NNtG: Bone Chillers #11: Toilet Terror

It's time for another trip into Bone Chillers. Really down to the last few I can find online and, like I've said, some of the prices online for some of these books makes my eyes twitch. But we still have a couple left and one of them is about a monster in a toilet. Look, given some of the downright maddening monsters we have gotten from these books, a toilet monster feels a bit middle of the road. But can I be proven wrong? Or will this be a book I should have added to the much underused The Depths section? Best jiggle the handle because it's time to talk about Toilet Terror. 

A solid Tim Jacobus cover as usual, but also a little forgettable in the grand scheme. Don't get me wrong, some things in the cover do work. The POV being super warped, the garish checkerboard floor which, I'd imagine a red and blue bathroom floor would be super ugly. I like the strewn about magazines. Then there's the monster in the green muck complete with tentacles because that seems concerning when you're about to squat down. It's all good visuals, but feels super safe, super "This is a cover that Tim made without too much fun involved. Just pump out a cover with a toilet monster and accept the paycheck" feel to the whole thing.

Ellie Volkhausen has a problem. It's her seven year old brother Hans who ignores her chemistry project to tell her that his pet goldfish Spike has died. Ellie, who would much rather be focusing on her budding future as a scientist, is nonplussed about a dead goldfish and despite Hans wanting to bury him at sea or at least in the ground, Ellie opts for the classier funeral. That being, of course, dumping the fish in the toilet. Why rest in peace when you can rest in a septic tank, right? After working on an experiment in a test tube with her friend Andy Stein, Ellie goes to dinner where her mother pressures her to wear a nice dress instead of jeans and maybe take ballet lessons instead of that totally not gender normal science stuff. Frustrated at this, Ellie goes to her experiment which she notices has turned green, slimy and smelly. Thinking this a failed experiment, Ellie, along with Hans, go to the bathroom and dump the potentially toxic chemicals down the toilet, which makes a strange purple reaction that I'm sure won't be an issue. She then has a dream where she has won the Nobel Prize, years before its reputation was tarnished, for a serum that brings back the dead by reviving the heart. As she accepts the prize, a green and gray monster shows up and attacks her. She wakes up, hears the plumbing making some banging noises and ignores it. No possible way it's connected, right? 

The next day after the two return home, Ellie and Hans discover that the bathroom is acting weird as the toilet and sink are sputtering water and making strange sounds. Ellie blames Hans for this at first instead of, you know, the actual reason, but begins to suspect that something is going on in the pipes. After Mr. Volkhausen comes home with two new fish for Hans, the wonderfully named Spike II and Spike III, Ellie shows her dad the bathroom, but there's no problems now because I guess whatever is in the pipes just likes to make her look like a liar. Ellie has another nightmare. This time being trapped in a giant fishbowl, Hans trapped in another, as the same monster from her previous nightmare watches on from the outside. Which already makes more sense than Something Fishy ever did. The next day, Ellie and Hans return home to see the house a mess as something is tearing the place apart. Andy shows up and the three soon find the culprit. A giant fish monster, tall and thin yet still muscular with algae-green skin, fangs an beady red eyes. Doesn't take Ellie long to realize that their monster is the original Spike.

Spike grabs Ellie, but Hans throws a book at the monster who then retreats by going down the pipes. They come to the realization that Ellie's experiment to revive the dead worked and that flushing it down the toilet it came in contact with Spike. However, it mutated Spike into a strange monster that can move through pipes. Hans wonders if Spike could still be good, but both Andy and Ellie are convinced that this monster must be evil. They also opt not to tell their parents about a plumbing monster who seems to attack at times when they aren't around, since it would be pretty pointless. But how do you stop a plumbing monster? Well good thing there's a plumbing service in the phonebook called Everything Plumbing run by one Larry Lobo. I guess if there's something strange in your bathroom sink, who you gonna call? Ghostplumbers? 

Larry Lobo takes the job and arrives, but tells the kids that to get rid of their monster, they're going to have to go to the sewers. If there's any mutant turtles down there that might be a bonus. But Larry also seems a bit out of it, at one point smashing his head by accident on the kitchen cupboard. Hans also can't come since he's too young for this, but the two 12 year olds? They're the perfect age for sewer spelunking. They head through the sewer, eventually finding what is pretty much a second dump where a lot of stuff has been placed. They notice a Kermit the Frog towel that belongs to Hans, to which Ellie realizes that they may have screwed up big time by leaving her seven year old brother alone with the possibility of a monster that can pop out of sinks and toilets. Sure enough, Hans is in the shower defending himself when they arrive, as Spike came and left, again not actually attacking him, which Ellie thinks is just Spike toying with them before he goes in for the kill.

The next day, the three still have no idea what to do. They've officially chalked up Larry Lobo as a crazy old man with no idea what he's doing, so they try to come up with a plan of their own. Ellie goes for a swim in their pool, only to be attacked by Spike because she didn't factor in a pool drain as an issue. She struggles for a while and almost drowns, but manages to grab a pool strainer and is saved by Andy and Hans in time as Spike again makes an exit. Spike exits and goes to grab Hans with his tongue, but Ellie manages to stab him in the gut with the pool strainer, seemingly killing him as his limp body goes down the drain again. So mission completed, monster destroyed and all is good. Oh right, there's like 40 pages left. Ellie and Hans return home the next day  and head down to the basement to do laundry and yep, Spike is there. Because this fish monster is hard to kill. He goes for Hans again, but Ellie attacks Spike with a broom. However, the fish monster bites it in half, so that doesn't work. He goes after Hans again, but Hans, holding a hammer and a fan, manages to subdue the beast long enough for the two to escape.

 But Ellie noticed something in the situation. That Spike seemed to stop when the fan blew on his scales, drying them. It gives her an idea as to how they might be finally able to deal with this. The next day, she tells Andy and Hans her plan just as Larry Lobo arrives. Larry will shut off the main water valve while Hans will bait Spike to show up. Ellie and Andy will take some hair dryers to use on Spike when they find him. Once they dry him up, he should die for real this time given he is a fish after all. Sure enough, Spike emerges from the bathroom not long after the valve is shut off. The kids use the dryers and it appears to work, until Andy falls down the stairs. Spike grabs Ellie and tries to eat her, but is unable to. As he tries to make it outside, Andy returns and the two continue to blow dry him until he finally dies for real this time.

The next day, Ellie and Hans return home to learn from their mother that she flushed another of Ellie's failed experiments down the toilet. Oh, and another of Hans' fish, Spike II, also died. We end the book with Ellie and Andy starting to form a relationship with one another when they see Larry Lobo's van in front of a neighbor's house. Spike II is back. 

This book is pretty good. Surprisingly, despite the title, we really don't get much toilet action in this book. It's where the inciting incident occurs but thankfully we're not just dealing with a book full of septic sludge. What you do get is a pretty solid monster thriller with plenty of action. The book makes Spike feel like a real threat. This deadly fish mutant that can kill Ellie, Andy and Hans at any time and they only really survive out of pure luck. I feel like the book definitely pivoted though. Like maybe the initial plan was that Spike wasn't evil, given Hans' comments early in the story. That Ellie's claims of him being evil were just speculative and not legit. But no, the book makes sure that Spike is pretty damn evil, coming close to killing Ellie at one point in what does feel like a harrowing drowning scene. Props to Elizabeth Winfrey in making a pretty decent Goosebumps-like. Her only Bone Chillers book interestingly enough, which is a shame. She did write the Goosebumps Presents for the Monster Blood episode which is neat. Other than that, a few teen romance books and some books for Full House and Party of Five. 

Ellie is a decent protagonist. I like that she's so deep into science and wanting to achieve a Nobel Prize, but is also kid who doesn't really consider the idea that dumping chemicals down a toilet might be a bad idea. I mean she lucks into a formula that turns dead fish into mutants, but gets in way over her head with the situation. Hans is a decent little brother character and Andy is a decent best friend. I like Larry Lobo. This clearly crazy man who we don't fully know if he's really tackled with sewer monsters or not. That right kind of bizarre but not really concerning adult character that does make for a fun section with the sewers. Which could have made him a Superfluous Clay given the sewer section doesn't really go anywhere, but he does come back and factors into the twist so he's more useful than he comes off as. Spike is a great monster. Creepy in design, an actual threat, and not as easy to kill. Kind of everything I wish the monster in How to Kill a Monster was now that I think about it. 

So overall, Bone Chillers delivers again. This isn't a top tier book, but it's very close as I still had fun with it. Twist is a bit too predictable given why else were the new fish mentioned if not to go down this route? Probably one of the better "here we go again" twists I've covered in a while though. With some decent action, some fun sections and never feeling like there's much filler or any wheel spinning, this is an easy recommend. I can honestly say the best toilet-themed book I've covered for the blog so far. That counts as an accomplishment, right? Toilet Terror gets an A.