The Stinal Countdown: Goosebumps Triple Header: Book 1

 
Well, with the Tales to Give You Goosebumps series wrapped up, it's time for the second take on multi-story Goosebumps books. It's time for Triple Header. Triple Header were a pair of books in the similar vein to Tales To Give You Goosebumps. In the case of Triple Header, there were only three per book as opposed to ten from Tales. Guess that seemed pretty obvious considering the title and all. There were two books released in this line with the first rendition being released around the time the original series wrapped up. So, let's review and rank this trifecta of tales. It's Triple Header.

COVER ART

The cover is decent. We get a nice and gruesome three headed monster on the front, which serves as our narrator of sorts. According to the book, the middle one is named Slim and the other heads are the "cleverly" dubbed "Lefty and Righty". I assume no relation to Lefty from Let's Get Invisible. I like the different looks to the heads and it just feels pure Jacobus. Not too bad.

TALE #1: GHOST GRANNY

So right off the bat, the title is a misnomer. Not the ghost part, that's on point. But we learn from our protagonist Kelly that Granny Deaver is not even their real grandmother, but a friend to their great aunt. Despite that, she just lives with this family, being a nuisance and just generally gross. From slurping soup to wiping her face with Kelly's art project. Kelly wants her parents to ditch the old hag, but these are Goosebumps parents and if you've been following along, Goosebumps parents are useless. But soon enough Granny Deaver just drops dead. No real detail how, she's just dead. Okay then.

The family attend the funeral. It's just the four of them, Mom, Dad, Kelly and younger brother Jeff. Granny Deaver had no friends or family, so it's an empty service. Despite that though, nobody, especially Kelly, are all that sad at her passing. In fact, when they get home, they have a big dinner and for the first time in years, feel like a real family again. But before this becomes a Full House style tale of good clean fun, Kelly is awakened that night to noises being made in the living room. And sure enough, it's the ghost of Granny Deaver, who is far from ready to peace out of this place. Her eyes seem to be sinking into her ghostly skull and that continues to get worse as the story goes along.

And unlike any other Goosebumps book I've covered, this isn't a situation where just the kids see her and the parents don't believe them. The whole family see Granny Deaver, and as you'd expect aren't too happy to have her still around. She says she doesn't really want to leave, and plans to stick around in her attic bedroom. The family are upset, but dad is optimistic that maybe she'll leave in a day or two. This bothers Kelly in particular as her birthday party is tomorrow and if a living Granny Deaver was bad enough, who knows what the hell the ghost variation will do? As Kelly tries to sleep however, Granny Deaver does the scariest thing a ghost could possibly do... keep Kelly up at night and tell stories. Particularly the ones about all the ghosts she met at the cemetery. Then she leaves to howl for the rest of the night. Because ghosts do that I guess.

The next day at breakfast, it's clear that everyone's already mentally broken from Granny Deaver who still won't shut up and definitely still won't stop badgering the kids. Kelly is annoyed, but since today's her birthday party, she hopes things will go well. Of course, Granny Deaver wants to be invited to the party, but Kelly isn't going to have any of that and tells her no. And Granny Deaver goes pale and says that she knows when she's not wanted and leaves in a way that screams "oh god, you just made this worse."

Kelly's birthday party kicks off as her friends begin to come over. Everything goes well for the most part until it's time for pizza and cake. That's when Granny Deaver arrives, eyes now to the point where only one is remaining. And sure enough, the kids freak out and run out of the house. As Granny Deaver seems to be deteriorating in front of them, Kelly gets pissed and yells at her some more. This pisses Granny Deaver off just enough that her eye glows red, she grows claws and fangs and is about to attack. But her constant ghost nagging wore her out, so she goes to rest. The family, obviously not pleased with this whole evening, go out to eat and try to think about what to do. They could move, but maybe burdening another family with a ghost isn't kosher.

They hope that maybe she's gone when they get home. But not long after they get there, cops show up mentioning noise complaints over the howling. Granny Deaver, still in demon form, shows up and scares the cop. She's particularly pissed that Kelly tried to turn her in and goes in for the kill. Only, since she's a ghost, she's unable to do anything to Kelly. Defeated, Granny Deaver just explodes and vanishes.

TWIST ENDING

But before the family can breathe, they hear a knock at the door. It's all the dead people from the cemetery. Turns out that Granny Deaver invited them to stay with her. They ask where she is, and when dad says she's not here, the ghouls decide to wait it out.

CONCLUSION #1

It's an okay enough ghost story for a fifty page tale. The story does a good job at making Granny Deaver completely unlikable so that you can sympathize for the family. Although this could have all been avoided had they grown a spine and just sprung for an old folks home before she passed away. I guess the lesson here is that death stalks you at every turn and exorcists are just too damn expensive. B-.

TALE #2: SPIN THE WHEEL OF HORROR

Our protagonists are the Banks family. Older brother Tyler, younger sister Emmy and of course mom and dad. They're on their way to be contestants of their favorite game show Spin The Wheel of Horror. A monster game show where you spin a wheel and go to a certain horror-themed spot and try to survive without screaming to win a hundred grand. The family seem to end up lost, before they're stopped by a weird creature with green scales, three eyes and a weird bubbling mouth. Dad thinks it must be some clever costume and keeps going forward until the family arrive at a dingy old building.

They go inside and see a strange skeleton that chases them to a stage where they're the contestants for Wheel of Horror. The audience are all monsters, which the family still think must just be disguises. They get led to their podiums by the wolfman host who asks them the question of if they prefer to be baked or fried. Not exactly a question from the actual game show. Warning lights are super dim right now. They pick baked which is apparently a good answer. Then it's time to spin the aforementioned Wheel of Horror. The wheel lands on the Hotel for Ghouls, which then leads to a creepy abandoned hotel. The Banks family head to the hotel as a wall comes up behind them, blocking their chance at escape.

The family enter the lobby where a skeletal hand is over the desk bell. As they ring it though, Tyler feels something writhing at his leg. A snake. One on Emmy as well. They think the snakes are rubber and throw them off, but suddenly the room starts filling with tons of snakes to the point the family gets buried. But Tyler refuses to scream and end the game. He and Emmy make it atop the desk and free themselves from the snakes who eventually slither away. However, in all the fracas, mom and dad just disappear. The kids are led into the elevator by a strange operator with half normal face, half gruesome monster. Then he suddenly disappears as the elevator starts to fall to the bottom floor.

The elevator eventually crashes and the door opens. They're in a strange basement with a pool filled with rotten green and black slime. Emmy nearly slips into it, but Tyler saves her in time. Then they hear footsteps, which belong to the parents. They had slid behind a trap wall and got separated. As the family try to form a strategy on how to escape, they get confronted by two hulking beasts that lure them closer to the slime pool. Suddenly the whole floor tilts upward and the family fall into the pool, which also slides upward. The Banks' end up back on the stage where they're congratulated for surviving. They ask if this really is Wheel of Horror and the host is like, "um, no. This is a monster lodge banquet. You're on the menu. Baked as requested." He says that the reason they went through this ordeal was that fear makes humans tastier.

They try to run, but get caught by the ghouls from earlier. The host then reveals a giant oven, big enough for all four of them. Instead of screaming, they all just accept their fate and are ready to die. But then surprise! It was all a lie too! This really was Wheel of Horror.

TWIST ENDING

The host then asks if they will take the hundred grand now, or take on the challenge round. Dad says the money's fine. Oh, and they'll take their lunch now. Then the family grow fangs and claws and eat the host because they were monsters too I guess? What?

CONCLUSION #2

I don't know what to think of this one. I actually liked a lot of this story from the family's constant growing concerns over if the game was real or not, to some of the set pieces within. I thought maybe this could be a solid ride book like Shock Street. But it's that twist ending that kills it for me. First off, the "they were monsters this whole time" shtick again, Jovial Bob? Hasn't that been done to death? Second off, if they were monsters, and they had the ability to fight back this entire time AND they could have done so at any time that they were in danger, why did they wait until they could attack the host at the end? Is this like the Dark family in The Girl Who Cried Monster, where they're keeping it a secret? See, it makes them being so easily defeated during the oven scene even more befuddling. This is a case where the extra beat kills an otherwise decent story. C-.

TALE #3: TEENAGE SPONGE BOYS FROM OUTER SPACE

Our protagonist for this one is a boy named Mac, whose gimmick is that he likes to dismantle things, but isn't too good at actually repairing them. He heads to his friend Becky's house to get her ready for school, to which we learn her quirk is that she's obsessed with the weather channel. Feels like we're stretching for eccentricities here. The kids end up late as they hurry through the woods to get to school. It's there they hear a loud crashing noise. They search some more and only find a weird tent and some pine cones that Becky obsesses over because it means good weather.

The kids arrive late and the teacher calls for tardy students. Becky and Mac ultimately stand up, but it turns out she was more concerned about Dirk and Deke being late. Dirk and Deke are strange looking kids who are chalky pale and are taller and thinner than the other students. She calls the four kids to the chalkboard, and Dirk just begins to rub his head on the board, erasing the chalk. Later on at lunch, Mac tosses a soda can at Becky, which collides into Deke's head and he just no-sells it. The kids are confused, but don't think too much of it. As they head home however, they're confronted by Dirk and Deke who reveal what they are. Sponge headed aliens. They can shape their head in many different forms and such. They also have a spaceship that they're trying to repair. They want to go home so their sponge heads are nice and safe. And since Becky and Mac know too much already, they start to force the two kids into helping them.

They force the kids to work for them for the next three days. Repairing the spaceship with stolen parts from their parents. That night, Mac and Becky have to steal a car battery from Mac's dad's car as it will be the power source needed. After nearly getting caught by Mac's dad, they unhook the battery and take it to the spaceship. Dirk and Deke then force Mac to install the battery, which considering his issues with not being able to repair stuff is a concern. But when they turn his hand into a literal sponge, he gets right to it. They set everything up and are about to leave, when Dirk and Deke then force them to come with them into space. Becky then decides to stall for an awful long time.

TWIST ENDING

Just then it starts to rain, just as Becky had figured since she's a weather nut. The rain starts to fill inside the heads of Dirk and Deke, causing the heads to grow and incapacitate them. Mac and Becky shove them back into the ship as it launches off. The kids head home as Mac's mom notices he's holding a bolt. Mac throws out the bolt just as he hears what appears to be a ship crashing.

CONCLUSION #3

Not really much to this one honestly. I like the concept as it's just unique enough with the sponge aliens, but other than that, not much really happens in the story and it's kind of bland. At least the twist is more logical instead of going for an extra beat. Something like they were aliens too, or something even more inane. A forgettable finale. C. 

OVERALL CONCLUSION

Triple Header was a cool concept, but not exactly one that was as cool in execution. Outside of the fun presentation of the stories with intros from the monsters, the stories themselves were kind of bland. Ghost Granny was the best and flowed the smoothest, while Teenage Sponge Boys was inspired, but lacking in much meat. And then there's Wheel of Horror which almost worked, but the twist really hurt what was a great concept. In the end, it was a pretty forgettable affair that didn't tread as much water as I'd hoped. A C+ rating is what I'm giving this.