The Stinal Countdown: Goosebumps: Live on Stage: Screams in the Night

 
By 1998, Goosebumps was beginning to see its lull in popularity begin. Not that 1998 wasn't still a good year, but you could tell that the peak of 1994-1996 felt so long ago already. But that didn't stop the brand from having a presence that year, including one of the odder forays, its leap into the world of theater. And thus Goosebumps Live on Stage was born. Created by Rupert Holmes (perhaps best known for the Pina Colada song), this was an attempt to bring Goosebumps on stage. It had a brief run in 1998, but like many stage shows, not much footage or info was given. Since this was still the late 90s and you couldn't just whip your phone out to record stuff yet. But, luckily for those curious enough, since this was based on Goosebumps, there was a book adaptation written by Stine, but based on Holmes' work. And that's what we're covering today. Let's see how Goosebumps handled in the world of theater with Goosebumps Live on Stage: Screams in the Night. 

COVER STORY

It's a neat cover. Nothing super dynamic, but I do like the colors used. The blue shadows on the library shelves are nice and moody. The snake monster's design is cool, if not a bit weird. Definitely feels more like an alien design than any monster. But, it being Jacobus, it's nice and detailed. 

And that comment about it looking more alien would be justified as not long after Stine's departure from Scholastic, the art would later be repurposed for The Creatures From Beyond Beyond. Still, it's a neat piece.

STORY

Jessie Barton, her brother Josh, little sister Jamie and Josh's friend Skate Palmer (Well, it's a little better than Hat or Bird) wander the streets at night. They're lost after leaving their school following a basketball game. They waited for their parents, but Mr. Barton may have been busy doing science experiments on animals. They find their way to a strange shop called "Doomsday Bookstore" and enter. They notice that the store seems to be filled with strange curios. After being scared by a stuffed gorilla that soon vanishes, they run into a strange Ben Franklin-ish old man who shows them a mummified heart before directing them to his phone. Jamie however is more focused on a ventriloquist dummy on the shelf. Yep, of course he's in this story too. 

The kids leave a message for their parents to pick them up. Jessie then notices a Goosebumps book, but not like any other Goosebumps book she's ever seen. The man, named Mr. Gander, tells the kids that this is a really special book that hasn't been made public yet, but it also conveniently has the kids names in it. Mr. Gander also hands Jamie Slappy the Dummy as the kids are now more interested in reading the book. But Mr. Gander says that it's best to instead watch the magic slideshow that came with the book which will tell the stories within. And, conveniently yet again, the story focuses on the four kids.

The story focuses on the kids bothering each other until their dad, Mr. Barton, comes down from the attic with a gecko inside a terrarium. He asks the kids to watch it for him while he returns to his attic. Mrs. Barton is out of town, and the kids continue to wonder what their dad is doing with his experiments in the att-oh, this is just gonna be Stay Out of the Basement again, huh? And just a few lines after saying that, Mr. Barton warns the kids to not go in the attic. He also feeds the gecko bugs out of the bug zapper with so much glee, like feeding his other, more scaly child. That night, Jessie wakes up and goes downstairs, where she sees her dad in the kitchen eating the bugs out of the bug zapper. Reader beware, you're in for a copypasta.

And sure enough, next up, Mr. Barton tries to feed the kids snake egg omelets to the kids disgust. They ditch the meal and head up to bed. That night, they sneak into the attic. They see what they think are bike tires that end up actually being a python. After that scare, they notice a strange pod. Inside is a creature that is half man, half reptile. Mr. Barton arrives and tells them that inside the pod is the real Mr. Barton who is being turned into a reptile and that he plans to do the same to the rest of the world. Because he's an alien reptile that's wearing their father's old body. Well, that's slightly different than Basement. Before the kids can react, reptile Barton activates some sleeping gas that knocks them out.

The kids wake up and go to breakfast the next day. Everything seems more normal than the night before, but Josh can remember the incident. When Skate arrives, he tries to warn him about Mr. Barton becoming an alien, but he soon learns that his sisters have not only already lost their bodies to the aliens, but Skate as well. UFOs begin to land as the alien invasion begins. Why was Josh not swapped? I guess to eat him, because that's what they end up doing, spraying their venom and eating him alive. 

The story ends and the kids think about how everything seems to line up with their real life. Then suddenly, they forget about Jamie, in almost a Tara from Cuckoo Clock sort of way as she's disappeared. We get our next story as it stars a boy named Hank and a girl named Karen performing Rumpelstiltskin in a theater. However, Karen falls off the balcony to her death. Cut to three years later and the theater remains unused following her death. Turns out that this was kind of a normal occurrence with accidents plaguing the performances in a very Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark manner. Jessie, Skate and Josh have snuck into the theater to investigate the series of cursed deaths, when they get caught my a young man named Hank. They hear a crashing noise and find a trunk. Upon opening it, out pops Skate. But, I guess they can't hear him because they soon leave him trapped inside. 

After that affair, the kids pull out a box from the trunk and find a mask inside. The same one Karen wore in the performance. Oh gee, wonder what this story's based on? Sure enough, the kids suggest Jessie wear the mask. She puts it on and she likes how mysterious it makes her look, so she keeps it on. Hank leads Josh and Jessie to a strange stall called the "changing room". He puts Josh inside and soon Josh exits dressed like a caveman. And soon he suddenly changes into a large cyclops-like monster. Karen notices a newspaper that mentions a boy named Henry Ross, the actor in the play where Karen died, was so shocked that he walked into the street and was hit by a car. 

Yep, Hank's a ghost. And he's not alone apparently as there are plenty of other zombies and ghosts with him, to perform his shows. And unfortunately for Karen, the mask she put on won't come off now. Jessie tries to use the camera they brought with them, thinking that filming Hank will suck him inside or something, but Hank and the zombies surround her, leading her to the balcony where Karen died. And sure enough, Karen begins to fall, but Josh turns the camera on in time and defeats the ghouls. Both kids are back to normal, reunited with Skate as well, only now they're at what appears to be a carnival. They hear a voice over the speakers telling them that Screamland is about to close.

The kids are greeted by a man who looks like Mr. Gander, but with a mustache. Skate is conveniently thirsty and goes to the refreshment stand to get a drink. He ends up with a green slush that is, surprise surprise, Monster Blood. After he drinks it, he begins to grow uncontrollably. Except he doesn't as that was all a nice big joke. The kids begin to make their way to the exit and are reunited with Jamie, who they remember now. The power in the park goes off, so the kids, stupid as they are, decide to enter Slappy's Fun House. They get the power back on and are greeted by Slappy who taunts the kids that they'll meet their demise in this fun house. 

The kids plea to be let go, but Slappy decides to keep them inside forever instead. But they do manage to gaud him into having them compete for their freedom in a series of challenges. The first being having to pull a rope in time. Jamie does that and succeeds. When Slappy tells her to grab her prize however, she almost gets her arm cut off by a giant blade. The kids do manage to get a card that says D. They quickly gather that Slappy wants them to "spell their doom" and each card they'll win has a letter that spells DOOM. Next challenge sees Skate run in a giant barrel faster and faster until he makes it to the finish. He gets the next card, which is an O. But suddenly, both he and Jamie disappear as Slappy is already annoyed that the kids are winning.

Since this story is really trying to end super quick, the two find Jamie stuck hanging from a high bar. Slappy also tells Josh and Jessie that they'll be doing their challenges now. They need to find four things that will get them out of there. The items turn out to be a rabbit's foot, four-leaf clover, lucky penny and horseshoe which was used as a U on the fun house sign. They get the last letters and hand them to Jamie who puts them in their place. They next need to knock on wood, to which they realize that the M in doom was a W and it actually spelled WOOD instead. 

Jamie knocks on the giant Slappy head on the funhouse sign and it does the trick. Jamie and Skate are reunited with Jessie and Josh and the kids begin to make their exit. Slappy continues to pursue the kids as they make it to the door. Skate, noticing his drink from earlier, throws it at Slappy. Since that was Monster Blood, it causes Slappy to grow into a giant. The kids escape the fun house, but giant Slappy breaks through it, mocking the kids and declaring the earth Slappy's planet. If he had said SlappyWorld, I'd have marked a bit not gonna lie. 

TWIST ENDING

But when the kids jump through the door of the fun house, they end up back at the Doomsday Bookstore. Mr. Barton has arrived to pick them up. It's then revealed that this place wasn't a bookstore, but a demolished building. Oh, and the bridge by the building was blown up. Okay then. Everyone leaves, but seem to ignore Jessie. And Skate is actually Mr. Barton's kid as well and is named Jessie. Mr. Barton and the kids leave and Jessie is stuck inside. Mr. Gander shows up and tells her that she is actually not real. None of them are. 

They're all characters in a Goosebumps story. But Jessie has been erased from that story as the story they went through was constantly going through changes. It's why Jamie vanished for a bit. But now this Jessie is trapped in a state of non-existent limbo. But she will be in the new book Goosebumps: Screams in the Night. She sees a typewriter moving on its own and asks who's writing it, Slappy? Mr. Gander says no as we see that he's actually a puppet on strings being controlled by the giant Slappy. He tells her that her fate will be in the best of hands. 

CONCLUSION

The thing that hurts this book is the most obvious reason, that it is an adaptation of a performance. And as such, it was never going to replicate what the original performance looked like. And that in turn makes this one of the messiest books in a while. The flow of the story is a mess. It starts off fine with the introduction to the bookstore and as clunky as it is, the idea that this was going to be a Creepshow-esque take on the Goosebumps stories sounded like a neat idea. But after the second story we just end up rushing to a really messy finale. Again, I'd imagine this battle with Slappy would have looked much better live, but when written it feels more confusing and rushed. And as such this feels like a story that ends before it even gets started. 

Protagonists are fine, if not your bland Goosebumps protags. Though all of them having J first names aside from Skate makes it confusing at times to remember which one is which because they're so bland. I like some of the concepts, and as obviously copied as the attic story was, there were some fine creepy scenarios. The second story with the masks and the ghosts was more rushed and didn't seem to know where it was going. Then we get to the fun house and we get the most inspired concepts. Almost a case of Goosebumps predating Saw, right down to Slappy as Jigsaw. But it feels rushed and never gets a chance to breathe. I do like the twist, or at least its concept. The idea of being a retconned creation in a story, losing what you believe is your life and unaware of what your fate truly is, or if you'll be erased in the creation of that story as well. I just wish it was executed a bit better. So in the end, while an interesting curio, Screams in the Night is a sloppy retelling of what was probably a more neat thing to actually see instead of read. Goosebumps Live on Stage: Screams in the Night gets a C.