NNtG: Deadtime Stories #03: Along Came a Spider

It's time for another not-so-itsy bitsy trip into the world of Deadtime Stories and oh. A book about spiders. Wonderful. My favorite. I mean, if I managed to survive The Spider Kingdom without many mental scars then I should hopefully be able to overcome this one too. Time to see what's caught in the web of Along Came a Spider.

Okay, so compared to The Spider Kingdom, this is a far less nightmarish cover. For one thing the spider on the cover looks way more cartoonish and the scenario far less horrific. I think it's the front appendages looking so goofy and blobby. Its face is a bit sillier looking as well. Still would make me jump if I saw it, but I'd come down quicker at least. The background is a messy bedroom which is fine, but again, there's not much to really point out. Overall, it's a cover that does what it needs to. 

We open the book with Mikey Davis having a panic attack over a millipede crawling into the ear of his friend Max, who doesn't even initially notice. They fight a bit over how the millipede got in Mikey's house, with it possibly being Max who carried it over in his suitcase. This argument is stopped as Fluffy the cat enters the room. Fluffy belongs to Mikey's thirteen year old sister Allison, who is described as being mouthy. So mouthy that Mikey wants to deck her whenever she talks. Okay, psychopath protagonist. Been a while since we got real good one of those. It's all moot since the cat won't eat the bug and it gets under Mikey's bed. The boys manage to pull it out from under as it's atop a box. But when it escapes again, they realize that the box is a dissecting kit.

The kit has a bunch of jars of bugs and a frog. Mikey is disgusted while Max is thrilled at the chance to slice up bugs and frogs. I'm sure that's a healthy mindset there. Mikey got the kit two years prior for his birthday from his cousin Ernest, because I'm sure it'll scare Mikey stupid. They take the kit to the kitchen and Max eagerly dissects the frog in graphic detail, mentioning its guts shooting out and Max cutting up the brain. The kids then spot a jar with a freaky looking spider in it. Black abd spotted with long legs. Max reads that it's an Arachnia Bladipha-something or other. What's important is it's a spider from deepest darkest Africa (The fuck is it, Akeem the African Dream? There's my one per blog!) and that it's a flesh eater. So, I'm sure this won't totally be a problem-oh right, this book. 

Sure enough, they open the jar and take the spider out. However, when they try to dissect it, it tries to bite Max. Turns out that the spider is still alive and in the mood for finger food. The boys argue over trying to get it back in the jar, with the spider jumping on the discarded lid, making it hard to just put him back in. They try using a glass, but the spider escapes. They run into Allison's room to see the spider had ran in there and is now face to face with Fluffy the cat. Also the spider is starting to grow, now about the size of a ping pong ball. Fluffy tries to swipe the spider, but it bites the cat in the leg, causing the cat to bleed as it runs off. A very Stine thing to do, I must say.

Mikey then tries to step on the spider, but it doesn't manage to kill it. They then throw a penny at it to get it to run outside (I guess man eating spider can be someone else's problem) but all this is doing is pissing off the already angry spider some more. Next plan to further enrage the arachnid is to use bug spray, but the spider makes a web and darts up to the second floor bathroom. Mikey and Max enter, only for the door behind them to get stuck, so Mikey ends up putting a hole in the door in the process. They get cornered by the spider again, so they use bug spray, hair spray, shaving cream, scrubbing bubbles. Practically any sprayable object, but nothing works. So they then use a hair dryer to distract it long enough to shove it in a garbage can and flush it down the toilet. 

After the toilet starts shooting up water, the boys are relieved to be done with the spider issue, and then decide since they already have some junk to heave, they dump the frog into the garbage disposal. As they finish cleaning up, they think they're in the clear. But they then hear a shrieking noise coming from the sink. Yeah, to no surprise, the spider's not dead. And speaking of dead, that's what Mikey's due to be as his mother gets home, not happy about the hole in the wall. The kids try to tell Mrs. Davis and Allison about the spider but they don't believe them because... I dunno, are these kids prone to this level of destructive mayhem. I mean we know how insane Allison makes Mikey, but... But for now, they at least think that they won't have to worry about any more issues with Mr. Spider. I mean it's page 55 of a 126 page book, what do you think?

That night, after taking a bath, Mikey turns on the sink faucet, only for a small pearl-like object to pop out. And another. And another. Yup, those are spider eggs and they begin to hatch quickly. Fuck it, light the house on fire, start anew. He goes to show his mother, but there are no spiders anywhere. Incredible. Just born and already they know how to do a disappearing act. Later that night, Allison mentions that she can't find Fluffy anywhere, so now the boys begin to worry if the baby spiders ate the cat. Max thinks of a way to trap the spiders using double-sided duct tape being placed around the bed, which should totally get the spiders caught. I mean, it's not like they're creatures that can, oh say, crawl on walls and ceilings-oh wait, that's exactly what happens. 

Because now the ceiling is covered with the baby spiders. They begin to crawl downwards while the original spider, now giant is about to attack Mikey. Only for Mrs. Davis to show up and again see no spiders. Honestly, if the twist here is that Mikey's just insane from paranoia, that wouldn't be the worst twist here. Anyway the same thing happens in the kitchen and this time with Allison. Only then Mikey and Max notice that Allison is eating Rice Krispies, only those are NOT rice krispies, those are spider eggs. Still more bug eating than in Go Eat Worms! Later that day, Max and Mikey do some yard work and find more spider babies crawling out of a garbage bag, having eaten the leftovers of the previous night's chicken. Then spiders shoot  out of the hose, including the giant one.

The boys enter the garage, only to find Fluffy caught in a giant spider web, fur all torn up in places. They free the cat, then get mocked by Allison again. After Allison and Mrs. Davis leave, the spider shows up again and starts to chase the boys, even managing to snare Mikey in web string. Max saves him and runs to get hedge clippers to cut Mikey free, but gets caught in a web net made by the spider. Gotta say, for a demonic monster spider, it's pretty damn clever at setting traps. Or maybe because Max and Mikey are easy marks, who knows? 

Mikey manages to distract Max long enough by using the leaf blower to keep the spider distracted. But then it runs out of gas, so that plan ALMOST seems like a bad one, but he then rushes to get a gas can and refill the leaf blower. He tries to freeze the spider again, but this time the spider may or may not have said "psyche" which my god if it did then this would immediately be an A+ book just for that alone. The spider jumps on Mikey, trying to bite his head off. But Mikey then shoves the leaf blower in the spider's mouth, inflating and killing it instantly.

A little while passes with Max and Mikey again having to clean the hose and still not being believed, even with a bag full of spider guts. They then hear a ribbit noise from the sink and see a frog's tongue shoot out and eat a daddy long legs. 

This one was pretty good. Probably one of the better paced stories I've read out of any of these when I think about it. I like how the first act kind of feels more like a comedy of errors with these two bumbling kids unable to stop a spider and failing in comical fashion. Very Tom and Jerry hijinks feel to it that I like. And for the second act, it's actually solid with one of the more action packed finales I've read in a long while for this blog. The book does a great job in selling the spider as a threat and the horror as intense. Which can be very difficult to do, especially when it comes to kids horror. But this one manages to thread that needle quite well. But that doesn't necessarily mean the book is perfect. 

Mikey is a mixed bag of a protagonist. You feel for him having to deal with all these spider-related issues and him having to get more brave as the story progresses kind of works. But he's kind of a shitty kid all around, especially to his sister, which I get it. That's a sibling thing. But it does border on "he's the shittier one of the two" to the point that he's not so sympathetic. Another issue I have is the baby spider situation isn't as well resolved. So yeah, they got rid of the mother spider, but there are still thousands of them all over town, which means this is going to be a massive problem of Arachnophobia-level proportions. Not to mention Allison ATE some so god knows what horrors await. And, while I get it, you need the Because Goosebumps Parents stuff in most of these books, the whole spider issue being so easily miss-able by both Allison and Mrs. Davis bordered on annoying to me. That and really zero explanation as to why the dissecting set has these preserved monster creatures is a little annoying, but nowhere as bad as my other issues. 

So overall, I'm mixed on this one. It has a lot of strong points, but is hampered by some glaring issues. Not ones that overly destroy the book, but ones that keep it from being as good as it could be. So, unless you have a serious case of arachnophobia, this one is a mild recommend at best. Along Came a Spider creepily crawls into a B.