The Stinal Countdown: Goosebumps Hall of Horrors #2: Night of the Giant Everything

 
It's time to continue with the Hall of Horrors series, but this time, we have one that has some history behind it that stretches back into the 2000s. Before Goosebumps ended in 2001, R.L. Stine was planning to continue Goosebumps Series 2000 with book #26: The Incredible Shrinking Fifth-Grader. However, when Stine walked out, the book ended up scrapped. Stine did take the book's concept and created a standalone The Adventures of Shrinkman, and over a decade after that, he returned to the concept with yet another take. It's time to endure Night of the Giant Everything. 

COVER STORY

This cover is fine. There are some neat touches that make it stand out a bit more than many of Dorman's covers. I like that the cover evokes The Incredible Shrinking Man with the pencil and the spider, and the touch of the web covered sneaker does add some creepy vibes. My only issue is the spider. I like its design, and it is creepy, but it also looks a bit silly. Looking more like a monster from the Jim Henson workshop than creepy spider. Definitely I think Jacobus would have made a more terrifying take, like Are You Terrified Yet?, but for what this is, it's effective.

STORY

Our story begins with another intro with the Story-Keeper, mentioning some of the creepy sights within the Hall of Horrors, before reintroducing us to Steven Sweeney, our protagonist, who is sitting in an armchair juggling some red balls, who then begins to tell the audience about his story involving dangerous magic. Not Strange Magic or ELO would sue. 

Steven is a magic buff, often annoying his friends Ava (described as taller than him and blond) and Courtney (described as African American with beads and long earrings). He annoys both of them with his tricks including a card trick where every card is the ace of spades and trying to pull a quarter out of their mouths and noses. But it's when Steven decides to shoot silly string at them where they get annoyed, both vowing revenge on him. But Steven is more focused on the three of them performing his magic act at the talent show. 

Steven also takes piano lessons. I hear they can be murder. His teacher is a man named Mr. Pinker, who thankfully is not a robot or a hand chopping custodian (that we know of) and Steven practices from Mr. Pinker's home. Despite always wearing a suit and tie and balding, he seems normal. But oddly, he seems really interested in Steven eating some cookies he baked up. He always bakes cookies for his students and seems a bit too invested in watching them eat it. The last time we dealt with creepy cookie action two kids were being pimped out to elderly women. Maybe we were better off with the hand chopping custodian. 

After some piano playing, Mr. Pinker leaves to answer a phone call. Steven has some intestinal distress from the cookie and goes to find the bathroom, but instead finds an odd room with what looks to be a tiny doll town. Before this book becomes Chillogy, Mr. Pinker catches him and panics. Steven explains he was looking for the bathroom and that situation calms down. He heads to Ava's later and goes over his plans for the magic show with Ava and Courtney before then taking some eggs and juggling them, only to splatter one on the ceiling and two on Ava's head. Now, more than ever, the girls vow revenge.

Steven heads home to find his parents dealing with a small brown bird. It looks like a hawk, but is about as big as a parrot. His mother was a former jazz pianist while his father is a pediatric surgeon. Guess that explains how he can afford murder-free piano lessons. Steven's parents decide to keep the bird and name it Bugsy, because it eats bugs, but not out of love for the mobster or gym leader. After pranking his parents with a fake bird bite, Steven sees that Bugsy then licks his hand later. After an oddly specific dream about Steven trying to grab Bugsy from a shrinking house, he wakes up, ready for the magic show. 

It all seems to go just okay, Steven even bringing Bugsy into the act, though the bird seems more interested in licking him than performing. He finishes his act with a juggling act while drinking water from a cup given to him by the girls. Courtney takes the cup and pours it down Steven's mouth. But instead of water, it's some strange, sour-hot liquid that makes him panic, thinking he's been poisoned. Steven is annoyed and confused, but Ava and Courtney celebrate, saying that they got their revenge on him. They claim that they just strolled into the chem lab and poured a bunch of liquid into a cup and gave it to him which makes Steven panic, because he's too dim to get a joke.

He heads home, but sees nobody there. He heads up to the bathroom to wash out the taste, but suddenly he trips. His foot just pops out of the sneaker. Then his pants falls down, as does the rest of his clothes. Yeah, this already feels like an "I'm too old to read this book to not get weird looks" book. In fact, he notices that everything seems to be much higher up and larger than usual. Steven takes a while to realize that he's not tripping out, he's shrinking at a rapid pace. Now six inches and nude, Steven freaks out as any miniaturized minor would. But he believes he knows who did it. It must have been Ava and Courtney. They did some breaking bad and broke his body. Thankfully, Steven's first plan is to take the clothes of a businessman marionette and put them on, so at least he's clothed. But this only lands him with shoes since the clothes are tied to rope. He just conveniently finds clothes from a Ken doll that his little cousin forgot to take home, so problem solved.

Now fully clothed, Steven's next plan is to contact Ava and Courtney. Problem this time is that to reach his phone, he has to get on his bed, which is tricky, but he makes it. He struggles, but manages to call Ava, but she can't hear him and hangs up. So, Steven's first plan failed, but he has a second plan. Ava lives near him, so he might be able to get there somehow. Steven accidentally falls off the bed, but somehow survives thanks to his shag rug. He heads downstairs slowly, but feels like he's caught by a mouse, but it's just a giant dust ball. Okay then. In his panic he falls down the stairs and into a bucket of soapy water. Stuck, Steven almost dies, only to be saved by a now much larger Bugsy. But now, the bird starts trying to eat him, so Steven ducks under the couch where it's presumably safe.

Only it's not safe as now he has to deal with a giant spider coming near him. Panicking, he grabs a toothpick, hoping it'll be enough to maybe stab the spider or poke some eyes out. But the spider grabs it instead. Steven runs from under the couch, only to get caught by Bugsy. But, Bugsy instead grabs the spider and eats it. Steven doesn't hesitate and plans his way out. This involves him taking his dad's boot laces and using them as a rope to make it to the mail slot. After some trial and error, he makes it outside. He begins the trek through the grass to make it to Ava's, and after an encounter with a giant worm (Don't remind me, Stine) and nearly being run over by bikes, he makes it to Ava's house later that evening. 

He manages to get inside and makes it to Ava's room where she's busy with her computer to not notice him at first, but after leaping at her leg, she soon sees him. She almost steps on him, but notices it's Steven in the nick of time. She's dumbfounded by her now miniscule friend, and gets a good laugh at his Ken doll clothing. He asks about what Ava and Courtney put in that drink to make him shrink, but Ava tells him what we all pretty much figured. They were screwing with him. They didn't have him drink chemicals, it was vinegar. Ava leaves to get her parents. Suddenly, a gust of strong wind catches Steven, which sends him flying out the window.

Steven gets grabbed by an owl who flies him near Mr. Pinker's house. He enters Mr. Pinker's house and finds his way back into the room he saw earlier. He looks through the tiny town and sees other people, but they're just dolls. He then heads to the kitchen where he sees Mr. Pinker preparing another batch of chocolate chip cookies. Mr. Pinker is humming to classical music so he doesn't hear Steven's protests. As Steven makes it to the cookie sheet, he then realizes something. If Courtney and Ava weren't responsible, what if it was Mr. Pinker? He made those cookies and really wanted Steven to eat them. What if this Mr. Pinker is our Dr. Shrinker? It would explain the strange doll town at least. However, as he ponders this, Mr. Pinker takes the cookie sheet and puts it in the oven with Steven still there.

However, much like Toy Story 3, this book does not end in fiery death as Mr. Pinker gets him out of the oven in time. He too is dumbfounded by the tiny child, but Steven accuses him of making weird shrink cookies and planning to make him part of his tiny town. Mr. Pinker says that he did no such thing and they're just normal ready-bake cookies from the supermarket. And the tiny town is just a hobby of his. In the whole situation, Steven realizes that his parents must be home by now. He and Mr. Pinker drive back to the Sweeney residence and see a pair of men at the front door.

The men introduce themselves as Dr. Markum and Dr. Beach and they tell Steven that they're here to make him normal sized again. Mr. Pinker is hesitant in giving Steven back to these two scientists, but they snatch Steven and take him into their van. It's there that Steven also sees Bugsy. The men tell Steven what's been going on. Bugsy looks like a parrot-sized hawk because he really is a hawk. They had been testing shrinking and growth hormones on the bird and it turned out to be a success, shrinking the bird. However, there was a setback, the bird's saliva also acts as a shrinking agent, and when it licked Steven, it caused Steven to shrink. 

Steven is taken to their lab where Markum and Beach reveal that they aren't actually going to unshrink him. They don't actually know how to do that. And they don't want this whole snafu to get out. They put him in a bird cage and leave. Steven tries to work the latch, but can't. But he does see his cellmate is a giant canary, clearly given the hormone. He has the canary lick him, and sure enough it manages to make him grow big enough to break the cage and escape. 

TWIST ENDING

He makes it home and explains to his parents what had happened. Later that night however, Bugsy reenters Steven's house and licks him once more. 

The story ends with the Story-Keeper grabbing Steven and taking him into his own little guest "deadroom" inside a dresser. He turns his attention to a young girl who enters the hall. Her name is Monica and she's carrying some sort of mask. She has a Halloween story to tell. But that's for next time.

CONCLUSION

Night of the Giant Everything is pretty good. Stine definitely takes the shrinking adventure story and weaves it into some great scenarios, each given just enough time to be entertaining. It definitely has that feel of a story Stine worked on for a long time to make into a fun adventure. Reminds me a bit of Why I'm Afraid of Bees, despite the obvious differences, but still works in making for a fun adventure in a world of giants. 

That being said, there are issues. Steven is an unlikable protagonist. A bit too on the annoying side and a bit too dim. I do wish Ava and Courtney, especially Courtney who just vanishes from the story, had, for lack of a better term, bigger roles, but they work fine enough as obvious red herrings, as does Mr. Pinker. And the twist is super nonsensical, but I guess if you want to explain sudden shrinkage, then mini-hawk is the best way to do it. In the end, definitely a Goosebumps book with a lot of energy to it. I guess big things do come in small packages. Night of the Giant Everything gets an A-.