The Stinal Countdown: Goosebumps House of Shivers #04: Say My Name! Say My Name!

It's been a long six months, but we're finally back with another edition of House of Shivers. And so far it's been three for three in terms of books I've enjoyed. But I will say adventures of mysterious books, mummy mayhem and goblin goofery at least were stories I could gage from a cursory glance. This one, from a year ago when the first bit of info was released on it, I have no clue what to get from it. Its description sounds bizarre, as does every piece of info I've gained from it. Be it early chapter previews or an audiobook preview. So I'm expecting this to be a classic Stine ride book. Which could be either really good or really bad, or on rare occasions really just okay. What wonders await us in this trip to the woods? Don't tell Destiny's Child, because it's time to Say My Name! Say My Name!

I really love how Robert Ball does covers. And with each new cover, I get more impressed with how he uses color and shadows. That strong pop of brighter neon colors that feel in like with something out of a Jacobus era cover, while also using shadows really well to add ambiguity to our protagonists. This was something I noticed with Scariest Book and it's definitely noticeable here. I love the bright green sky and the twisted looking trees, giving this forest a dreamlike feel. Alien enough to feel like you're in another world. And then there's the giant fish. I love its design. The colors pop off of it, while its intense eyes and sharp teeth work to make it feel like a threat. Which, given I've been burned oh so many times with cover monsters, makes me worry a bit. Even it blowing bubbles comes off as kind of creepy. Might honestly be up there in terms of my favorite covers ever.

Cody Brachman (which yes, that is the same last name as Liam Brachman from Shark Night. I'm on to you, Bob) is bored. He just wants to go out to the creek out back and go swimming. But his friend Sam Marcum wants to show him his new video game. Sam's a bit of a game designer. He uses AI, which hey, remember when those initials didn't make you want to dry heave? But with his AI, he's developed a video game that features both himself and Cody. Despite Cody's pleas to go swimming, he's stuck as Sam starts the game. We then cut to the boys at Cody's house heading to the creek. In fact we cut to this so abruptly that I can already guess what the twist is. Cody's dad warns them not to go swimming at the creek since the recent rainfall has made it deeper than usual. But since they insist on it, since Cody wants to swim and Sam wants to use his new remote control sailboat. Mr. Brachman tells them at the very least they shouldn't head past Deepwell Crossing on account of whirlpools. And while they're out, they can take Cody's German shepherd-mix Ollie with them. Reader beware, you're in for pet walking.

The boys head to the creek, which is conveniently behind Cody's backyard, and sure enough, it's flooded. But not flooded enough for the boys and Ollie to take a swim. Suddenly, something wraps around Cody's ankle and he finds himself being pulled down into the water. Sam saves him in time, noting that 's some sort of snake, which is odd because Cody doesn't quite remember many snakes in the creek. But that becomes a moot point as the boys see Ollie swimming towards Deepwell Crossing. The boys follow, but also hear honking noises, which they deduce being Geese, but it's still Spring, so how could there be geese? Sam chalks it up to Global Warming, which I gotta say is the most logical explanation a Goosebumps character has ever given. Cody then notices a strange looking trout on the ground. He picks it up and is about to huck it back into the creek, when it suddenly whispers [[TITLE OF BOOK]].

We then cut to a week earlier. Cody and Sam attend a school assembly as a ventriloquist named Buddy Harwood is there to perform Buddy has gray hair down to his shoulders, and wears a blue suit with white sneakers. So he's either here to perform ventriloquism, or teach us how to get money from the US government. And yes, when I read the word ventriloquist, I too worried "What, already?" But no, it's not Slappy, but a dummy that looks similar to Buddy Harwood named Mr. Marty. After the performance, Harwood asks for a volunteer to teach how to throw their voice. Cody ends up the volunteer due to poor timing when it comes to scratching his head. He's given Mr. Marty and taught to throw his voice, but all that comes out is a loud burp, which is embarrassing, but given what we have had in the past when it comes to dummies, it's a pretty safe situation. But this situation apparently explains how the fish is talking.

Cody thinks that Sam must have learned to throw his voice, but Sam claims his innocence. They find Ollie who is being attacked by a giant creature. Almost as big as a bear, but looks like a pig. Wait, first global warming then Manbearpig? Methinks this book was ghostwritten by Al Gore. And the hog creature bites Ollie's ear. Never mind, the animal abuse definitely screams that Stine wrote this. The pig monster then bites Cody, who then manages to knock it down with a branch to the head. The kids and Ollie return to the water and try to swim out of Deepwell Crossing, only to find that Sam's remote control sailboat is somehow in the water. But they also notice something else. They haven't actually moved to a new spot. They're still in the creek and still where they fought the pig monster. 

Suddenly, the boys see a buzzard fly. The current moves once more and they're able to get out of the spot they were stuck in. They then run into Darby Duncan and Marissa Zaks, two classmates of theirs, building what appears to be a cabin of sticks in the middle of the woods. The boys ask for directions, but get mocked for it because, well, the girls kind of are just shitty to them, and, I mean, it is behind Cody's house and all. Cody decides to use Google Maps, but all he gets is another voice saying "Say My Name, Say My Name".  Oh no. Don't tell me the fish doesn't matter to the plot. There's that burning sensation. Cody blames Sam again for pranking him before Ollie runs away again. He goes into the cabin, but disappears. 

Darby and Marissa promise to find Ollie for them as the boys are pointed to Cody's house. However, when they get there, there's an old lady inside who says that this is her house and that she doesn't like pranksters. Oh and her son lives nearby and is a cage fighter. Wait what? So, despite the warning of, you know, cage fighter son, Cody pushes the old lady aside and runs into the house, only to find his room is a sewing room instead. Before they can escape, Carl the cage fighter shows up, pretty pissed at two boys giving his mom a hard time. And Carl grabs the two boys and... throws them out of the house without much issue. I guess Scholastic wasn't going to have a kid get his arm snapped, but it would have been at least something cool this book does. 

We then shift our focus to Darby. The girls search for Ollie when they run into a herd of the pig monsters that the boys encountered. The girls then find a baby version, which causes the creatures to stop chasing them. The girls breathe a sigh of relief for a moment before discovering that they now have hooves for hands. Meanwhile, Cody and Sam arrive at Sam's house, but there's no sign of anyone. They then look at Sam's laptop where they see Sam's game, which features Deepwell Crossing, the girls, the hog creatures, even Carl the cage fighter and strange giant fly monsters with pointy teeth. All assets that were downloaded into Sam's game. It's here where Cody begins to guess what's going on. Everything in the game is has somehow come to life. Sam reveals that he figured this was happening all along, but doesn't get why exactly. Oh, and the game is named Say My Name! Say My Name! because I mean what else would it have been?

The boys check through the game for some answers as to what's going on. However, in a case of cruel fate, Sam's cat Sparky jumps on the laptop, causing the game to get deleted. Cody hopes that means whatever's happening must have been stopped and things are back to normal. But, nope. There's still a cage fighter living in his house. Fortunately Sam has a backup of the game, but when pressed about deleting it, he gets defensive, given it's his life's work and all. Sam's tennis jock older brother Dougie shows up. He tells the boys that he was messing around with the game while they were out and added all of the things that the boys ended up experiencing, which included giving Darby and Marissa hooves. Speaking of which, the girls show up at Sam's house with the hoof ailment still in full effect. Dougie tries to fix it, but to no avail. Then Sam and Dougie's mother shows up, to which Dougie reveals that, oh right, in the midst of all that messing around in the game, he added their parents and made them monsters. Maybe someone should smash that tennis racket over his head. Sure enough, Sam's parents' heads grow gigantic with large mouths and tongues. After eating a breadbox whole, Mrs. Marcum then latches on to Cody's head and begins to swallow him whole. And some kid just developed a vore fetish. Thanks, Bob.

Cody then suddenly wakes up in his room. Ollie's there too. He begins to think that maybe this means that everything's back to normal, but nope. This is just level two of the game. Also Ollie says the line this time. Darby show up, no longer hooved, mentioning her birthday party is today. Also Cody was apparently not at Sam's house the other day. He heads to Sam's, only to learn that Dougie doesn't exist in this level, and that Sam has still been developing the game, as level two is about Darby's party. Cody tells him to stop, but Sam says that he can't just destroy his life's work, even if it does mean strange paradoxes. Cody then grabs Sam's laptop and destroys it, hoping it means the end of the game. They then head to Darby's party which is at the nearby stables. Cody goes on his favorite horse, Barnaby Jones, which, holy shit that might be Stine's most "I'm an eighty year old man" reference in any of these books. But, sure enough, Sam's horse says the line, meaning the game is still going on, or this is the weirdest Mr. Ed reboot ever. Look, if Stine can get away with ancient references why can't I?

The boys begin to ride their horses when the horses suddenly run backwards. After they get knocked off, they wonder what's going on. Sam's backup of the game was destroyed, so how could they still be in the game. But before they can get an answer, the fly monsters mentioned earlier show up and begin to attack them. Sam says they have to eat the flies to get them to go away, so the boys eat a fly. However that doesn't work, so they make a run for it to the woods. They arrive at the cabin the girls made and try to hide in the conveniently placed basement inside the cabin. However, they encounter another strange creature that reaches out of the shadows to grab them, then... ERROR 404. No, no that's not me having a glitch, the chapter ends with ERROR 404. The next two chapters are titled ERROR 404 with no actual chapter text in them. Not gonna lie, feeling very YOU FINISH THE STORY right now with this book.

The boys then find themselves in a gray void with the words ERROR 404 above them, before returning to the woods. It's here where Sam realizes what I think we all did. They're not the real Sam and Cody. They're the avatars in the real Sam's game. All of the perils were pre-programmed, and these two were always meant to encounter them because they're characters. But Sam has an idea. Simply say the name, like the game wants them to. Which would be simple, but they don't actually know the name. So Sam says REBOOT instead. If Megabyte and Hexadecimal are in the twist ending this book gets an A+.

Nope, the game just restarts with them back at the creek, with Cody grabbing the fish that tells the boys to say his name. Oh this twist is NOT alphanumeric.

Well, we found it. The first House of Shivers book I didn't like. Mainly because it's too much of a ride book that nothing really has any time to have any substance to it. But I also don't hate this book either because I don't actually mind the concept of the book's swerve, obvious as it may be. That ultimately everything involved in the story is actually the level of a video game. A weird meta video game created by a kid, but a video game nonetheless. I think that it also being a game some kid made does at least excuse the book's insanity. And with the cage fighter and everything, it's clear that it's a game full of asset flips and whatever Sam thought would work. That Sam's a genius and all, but at the end of the day, he's making a video game without the experience of making something with whatever the scope of Say My Name! Say My Name! is. Right down to him not even knowing what the name you're supposed to actually say is. Or what is even required to say the name. Which doesn't fully piss me off that this was the title of the book. Yeah, there's no really good payoff, but it's at least important to the plot. It's not The Birthday Party of No Return levels of "wait, that's the title?" levels of  not important to the plot?"

So, going into this one, I had my belief that we were in for a book that felt like a successor to Legend of the Lost Legend. The general plot synopsis very much made it feel that way. That's ultimately not what we got. Instead, I think this was Stine's second attempt at doing a book similar to Escape From Shudder Mansion. Both books center around a video game, both have the kids eventually realize they're in a video game and have to deal with bizarre obstacles to survive. Both also end with the story doing a hard reset and the twist being that the whole cycle begins once more. Honestly, of the two, I think this one does that concept much better. The story leaning in far earlier that this is all a world built within a kid's video game helps it to work out far better, even little things like the two ERROR 404 chapters. A rare case of a genuinely clever idea from Stine. 

I don't know if that was always Stine's plan mind you, since there's the whole Mr. Marty stuff that feels like complete filler. The most Superfluous Clay set of chapters we've gotten in a while. I wonder if Stine initially had a plan to have ventriloquism play a role in the mystery, but hit a wall and it just sort of doesn't matter at the end. Wouldn't surprise me, this is Stine after all. There's also the focus shifting to Darby and Marissa for a couple chapters, which also feels like a weird choice to do since again the focus should be from the POV of the two main characters, not the secondary cast. Not as unnecessary to the overall plot, but still very noticeable. It definitely feels like a case of Stine having a cool idea, and having a hard time trying to keep the plot flowing without some odd detours. Probably the worst case of this I've seen from him in some time. 

And, yes, the cover being yet another bait and switch annoys the hell out of me. Oh I wish I wish he did something with that fish. It's not even the cool creepy monster of the cover, it's a normal looking fish that says the title line and disappears. It's not as annoying as, say, Oggie from Night of the Squawker, but, I mean, you have the pig monsters. They at least appear for more than one quick moment. Why aren't they the cover? Again, it's stock over a book for kids, and the intent is the more fantastical horror to sell the reader. No different than when comic books do it by overhyping something that barely happens in the actual comic. But it just constantly feels like it makes the idea of the book cover come off as something far more cooler than the final product, which is what we get here. 

Cody is an okay protagonist, but nothing really unique about him. Very much a bland and straightforward avatar, which makes more sense here with him being a video game character. Sam is far more interesting a character. How important the game is to him and how he almost seems to have this mild power trip when it comes to his creations in the game coming to life. I wish we got more with his desperation to keep the game from being deleted, or how he is the puppet master of the narrative itself. Him going from secondary protagonist to villain would have made for a far more interesting final act. Darby and Marissa are decent side characters who mostly disappear into the ether. Dougie literally does disappear into the ether, but isn't a Superfluous Clay since his involvement in messing with the game matters to the mystery. 

Ultimately, this book didn't make me angry. There are far worse cases of random Stine. But it's still a book that feels like it could have been so much better. I like a lot of the idea of the video game world, but I do feel like the book is very much Stine on autopilot with neat ideas but none really getting a chance to feel memorable. Maybe the weird vore scene, but otherwise not much. Cool monsters that don't get much time to shine in a world where it constantly feels like Stine trying to pad out a 143 page book with whatever pops into his head to make quota. If it fixed a lot of its problems, cut a lot of the treacle, focused far harder on the video game world with more bizarre ideas that play with the concept, it would probably have been a better book. But the end result feels like a level Stine couldn't beat. And no amount of cheat codes could seemingly get him to that finish line. I'll give it a recommend, but I guarantee your mileage may vary either way over mine with this one. It's a middle of the road Goosebumps affair. August gives us ghosts and a possessed home security system. It's got a really cool cover, so I can already feel the disappointment flowing through me. Prove me wrong, Bob.