NNtG: Ghosts of Fear Street #13: How to Be a Vampire

It's time for another trip into the kid friendly section of Shadyside for a new Ghosts of Fear Street blog. Now that we're going through the OG Fear Street, we can see how different things are already starting to feel between both series. And it's time to continue that look as we talk vampires in this edition. Will this book bite or simply be a case of "fangs for nothing"? Let's learn How to Be a Vampire.

COVER STORY

Cover is fine. I like the touch of the kid reading the vampire book with the vampire looming behind him, ready to strike. It's not the most super dynamic cover, but for a book about vampires, it does exactly what it has to, so points there.

STORY

Andrew Griffin is a boy who believes in vampires. Believing them to be real and stalking around at night. He drags his older sister Emily to Shadyside park in hope's of finding some, much to her annoyance. She's generally annoyed by his quirks, often calling him "Android". Clever pun there. He learned about vampires from a book he got at the library called Vampire Secrets, which is about as cool as the other book, The Mummies Are Coming. Suddenly a strange figure sneaks up behind Emily and tries to bite her. Turns out it's Andrew's friend T.J. who is also really into all this supernatural stuff, particularly vampires.

The next day, Emily wakes Andrew to get to the school bus. If not, he'd have to go through Fear Street Cemetery, where a bunch of creepy stuff happens, even recapping a bit of stuff from previous books, which is fine I guess if you were reading these in order like I'm not, but what the hey? Instead he reads a book called Running With Werewolves until Emily snatches it on him. Andrew them grabs a black book he finds under his bed. It's weirdly cold and has no title at first. Suddenly, the cover begins to reveal itself, the words on the front saying the title of this edition of Ghosts of Fear Street: How to Be a Vampire. 

He thinks maybe the book belonged to T.J., but has no clue about how the cover did that special effect. He reads the first chapter which hints at all the cool abilities of a vampire in training. But before he can read further, he's reminded to get ready for the bus. He goes to the bathroom but notices that he's pale looking, has what looks like blood on his lips and has two puncture marks in his neck. Is he the vampire in training? I mean, probably, we're just 19 pages into this 125 page story.

Andrew finally gets on the bus and talks to T.J., who thinks that with the pale face and red lips he's training to be a clown. He shows T.J. the book, but T.J. has no clue about it. Andrew then shows T.J. the bite marks and T.J. gets excited, thinking that this must mean that Andrew's becoming a vampire and part of the undead, much to Andrew's chagrin because he'd rather just be alive at this point instead. But when he learns that he could have hypnotic powers to mess with Emily, he perks up a bit. Potential immortality AND the ability to mess with his sister? Sign the boy up.

Of course, then comes the worry about having to feed on people which Andrew doesn't like. T.J. says that maybe he isn't one because he's in direct sunlight. T.J. then leaves as Andrew is curious about how he knows so much about vampires. I mean, it's the most basic stuff that any one knows. he barely hit him with the reflection stuff or saying "Bleh bleh bleh", or hocking cereal or having an urge to count everything.  At lunch, Andrew has some bread when suddenly he chokes on it and is unable to breathe. After being saved, he realizes that he ate GARLIC BREAD! So the growing paranoia continues. 

Andrew, T.J. and Emily head home on the bus, but it suddenly stops as it passes over the brook. T.J. thinks this might be a vampire issue as well, so the three end up walking past the pond, Andrew then gets attacked by dogs. Suddenly, after leaping on Andrew, the dogs freak out and make their leave. T.J. says it must have to do with wolves and dogs being the children of the night, which Emily thinks they're just full of it for believing that Andrew is a vampire and beer kills brain cells. Then they return to their building thingy where their beds and TV... is. T.J. tries to look at the book, but doesn't see anything. Perhaps only actual vampires can read it, so I guess the twist of T.J. being a vampire is out of the picture... for now.

Andrew reads the newly added second chapter, but all it mentions is that garlic is poison, he can't walk over water, and dogs will be around him more often. Which the latter I guess means he's either a vampire, or was a dog the entire time. T.J. suggests getting a coffin since that might speed up the book to give more answers. But with coffins costing 1200 bucks, he has to settle for a refrigerator box. He also has to sleep in his "native soil", which means he digs up some dirt and puts it in the box. Emily sees him in the box and thinks he's still being stupid with all the vampire stuff. Andrew then thinks that maybe this was all just a bad series of coincidences. He then decides to sleep in the closet just to be safe, since that could count as a coffin. He gets awakened by his mother and Emily, both aghast that he's sleeping upside down.

Yes, now he's sleeping like a bat, hanging upside down from the clothes rod. He plays it off as him doing survival training, which is enough to work. He looks to the book which adds new words, saying a Vampire sleeps in the day, but can still sleep at night. However, he must return to his coffin by daybreak or at least a nearby tree. Andrew gets frustrated as the book is only telling him things he's already experienced. He heads for school on his bike due to the whole over water issue, but when he gets there, T.J. shows him his reflection which is still there at this point. Andrew's body is now pink. T.J. tells him that since he's a vampire, sunlight will kill him. 

The boys sneak some clothes from the lost and found to cover Andrew up, both because of the sunlight and the humiliation of his non-burning sunburn. Andrew is frustrated as he'll never be able to see the sun again soon, but T.J. is excited because soon Andrew can turn him into one, because while he's well versed in vamps, he's also an idiot. That night, Andrew takes his mother's cape that she has for some reason and tries to fly, only to get caught by Emily who still thinks he's full of it, despite, you know, everything so far. Also, he can't use any trance spells. So, his experience as a vampire so far has really just been all the crappy parts.

As he tries to sleep in his closet coffin, he gets awakened by someone. Not his mom or Emily, but an actual vampire. He examines Andrew while also mentioning the dark gift he gave the boy. Yes, this was the vampire who chose Andrew to be the newest member of the creatures of the night. Andrew's against this, but the vampire says that he never makes the wrong decision. He then introduces himself as Count Humphrey Ved, or Count Ved, and he is now here to teach Andrew the title of this book, since the book in this book didn't help much. He takes Andrew out for his first flight. At first Andrew nearly falls to his death, or undeath, but he manages to flap his newly formed wings and fly. Yes, his first bat transformation. And then he crashes into a tree. Well, if George of the Jungle-ing is the worst thing to happen on the first flight, then you're not doing that bad.

Andrew turns back to normal and is still not happy with all this. But Count Ved says that he'll get used to it. He also tells Andrew that he'll soon have to hunt and drink blood, which disgusts the boy. But given that he still hasn't even gotten fangs yet, he thinks he's in the clear for now. He tries to run for it, but Count Ved catches him. In a clearing with rabbits and squirrels, Ved tells Andrew to listen for a hearbeat. He manages to hear the heartbeat of a rabbit and catches it. But before he can bite on the rabbit, he sneezes and lets it go. Ved's annoyed, but thinks that it's probably for the best that Andrew didn't down Thumper without his fangs. 

The next day, sure enough, the fangs are now in Andrew's mouth, so things are ramping up faster than he'd hoped. He finally manages to get Emily to help him and gets T.J. to come over to find a way to de-vampire him, despite T.J. still wanting to be a vampire as well. Despite some study, they can't seem to find any answers. However, T.J. thinks that there may be one way. To end the curse, they have to kill the vampire who cursed him, Count Ved. And to do that he has to drive a stake through the heart, cut off his head, then fill the head with garlic.

Later that night, Count Ved returns. With Andrew now having fangs, Ved tells him that tonight he'll feast on his first human. Also we see that vampires can change the weather as well, so that's a neat trick. After a long time of stalling Andrew tells Ved that he wants his first victim to be one of his bullies who was dared to live in the old Cameron mansion in Fear Street cemetery. The pair turn into wolves and begin to run to the cemetery. They spot the kid entering the mansion and attack him. Of course, this is actually Andrew pretending to be someone else as part of the trap. Ved tells Andrew to bite the neck and he's about to do so until he snaps out of it. 

Andrew asks T.J. to give him the stake, but T.J. is in Count Ved's trance. Emily shows up to stop Andrew again from biting T.J. Ved then realizes he's been set up. He tells Andrew that he has failed in his training, but his punishment will be death. As will the other two. He grabs Emily by her pearls, which rip and both Ved and Andrew start counting them, because- wait, Sesame Street didn't make that one up? THAT's why they're called counts? The kids try to escape out the back of the mansion, but Ved catches up to them. Andrew angers him up enough that the two begin to fight with one another. Ved lunges at Andrew, who opens the door. Sunlight beams on Count Ved, killing the vampire instantly. Andrew steps outside and doesn't feel the effects. The vampirism has disappeared.

TWIST ENDING

As they take the long way home, away from the water, Andrew scares Emily with fake fangs, sending her running. He and T.J. get a good laugh before T.J. asks if Andrew staked Ved first. Andrew didn't, meaning that he's not really free from the vampire curse. Andrew then bares his real fangs and gets a good look at T.J.'s neck. Looks like he's finally going to get that vampire experience after all. 

CONCLUSION

How to Be a Vampire is really good. Easily my favorite Ghosts of Fear Street book so far. Ghostwriter this time is Katy Hall, who doesn't appear to have much for horror-themed novellas, but wrote a lot of joke and riddle books, and several book adaptations for Life With Louie, the old Louie Anderson cartoon. Well that's a neat anecdote. I feel she does a really good job handling a horror novella concept, particularly in how well she handles the concept of vampirism and all of its weird rules and abilities. As such, the stuff involved never feels redundant and is all given enough time to work within the story itself. And it gives us some fun scenes as well as some disturbing enough stuff with Andrew morphing back from a bat and the stuff with the rabbit.

Andrew's a decent protagonist. Nothing out of the ordinary, but for our avatar in this tale about becoming a vampire, he does the trick just fine. T.J. and Emily are also okay side-characters, though T.J.'s vampire lust seems a bit weird. But hey, given the market for vampires in the late aughts, maybe he was ahead of the curve there. I also really love Count Ved as the villain. He's not just your bland villain as he is moody, sarcastic and easily annoyed. It leads to some really fun stuff and some decent enough banter for a children's horror book. And in terms of climax, it's probably one of the strongest I've read in any of these non-Stine horror works so far. Lots of action and a great death for Ved. Twist is a bit predictable given how they built up not just T.J's interest in becoming a vampire but how to reverse the full effects. And it does a fine enough job here without feeling lame.

In the end, I recommend this one. It uses the concept of vampires really well and uses its 125 page length well to craft a really fun, if not a tad basic, vampire tale. There's also apparently a version of the vampire guide that was released, but lord knows if I'll find it. Maybe if I do there'll be an addendum. But until then, yeah, one of my favorites easily. The more I delve through Ghosts of Fear Street the more I remain impressed. They may not always be perfect, but sometimes you'll get one you're really fangful for. How to Be a Vampire gets an A+.