NNtG: Graveyard School #17: Jack and the Beanstalker

We don't get many beanstalk-related horror stories with these kids horror books. But leave it to Graveyard School of all series to provide one for us. I still haven't found the Graveyard School book I really loved, so maybe this is its chance to leave a giant impression on me. Or will it Fee-Fi-Fo-Fumble the bag? Let's find out with Jack and the Beanstalker.

Sadly this is one of those covers that I can't find a nice clean rip of, so enjoy this saturated low quality rip. But it does the job that it has to. We got us a beanstalk, that's for certain. And it's growing out of Graveyard School. I like the touch of the school supplies falling to the ground. We only see the legs of our protagonist Jackson, but with sneakers like that you'd think this was a Jacobus work. It's not, but it's still decent stuff.

Jackson "Jax" Crowder starts the story by playing soccer with some of the other kids, including his friend Tyson Walker. However, he fumbles and ends up sending the soccer ball right through the window of Graveyard School. Namely Basement Bart's window. This is a problem for Jax as the ball belongs to him. That and Basement Bart grabs him, none to happy about the broken window. He grabs Jax, then steps on his foot to keep him from leaving, which I get this is school in the 90s and this is Graveyard School but jeez. Bart sets out to squish the ball like the Great Khali with a basketball. Both not realizing that basketballs don't hold grudges. And there's the wrestling reference for the review nice and early. In a panic, Jax offers to pay to fix the window. Basement Bart gives him one week or else Bart may break a few windows with Jax's corpse.

Of course, Jax doesn't have the money to pay for a new window. His parents are tightwads and his brother Paul is stingy. He also won't tell anyone about the window because I guess being grounded is better than being ground into the pavement by a monster custodian. Desperate, Jax steals Paul's piggy bank and runs to the park to break it, where he's caught by a Vickie Wheilson and Maria Medina, not too fond of Jax's pork purloining. He tries to get a dogwalking job, but that position's already taken. Jax is at his wit's end, when suddenly a tall old man shows up. The man, who only refers to himself as Mr. Thompson (Possibly from Terror Lake) asks Jax to mow his lawn. He doesn't tell Jax what the payment will be, only that it will be worth his while. So Jax, thinking this is easy money and easy window replacement, takes Mr. Thompson up on his offer.

Jax does the lawn work and is rewarded by Mr. Thompson with several magic beans. Jax is dumbfounded, but he takes them anyway. He decides to sell off some of his old stuff to pay for the window, but that doesn't work. Tyson shows up and since he technically kicked the ball before Jax fumbled it, he's a little to blame as well. Dr. Morthouse, the principal, also shows up and says that she wants her window fixed and when she finds out who did it, they're dead. So yeah, Graveyard School loves their windows and murdering children as well I guess. Tyson has an idea to get a loan, but that doesn't work. That night, after a nightmare of being caught by Dr. Morthouse, Jax looks to the beans he got from earlier, but it wakes Paul up, who throws them outside. Later that night, Jax is awakened as the beans have grown a giant beanstalk into the sky. Deciding that this is a good idea apparently, Jax climbs up into the sky.

Above the sky is a giant house and garden with bugs and sparrows larger than him. He sneaks inside and sees a giant family in the kitchen celebrating their son Hugo's birthday. And the present he's given is a goose that lays golden eggs. Jax, realizing this will solve his money woes, snatches any eggs that drop under the table. However, he gets caught by their cat. He hides under the cuff of Hugo's pants but eventually gets caught by the goose. Jax grabs the goose as Hugo gives chase, then starts down the beanstalk. Hugo tries to grab him but almost grabs a plane in what I do think's a fun bit. Jax makes it down with the goose, but notices the beanstalk is still up there. However, instead of going down, the giant family pull the beanstalk back up to make sure nobody, the Petitepeds as they're referred to, ever come up. But Jax is still happy, he has a goose that lays golden eggs. Or it did, now it just lays regular eggs. Well that is until he rubs its belly and it lays a gold egg. So Jax's money woes look to be settled, and he keeps the goose as a pet. With the golden egg, he has more than enough money to pay off Basement Bart so that's all settled.

The book ends on an epilogue as Hugo's mom reads him the story about Petitepeds, greedy tiny creatures who steal the possessions of the giants and how one little boy was too careless with his stuff and got robbed. After she leaves, Hugo finds a box with magic beans. Hugo promises that one day he'll get his goose back and get revenge on Jax.

This one was okay. Not exactly an amazing book, but in terms of being a book centered around the Jack and the Beanstalk plot, it does what it needs to. Maybe not enough, we really don't get too much with the giant home and the giant family. Given the book's brisk 100 pages that really feels like a shame. But I guess it also makes sense for this to be as in and out a mission for Jax as it can be. Of course the logic to all this doesn't make too much sense. We really have like no answer as to what Mr. Thompson's deal was in the first place. Was he actually trying to help Jax with his window issue or was he leading Jax to certain death by hoping he'd climb up and get killed? Again, we disappear from that so quick we really don't get much of a chance to have fun with it. I think if we reached all this much earlier and at least explained a bit of the situation it would make sense. What lore we do get, mainly of humans on the ground being the Petitepeds, it would have made for a far more unique story. 

What I do like is that this feels like the first Graveyard School book I've read to really implement Basement Bart and Dr. Morthouse. Making them feel like threats who would gladly take Jax's life if he didn't replace the window. Which given that the school has straight up been destroyed by dinosaurs before, going insane over one window definitely feels like overkill. But this is what I've wanted from Graveyard School, more focus on these established characters. It's great stuff. And some of the comedy does actually make me chuckle, so points there as well. Jax is a solid protagonist. He's a kid in way over his head, who does bring a lot of this on himself by not just fessing up to his actions. Tyson is a decent best friend character who gets enough to not be Superfluous Clay, same with Paul. Mr. Thompson is weird and I wish we got more to understand what's up with him. The giant family are a cool concept, and Hugo does feel like enough of a threat to Jax. And the goose is there too I guess. 

So overall, we haven't found the one Graveyard School book I really liked yet. This came close, but feels way too rushed to really have fun with the Jack and the Beanstalk concept. Hell there's not even a singing harp. Maybe something for the sequel that never happened. It feels too breakneck to really land as one of the more memorable kids horror stories. But it's still a fun book that's an easy recommend. The search continues for that one Graveyard School book I really like, but hey, sometimes just okay is all you really need. Jack and the Beanstalker gets a B+.