Once more into the breach with Goosebumps and once more into the always bizarre Series 2000. And with us approaching October, what better time than to start building up to the spooky season by cover the other Halloween story from Series 2000. It's time to see if this book's a treat or another Jovial Bob trick. It's Full Moon Fever.
COVER STORY
We open the book with protagonist Robbie and his sister Alesha howling and scaring their dog Scruffy. Mostly because these kids are really bored and they just like torturing their dog with their bad howling. Oh, and of course the irony to come later, but we're super early for that. They love to joke around, but their mom keeps saying they're as funny as chapped lips. Like she at least says it twice so Stine must have found that to be a knee slapper. The siblings aren't so happy about going to their Grandpa John's. He's very tall and scary looking and seems to enjoy scaring the kids with all sorts of scary stories. But too bad, so sad, they're still going to his creepy cabin in the woods to sleep over.
Halloween is also coming up and neither know what they're going to be. They want to be furry bugs from outer space and suggest shaving Scruffy for the fur. My god, someone rescue that poor dog already. They arrive at Grandpa John's. He overall seems like a nice guy, but definitely likes to scare his grandkids. Before he tells his latest scary story, a strange howling noise can be heard at the nearby house. Grandpa John claims that it might be [[TITLE OF THE BOOK]].
So what is Full Moon Fever? According to Grandpa John, he went hiking up north in Canada the previous year. He got lost in the woods. Eventually he found a house where an old woman lived. She mentions that there's a chance to get Full Moon Fever when you gaze at the full moon at the right time. It infects you with the illness. First as, well, a fever. Then you turn into a half-human, half-beast. So, not technically a werewolf or a wolfman this time. The only possible way to cure it is to stare at the next full moon at the right time, but nobody who's had the fever has made it to the next full moon. And then Grandpa John scares the kids by saying that he's got the fever. And sadly the cure isn't more cowbell.
Robbie and Alesha return home the next day, still feeling silly for believing Grandpa John's story about Full Moon Fever. They get the flu for a week, so time passes until we get to Halloween night. They rush their costumes and get themselves ready for Trick or Treat. Robbie decides to go as Zorro since this would have been around the time that franchise got revived. He uses a blanket for a cape. But when Scruffy grabs it, Robbie gives the dog a small kick. Stine, can you lay off the pet abuse FOR FIVE MINUTES? Alesha goes as a Teletubby since that too was relevant. I'm surprised Stine laid off any Tinky Winky commentary.
They head out and sure enough, there's a full moon on Halloween. As the kids stare at it, they get scared by their friend Maggie who is in a wolf costume because we're just riding the irony train today. They begin their trick-or-treating when they spot one house in particular. The home of Mrs. Eakins. See, Mrs. Eakins' house is a no go as she really hates Robbie and Alesha after Robbie kicked a soccer ball through her window. Because it's not just their dog that these kids have put through hell it seems. But Robbie, being a moron, is sure she won't recognize them in their awful costumes. So, while Maggie bails, the siblings trick-or-treat at Mrs. Eakins'. But it seems to go well with the woman giving them a pair of bars each. One of them being called a "Best Bar", which the two eat almost immediately.
With the full moon out, Robbie dares Alesha to try the whole Full Moon Fever thing to see if Grandpa John was telling the truth. They do so and feel a strange surge go through them. They then feel sick and pass out. Robbie awakens in his bed, only it's been torn apart. He soon sees why as sure enough, he's a beast with thick black fur and a wolf-like face. He soon sees that Alesha is a beast as well. They can barely speak full sentences, more like snarling grunts. Not knowing what to do, they try to get their parents to help them, but since they're beasts and all, that fails. They run off into the woods where they then eat a squirrel because Stine was in an animal abusin' mood for this one.
They figure Grandpa John is their only hope in finding a cure, but before that they eat some worms and, because they're monsters, destroy a man's house and then bite said man. They then think to see if Maggie and her brother Clay can drive them to the woods to their grandpa's house. So they sneak into Maggie's house and scare her, but she does eventually realize that it's indeed Robbie and Alesha. Maggie agrees to help them and contacts Clay while the beast kids eat some goldfish. I think this book's holding the record for most animals harmed in a Goosebumps book because it's a lot. And, given that they just ate her frigging goldfish, Maggie throws them out.
Now sans-wheels the two beast kids now wander the woods on their own to get to Grandpa John's. They arrive and scare him, but like Maggie, he realizes who they are pretty quickly. They ask if he knows a cure, but he says there is no cure for Full Moon Fever, because he thought the old woman was making it all up. The two beast kids think of eating their grandfather, but control themselves. So he puts the two in giant carriers and takes them to the airport as it's time to fly to Canada.
Robbie, Alesha and Grandpa John make it to the old woman's house who greets them... with a loaded freaking shotgun! She says that, sure enough, it was all a story she made up. So, they just wound up in another country for nothing. But she does suggest someone named crazy old Dr. Thorne, which is where our trio head to. And when they call this guy crazy, they mean it. The trio arrive at Dr. Thorne's house, only to be greeted by his son, whose name is Fred, but he calls himself Wolf. He babbles about how a flood will create a river nearby then is awestruck at the beasts. Oh, then he rips his wig off and reveals that he was the real Dr. Thorne all along. He's got a multiple personality disorder where he also acts like he has his own son.
Dr. Thorne says he can't find a cure, but then, in his latest swerve, drops a net on the kids and tours them around as carnival freaks. My god, rarely does a book fly this far off the rails, but wow. This goes on until we get to the next full moon. They remember what the story said about if you look at the full moon again it can reverse the effects. Eventually the two realize they're super strong beasts and easily escape their cage. Dr. Thorne chases after them with a freaking whip as the two look up at the moon. And nothing happens. They find Grandpa John who was kidnapped as well and the three make it back to Robbie and Alesha's house.
Before the two think of eating Scruffy because of course, the beast kids then find their stash of candy, as well as the wrappers of the "Best Bars" they ate. Turns out these kids can't freaking read as it turns out these are BEAST Bars. So it was Mrs. Eakins who gave them the bars that turned them into monsters. You know, given what they did to her and how awful they are in general, they kind of deserved it. They return to Mrs. Eakins who gives them another pair of bars. It says "Cure Bar" on the front. I think you know where this is going.
TWIST ENDING
She says that the bars will make them grow smaller and smaller. The two think little of what that means and eat the bars quickly. That is until they realize that, once again, these frigging kids need to learn how to read, because she actually gave them CURSE BARS. The kids are dumbfounded as they begin to shrink down to nothingness.
CONCLUSION
Full Moon Fever is a mess. One of the messier Stine books I've read in a while. Not in the way that Be Afraid - Be Very Afraid! felt like Stine giving up on any coherent narrative, but it feels all over the place in plot. I do like the misdirect of the bars being the real threat, but given I've read so many of these books at this point it became pretty obvious given Stine's not a good mystery writer. Of course the full moon stuff was never the real issue here. The stuff with Dr. Thorne comes and goes so quickly that it never has much of an effect either. Feeling like a reason to pad the book with something as Stine had a hard time figuring out how to get himself out of this mess.
Robbie and Alesha are kind of awful. Somewhat bratty and ignorant, seemingly hating their dog Scruffy who didn't do anything wrong. Grandpa John is also a decent side character but doesn't get too much after the first act. Mrs. Eakins makes for an okay villain, but I do feel a bit of a Vanessa from Chicken Chicken thing here, only without this being a long and painful parable on apologies. And Dr. Thorne is a decent side-villain, but after the bizarre introduction also just feels like he lacks anything interesting. All that insanity just to have him be a creepy carny manager? Really, Stine?
What does work for the book is the beast stuff. How destructive and deadly the two become, and while there's a lot of animal massacre, it works to add to the scariness of the situation. Biggest issue is that Stine gets lazy here too. He puts so much effort into the pair grunting out their words and drops it for the most part by the end as they seem to be able to speak perfect sentences again. A sign that he was ready to move on to another book. Even the twist feels mediocre. One we've gotten so many times before. I know this was when tensions between the Stines and Scholastic were getting heated, and it definitely shows in this book.
In the end, this book is fine. There are things to like about it. The only problem is that it's mostly filled with a mess of a narrative and a lack of a coherent idea with the concept. As a Halloween story it ranks rather low in Stine's efforts. It's the apple with the razor blade of Goosebumps Halloween books. Full Moon Fever gets a C.
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