The Ten Worst Books I've Read in 2023

2023 was a decent year for the blog. Not wall to wall content as years prior, but still a substantial sum of books reviewed regardless. And with the calendar once again about to turn over, it's time for the third annual look back at the best and worst books I've covered for the blog for the particular year. In this blog, it's the worst. Frankly, I didn't have anything super aggravating this year. Nothing of a Silent Night 3, Halloween Party II, Whisper of Death level of frustration, which means mostly stuff in the B- to D level. So let's get one final roasting to these bad tomes.

#01: NIGHT OF THE SQUAWKER

The last gasps of SlappyWorld were really something. A lot of great ideas on paper that were often hampered by being Goosebumps books. That feeling of no matter how much of a chance there is for something unique, it's trapped in an endless cycle of the same concepts and twists. And if there's any poster child best suited for that, it's Night of the Squawker. A book whose twist was so frustratingly obvious that it almost feels insulting. A book whose cover is so great but doesn't matter an ounce to the actual book. Oggie doesn't look like this at all, and in the end, doesn't even factor into what's happening to Anna. It's amazing how Stine just made a worse The Lizard of Oz. At least that one had a fun dark twist to send us out on. This just gave us drugged kids turning into birds. Not to mention Lizard of Oz has a protagonist who doesn't film his clearly not well sister for the purposes of profit. So unlikeable protagonist, annoying plot that chugs along, and a twist that feels so overdone even by Stine standards. SlappyWorld ending was so overdue. Thankfully Friiight Night was decent. 

#02: GHOSTS OF CAMP MASSACRE

I enjoy Shivers. Mainly on account of them being the kids horror version of Russian Roulette. Sometimes you get a pretty standard kids horror story that Stine would do. And then there's the chamber with the bullet, AKA when Shivers goes fuckin' wild. And sometimes it really works. And other times, it's a mess because the intended message is just bad. How bad? Oh, just "Forgiving the guilt of the ghost of a man who murdered an entire tribe" bad. And I get that part of the thing here is that Samantha really doesn't want to forgive Eli Sutton and his family for the slaughter of the Willawoohoos, and that either way, nothing will change because the Willawoohoos were demonized and Sutton was lionized. But, she still could have just not done it. 

I don't care if it absolves his kids too, it doesn't change the fact that the moral is saying that a monster's soul should be given the chance to rest because they totally atoned for their sins in the afterlife. Especially since the Willawoohoos will never have that chance to have their souls be respected in the same way. But the white guy who accused the peaceful tribe of assaulting his wife, no, he's gotta be the one who needs to be forgiven, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night. It's a book with a message that should be important, but fumbles the bag with the way that message is handled in the end.  At least Satin was cool.

#03: WORLDS OF POWER: MEGA MAN 2

Worlds of Power is an interesting series of books based on Nintendo properties. And unfortunately, most don't appear to have the oddball factor of Castlevania II to make for an entertaining adventure. Case in Point Mega Man 2 which does follow the events of the video game, but in a very dry and to the point manner without much time to have fun with the action. It also is so woefully inaccurate about how the game is played itself with Mega Man using abilities that wouldn't work on certain enemies and robot masters. The book also tries for a plot where Mega Man is turned human, but doesn't do anything with that concept. It's a book that pretty much just has its novelty to fall back on and that's really it. Hopefully the other Worlds of Power books fare better but we'll see I guess. 

#04: ONE SLIMY SUMMER

Oh Shadow Zone. You let me down, man. All my bragging of you being the good one eventually blew up in my face. It was meant to be I guess. Though, granted, it wasn't the worst book, but definitely the first Shadow Zone I've covered that I just did not connect with at all. And yes, I blame that mostly on our protagonists really not mattering at all to the conflict. Captain Ambrose didn't need them getting involved at all if he could muster a storm powerful enough to open the shadow zone. So Aura and all the other sea monsters end up being sent back without Max, Diana or Emily doing a damn thing. I said it in the review, but our protagonists were all Superfluous Clay! 

Add in Max just sucking as a protagonist in general, lacking the character growth we've seen from other Shadow Zone kids. Like Cooper from Night of the Squawker, he only sees Aura as an attempt to find success by filming the creature. He treats Emily poorly and still kind of sucks by the end. It stinks because I honestly didn't mind the idea that Shadow Zone presents in terms of learning to treat others better. Here, any attempt is lacking and the resolution doesn't seem earned. Even the twist of Captain Ambrose calling to them again even though, reminder, they didn't do jack shit. It has some fun action moments, but otherwise it's just a disappointment.

#05: THE LIFEGUARD

A mystery can have an obvious twist so long as the book it's a part of is at least interesting enough to make you want to follow it to the obvious conclusion. That, unfortunately, was not the case with Richie Tankersley Cusick's The Lifeguard. Because this is a book over 200+ pages with three of the most obvious red herrings in the history of any of these books with the perfect good guy who couldn't be more the villain if he tried. So having Kelsey be like "Well, it must be Skip, Neale or creepy Isaac. Justin? The perfect boy? No chance!" throughout so much of the story just makes the book feel like a slog, which is a shame because there are decent ideas throughout with Kelsey's trauma and a great mystery involving the disappearance of Beth. I just wish they were part of a more concise package overall. Far from the worst Point book, but perhaps one of the more tiring. Brevity could have been the saving grace of this book.

#06: THE HAUNTER

I don't think there's a more frustrating set of books in Goosebumps than the Most Wanted Special Editions. While the first two were solid enough, they took a drastic drop in quality with the third book (which we'll get to) and never recovered. And while The Haunter is far from the worst book ever, it suffers from the same issue as most special edition books and that's the sin of being too long with a story that doesn't need that added length. It takes a while to get going to the Marple House and then much of the remainder of the book is Sammy being possessed by Benjamin over and over again to the point that it definitely feels like padding a book that didn't need to be so long. It also doesn't help that this book feels an awful lot like My Best Friend is Invisible, right down to both protagonists being named Sammy. It's far from the worst book ever, but feels like it takes one too many ideas from better (yes, even My Best Friend is Invisible) books to stand on its own two feet. No amount of ghostly possessions are going to get those feet to stand.

#07: SHADOW GIRL

I know people who like this one. I wanted to like this one. I think there's a great idea about the concept of destiny and not wanting what you're supposedly destined for. I love the superheroine spin so much. But my god this book's middle just killed any good will it could have had. It takes forever to get to the Shadow Girl stuff at all, especially when we spend multiple chapters with Selena using the phone to try and contact her mom. And even stuff like that is predicated with Jada treating Selena like crap and humiliating her over and over and over to the point that yeah, it's by design since she's Shadow Girl's nemesis, but it takes so long to get to the Shadow Girl stuff again that it just gets annoying. Thankfully we get some superhero stuff and it is decent with a solid climax, and sometimes a bonkers climax can save a book for me. Here, it just never got the chance, which is a shame.

#08: SCARE SCHOOL

And speaking of Nightmare Room books I didn't care that much for, while I liked Scare School more than I did Shadow Girl, it ultimately still ended up being a very mediocre book. And I think a lot of that has to do with Stine doing a similar concept years later with Friiight Night which, while also having massive issues, at least felt more fun in terms of being a dark comedy. Here, not so much. I like the idea of the imps in general, as well as the concept of their names all having IMP in them so that becomes their calling card in a way. And them being intimidating bullies that can only be defeated by standing up to them, while still making them feel like threats, works. It's just a real sense of a rushed conclusion and a really, really bad twist that hurts things here. A shame, because the overall package is still one of Stine's better concepts. 

#09: DON'T EAT THE MYSTERY MEAT!

Nightmare School's first outing has such a neat idea for a freaky, gross premise, and a super freaky cover, but ultimately boils down to one of the more tame first books I've covered for a series. Granted, there's a decent mystery, and some creepiness like the eyeball in the casserole, and Ms. Stoker does feel like an intimidating villain. I even like the sort of Hansel-ing of Jaws when Ms. Stoker kidnaps him along with the animals in town. What kills the book for me though is how it just... ends. Like, Ms. Stoker just gets away after everything with no real answer as to why she was supposedly kidnapping and killing pets to feed to the school kids. I guess Graveyard School is that poorly funded? A cool idea on paper that ultimately falls flat.

#10: TRICK OR TRAP!

What the hell happened here? Stine, what gives, man? You almost always nail the Halloween story. But between this and Wanted: The Haunted Mask, something just shifted and the good old days of "The Halloween one is pretty good" just dissipated into the ether. But for as awful as Wanted: The Haunted Mask was, at least things happened. At least plot progression was a thing. At least there was horror, even if it was lumped into two disjointed stories stitched together. This book? Nothing. It might be the most limp and lifeless Goosebumps story that Stine's ever written. And, surprisingly, extending the book to a special edition didn't do anything to help that out.

There are interesting elements in the book. Scott and Amanda's need for revenge on Rita and the Klass Brothers for example. And some of the imagery when Scott wears the Dia de los Muertos mask works for disturbing. But other than that, there's like nothing. Just chapter after chapter of Scott being owned, then there's a little bit of stuff with the mask, then we get our villain in Lillian who really doesn't do much of anything, then I guess Lillian possesses Rita, whatever. It says a lot when a book leaves zero impact, but honestly that's my entire opinion on Most Wanted as a saga. Either too nihilistic and grim, or lacking in much oomph to get going. And sadly, Trick or Trap has both of those in spades. It's no wonder it took me years to finish this one. 

And that's 2023 in a nutshell for the bad end of things. Not the most aggravating year in terms of my readings, but still some middling muck. Will 2024 offer us more anger? Even with some of the wells drying up, there's sure to be some real ragers. Till then.