Dark Snarks #01: The Tale of the Phantom Cab

This blog's intention is to be a review spot for old books, and that has mostly gravitated towards the children's horror genre. But honestly, when talking about stuff like Goosebumps, it's hard not to want to go back and cover something just as important as the written media for the genre, the visual media. Case in point the many television shows centered around children's horror. And as a way to give myself more stuff to do, especially when I finally run out of R.L. Stine related stuff to cover, I've decided to cover some classic kids horror shows. And what better way to start that off than with the show that really kicked the kids horror train off, Are You Afraid of the Dark?

By the early 90s, horror for children was still a lucrative business, one that would get stronger over the decade. But as the 80s slasher icons went into hibernation and the genre faded back into the corner until Scream, the real success for horror came from both books and television shows for kids. And no show is more infamous than Are You Afraid of the Dark when it comes to 90s nostalgia. Premiering in 1991 before going full series the year later, Are You Afraid of the Dark? was the US/Canada collaboration of Nickelodeon and Cinar. 

The series centers around a group of kids called "The Midnight Society". Each week the kids would gather in the woods around a campfire and one of them would tell a scary story which would lead into our episode. Similar to many of its contemporaries, the stories are all anthology based, usually bearing no connection to the other, save for a few characters who make multiple appearances. Stories would run the gamut of horror, sci-fi, mystery and other similar genres. The series ran for five seasons from 1992-1996 before returning with two more seasons in 1999 and 2000. And in 2019, the series was revived, though the series goes more for a overarching mystery than the show's original format. 

With the preamble over, let's cover the first official episode of the series, The Tale of the Phantom Cab.

We're introduced to the Midnight Society. The leader Gary, Eric, Betty Ann, Kiki, Kristen and David. Gary narrates that this club is formed of a group of kids. They all go to different schools, have different friends and only associate with one another during the meetings. So, the Breakfast Club for horror fans, I guess. Each week, one member tells a story, so like I said, not as much monotony. 

On this meeting, David has brought along Frank, who he thinks will be perfect for the Midnight Society. He's blindfolded of course so that he doesn't see where they hold their meetings. I guess lots places in the woods perfectly set up for late night campfires. For Frank to be inducted into the society however, he has to tell a good scary story. And his is The Tale of the Phantom Cab.

We open our story with Denny and Buzz Crocker lost in the forest. Buzz wanted to prove to his brother his wilderness skills. However, those plans fall flat quickly because the brothers get lost. Their map ends up ruined and it turns out that Buzz's metal belt buckle screwed up their compass. Denny also almost falls of the side of a hill. So far, he's kind of proving Denny right about being a loser. 

After Buzz gets them MORE lost by rushing off, the two brothers run into a man named Flynn. He claims to know the forest pretty well, but instead of helping the brothers find their way back to town, he instead leads them to someone else who can help. A doctor who lives in the forest. He also asks if the boys know how to solve riddles before dropping them off to the good doctor. He leaves with one more warning, only ask the doctor for what they really need as his prices are a little steep.

After Flynn vanishes and the woods are filled with scary stock noises, the boys enter the house of Dr. Vink (Not Fink, Vink with a Vuh-vuh-vuh-vuh), played by the late Aron Tager (who to connect with Goosebumps played Dr. Sheek in Piano Lessons Can Be Murder). Vink will be a recurring character, appearing in a few other episodes. But for now, he really hopes these kids like riddles. Vink is clearly a mad scientist and certainly plays the part well. But don't call him a nutbag. He is not a nutbag. He tells the boys that he's dedicated his life to studying flora and fauna, which is why he lives the hermit life in a forest shack.

After showing the brothers the brain of a wild boar, he asks them if they're good at riddles. The first he asks if "How far can you walk into the woods?", which Buzz easily answers as half-way. Denny's had enough of this and wants to call their parents, but Dr. Vink literally threatens to cut the phone line with a pair of shears if they don't comply with his game. Simply solve the next riddle and he'll help them get home. "What is it that has no weight, can be seen by the naked eye and if you put it in a barrel, it will make the barrel lighter?" Buzz goes to answer it, but has no idea what it is, so they failed the riddle already, so no help from Vink.

Dr. Vink tells the boys to leave and that a taxi cab will find them soon enough. Comes by every night. Denny asks for the phone again, but Vink suggests that they should just leave him Denny's brain to experiment on instead. After showing them a hand in a jar, that's enough for the boys to scream and make their leave. As they run out of the shack, Vink tells them "goodbye for now". We cut back to the Midnight Society as Eric and the others say it's not fair to add a riddle that can't be solved, to which Frank shuts them the hell up since the story isn't finished yet. 

The boys run to a road in the woods and sure enough, a cab arrives. They hop inside and soon learn the driver is Flynn. He says that he knew the kids wouldn't be able to solve the riddle. He's driven other people who also haven't been able to solve the riddles, because it happened to him 40-some years ago. He drove Dr. Vink to the woods, to which the doctor offered him a tip if he solved the riddle. He never could, so Vink took a specimen. Flynn's hand that was in the jar. Turns out that he's been doing this for years. And it also turns out...

HE SORTA DIED!

Before he became Vink's "driver", he actually had gotten into a nasty car accident by crashing into a tree. Now every night with each fare he lures to Dr. Vink, he reenacts that same accident, killing the victims by crashing them into a tree. That was also the noises they heard, victims who can't leave until they solve the riddle. He rushes to the tree and that gives Buzz mere seconds to answer the riddle. He figures it out that it's a hole in the barrel. And sure enough, that works as they escape before the cab would have crashed. Denny congratulates Buzz for solving the riddle, but he's still a loser. The kids get picked up by another vehicle. This time belonging to a park ranger. They jump inside and Buzz asks the ranger if he's good at riddles.

And that ends Frank's story. He says that there was no sign of Dr. Vink after the cops searched. The episode ends with Frank (and I guess by extension the viewers at home) getting the unanimous vote to join the Midnight Society. 

The Tale of the Phantom Cab is an okay start to the series. Definitely an example of a show with little to no budget so far. Instead going for a more simplistic feel, particularly when focusing the episode in the forest. The acting, particularly that of the kid actors, is a bit wooden, particularly Buzz, but not enough to really take you out of the story. I feel it's a bit rushed, but given it's the first, it's forgiven here. What I really think saved this episode from being more mediocre than it was was Aron Tager as Dr. Vink who is amazing in the role, giving off the energy of a twisted mad scientist who enjoys messing with people. It's the definite strength of the story. 

I do feel the phantom cab stuff is rushed the worst. It feels like more of a way to finish the story to add some peril to the brothers besides being lost in the woods. Flynn as the side-villain works well though and he does a good enough job. I really wish I could go out on a limb to say much on this one for the big debut, but there's not much. It definitely feels like a pilot, and one that's smart not to go too big before they can even go home. And for that I appreciate it, even if the end result is a little flat. But we have some more memorable things to come soon enough, so you can't dwell to hard on this one. It's an episode that's not too hard a riddle to solve. The Tale of the Phantom Cab gets a B-.