A Case of the Bumps: One Picture is Worth a Thousand Regrets

I think it's fair to say that when it comes to books I don't like in the Goosebumps series, one that has started to find its way lower and lower in the rankings has been Say Cheese and Die—Again! I think it's probably the book that best exemplifies why sequels and Goosebumps don't mix. A quota book by Stine, likely more at the behest of Scholastic than anything with any passion put behind it. And a book that I've often referred to as one of the more regrettable books in the series. I think by now it's been made clear that I really don't like this book. And it seems I'm not alone as I see it fall low on a lot of people's rankings for the series. 

That seems like fair enough a reasoning to give the book one final dump on before we can move on. Why is this book so bad? Why is it perhaps one of Stine's more regrettable? And could you have made a better Say Cheese and Die sequel with the original characters involved? Don't get camera shy, because we're getting the big picture as we once again open a Case of the Bumps. 

#1. THE PLOT

When Greg Banks tells the story of his encounter with the future predicting camera he had over the summer, his teacher, the often serious Mr. Saur, threatens to give him an F. But if Greg can prove to Mr. Saur that the camera is real and does what he says it does, he'll reconsider. And despite Shari's warning about what happened last time, Greg still heads to the now destroyed Coffman house to recover the camera. When he gets his hands on the camera, he runs into Shari and accidentally takes a picture of her that comes out negative. Shari gets revenge by taking a picture of Greg, who comes out as extremely obese. Suddenly, Greg balloons in weight while Shari becomes thin and frail. They eventually manage to reverse the images at the Photo-Mart that Greg's brother Terry works at. Greg takes the camera to class where Mr. Saur takes a picture and everyone waits to see what's about to happen.

#2. THIS IS THE STUPIDEST REASONING FOR A SEQUEL PLOT EVER I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD

So, let me get this straight. We spent an entire book with Greg and this camera. Greg knowing that the camera can construct evil futures. He knows it caused Shari to disappear and put his dad in a car accident. He knows that by recovering the camera, then it's essentially like reopening a Pandora's box. He also tried to tell a cop about the camera and wasn't believed. So, instead of talking about anything else he did in the summer (even though the first book was set in Fall), he decides to make his report about the camera, despite knowing full well that Mr. Saur was never going to believe him because of Saur's history of being serious and someone who, let's be honest, was never going to believe in the supernatural, especially about a future predicting camera. So the main reasoning for Greg to bring this deadly weapon to school is because he got an F and might not be able to visit his cousins in Yosemite. That's it. That's our reasoning.

I have always maintained the idea that sequels were the worst thing to happen to Goosebumps. Mainly because very rarely do I think Stine writes sequels with a good idea in his mind or in any way that preserves the integrity of the first book. Important elements usually end up scrapped, or characters become dumber with even worse logic for why they have to be back with the horror from the previous book. Monster Blood was easily the best example of how Stine can't make sequels without removing key elements. Once Sarabeth's involvement stopped mattering and Monster Blood was always a magic growing slime you can just buy anywhere, that's when you could tell that these aren't passion works, they're simply product. I think Say Cheese and Die—Again! might be the second best example. Because for the plot to exist, we have to make the protagonist dumber and justify a reason for using the camera again. So make it so that Greg needs it to get a good grade on his "What I did over the Summer" report. 

And I get it. These are books for kids. But I think that reasoning is, frankly, kind of disrespectful to kids. Why shouldn't kids get good books? Why shouldn't the sequels to those books not be written in a way that actually is entertaining for them and feels like it was worth their time to read? I also get it's deep into the peak of the series and everything feels like quota, or something mostly handled by outliners who perhaps are less educated on the original book outside of a quick skim, but even with those factors in place, for THIS to be the final decision just feels like the ultimate sign that Goosebumps was product, not passion.

#3. SAY CHEESE AND... WELL... NOT DIE ACTUALLY

I think there's an easy way to tell how different Goosebumps became by looking at the progression between the first and second book here. It took forty books to get to another Say Cheese, so looking at both books kind of show how much more watered down (for lack of a better term) Goosebumps became. The original book features a lot of violence and implied violence. Greg's dad gets in a car accident, Bird gets beaned by a baseball and collapses in a heap. And the most important part, the main reason the book has "Die" in the title, Spidey dying of fright after his picture is taken. Say Cheese and Die—Again! doesn't really have much of it. The only really violent moment is John, the son of the land developer destroying the Coffman house getting his foot impaled with a carpenter's nail while trying to get the camera back from Greg. That's really it.

Instead, we get pictures that turn kids fat, pictures that turn kids thin, and pictures that give both like scaly lizard skin. There is definitely a feeling that Scholastic wanted the violence of the books and the more darker horror elements toned down. It's most famously known that The Girl Who Cried Monster did at one point have Mr. Mortman eat a child, but it was forced to be changed to an eel instead. It even kind of shows itself in the book's cover. Gone are the empty eye sockets and more realistic looking skeleton designs for more cartoony skeletons with eyeballs, thinning hair and lipstick. Honestly if you removed the photo element, changed the skeleton dog to a bulldog and changed a couple other minor things, it feels like a cover more at home with a Curly cover for a Tales to Give You Goosebumps book. Not exactly a bad thing, but definitely giving the feeling more of saturation in the sequel.

 #4. DOUR SAUR

So the book's central antagonist (if you don't count Greg's poor judgment) is Mr. Saur. Known as Sourball due to his often sour demeanor. And while, yes, you can easily make a book about a kid's struggle with a rotten teacher, it does feel like, again, a step back from the villain we had last time in Dr. Fritz Fredericks, AKA Spidey. Spidey felt like a threat. Someone mentally unhinged after years of dealing with the camera, someone who can sneak into someone's house and ransack it, and someone who could hurt whoever he has to in order to keep the camera in his possession. So him getting his comeuppance in a way through being killed by the camera works and feels like a strong enough beat to go out on. We don't get that with Sour, which really sucks given what he does in the book which we'll cover shortly. Instead of him getting what's coming to him through the camera, it's his class that will suffer the wrath. It's here where I'll give the episode props in having Mr. Saur get a picture taken that removes his hair and renders him bald. Another example of the show managing to fix up on some of the weaker ideas that the books come up with. 

#5. LAUGH AT FATTY

And we reach the main reason for this case. It's hard to dance around it because it's become the main sticking point for many when it comes to Say Cheese and Die—Again discourse. And that is the really meanspirited feel to the book when it comes to fat people (and the opposite, but don't worry, we're getting to THAT scene too). I guess the book is going for irony with Greg's photo affliction, after he refers to Brian Webb and Donny as "Sumo 1 and Sumo 2". So maybe this version of the camera plays on the worst cases for people and not just instant violence for the most part. So I guess Greg turning fat is meant to be karma in a way, which, okay. But when Greg starts turning fat, that pretense of Stine trying to tell a karma story completely vanishes when it becomes amateur hour. Because even for a kids book, this gets a bit too over the top.

Greg balloons in weight, constantly getting fatter and fatter with no control. His parents believe it to be some allergic reaction, because they're Goosebumps parents and thus are useless in the grand scheme. The book points out, in almost excruciating detain, how Greg can't do much now because he's just so fat. But for all of that, it's Mr. Saur's constant mockery of Greg's weight that feels the most spiteful and the most cruel. To a point that I can believe that this could bother a kid with weight issues. And yes, Stine points out that even Brian and Donny think this is too far, but the book never tries to turn this around into a book about body positivity or fighting back on this kind of stuff. Because, again, Greg gets put into the back of a van because he's fat not long after this scene. But the book never gives Saur any comeuppance. Greg never gets revenge. The episode does, but given the episode doesn't contain Saur ribbing Greg on his weight gain, it doesn't feel as earned. 

Also Shari gets so skinny her skirt falls down around her ankles. This is a book series for children. Like, could you imagine if the focus was on Shari and how bad that would look on Stine? Especially as anorexia was becoming more well known. So he goes for a reverse of the Thinner book with Greg getting fat instead of thin and it just feels icky. Also given this is four books before "Struts like a rapper on MTV", I like to call this Stine's "what were you thinking" phase.

#6. COULD AN ACTUAL SAY CHEESE SEQUEL WORK? 

I mean, Say Cheese—And Die Screaming! proved you can. But the reason it managed to do so was the simple fact that it was a sequel on entirely new canon, not a direct sequel. And the more I think about it, the more I feel direct canon sequels are the worst part of Goosebumps. Not that all of them are bad mind. The Haunted Mask II works by changing focus on Steve Boswell. Return of the Mummy puts Gabe in a similar situation, but with a new pyramid and a new enemy to deal with. And Deep Trouble II puts the Deeps in a new situation at sea that isn't just more mermaids and stuff. But stuff like Monster Blood proves how it doesn't work because while you could tell more stories about the substance, keeping it the same cast and ignoring the canon reason for why the Monster Blood became a threat, and removing the agency of the characters to make the slime just "revenge tool gone bad" shows why it wasn't strong enough as a series. And Say Cheese is no different as the story pretty much wraps itself up. Unless the focus was on Joey and Mickey after they got their picture taken, but that ending working as ambiguous works in its favor.

I'd say the best way to do a sequel is to have someone else find the camera in the Coffman house instead. Eventually Greg is made aware of it, and tries to stop the kid from using the camera. Though I'd offer a twist to the plot. The Camera doesn't just take horrible pictures at first. Instead, the camera presents good outcomes from the photos. But overtime, the more the kid uses the camera, the more it starts to present horrible futures, including one that the kid has to try to stop from happening. In other words, take the plot of Nightmare Room's Dear Diary, I'm Dead, and make it focus around the camera. You could argue the logic in the camera now doing good before evil, but given the sequel we do get gives the camera the ability to alter a human's DNA and give them scaly skin, it's not too far of a stretch.

#7. FINAL THOUGHTS

If you know this blog, you already know I'm not going to call Say Cheese and Die—Again the worst Goosebumps book. But I think it's a book that has started to show its age worse than most Goosebumps books. And I think it comes down to how it handles weight in this book. That this was the mid-90s and we still thought knocking the fat kid down a few pegs was okay to do. An era where we didn't look at mental health in anywhere near the way we do now. And I can't imagine this book was good for kids with image issues. It feels like Mr. Saur is an avatar for Stine in terms of his mockery. Because it's all well and good to point out that Saur's actions are screwed up, but when the book feels so much like Stine's just doing that anyway, it waters down the message of the book, if there was a message to begin with. 

This is a quota book with no passion and it shows. A sequel to a hit book from the early days of the series and throwing together a piecemeal plot and pumping it out before working on the next. It doesn't hurt the integrity of that first book, but feels very much like the example of a different era of the franchise, when it was touch and go if this would be a series beyond six books. When maybe Stine had that passion for the books that wasn't there forty books later. Ultimately it's a book deserving of the spite it's gotten and honestly, if this is the last time I talk about it, I'm glad it's one final dump before moving on once and for all. A final epitaph for a book that's not as pretty as a picture.