The Stinal Countdown: Goosebumps SlappyWorld #10: Diary of a Dummy

Dear Diary. In my travels to cover every notable Goosebumps book, I recently covered The Dummy Meets the Mummy! and it was... I still have no idea. But here we are again. Another experience with Slappy. How will we fare this time? It's time to open the book and see what the dummy keeps to himself. It's time for Diary of a Dummy.

Why look. It's another SlappyWorld cover that I really like. That keeps happening for some reason. I love the detail of the diary itself. How worn down it looks. But then there's the green slime, which of course makes me think Monster Blood, but thankfully that's not for another three books from this one. The slime forming a skull seems a bit silly though, like something a Shivers cover would do. And while, again, movie Slappy isn't my favorite look for him, I'll admit that Dorman is doing an excellent job in making him look expressive and sinister. Another one that hits it out of the ballpark.

Billy McGee and his sister Maggie are the newest kids in Middleberry Middle School. He's also a kid who dresses rather cheap. That has a lot to do with his mother passing away and his family, not having that much money, having to move to a fixer upper and have a far tighter budget. But is also has to do with their dad, Dave McGee, the local garbageman known as Dumpster Dave. And with everyone now knowing this, Billy's hopes for any level of popularity are already dashed. 

At home, Maggie talks about her class playing Fornite on tablets and again I feel my bones turn to ash. I really am reading a book from 2020 where Fortnite is mentioned. Like, in the timeline of this blog, I just recently finished reading a Fear Street book that mentioned things like video stores and another book from Ghosts of Fear Street focusing on 3D posters and here I am now covering something made thirty years later talking about Fortnite. Such a trip. The family head to the dump and Billy and Maggie look around. They find a broken PlayStation, Then find a case. A case containing a giant mole for some reason, but more importantly containing a ventriloquist dummy. THAT ventriloquist dummy.

Billy and Maggie get to take the dummy home. They find the piece of paper that contains Slappy's name and the magic words, which Billy stupidly reads aloud. Slappy comes to life and starts to insult everyone to their shock. And then he pukes cockroaches. Well, given he had laser eyes last time, I think the bar is low on shocking me, but bug puke is a close contender. He tells the family that they'll be his servants (I guess we're finally advancing past the word slave). Billy tries to stop him, but Slappy uses his powers to freeze Billy in place. That is, until Mr. McGee uses a broom to hit Slappy. They struggle to get him back in the case, but Slappy overpowers Billy and locks him inside. Billy is eventually freed and Maggie tells them that they knocked Slappy out with a frying pan. 

The McGees finally manage to get Slappy back into the case. They return to the dump and throw Slappy far enough into the trash pile that nobody could find him. They return home and find something else. A diary that must have fallen out of Slappy's case. It belongs to Slappy. It mentions that he thinks he's not so much evil, but mischievous. Another entrance tells us that his previous owner was a ventriloquist named Dean "The Dream" Harrigan. He performed with Slappy at a kids birthday party and Slappy came to life, vomited on the kids, then bit the hand of the birthday boy. Ah, classic Slappy.

Another previous owner was Jillian Jones. She used Slappy in the school talent show. Slappy freezes her in place for a while, then does it again. Rather toned down prank compared to the straight up child abuse in the previous entry. Billy and Maggie try to read more, only for Mr. McGee to decide it's too late in the night to be reading the tales of a delinquent dummy. The next day, Billy tries to convince his friends Damien and Ramone that Slappy is alive. They of course don't believe him. So Billy, being a dope, decides he'll go to the junkyard and find Slappy to prove he's telling the truth. Ah, nothing like Goosebumps protagonists and their poor judgment, huh?

When he returns home, Maggie shows him another entry. Something about Slappy trying to find gold. But the diary ends with no mention on how to find it, only that there's another diary that will help. Thinking this gold could help them get out of debt, Billy and Maggie decide they need to go to the dump to search. After their dad forbids it, they still sneak behind his truck and arrive there regardless. They find Slappy's case, but no diary, and even more concerning, no Slappy. They return home to an annoyed Mr. McGee who warns them again to not go back to the dump. 

The next day, Maggie's friend Laci shows up and they play the Sims 5 on their laptop. Interesting trick since there is no Sims 5, Stine! Well, at least at this point of writing, I guess. Billy also mentions My Little Pony and now I'm certain Stine is on to me with these reviews. Billy continues to read the diary for any clues to the gold. He reads that Slappy wants more power, but can't get them until he finds the gold. Billy also finds a place mentioned in the book called the Coffman house... err, I mean the Coldman house. Totally different. Despite both being creepy abandoned houses, of course. 

So, Billy, Maggie and Laci head to the Coldman house. They find a strange coffin-like freezer and open it, only for a man to exit. This is the Cold Man of this Coldman house, and he wants someone to take his place in the icebox. The Cold Man grabs Billy and drags him to the freezer, but then he starts to melt and shatters to a million pieces. Well that happened. And then another man shows up. A gardener that asks for his mulch. He takes the kids out back to his garden, which is just a pile of vines. The vines grab the kids and the gardener tells them that they will be the new mulch. 

The kids manage to escape, but end up in a library-like room in the house. They find a book, another diary. A dummy enters the room. Not Slappy this time but a female dummy. Her name is Goldie, as in the gold that the diary was referring to. She is Slappy's sister of sorts, both being made by the same coffin wood by the same evil magician. She has powers beyond what Slappy has and it's what he badly wants. The Cold Man and the Gardener were examples of her powers. Now she wants them as her servants. The kids try to run for it, but Goldie uses her powers to send them into the wall, keeping them trapped. She sees Slappy's diary and tells Billy to give it to her, but Billy tries to bargain their freedom first. But, since Goldie has all of these magic powers, she burns his hands causing him to drop the diary.

Goldie then decides to make Laci and Maggie's arms and legs stick together because she's having fun torturing the kids. She then tells them they'll make a perfect meal for her friends. Those friends being a pack of rats. Billy, who had taken a sandwich with him before they left, throws it at the rats who are distracted long enough to let the three kids get a chance to escape. Unfortunately for them, Slappy arrives. 

The two dummies bicker at one another for a while. The kids try to escape again, but no luck. Billy then mentions the other diary they found in the room, but Slappy tells them it's not his diary, he never even made a second. It's Goldie's and it was the one she wanted to begin with. The two dummies fight some more with Goldie twisting Slappy into a pretzel and keeping his mouth shut. Billy tries to bargain with Slappy that if they help him defeat Goldie, he'll let them go. He uses Slappy's mouth to utter a spell that causes Goldie to shrink to nothingness.

Slappy, now in control again, decides not to help the kids after all. Instead, he utters a mind control spell, which makes the three kids his new servants. I mean, what else did you expect?

After the insanity of The Dummy Meets the Mummy!,  this was a far more cooled down Slappy book. It once again does away with the tropes of previous books and gets right into the evil dummy action as soon as he's introduced. I do kind of wish we built up the treasure hunt concept a bit more, with the latter half feeling rather rushed once we enter the Coldman house. And I feel the stuff with Goldie does stretch a bit too thin. But Goldie does make for a decent antagonist. Definitely more of a threat than Slappy, at least initially. And her having these magic powers makes more sense than Slappy out of the blue just having laser eyes and paralysis spells. 

Billy and Maggie are alright protagonists, but nothing fresh. And Laci's addition feels superfluous. She could have been removed and nothing would have been lost. I also feel the twist is pretty mediocre, but again, how else could you end this one? It's not like Slappy's going to suddenly be a mannequin of honor. But I will give points to Dave McGee for being a surprisingly good Goosebumps parent. He never has a moment where he doesn't believe his kids, or treats them terribly. He's the one who tries to keep them from getting themselves in trouble with the diary and the treasure hunt. That feels so rare in Goosebumps that it's always appreciated.

In the end, Diary of a Dummy is fine. I'd say it's definitely more in the middle for me when it comes to Slappy books. Not doing anything offensive, and not feeling like a retread, but also lacking some much needed oomph to put it in the upper echelon. It's an open book that is far from perfect, but certainly reads between the lines.

STORY: GGG.5

SCARES: GGG

TWIST: GG

ENJOYMENT: GGG

OVERALL: 3 Gs