The Stinal Countdown: Fear Street: The Cataluna Chronicles #01: The Evil Moon

We're ready to drive on into another Fear Street trilogy. 99 Fear Street was a case of a cool concept that burned out to quickly. But this time we have a trilogy involving a haunted car. It leaves me really concerned that this is going to be another case of Stine wavering by the end. I'm too willing to give that man second chances. But he can sometimes surprise me. So let's rev up and get rolling with the first part of The Cataluna Chronicles, The Evil Moon.

I like this cover a lot honestly. Though mainly just for the atmosphere. The withered, dead looking trees and the bright blue night sky with the crescent moon in the background. Gives off a great ghostly vibe as does our cover girl who glows in the reflection of the light. If I had to nitpick, the Cataluna itself, our car for the story, is kind of obscured by the branches, the title, and even our cover girl sitting on top of it. So much so you'll probably notice her shoes more than you would the car. But, for what it offers, this is a great first cover.

We open with two boys, Matt Perkins and his friend Chris, at Denny's used car lot where they are entranced by one car in particular. The Cataluna. There's no price sticker to be seen and more befuddling, the keys are still in the ignition. The boys hop inside and start to drive. Suddenly, they hear a female voice asking if they're having fun as the car continues to speed out of their control. They're just about to crash into another car before they launch themselves out of the car, which would be a good thing if it weren't for the fact that they get run over by a truck almost immediately. But while the boys are mashed and murdered, the car is fine. Not a scratch on it. So yeah. We got a murder car on our hands. How is it we have a murder car? Well, that's what we're going to find out as we travel way back to 1698 in West Hampshire where the crops and animals are dying, so it must be a curse. Let me check my nonexistent watch. Yup. We're due for some witch burnings aren't we?

15 year old Catherine Hatchett starts the story by spying the nearby school. Which, yes, creep behavior by today's standards, but this is a case where she's not allowed to actually go to school since, you know, 1600s. But she still enjoys listening to the young boys learn Latin and English and other languages from their teacher, Master Porter. She's also got strict parents who would beat her for learning since, again, 1600s. They call her Bad Luck Catherine and blame her for the bad luck in the town. She tries to counter as to why she shouldn't be allowed to learn, but they chase after her. One older boy, John North, grabs her and slams her around, smashing her into rocks, before calling for a hatchet to cut off her head. I could really just pad this whole blog with "because 1600s" and it would always be correct. She counters by throwing a rock at a boy named Charles and thinking she killed him, but it was a ruse. 

Catherine runs home and gets scolded by her mother for her messy appearance and for going to school and of course getting no sympathy for a bunch of boys beating the shit out of her and attempting to cut her head off. So the message I'm getting so far is anything she does going forward is totally justified. At least in this time period. Her mother calls her bad luck as well as she was born under a bad moon and has a red crescent birthmark on her temple because I guess god just wanted to be a dick on that day. Catherine runs out of her house and to the home of an old woman named Crazy Old Gwendolyn, mainly named that for living on her own and being rather strange in her own right. But she appears to be the only person who doesn't treat Catherine badly. She reminds Catherine that she should ignore everyone who accosts her, which would be easy to do, if they weren't fucking suplexing her into rocks. 

As Catherine heads home, she is stalked by two boys, William and Joseph Parker, who accuse her of making their father sick. She tries to ignore them, but the boys advance on her. Joseph sends William home as he continues to advance on Catherine. He then kisses her, claiming to love her which, hell of a way to show it. Catherine returns home and has a nice dream about marrying Joseph before her parents break her out of that dream and tell her that she's to blame for the recent storm that's destroyed the crops. Her father, Adam Hatchett, tells her that he and the villagers have discussed what's to be done with her. And we'll find that out in a bit because break out the Batman Forever soundtrack and check in on the OJ Simpson trial, because it's back to 1995 we go! 

Bryan Folger's mind is on another planet. Or, to be specific, Denny's car lot. He has his eyes on a beautiful white sports car that I'm sure hasn't been the cause of any dead teenagers. He especially wants it to impress his girlfriend Misty. But here he is at Happy Burgers being chastised by his manager Mr. Robbins. A bald, single man who loves his job at Happy Burgers. I mean, it's probably okay food, but it sure the hell ain't Pete's Pizza. He also does flower deliveries, so yeah, even in 1995, minimum wage blows, especially for his dream car. He takes an order from a customer, but again his mind wanders to the car, causing him to forget an order. The customer leaves and Mr. Robbins is ready to throw Bryan out the door. Bryan grabs the fry basket and throws it at Mr. Robbins. Mr. Robbins writhes in pain over the hot grease, only to realize that the fryer wasn't even on and he didn't get horrifically scarred. Mr. Robbins has a good laugh, THEN fires him by literally throwing him out the door. Wouldn't get this shitty managing at Pete's Pizza, that's for sure.

Bryan heads home after being fired and goes to take a shower, then feeds his fish, the cleverly named Joe and Montana. He laments on his poorness and Misty's richness, which isn't helped now that he's down one job. He heads to Misty's house, still lamenting his situation and feeling like she'll dump him eventually. He tells her of his incident at Happy Burgers while Misty tries to cheer him up. She then plays a CD of Smashing Pumpkins while Bryan is smiling politely. After Bryan leaves, he runs into his friend Alan Brown and pretty much believes he won't last much longer with Misty. She's rich, her dad's a successful tech guy in the 90s, Bryan's assaulting fast food managers. It just isn't meant to be. They then head to Denny's car lot and spot the Cataluna. Bryan is in love with it in almost a My Strange Addiction sort of way, but you know, he loves Misty more maybe. So Alan suggests they just steal it. They ponder the idea before remembering that two boys died after stealing a car from the lot recently. Totally not from the same car I'm sure. Put that plan in the maybe pile for now.

Before heading to Misty's to study, Bryan returns to the lot and asks the dealers if he could take the Cataluna for a test drive. They agree and Bryan gets in, only to hear a female voice saying they're going to have fun together. Suddenly, the car goes out of control and crashes into a lamppost. The dealers cuss out Bryan, but they notice that the car is undamaged. But that's about as much driving as Bryan's getting for now until he can pay the thousand dollar down payment. He's amped, but still weirded out by the voice. He does his delivery job for an old woman, but when he opens the door, there's nobody to be seen. But there is a wallet stuffed with hundreds. And if you thought Bryan was this altruistic guy who would never steal, then what the hell book do you think this is? Of course he stuffs a few bills in his pocket. He almost gets caught by the woman, but manages to escape in time. So now he's found his way to pay for the car. Forget working for the man, petty theft's the sweeter plum. But we'll see how larceny goes for him in a bit as we bounce back to 1698 and Catherine's plight.

So things aren't going well for Catherine as she's on trial, being blamed for every single plight on the town. She was playing with a horse then the horse got sick. Crops won't grow, bread won't rise because Catherine gave a woman a bad look, which okay I just think that's an excuse for shitty baking but, I will remind the audience, 1600s. I mean you could easily blame her shitty cooking as witchcraft, but they have a scapegoat with a moon tattoo so I guess she's in the clear. And, of course, her parents also say she's bad luck and needs to be driven out of town. I'm surprised they aren't blaming the mother for birthing a witch and all, but again, scapegoat. Then her dad says she's not even their kid. Their first baby died, then they took Catherine in. But hey, at least she has Joseph-Of fucking course she doesn't. He's moved on and he also says that everything's her fault.

But, there is at least one person who is willing to help her. Catherine returns to Gwendolyn who tells her that if they think she's bad luck, then she should really make them pay. I mean, what could they do, burn you at the stake? Gwendolyn then transforms into a black cat and tells Catherine to do so since Catherine is her daughter. Yes, Catherine and Gwendolyn are shapeshifters, born on the same day of the cursed moon. With no husband and it, again, being the 1600s, Gwendolyn couldn't take care of Catherine on her own, so she sent her to a family that I guess she hoped wouldn't turn out to be god awful, but them's the breaks I guess. Catherine transforms into a cat. She then finds Joseph, to which she claws to death, tearing his face apart. Suddenly, William tries to grab her, but she runs off. She transforms into Catherine and warns William to stay away from black cats. She returns to her home, likely for more revenge, only to be caught by Adam Hatchett, gun in hand, ready to end her. But we'll find out if he's lucky in a bit. It's back to 1995.

Bryan drags Misty to the car lot as he gushes over the Cataluna once again. Alan shows up and Misty thinks of renting the new Keanu Reeves, Winona Ryder film, which there wasn't any movie with the two of them around 1994-1995. And Bram Stoker's Dracula was in 1992 with the tape maybe being in 1993? Alan suggests they all go to the movies, but Bryan opts out as he's preoccupied with something else. That preoccupation being, of course, robbery. He tries stealing from one house, but hears a gunshot from the TV. So instead of robbing that house, he robs the other house. But that turns out to be a bad idea because he gets arrested. Yeah, he factored in everything but a silent alarm in the building. He doesn't get jail time, which is a plus. The minus is that because he's a crook now, Misty's parents don't want her dating him. But given he's been cucking her for a car, I don't think he'll be that down on it.

Alan tries to talk to Bryan about something, but Bryan is too busy working at the hospital gift shop as part of his community service. I mean, he's already been caught once, lost his girlfriend, and might end up getting jail time, surely he wouldn't rob a hospital gift shop. Even if the money is sitting in the open register calling to him. I mean if the money's telling him to take it, why not? He gets stymied by a woman at the shop, then a man he knows named Mr. Palmer prattling on. But after that finishes up, he snatches the money (because lord knows a hospital gift shop doesn't have a security camera but I digress) and rushes to the lot. Unfortunately for him, the Cataluna is gone! But it's back to 1698 first before we get an answer to that. 

So we're right where we left off, with Catherine staring the barrel of a gun held by Adam Hatchett, the man she thought was her father. He doesn't shoot her, saying that he will the next time though, so you're not in the clear yet. He does kick her out of the house though. She turns back into a cat and sleeps until the next day when she sees that a mob has come to hang her. She runs off to Gwendolyn's to find her mother killed in cat form. Oh, this is how Stine can get around to killing an animal in this book. You sneaky fuck. She runs off and finds a silvery creature with lights for eyes and four wheels. So, ghost cars existed in the 1600s. I mean we have shapeshifters, is this that far out of the realm of possibility? But as she examines the car, she's suddenly grabbed.

Back to 1995 and Bryan learns that Alan was the one who bought the Cataluna. He finds Alan and proceeds to beat the hell out of him before finally getting in the car. He drives off as the female voice once again fills his head, saying they'll be together forever and never to part. Together forever we two. The car drives erratically, faster and faster, as the girl's voice laughs. They almost hit some kids playing in the leaves, but don't. Then the car races towards some kids playing football on the street and hit the kid holding the football, causing his hand to fly off as well. Bryan tries to get the car to go back to Alan's when he starts seeing spots and passes out. Alan and Misty, along with the cops, surround the car and remove Bryan's corpse. I'm guessing he died of fright? Misty notes that Alan had bought the car for Bryan's birthday before this all went south. Misty notes a red crescent moon on the car's fender as she and Alan make their leave, hoping to never see the car again. And given the next few books have other protagonists, that sounds like the case?

Back to 1698 one more time as Catherine has been grabbed by the men of West Hampshire. She is to be hung for being a witch, which I guess is less painful than burning but still not ideal. They force her to confess for her actions, but she doesn't say anything. Instead she's hung. But before she's killed, she remembers she can shapeshift and thus transforms into a rat and leaps into the mouth of Joseph and William's father Edmund. William tries to stop her, but she manages to kill his dad before darting off. William vows that he will get his revenge. We end the book with William Parker, still alive in 1995, promising that he will finally get his revenge on Catherine. The Cat of the Moon. The Cataluna. 

As per usual I'll have a deeper conclusion after wrapping up the third book. As it pertains to this book, of the first books in a trilogy so far, this one feels the most reserved when it comes to big gory horror, at least until the end of the book. And mostly in the 1698 section which does contain most of the big action and intrigue. The stuff that Catherine goes through is some of the harshest stuff we've gotten from a focused protagonist like her. And you could argue that what happens to her isn't fair. That she was cursed with bad luck and even more cursed to be in the age of witch accusations. So you do feel like she's justified for taking everyone out like she does. William's swearing his revenge and all, and clearly Catherine does become more evil by the end, but to this point, you're not on William's side given all the shit Catherine suffered through. But it clearly is the main intriguing link of this trilogy. Especially since it seems to have mainly the problem of 99 Fear Street in that we're also dealing with new protagonists in each part. 

The other end, the 1995 stuff, feels superfluous in the grand scheme, at least to this point (no spoilers please) but it does give us a solid self-contained horror story that also deals with the Cataluna. How Bryan's life falls apart due to his obsession with the Cataluna. How it invades his mind and turns him more and more desperate. More and more unhinged. More and more evil. To the point he turns to robbery. The book does a good enough job in never making it clear if these were entirely by Bryan's actions or if it's the will of the Cataluna. If the car, and by extension Catherine, managed to place a spell on Bryan that infected his mind. As the intro shows, Bryan wasn't the first victim and no doubt not the first one to have been hypnotized and turned evil by the Cataluna's actions. It gives a silver lining to a character that ultimately turns bad. 

Bryan might be one of the more intriguing Stine protagonists (or half-protagonists since we also have to consider Catherine as a protagonist). The book sets up his insecurities not being as rich as his friends, sets up his love of Misty that deteriorates for his love of the Cataluna. And you also get his frustrations with not being able to buy the car to the point it turns him more evil and desperate. It reminds me in a way of Jackson Stander from Son of Slappy. How he starts as a good kid who turns evil by forces beyond his control. Yet this book also does enough of a job leaving it up in the air just how much of Bryan's actions were against his own will. I will say his death feels rather anticlimactic. A feeling that he died of fright from what happened. Or maybe the Cataluna gave him carbon monoxide poisoning. Either could work, this is an evil ghost car after all. And, of course, offing him so soon into the story already gives me bad vibes of the plight that 99 Fear Street found itself in. 

Catherine, much like Bryan, is someone who starts good, but turns evil. And while we're still two books down to change our mind on her, the reader can sympathize with her for her actions. How she was treated like a monster, and it broke her innocence, causing her to become evil and make others suffer. The sins of her past pain being brought to light. A good person turned bad. It may be the main lingering thread making me hungry enough to go into the next book. William doesn't get much time to do much, but clearly will be a focus next book to build on how he's still alive and still out for revenge. 

So yeah. Not a bad first part. It does a fine enough job juggling both ends of the story and builds enough intrigue for the reader to want to learn what's exactly going on here. My only complaints are a real lack of a lot of horror outside of the 1600s. We start strong with the two teens dying in the 90s and that's really it for a while.  Also why is there a ghost car in the 1600s? Did ghost cars just always exist? Is this somehow what led to the invention of the car centuries later, or if that was all just a weird coincidence? That mild issue aside, I'd still give this a recommend. I feel it's the weakest of the first parts I've covered of the trilogies, but still does a good job being the first part. Can the second part be a strong enough bridge, or will it get shaky? As long as we're not dealing with witch doctors, we may be fine. The Evil Moon gets a B+. 

IT WAS ACCEPTABLE IN THE 90S: Joe Montana references, CDs, Smashing Pumpkins, Renting movies, Winona Ryder, Keanu Reeves