up with the bright idea of sequels. But I do recall liking the original a little bit. So let's get slimy with the original Monster Blood.
MONSTER BLOOD
RELEASE MONTH: September, 1992
FRONT TAGLINE: It's a monster blood drive!
COVER STORY
Tim Jacobus returns with his second cover in the series, and it's proof positive of why he was the man for the job. Like Dead House, the cover isn't heavy in the scares department, but still works for not just the colors, but the implications the cover gives. That of a green, slimy substance oozing down the stairs, someone's glasses on the ground, meaning there must have been some sort of struggle and the victim barely escaped. The oozing of the blood mixed with the detail of the stairs and the colors of orange light and blue shadow give off a cover that won't frighten, but stick with you forever. One of the absolute best. Only issue, I do wish the slime border for the cover was green instead of blue.
Something the Mexican edition remedied.
BLOOD, BLOOD, EVERYWHERE...
While staying with his weird great-aunt Kathryn, Evan visits a funky old toy store and buys a dusty can of Monster Blood. It's fun to play with at first. And Evan's dog, Trigger, likes it so much, he eats some!
But then Evan notices something weird about the green, slimy stuff-it seems to be growing.
And growing.
And growing.
STORY
Evan Ross is our protagonist for not just this monster blood book, but the next three (yes, there are four books about monster blood) and we get all we need to know about him from the jump. He's whiny and annoying. Though in Evan's defense, his parents are going to Atlanta to house hunt while dumping him off with his great-aunt Kathryn, a strange old deaf woman with a very creepy black cat named Sarabeth who won't play a role in this story I assure you. And first interactions don't go well when we first see Kathryn brandishing a bloody knife!... which she was using to cut beef. Neither Evan, nor his cocker spaniel Trigger, are happy about having to deal with a strange old deaf woman for two weeks, but too bad, so sad. Evan goes up to the room he'll be spending the next couple weeks in, only to get attacked by Sarabeth the cat.
Evan takes Trigger for a walk around town to get his mind off the Kathryn issues and gets snuck up from behind by a girl named Andrea, or Andy as she calls herself. She's described as wearing a yellow t-shirt with black leggings and yellow sneakers which, I know this is 1992, but that is some 80s vomit and then some. She also considers everything to be stupid. The pair, along with Trigger, head into town and make their way to an old toy shop. They look around until Evan spots a strange old can labeled "MONSTER BLOOD: SURPRISING MIRACLE SUBSTANCE". He buys it from the store owner (who advises them that it might be old and not even work anymore) and the two head out. Some time later the kids test out the monster blood. It's essentially a gak-like substance that can glow in the dark, stretch, and even bounce. However, in their playing of the toy, Trigger suddenly eats some of it, putting Evan in a panic.
Things aren't going too smoothly with Evan and Kathryn either as he begins to not just suspect that she just straight up hates him, but that she might be a witch. But we're gonna tuck that in our pocket as Evan goes out to visit Andy, only to be accosted by a pair of teenagers named Rick and Tony Beymer. The Beymer twins are about to beat up Evan when Andy comes to his aid, only to then have her bike stolen by them. But since they tend to steal her Bike on the reg, she's not too bothered by it as she'll get it back later. The kids return to play with the monster blood can some more, which seems to still be full despite Trigger eating some. Speaking of, Evan checks on his dog who is choking on his collar. It's there that Evan notices that Trigger's gotten bigger.
Cut to the next day as Evan and Andy check the monster blood can to notice that it's starting to overflow. The slime is growing and is stickier and warmer than before. Andy also tries to dare Evan into tasting the monster blood, making her come off less the friend he needs and more the strange devil on his shoulder. This is gonna be more prevalent in the next books. We get our nightmare sequence as Evan now has to deal with a gigantic Trigger who turns into a literal giant monster. Well, it's no skeleton dream, that's for sure. Then Evan dreams that he becomes a giant, because one nightmare scene wasn't enough for Jovial Bob. He's gotta go wild.
Some more time passes and now the monster blood is growing even worse, to the point that Evan needs a bucket to store it in. Andy takes a bunch of the monster blood in a coffee can and makes a stupid suggestion of feeding it to the Beymer twins. You know, in retrospect, re-reading this book, knowing the character's actions in the books to follow, Andy was always an idiot. As Evan leaves Andy's however, he runs into the Beymer twins who beat him up, And not in a comedic sort of way, he gets brutalized. He returns home later but Kathryn just laughs, thinking he's the one who started the fight. That night, Evan takes the monster blood to a bathtub in the basement. Suddenly Sarabeth attacks him from behind, causing him to fall into the tub and almost be swallowed whole by the monster blood. He manages to escape and tries to tell Kathryn the next day, only for her to not believe him, of course.
Evan and Andy, now with a garbage bag full of monster blood, head to the toy store, only for it to conveniently be out of business. He returns home and puts the bag of monster blood in the garbage can. Some good news at least is that his mother is arriving to pick him up. Some bad news is that Trigger has grown even larger. About the size of a pony. Trigger knocks over the trash can, causing the monster blood to ooze out and seems to now be sentient, focused on grabbing the kids. They manage to avoid it, but the Beymer twins aren't so lucky, being sucked into the mass. The monster blood then grabs at Kathryn who tells the kids that she's the one who made it, and she has to pay for it. So it was Aunt Kathryn who brought the monster blood to life... no, wait, she then says the cat did it. The cat Sarabeth who then transforms into a woman. Okay, even for Stine this went right off the rails.
Okay, so twenty years ago, Sarabeth was living with Kathryn, only to eventually heel turn on her and rob her of her hearing. After Evan arrived, and worrying that this would mess everything up, she forced Kathryn to cast a spell on the monster blood so that it would eventually kill him. She has the monster blood advance on Evan, Andy and Kathryn, when suddenly the giant Trigger shows up and bumps into Sarabeth, knocking her into the monster blood which eats her whole. the monster blood shrinks, freeing the Beymer twins who run off. Trigger shrinks back to normal size. Kathryn can even hear again. It's all a mega happy ending!
TWIST ENDING
Evan's mom arrives just as everything is finally calmed down. As Evan and Andy say their goodbyes, Andy asks to keep the monster blood that remained as a sort of memento for this whole weird experience. But when the kids look in the can, there's none left. And if Robert Lawrence Stine was wiser, there would have remained none left. But that's a story for another time.
CONCLUSION
In a perfect world, this would be the only Monster Blood book. Its story is self-contained, the characters act with some sense of logic and actually fear the substance. The monster blood feels like a threat, particularly in the climax of the story. Andy's presence feels less annoying and more as someone who, while she annoys Evan, does actually care about his well being. A splash of optimism in Evan's sea of ennui. Evan, while whiny, is at least understandable in why he is how he is. He's been left with a woman he doesn't know, can barely communicate with, and by the end thinks is out to get him. If the book has any strength to it it's that that there is a lot of focus on Evan's concerns and fears about if Kathryn hates him and if she does intend to hurt him. It actually makes him sympathetic enough to be an okay protagonist at best.
There isn't much horror in this book. Far less than what we got with the past two. Which isn't bad if you want a slice of life story, but even that's not all that amazing. There isn't much of a sense of mystery to the story. We get the monster blood growing and Trigger growing, and Evan's concerns about Kathryn, but none are given enough time to feel like they matter, or feel like they're ever going to get a solid payoff, which becomes the case when Stine chooses to make it all the work of a cat witch. Yes, he has Sarabeth appear a lot in the story and make it not-so-subtle that the cat has it out for Evan, but the ultimate twist being that Sarabeth has Kathryn as her deaf slave feels not very well thought out. And what ultimately kills this outcome is that none of this will matter when the sequels come. Sarabeth never returns and Stine now focuses on the monster blood somehow just always being a cursed item that can both eat you and turn you giant. Trust me, when we get to Monster Blood II, I may end up angrier than I did the first time I went through this. The original Monster Blood is our first clunker book in Goosebumps. Not the worst, but becomes superfluous and loses a lot of its luster due to devaluing it with sequels. It's just a bloody shame.
STORY: GG
SCARES: G
TWIST: G
ENJOYMENT: GG
OVERALL: 2 Gs
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