Thursday, January 7, 2021

The Stinal Countdown: Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps

 
Almost one year after the second Tales To Give You Goosebumps, Stine comes back with installment #3. Ten more short stories of questionable quality await. Same format as before, so let's go.

COVER STORY


Curly's back! And instead of telling stories to a nudist camp, he's chilling out in his wading pool as his dog Drool lifeguards. So, this one definitely goes for a more silly approach and I like it. Nice little touches like the snorkel and the unnecessary flip flops. The grass work and the foliage, yadda yadda, you know how I feel about that. Also, at least Curly had the decency to put on some shorts. Mainly because this is the infamous edition that came with glow-in-the-dark boxer shorts.

STORY #1: THE CHALK CLOSET

Travis Johnson isn't too thrilled to be in Summer School. It's not that he's a dumb kid or anything, it's just that he's very easily distracted. He heads to his junior high, and upon entering notices how empty it is. He's met by a thin man named Mr. Grimsley, who brings him into the classroom, filled with a lot of kids Travis doesn't know except for two named Janice and Dooley. Grimsley has one major rule in his class, you have to do your homework. No excuses. If you don't, you'll go to the chalk closet. Travis doesn't get that, so he just procrastinates as usual. As each day passes, the other kids in class each forget to do their homework and give the same old excuses. Dooley is the first to be sent to the chalk closet, but never returns. Later, another kid named Marty fails, and is sent to the chalk closet. Same outcome. Janice is next to fail. After that, Mr. Grimsley tells the students that the next math test requires every student to get an A, or go to the chalk closet. Travis fails, and is brought in.

TWIST ENDING: He sees Dooley, Marty and Janice inside, surrounded by the ghosts of students. And it's called the chalk closet because they'll hear nothing but the sound of chalk on a chalkboard for eternity.

CONCLUSION: I like the idea, but it's kind of a flat story to kick things off with. The chalk closet turns out to be exactly what you'd expect, and the twist, if you can consider it so, is pretty predictable. A forgettable story overall. C-.

STORY #2: HOME SWEET HOME

Sharon likes to annoy her little sister Alice by screwing around with her dollhouse. Moving furniture out of place and sticking their heads in the toy sink. After an argument with the sisters, the pair head out to a garage sale being held by the creepy Mrs. Forster, who everyone thinks must have evil magic powers. As they look for dollhouse furniture, Sharon sees a glass bowl. But when a spider pops out, she panics and knocks the bowl over, breaking it. The kids run off, as Sharon thinks she sees Mrs. Forster looking from her window with her cold, black eyes. That night, Sharon thinks she hears the sound of Mrs. Forster giving an evil warning that she'll pay for breaking her bowl. Sharon then wakes up to see a spider in front of her. After a panic with that, she's now obviously on edge.

The spider stalking continues on with Sharon almost being hit by a truck, only to see a spider coming out a storm drain. Then after another argument over the dollhouse, Sharon sees the spider inside the dollhouse. A few days later, Sharon hears the chandelier above start to make sounds. It then almost falls on her. Sharon realizes that it's clearly the old woman trying to murder her.

TWIST ENDING: The spider crawls on Sharon and goes to her ear, saying that she is a tiny problem. Suddenly, Sharon begins to shrink to doll size. She ends up coping with living in the dollhouse, but hates how Alice keeps putting her in the sink.

CONCLUSION: Now this is a much better story idea, even if its twist does feel a bit random by the end. But hear me out, I think there's more to this one. What if Alice was in collusion with Mrs. Forster? I mean, Sharon keeps screwing with her dolls, and Alice was the one who instigated going to the garage sale. Essentially, this might have been Alice and Mrs. Forster screwing with her, with the final revenge being having Sharon shrunk to doll size to be tormented for eternity. Just spitballing. Either way, it was fine despite being rushed. B+

STORY #3: DON'T WAKE MUMMY

Jeff and Kim's dad is a museum curator, and by complete mistake is having a sarcophagus with a mummy still inside delivered to his house and put in the basement for the time being. Jeff, being our paranoid protagonist, is of course worried, while older sister Kim likes to pick on him for it. Kim makes Jeff touch the case, and he thinks he hears the mummy moving. That night, he hears footsteps and rattling, but it's not his mummy, but his mommy. To combat his paranoia, Jeff finds himself at a place called Sam Bone's Mystical Merchandise. He asks Sam about what he could use to combat a mummy, to which Sam gives him "mummy dust", which he claims will keep the mummy from awakening. Costs Jeff 20 bucks, of course. The next night, he hears the noises again and heads to the kitchen. It's there he sees the mummy moving. He goes to use the mummy dust, but drops the bag. Jeff's parents show up as the mummy scrambles to the basement. You'd think this would be a Goosebumps parents moment, but no, they actually say they've heard rumors of the mummy being alive. So they decide to lock the basement.

TWIST ENDING: We then shift narration to Kim who is in the basement as she reveals that she was the mummy in the kitchen who scared Jeff. She goes to leave, but the basement door is locked, and she notices the sarcophagus lid has been moved.

CONCLUSION: This one wasn't too bad. For one, it was a mummy story that actually had more energy to it than what we've gotten with the full books. Maybe the shift from Egypt to suburbia helps, but it does help to add more of a creepy vibe than we're used to with these. Also, a nice random touch with the narration shifting to Kim as her nightmare begins with our twist ending. Honestly, this could have worked as a book. But it did get an episode. Follows the plot a bit, but takes far more liberties.

Also there's a mummy cat. The episode is instantly superior for having a mummy cat. 

As for the story, yeah, this was fine. Rushed again, but best so far. A-. 

STORY #4: I'M TELLING!

Adam has a big imagination, and likes to use it to pretend that he's hunting monsters. He comes across a stone gargoyle in the forest, and notices strange green slime dripping from the gargoyle's mouth. So, logically, he decides to fill his squirt gun with it, like you do. He squirts the gargoyle, but nothing happens. When he squirts a tree with it, he notices that the tree has turned to stone. However, he gets caught by his seven-year old sister Missy who promises to tattle on Adam for goofing off instead of working on his art project. Adam ends up squirting her in the face, causing her to turn into a statue. At first he panics, then decides to use this to his advantage. Taking his stone sister (who is still conscious BTW) to school to use as an art project. It does win him first prize.

After that, he decides to actually find a way to free her, but when he returns to the spot where the Gargoyle was, it's disappeared. Turns out that it's now alive from the squirt gun as the slime has properties to turn you to stone AND change you back.  After a scuffle with the gargoyle, Adam gets his hands on the gun again and squirts the gargoyle, returning it to stone. He then uses the slime on Missy to free her.

TWIST ENDING: Missy, quite pissed about being used as an art project, promises to tell on Adam, but he just squirts her again,

CONCLUSION: Definitely another strong one for this book so far. First off, something fresh from Stine with a Gargoyle as the monster of the story. We get werewolves and mummies and dummies so often, that having a gargoyle be the cause of everything is a welcome change. Also, normally we're supposed to hate the bratty younger sibling, but considering Adam's use of her as an art project, she's kind of in the right here, making the twist a lot more cruel than normal. Overall, it's up there with the previous story as another strong one. Not meaty enough for a full book, but strong nonetheless. A-

STORY #5: THE HAUNTED HOUSE GAME

Jonathan and his friend Nadine are babysitting his younger siblings Noah and Annie, and to do so, he's playing his favorite board game The Haunted House Game. Rules are simple, go around the board trying to find the hidden ghost. Just don't land on SCARED TO DEATH. They play for a bit, landing on different things like "Creaking Footsteps", "Wind Rattles The Windows", "An Eerie Moan" and "Lights Go Out", each leading to the same happening in real life. They then land on "A Bony Hand on the Window", only for a real skeletal hand to smack their window. Finally, Noah rolls a 3 and it lands on SCARED TO DEATH. The lights go out, the kids hear the sound of moaning, and they scream their heads off. Jonathan is in such a panic that he tries to run out of the house.

TWIST ENDING: Only to spot a newspaper on the front door, dated March 14th, 1942 that mentions how four kids were found dead, seemingly scared to death. Jonathan, Nadine, Noah and Annie have been ghosts for over half a century, haunting the house and playing the board game for all eternity.

CONCLUSION: Now this is how you do a short story. Good sense of tension that builds up with each new roll of the dice, with the kids growing paranoia getting deeper and deeper. And the dark twist is oddly satisfying. Being just out of left field enough that when it happens it ends up working to shock you. Sort of a sad outcome with these kids in sort of a time loop purgatory playing the game that killed them though. Three stories in a row I really liked. Let's hope this keeps up. A.

STORY #6: CHANGE FOR THE STRANGE

Jane Meyers is a kid with dreams of being a track star. Her friend Lizzy Gardner is more focused on fashion. How can they get along? Lizzy also has a bratty younger brother named Ivan who owns an angry pit bull that is also named Lizzy. Before the two kids head to Lizzy's place, they stop at a new clothing store called "A Change For The Strange" that offers everything from bunny slippers to duck handled umbrellas. But Jane spots a red jacket that she's really into. The clerk tells her that the jacket is snake skin, but she takes it anyway, while Lizzy takes a pair of bunny slippers. As Jane tries to head home, she collapses on the ground, and starts morphing into a snake. She gets chased by dog Lizzy and ends up back at human Lizzy's place. Despite her attempts to get Lizzy to recognize her, Lizzy just thinks Jane is one of Ivan's pet snakes. After more mishaps, eventually Ivan spots a zipper on Jane's underbelly and pulls it, causing Jane to turn back to normal.

TWIST ENDING: Later on, I guess she's turned into a rabbit now because she wore the bunny slippers.

CONCLUSION: Really interesting concept, even though we've gone down the "kid turns into animal" route before with these stories. Plus, we did have a whole human turning into a snake thing in the first short story collection. Regardless, this could have worked as a full story if given a lot of tweaking. I just wish the twist was better executed. B-.

STORY #7: THE PERFECT SCHOOL

Brian's parents are kind of sick of him not being the perfect kid. It's not that he's a bad kid or anything, just that he's not perfect. So they send him to the Perfect Boarding School. After meeting a kid named C.J., Brian heads to the school, noticing all the classroom doors are locked, the leaving graduates all look the same, among other things. The director of the school assigns the new kids numbers that they are to be addressed as, with Brian getting 116. Things are boring as expected, until Brian hears what sounds like voices coming from under the vents. After Brian is deemed a distraction to the other students, he's sent to the pattern room. In the pattern room, a doctor gets his measurements and calls his parents, telling them that Brian will be ready a lot quicker than planned.

That night, Brian hears the voices again. Kids voices. They tell him what's going on at the school. That the kids sent there are replaced with robots. He tries to escape, but gets caught by C.J. Brian tells him what's going on, but C.J. sends him to the room with the captured kids. Turns out C.J. works for the school.

TWIST ENDING: A perfect Brian is returned home to his parents. However, it turns out that this is the real Brian who managed to escape just in time. He promises to free the other kids, but for now has to keep pretending to be perfect.

CONCLUSION: This story actually got not just an episode, but a two part episode of Goosebumps. And while I don't think the story is that meaty for a longer episode, I do think it still works. Heck, even as a full story, it would have been fine. It's got a good creepy setting, a unique plot, and the twist is solid, making you wonder how long Brian can hold out. Another solid one for this book. B+.

STORY #8: FOR THE BIRDS

Kim Peterson is whining and moaning about how her family is spending their vacation at Bird Haven Lodge. Her parents find it romantic, while her older brothers Ben and Andy are avid bird watchers. When the family arrive to the lodge, their greeted by the front desk clerk named Mr. Dove. They take the family to their suites, which are all given bird names. Kim's is the Cuckoo's Nest. They look around a bit, noticing a large maze, but don't do anything with that yet. After finding a pair of hedge clippers that Mr. Dove lost, he says that he owes Kim a favor, and that he knows that she hates being here. She just leaves, confused. In fact, it seems like Mr. Dove is the only one who works here as no other staff are present. As Kim tries to sleep that night, she sees thousands of birds in the sky, including a crow that seems to be staring at her.

The next day, the family decides to give the maze a try. They then spot oddly shaped hedges that look like the Peterson family, to which Mr. Dove says is all part of the program. The family walk through until they enter a large metal dome. It turns out that this dome is a giant bird cage. The door behind them shuts as Mr. Dove arrives to tell them that this is part of his program. To make everyone into happy birds. A spell he learned years ago. He turns the parents and the brothers into birds as Kim screams in horror.

TWIST ENDING: He then tells Kim that he still owes her that favor, and that he knows she hates birds. So he turns her into a cat.

CONCLUSION: Another solid premise, though having to deal with whiny sarcastic Kim for the whole story was annoying. Doesn't feel like much really happens until the last few pages, and the twist ending is darker than expected. So, will cat Kim kill and eat her family now? I mean I know she doesn't care for birds, but yikes. Granted, the animal transformation twist is played out, hell we got it two stories ago, but this was fine regardless. B-.

STORY #9: ALIENS IN THE GARDEN

Kurt is hanging out in a storm, when he gets accosted by a dog named Rocky and its owner, a fourteen year old bully named Flip. But it's too stormy for Flip to wail on him. When Kurt heads home, he watches the storm from his room, and spots some strange object in the sky getting hit by the lightning. It lands in the garden as Kurt goes to check on it. It's indeed a tiny spaceship. He grabs it and goes to show his friends Jenna. He gets accosted by Flip again, who laughs at the tiny spaceship, only for the aliens to zap his knee with a strange blue light. Kurt tries to communicate with the aliens, but the size difference and I guess a language barrier prevents that. Jenna shows up and Kurt shows her his tiny alien friends.

But their interaction is cut short with Flip returns with his cousin Drake and a baseball bat. The three aliens try to run to the ship, but one gets caught by Flip. Kurt manages to save it, but the kids have to try to deal with the bullies and their dog Rocky. Before Rocky can attack Kurt, another blue laser hits the dog in the eyes. Turns out one of the aliens got caught in a thorn bush. Kurt rips it free and puts it in his pocket. Eventually, they manage to get the aliens back into the ship, which flies back into space.

TWIST ENDING: Kurt and Jenna decide later to get some ice cream, when Kurt notices something in his pocket. It's a piece of the space suit from the alien who was caught in the thorn bush. He  checks it with his magnifying glass and notices a strange rectangle on the suit. Red, white and blue with stars on it. In other words... BOOM! SECRET GIANT ALIENS, BITCHES!

CONCLUSION: Another really good story. One I do think could have worked as a full story itself. Lots of action involving the bullies as well as some solid mystery over the tiny aliens until we get the big reveal at the end, which also works. The secret aliens twist works far better here than it did in My Best Friend is Invisible. Though once again you have to excuse the fact that these aliens seem to be the same as humans, only gigantic. But if you can manage that, this was still one of the best of this book. A-. 

STORY #10: THE THUMBPRINT OF DOOM

Trisha, Jeremy and Harold notice a new girl moving into the neighborhood. When they introduce themselves to her, she reveals her name is Carla. Carla also reveals she's very superstitious, particularly about something called the "thumbprint of doom". She says that when someone places their thumbprint on your forehead, something bad will happen to you within 24 hours. Turns out that Carla's superstitions begin to ruin Trisha's life. Trisha falls in the lake after Carla warns her about using a blue canoe on a Wednesday, or how you can't hit a ball on certain times on Friday the 13th. Essentially, Trisha is tired of this and the three kids plot a way to get revenge.

The carnival has just arrived, and the kids want to take Carla to Madame Wanda, the fortune teller. Despite Carla's superstitions, she's dragged inside, where everything goes dark for a brief period before Madame Wanda arrives. She tells Carla her future is too horrible, so she gives her the thumbprint of doom. As Carla panics, the other kids laugh and cop to the fact that they paid Madame Wanda earlier to give her the thumbprint to finally knock the superstitions away. Carla says that she knows Madame Wanda can't do it, because only Carla can. It's why she has these superstitions, because she has evil powers. She gives thumbprints to the three kids and they run away screaming.

TWIST ENDING: Madame Wanda asks Carla if the other kids will learn that it was all a joke, to which Carla says maybe tomorrow and they'll all have a good laugh. Carla goes off to explore the carnival, but not before telling her mom Madame Wanda that she'll see her tonight.

CONCLUSION: This was a cute one. No real supernatural elements to be found, but what we get is kind of what I wanted from Goosebumps. More lighthearted slice of life stories where the elements aren't just monsters or aliens or actual curses. Just kids being kids. The pace was perfect, and Carla's strange superstitions were kind of endearing. Overall, a really good way to end this edition. A.

CONCLUSION

I guess the old saying is true, third time's the charm. And what we get with this bunch is some of Stine's better works. He's definitely getting the hand on the short story format as stories have a lot less filler than in the previous books. All the stories flowed better and the stuff within all mattered to the plot. There was also a lot more variety in the stories than usual. Stuff like gargoyles, giant aliens, a mummy story that's actually good, that sort of thing. There were still the classic Stine tropes like kids turning into animals, or the protagonists being aliens all along, but in this case, they were handled better. I can't say this was perfect as a couple stories like Change for the Strange and The Chalk Closet were kind of dull, but the rest increased the book's overall quality. A good third endeavor. Even More Tales To Give You Goosebumps gets an A-.

STORY RANKING
#10. The Chalk Closet
#9. Change for the Strange
#8. For the Birds
#7.  The Perfect School
#6. Home Sweet Home 
#5. I'm Telling!
#4. Don't Wake Mummy
#3. Aliens in the Garden
#2. The Thumbprint of Doom
#1. The Haunted House Game

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