NNtG: Bone Chillers #04: Frankenturkey

Happy Thanksgiving to my US followers. Being a Canadian, we get this holiday a month in advance, but regardless. It's time to talk turkey. Frankenturkey that is. This one has always been one of the more well known Bone Chillers stories and one that even before I went full bore down this rabbit hole that I was well aware of. So, what better time than now to finally cover it. Will it be worth gobbling, or is it just another turkey in the straw? Let's see with Frankenturkey.

This cover is simple but effective. You came here wanting a Frankenturkey? Well Tim Jacobus is going to give you a Frankenturkey. It's tricky to make a turkey scary, but this one is just fine. The stitches and bolts in the neck, the intense eyes, the bits and pieces to suggest that this turkey's been without his head for a while. And it's not happy. So it works on that end. Another payday for Timmy Jay.

Kyle Duggan and his younger sister Annie start the story by trying to avoid Jake Wilbanks. See, Jake is the fourth grade bully who the book makes sure to mention was held back a grade, so he's also older. Kyle's family moved from Florida to Massachusetts the month prior and ever since then, Jake has been hounding him and pounding him. On their first encounter, Jake punches him so hard that Kyle got a massive fat lip which caused the other kids to laugh at him because don't worry, it's not just Jake that sucks apparently. Kyle and Annie's plans to avoid Jake don't quite work and he catches them, saying that they'll never be able to outsmart him. Not wanting to be assaulted, Kyle says he's a wimp and just gives Jake his lunch money.

They arrive at school where, after talking with three kids named Jonathan, Jason and Eric, Kyle heads to class. Turns out that his mother is also his teacher, so you know, kick this kid more in the crotch there, fate. It's Thanksgiving soon which means that it's time for the school pageant about the first Thanksgiving with the Pilgrims and the... yep, calling them Indians in this book in case you had your doubts. Jake accepts a role as a native, which means that if Kyle becomes a pilgrim, Jake might scalp him for real. Bit of awkward collar tugging so far, but not concerning yet. Also, if Mrs. Duggan is their teacher, why hasn't Kyle spoken up about Jake? Well, it's actually NOT a case of "because parents" this time, but rather, if he tells his parents, they'll tell Jake's parents and Jake will just double down on the beatings. The most credible explanation any of these books ever gave us.

Instead Kyle would rather they return to Florida for the holiday, but no luck there. Instead Mr. Duggan suggests they have their own Pilgrim Thanksgiving at home, complete with their own raised turkey to take to the pageant. So now Kyle fears an extra helping of pounding and cranberry sauce. They pick out a turkey, with Kyle and Annie choosing a scared turkey off on its own, which Kyle thinks might mean that he's like them. Constantly dealing with bullies and such. They take it home to a chicken coop and it seems that Kyle notices that the turkey seems to like him. Companionship with your inevitable dinner. What a conflict.

Yes, despite warming up to "Gobble-De-Gook", the plan is still to fatten him up and serve him for dinner when the time comes. Kyle's not fond of that, especially the more he gets to like his turkey friend. Hell, even their dog, the wonderfully named Trouble (who I swear is just named that so the sentence "Here comes Trouble" can be used), seems to be cool with Gobble-De-Gook. It also means Kyle can avoid Jake in the mornings. That is until he stupidly lets slip to Jake about Gobble-De-Gook who wants to take a look at the bird before killing it in front of Kyle's eyes because let's be honest, he's that screwed up. Since he wants the turkey to be safe, Kyle comes up with an idea. Hide Gobble-De-Gook, put a fake turkey in the pen, so that neither their parents or Jake will ever notice... I mean until Thanksgiving and all, but look at least the gears are turning. 

Kyle and Annie get a frozen turkey, some coat hangers, fake feathers and a weird bird monster mask and make their fake turkey. Just as a convenient storm brews. As they get the "turkey" into the coop, a lightning bolt hits it, bringing it to life. Sure enough, it looks almost exactly like Gobble-De-Gook now except for its eerie red eyes. They're excited about suddenly creating life (or since it involved a whole frozen turkey, re-creating life), with Kyle even mentioning that this is just like the story of Frankenstein, only it's [[TITLE OF BOOK]]. Mr. and Mrs. Duggan return home, none the wiser about any Frankenturkey-ing. At the same time, Jake shows up, pretending to be Kyle's friend and also getting to see that Kyle's telling the truth about the turkey in the pen. The weird, red-eyed turkey.

Jake attempts to kill Frankenturkey, only for the bird to claw at him, almost taking his eyes out. Jake makes a run for it, but Kyle and Annie notice that the turkey is looking more vicious and might be about to get them soon. But this is enough at least for now to keep Jake away. Some time passes as we get closer to Thanksgiving. Frankenturkey is getting larger while Gobble-De-Gook seems about the same. But with Thanksgiving on the way, it's almost time to kill the turkey, while also taking Frankenturkey to school for the pageant. Kyle and Annie decide to make a makeshift bunker for Gobble-De-Gook long enough for him to survive past Thanksgiving. They find an old cave and put wire over it to keep the turkey safe while they deal with that other turkey problem.

They soon find Trouble, parts of his fur torn off and a huge scratch over his nose. Signs of Frankenturkey's attack. They heal him up before then seeing the turkey is back. And now it's starting to turn back to the mish-mash of Halloween mask, wire hangers and frozen turkey. They go to check on Gobble-De-Gook, but get stopped by their mom to try out their Pilgrim outfits since that's still happening by the way. The turkey is okay for now at least. We get to Thanksgiving Eve and the pageant. Annie and Kyle have to take Gobble-De-Gook instead of the literal murder turkey. When they arrive, everyone gets ready, including Jake, who gets dressed as a Native American, seemingly ready to have free reign to scalp Kyle for real. But if that piece of questionable racism is concerning, it's a moot point anyway as Frankenturkey found his way to school.

After the pageant ends, Kyle and Annie take Gobble-De-Gook back to the cave while now they have to worry about when their dad is ready to behead Frankenturkey. But it appears the turkey legitimately flew the coop. The kids return to check on Gobble-De-Gook, then run into Jake who says that he knows that Gobble-De-Gook isn't the turkey who attacked him before. As they talk, Frankenturkey shows up. Kyle has Annie go get help while he, Jake and Trouble are cornered by the now even more decaying Frankenturkey. Trouble bites the bird's leg, injuring it for now as Kyle starts to run off, only to realize that for as bad as he is, maybe he should save Jake.

He goes to help Jake as the two try to escape the cave. Jake's injured, but knows his way out better than Kyle does. They manage to escape just as Frankenturkey catches up to them. Just as another convenient storm brews. And before they're killed, a lightning bolt hits Frankenturkey, turning him into a fully cooked turkey. So, they can cook that and not have to kill Gobble-De-Gook. And they even get to keep him as a pet Oh, and Jake's not a jerk anymore either and his family gets to come over for turkey dinner like this is the ending of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Something, something French Class. 

I really liked this one. And I think why is that the plot is actually pretty straightforward, never feeling like there's much time to have to pad things out. Everything has a purpose to the plot. And that plot always revolves around some decent horror. Frankenturkey actually does feel like a threat. How it gets bigger and more dangerous, how it starts looking like a normal turkey before slowly turning back to its former form while still being a threat. Though, I don't know. Like, I'm certain it's still a tasty bird and all, but double lightning struck mutant turkey sounds like it's probably not safe to eat. But we need us that happy ending. 

Kyle is a solid protagonist who you do want to see succeed, particularly when it involves finally getting Jake to stop being a problem. He's resourceful, caring, hardly ever annoying. A surprisingly strong protagonist and one of the better ones in any of these books. Annie mostly exists, if only to I guess have the boy/girl dynamic. She's very superfluous Clay. Jake is a solid antagonist too. You could argue he gets away a bit too easy in the end for all the hell he caused, but given that Kyle did save his life and in a way proved that he's tougher than him, I can kind of see a good enough reason for letting the face turn stick. 

So yeah, a really solid book overall with very little problems towards it. Save for a couple asspulls, but otherwise, nothing that could make me be angry at this book. Bone Chillers has been a shaky ground for me without that one book I can call my winner (If you've followed more in the order I posted and not numerically). And now, I have finally found it. The one I really love. One that I feel is strong enough for a recommend. The upper echelon book has finally shown itself to me. But I say that with some trepidation too. There's a sequel. And it's literally three books after this one. Well, what's Thanksgiving without a second helpful, huh? But for now, Frankenturkey gets an A.