Choice Words: Give Yourself Goosebumps #07: Under the Magician's Spell

It's time for some magical mayhem in this edition of Give Yourself Goosebumps. Goosebumps and magic-themed stories have usually been a mixed bag. Best example being Bad Hare Day, which felt like a Tales to Give You Goosebumps story expanded to a very mediocre degree. But one would hope that with a book about magic that gives you different paths and endings we're in for something fun, right? It's Stine so that's far from a guarantee. Let's get ourselves Under the Magician's Spell and find out.

This cover feels warped. More so in a way that even Tim Jacobus would do. There's an odd curvature to everything that makes it feel off in your head. But that aside, as a cover it's fine. There's some good horror with the kid being sawed in half, but I have to say that the shocked kid face might be the worst one yet. Less shocked with fear and looking more impressed surprised. We also  get a rabbit in a hat which is a nice touch. There's also a skull hidden in the floorboard pattern. Something that Mark Nagata liked to add whenever he could. As a cover it's not in the top tier for GYG covers, but it's still memorable.

As is the case with these books, given that the protagonist is often presented as the reader and no specific gender is given, I'll be using They/Them and "The Player" when I talk about our protagonist. Cool? Let's make some magic.

The player is heading to the mall to meet with their friend Sid. Only problem is their nine year old brat of a sister Joanie is tagging along. Oh great, one of THESE books. Another Tara, or Denny. They arrive at the mall where the player loses sight of Joanie. The player and Sid find her at the magic shop where she sticks one of her fingers in a prop guillotine, but turns out okay. There's a path where you could strangle her, or keep dealing with her BS. This isn't the split because the strangle path is the traditional "You idiot, you can't actually do that" path. So instead you have to keep dealing with her BS. In the midst of this, Sid also gets his hands caught in handcuffs. The owner of the shop arrives, a tall magician, who then disappears just as quickly as he came in, without helping remove Sid's cuffs. As the trio leave, Joanie notes that she stole the magician's book of spells. She thinks maybe there's a spell inside to remove the cuffs. It's either that, or return to the player's clubhouse to find tools to break the cuffs. So we have our actual first branching path. Look in the book, or is it tool time?

PATH #1: TURNING TRICKS

The player tries to read the book, but it's in a strange language. However, reading the spell sends them, Joanie and Sid falling through a giant crack in the mall floor. They find themselves in a dark room when three strange men in red outfits show up, juggling balls. They throw the balls at the player when the balls suddenly catch fire. Next path revolves whether you can juggle or not. But don't worry if you're not a juggling juggernaut, because the path where you can't is another swerve page that gives you the power to juggle. Stine was really pent up on "You idiot, you can't choose that path" with this one. The player juggles the fireballs without being burnt as the three jugglers say that the magician knows the book was stolen and will eat the kids alive, because I guess he's a magic cannibal? Oh and the handcuffs get removed so that's no longer an issue. So the player has to choose three paths to hide the book, a coffin, a birdcage or a fishbowl. The coffin is the path, so the book is hidden there. 

The magician arrives, first disguised as a crow, then turning to his human form. He's pissed about the missing book and gives the kids an hourglass and an ultimatum. Either give him the book within an hour, or he'll take their heads and place them in his collection. So the player, Sid and Joanie have to decide if they should give him the book on the assumption that he won't double-cross them, or keep the book as a bargaining chip for their safety. The choice is to give the book, but OH NO! It fell through a secret compartment in the coffin. The kids get inside and end up falling to a secret room below, where a masked man confusingly believes the three to be his assistants for his magic act. Either the swords in the box routine or, like the cover, being sawed in half. To get the good ending, you actually don't do the saw trick, so box and swords it is. The masked man hypnotizes Joanie and Sid to get the swords out of the box, while the player gets inside. Essentially every time a sword is placed inside, the player stands on top of it, until all of the trick is finished. Thanks R.L. Stine Mr. "Spoil the magic trick for us". 

After the trick is complete, the player now has the book and asks the masked man how to get out. He doesn't know, but suggests they ask one of two people down here. Mr. Knowledge and Ms. Cardsharp. The cards aren't the answer, so the player and company climb a rope and find themselves onstage with a man in a brown suit. Our Mr. Knowledge. A person in the audience asks what a henway is. This is a trick question path, as the joke is "what a hen weigh" as in about six pounds, so the player gets it right. They then ask Mr. Knowledge if he can help them get home, to which Mr. Knowledge takes a ball and puts it in a cup, doing the old cup shuffle routine, spinning the cups around and hoping the player paid attention. The player picks the left cup, and there's even a path that's essentially "Is that your final answer?" But the left cup is the winner. The kids end up back at the mall as the magician shows up with a guillotine. He then hypnotizes Sid and leads him to the blade. The player ends up giving the magician a book, but it's a copy of Bad Hare Day, which angers the magician. I'd be angry too, that book's not very good. Joanie reads a spell from the book and depending on if you read this on a certain day, it either works or not. Thankfully I'm reading it on a Saturday so it works. 

The magician crumples in a heap, but his hand reaches for the hourglass. The player tries to fight it off with only a few grains remaining between life and death. And we get an interesting way to do the path. Close your eyes and pick from one of the page options. 77 or 88. For the sake of the good ending, the call is page 77. The time runs out and the magician starts to die. His face becomes skeletal as his skin melts away. His hand still tries to choke the player but Joanie CUTS HIS ARM OFF WITH A SWORD. Holy hell this story got metal as hell in its final pages. The magician and the magic book disappear as Sid snaps out of his spell and the three go home. If you pick 88, the spell makes multiple copies of the player who attack and defeat the magician. The magician, the magic shop and the book disappear, but the clones don't. So more of an ambiguous ending than bad.

And, interestingly enough, there's no alternate good ending path for either of the starting paths in this book. One good ending per path. But we did have that first path split, which involved trying to get Sid's handcuffs off at the clubhouse instead. So what happened there?

PATH #2: BULLY FOR YOU

The player, Joanie and Sid head to the clubhouse, which is an old shed, and try to remove the cuffs that are now digging into Sid's skin. The player hits the cuffs with a hammer, but they don't break. Oh, wait, Sid falls over and they just come off and disappear. Wow, Stine had like zero idea what to do with the cuffs, huh? As the kids head out, they get accosted by Larry Green and his friends Buddy and D.J. They attack the kids and find the magic book which they blackmail the kids into buying back from him for 50 bucks. As the bullies leave, pages fall out of the book which mention that if the book isn't returned within an hour, those who stole it will disappear. And given Joanie loses her fingertips, yeah, this is a situation that need to be assessed quickly. The paths are to steal it back or pay up. Since 50 dollars is a lot in a 1996 economy, it's theft it is. And that requires going to the old chemical plant where the bullies hang. The hell are they, Batman villains? Also the chemical plant might be haunted. By who, the ghost of the Joker?

The trio spot the bullies entering the building but not before throwing stuff in a rat-filled dumpster. So the option is check the dumpster for the book or just go inside. The dumpster is a bad call, so into the building it is. The trio climb the nearby fire escape and peer in one of the windows, only to see an angry dog looking at them. As the dog goes to attack, it's another path of heading for the window or Joanie using one of the magic spell pages to cast a spell on the dog. The path is the window, so the three head in, just as the dog attacks... only it's a mechanical dog, so it just shuts down. Okay then. The kids then fall down a hole in the floor and have a choice to keep descending or climb back up. All while Joanie's ears have disappeared. She can still hear though so that's odd. The path is downwards as the trio see Larry using the spell book, which makes a bunch of rabbits appear. The option is hide in some boxes Solid Snake style or rush for the book. 

The player rushes and gets the book, only to be corned by Larry and his cronies. The player utters a random spell that sends them, Sid and Joanie to a strange stone path, where one path is good and the other instant doom. And the way to pick is if the date ends on an odd or even number. Fortunately for me I'm reading this on an odd numbered day. What pure coincidences. The player takes a path that soon turns into a giant snake. They get off the snake and follow a slimy path which is the drool of a giant scorpion. Wait what. Also the scorpion is actually good and will lead the player to victory. HUH? The player also notes that Sid and Joanie must have went down the doom path. Angrily, the player tears apart the spellbook, when then emits smoke and the magician shows up. So do you let the scorpion deal with it, or confront the magician. Answer is confront. The magician thanks the player for breaking the spell of the book and sends the player, Joanie and Sid home, only now the bullies are the good guys. And that's the only good ending of this path, so...

So with only two good endings and one that's ambiguous, that leaves twenty bad paths the player could have taken. What was the best worst outcome and the worst worst outcome? UH-OH, IT'S MAGIC!

#01: The player hides the book in the magic fishbowl. But when Joanie finds a magic wand she accidentally causes the room to flood and be filled with piranhas. 

RATING: 2.5. Good enough build to it, and a solid screw-over. A bit predictable that the player would get killed by some kind of fish.

#02: The player tries to find a way out without giving the book back, and hears Joanie giving advice. That turns out to be bad and I guess the player's dead?

RATING: 1. That's probably the frontrunner for most "that's it?" endings I've gotten from covering these. It at least makes sense given the book sets Joanie up as annoying but still...

#03: Instead of listening to Joanie, the player and company head down a trapdoor and find themselves with a performing cowboy. The cowboy has the player be his assistant for a knife throwing trick. He throws knives at them until they accidentally throw the wrong knife.

RATING: 4. A lot of build to this one, but the payoff is pretty dark for Goosebumps. Just full on implied child stabbing. 

#04: The sawing act goes well, until the masked man puts the player's feet on backwards and they're stuck like that. 

RATING: 3. While the sawing act from the cover isn't that integral to a good ending, at least it pays off with a memorable one.

#05: The player loses to Mr. Rambler Gambler, who forces the kids to shine his 4000-rhinestone suit.

RATING: 2.5. So this one is played around another actual challenge. This being take a deck of cards, shuffle, then pull out a card. If it's an ace or not depends on the outcome. This is the more fun of the two, since I think this is supposed to be an Elvis impersonator with the rhinestone suit.

#06: The player gets the high card. Too bad it's a game of 500-card draw.

RATING: 2. Not as fun as the last one, but I guess Stine's teaching kids that gambling is bad. 

#07: The player defeats the magician, and puts on his cape, which turns them evil and makes them decide that Sid and Joanie would be perfect for the head collection.

RATING: 3.5. Takes a bit of leaps in logic for the player to be that dumb, but I love heel turns like this and this is pretty good. 

#08: It turns out that the ball isn't in any of Mr. Knowledge's cups. They accuse him of being a cheater, to which he turns into a monster and eats them. 

RATING: 3.5. This book is delivering on kid deaths and while not as good as the knife, it does come close. 

#09: The birdcage option leads to the player and company encountering a giant who wants them to come with him. The player declines, which makes the giant cry so much the room fills up and the kids drown.

RATING: 3. I see the player never read Alice in Wonderland.

#10: The giant is actually a ventriloquist with his own dummy Freaky Freddie. He wants cuter dummies, so he turns the player, Sid and Joanie into dummies.

RATING: 2.5. It... it always comes back to dummies doesn't it?

#11: Sid and the player argue so much that Joanie just ends up vanishing altogether.

RATING: 2.5. Makes sense to have one of the endings focus on the vanishing. The text getting tinier with the tiny The End gives it more points.

#12: The player and company go to a woman named Granny Kapusta, who brings the kids into her home. In one bad path, the kids try to escape her, but end up in the cellar where they find werewolf chow. Granny Kapusta corners them and turns into a werewolf.

RATING: 3.5. Now that's a good swerve. But the alternate outcome is darker...

#13: Granny Kapusta brings the kids in where she says she's making spaghetti and kidney meatballs. They get Pat the Rat to give to Larry, but Granny Kapusta has them drink some milk, which causes the kids to be frozen in place. Granny Kapusta says she needed more kidneys for her meal, to which the player realizes she was saying "Kid's knees". 

RATING: 4.5. This might be frontrunner for the most disturbing ending from any of these books so far. It's some super dark implications. I do feel the book chickened out by trying to be explicitly clear that she isn't going to gut them and take their kidneys, but I mean, she's still going to tear them up and eat them so it still works. 

#14: Joanie reads a spell to turn the dog good, but it turns the player and Sid into good dogs.

RATING: 2. Not bad, but also not super memorable. 

#15: Sid, Joanie and the player are eaten by a giant worm monster.

RATING: 2. Not bad, but again, we've had these sort of twists before.

#16: The scorpion is actually off-duty so he doesn't help the player who ends up being defeated by the magician.

RATING: 1.5. The scorpion stuff is weird, even for Stine, and the lack of a good payoff doesn't help it either.

#17: Using a terrifying spell turns the player into a freakish monster forever.

RATING: 2. It's a fine enough screw-over.

#18: A genie takes the kids to his castle and force them to be his slaves.

RATING: 2.5. Fine enough screw-over on the idea of a genie being helpful. 

#19: The kids run into a group of corpse kids who force them to play baseball for eternity. 

RATING: 3. Weirdly dark ending that does feel more memorable than a few here.

#20: In the dumpster, a giant monster rat grabs the player by the throat and presumably kills them.

RATING: 2.5. And that's why you don't go dumpster diving, folks.

BEST ALTERNATE ENDING: GRANNY-BAL CANIBAL

WORST ALTERNATE ENDING: NOT LISTENING? REALLY?

This might be my favorite one of the GYG books so far. It definitely feels like one that Stine wanted to have fun with. Both paths feel unique, both always focus on the magic book, and there's some memorable moments. Granted, some that feel out of nowhere like the giant scorpion, but other things like the giant, the card game, and a really fun and intense finale with the magician in the first act, with some legitimately disturbing imagery from Goosebumps, even for the good ending. And the twist endings in these do feel fun, dark, actually disturbing. Stuff I felt books like Night in Werewolf Woods seriously lacked. It also is a book I wish Bad Hare Day was because the adventures within feel more exciting and fun than what that book offered. So I guess Stine can pull magic stories well enough after all. And hell, that book gets referenced and not just as a trivia question. And there are some fun troll paths as well, which might get annoying given there are more than one here, but I think they're better placed here than in other attempts.

The best path of the two is the first. It always keeps moving and always focuses on magic. From all of the strange performers who each have their own unique gimmick to them. Performers, card players, masters of games of chance. You want a book about the art of magic and performance, you definitely get one here. It also, like I said, has the far more exciting finale. The second is fine, but does feel rushed, especially with the confrontation with the magician at the end and, again, Stine not really knowing what he wanted out of the scorpion. Another gripe is perhaps one too many characters when it comes to the main crew. Joanie's here to be the annoying  sister and Sid... well, he's here to just be a bunch of fat jokes. This did get released not too long after Say Cheese and Die—Again! BTW. It also is a book that really does a lot with the games of chance gimmicks. Card games, picking a number, hoping that you read this on a specific day. At least you aren't going to have to do push ups (you know, if you honor what the book asks of you). I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting too much from this one, but I ended up really liking it. I guess you could say this book put a spell on me. Under the Magician's Spell gets an A.