Time for another book I remember liking, but I don't know how well it has actually held up. This one should be an interesting revisit, but only one way to truly find out. Let's cover How to Kill a Monster.
HOW TO KILL A MONSTER
RELEASE MONTH: August, 1996
FRONT TAGLINE: Step 1: Run. Step 2: Run faster.
COVER STORY
This is another great cover from Tim Jacobus. It leaves the reader with questions as to just what is the monster behind the door. Although, it also feels very basic when it comes to a lot of Tim's tropes. Particularly the warped design. And, if I'm honest, it does feel a little too familiar to Stay Out of the Basement for its own good.
HOME ALONE... WITH A MONSTER?
Gretchen and her stepbrother, Clark, hate staying at their grandparents' house. Grandpa Eddie is totally deaf. And Grandma Rose is obsessed with baking. Plus, the live in the middle of a dark, muddy swamp.
Things couldn't get any worse, right? WRONG.
Because there's something really weird about Grandma and Grandpa's house. Something odd about that room upstairs. The one that's locked. The one with the strange noises coming from it. Strange growling noises...
STORY
Gretchen Allen and her stepbrother Clark (yes, our first actual step-family in Goosebumps) are driving with their parents to visit Mr. Allen's grandparents in the middle of a swamp. Clark's deep into comic books, even reading one about monsters that rise from the swamp mud to drag children down. As they drive further, suddenly the car explodes! Well, technically it's a flat tire. In the meantime, Gretchen drags Clark into the swamp to look around, only for them to be scared by their dog, Charley. They arrive at the location of Grandma Rose and Grandpa Dave, who live in sort of an old stone house.
The grandparents meet with the family, Grandpa Dave being hard of hearing, so no luck right now on the flat tire. There's also no TV and, more concerning, no phone. The parents soon leave both the swamp and this book. The kids look around. Suddenly Charley starts to react in fright, but nobody knows just why. That night, Gretchen hears more noises and thinks they may be coming from inside the house. The next morning, the two go downstairs and see Grandma Rose making tons of pancakes, all while she looks tired and distraught. Gretchen then sees Grandpa Dave upstairs taking the pancakes somewhere.
Later, more of the same with Grandma Rose making more pancakes. The grandparents tell the kids they're free to look around, except for one locked room which they claim is a supply closet. Gretchen wants to explore what's going on and drags Clark with her. They check the grandparents room and find nothing but newspaper and bugs. They check a room filled with toys, to which Clark decides to just play hide and seek with Gretchen instead of investigating. Gretchen searches for him, only to almost fall into a hole. She then finds the forbidden room with the key still inside because the grandparents kind of suck at keeping them out, I guess. She opens the door and finds a monster.
The monster is sort of a half gorilla-half alligator and about ten feet tall. Clark shows up and also sees the monster. The kids make a run for it, but soon find the grandparents are gone, like this moment as they're driving off. Then they see the doors have all been boarded shut. So, they're trapped with a monster. They save Charley from being eaten before Gretchen sees a note delivered to them saying their parents won't be back for a week. So, this just got worse. And it's even worse when Clark finds the letters their grandparents left them.
So, a few weeks ago, this monster invaded their home. They subdued it and locked it in a room upstairs instead of actually trying to kill it or anything. Now they've been stuck for weeks having to take care of it lest they get eaten and killed. So, the arrival of the kids was a perfect chance for them to escape and leave the kids trapped in a house with a monster. Dude. I know Goosebumps parents are bad, but somehow Goosebumps Grandparents are even worse! But they'd have been fine if they didn't let him out, which they did. Wait, if that's all the grandparents needed to do to escape, why didn't they just do that in the first place instead of screwing over their grandkids? Only explanation I can give is we wouldn't have a book if they did that. Or they were in league with the monster this whole time. This may be high marks for stone cold evil.
The monster is gaining on them, so Gretchen and Clark lure it into the hole upstairs and knock it down. Does that kill it? Of course not. Next, they fill a pie with rat poison and bug spray, hoping that will kill it. It doesn't. Clark then reaches for his comic, which I'd have hoped would matter more since it's a book about mud creatures, but he just throws it instead. The monster then grabs Gretchen and is about to eat her, when suddenly it says it's allergic to humans and dies. Wait, what?
TWIST ENDING
So, yeah. The monster died because it's allergic to humans. That was literally all the grandparents needed to do to kill it, making the grandparents look even worse than they already did. Gretchen and Clark manage to escape the house. They wander through the swamp, unsure of where to go, and more creatures can be heard in the swamp. Let's hope they're allergic too.
CONCLUSION
What was I on to give this book an A+ the first time? This reread did not help this book's case. In fact, it may have worsened its case. We're starting with the positives. Gretchen and Clark are fine, but a bit standard. I like the concept of the monster and a lot of the book does provide some good tension and action. The actual stuff with the monster chasing after them while they need to find a way to kill it is a fun idea that sadly doesn't get enough time to really have fun with itself. But I guess Stine couldn't think of what to do after poison pie. And the general twist of the grandparents being absolutely horrible is one that still catches you off guard. It's a really dark mid-twist that makes you wonder who really is the monster of this book, because even the swamp monster isn't that evil.
And now what I don't like. I think a lot of how this book was structured is pretty bad and the twist ultimately makes all this feel really dumb. First off, if they could lock the monster in the room, why wouldn't Miriam and Dave escape sooner? They have a car and know their way out of the swamp. This could have settled itself. And when we learn they left their grandkids for dead with a monster that dies when eating humans, it makes their actions even more awful. Also, Stine, why not make the comic matter? Why give us a comic book about a swamp monster only to not involve it with the swamp monster? Like, maybe they could try something from the book itself and it could have either worked or didn't. Either way, it's better than what we actually got.
I think I'd have built this book better. Make the reason the grandparents leave more logical. Have the beast stay dormant until they realize they can't control it when it eventually escapes, so they lure the grandchildren to their home and then ditch them. Or, have this be like a Hansel and Gretel situation where the kids are lured there, then trapped with the monster after the old couple ditch them. Meanwhile, we build on Gretchen and Clark's relationship. Maybe it's rocky at first since they're step-siblings. Maybe they don't get along so well and as they deal with the monster, they form a stronger bond and become more like siblings. And we have Clark try to use his comic book to find a way to kill the monster. And, most importantly, don't have the twist be just human germs. Have it be anything else so that the ending hits harder and doesn't leave you feeling like "well the allergy stuff sort of worked, so why not again?" It's not perfect, but it at least works for a more compelling book.
So, yeah. Reread hurt this one significantly. Not to a point I'd call it awful, but it serves as an example of one of many Stine misfires. It's still worth a read, but definitely suffers. It's a monster mess.
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